Love, Money and Kids: Today, we got the bill from our lawyer. She'd recommended taking...

By Toolmaker - 23/08/2018 15:00

Today, we got the bill from our lawyer. She'd recommended taking my common-law wife's ex-husband to court for child support, so we went to court and won. The judge awarded us over $8300! The bill came to $18,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 843

You deserved it 640

Love Money Kids

Age difference

Run, run away pronto

Right under your nose

By G-6 - 07/01/2011 11:24

Today, I was on the plane asleep. I woke up after feeling the plane jolt and I screamed at the top of my lungs. The little girl next to me told me I was a sissy. Everyone on the plane laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 050

You deserved it 30 456

By ridella - 08/04/2011 10:35

Today, I was in the emergency room. The doctor told me that my injuries and back problems are the intensity of those after a car accident. I slipped on a grape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 744

You deserved it 5 452

By Un1ucky - 08/06/2014 03:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted to make breakfast. Since I usually do all the cooking, I said that was fine. Four hours later, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the sidewalk across the street as the firemen sprayed down the burnt remains of our kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 719

You deserved it 7 419

By anonymous - 26/06/2016 03:50 - United States - Knoxville

Today, my boyfriend invited me over to his house. I was planning on breaking up with him while at his house. Turns out, it was a proposal party. I'm now engaged because it would've been rude to say no in front of his family that had flown in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 526

You deserved it 7 253

By uselessdad - 07/09/2010 23:48 - Singapore

Today, I came home to my wife crying. She had mixed up our newborn twin girls and couldn't tell which was which. I looked at the girls. Neither could I. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 955

You deserved it 8 496

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 18:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me it wasn't working out and he was breaking up with me. The reason? I have the same first and last name as a very unpopular girl, and he gets embarrassed when people mistakenly assume he's going out with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 035

You deserved it 3 334

By Anonymous - 26/01/2012 04:18 - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be "funny" to put laxatives in the cakes for my son's 7th birthday party. Over 40 kids came to the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 523

You deserved it 4 091

By terrible person - 04/04/2011 09:29

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to break down and cry because his mother hates me for unknown reasons. I walked in, gave him a long hug, and started sobbing. I then saw his mother. She was visiting him to complain about how terrible a person I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 070

You deserved it 5 973

By Anonymous - 12/09/2009 18:58 - United States

Today, I had a soccer game. A player from the other team hit me in the face. In the next half, she was the goalie and I was determined to score on her. When I finally got my chance to, everyone cheered, until I kicked the ball into the goal post and it bounced back and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 801

You deserved it 8 873

By Anonymous - 02/05/2015 09:59 - United States - Broken Arrow

Today, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. My mom's reaction was, I shit you not, to tell me to "walk it off". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 062

You deserved it 2 656

By Burntintomyretinas - 19/09/2012 04:40 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house. She'd told me not to ring the doorbell and just come in so that I wouldn't wake her dad up. As I walked upstairs, her father walked out of the bathroom naked. We locked eyes. I can't get the image out of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 772

You deserved it 3 581

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:50

Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 027

You deserved it 4 171

By Dashofweak - 26/04/2016 16:17 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I did the math and discovered that every year, I pay the equivalent cost of a luxury car to a college that can't even keep rats out of the dorms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 859

You deserved it 1 555

Another COVID FML

By Anonymous - 26/05/2021 19:59 - Germany

Today I wanted to get my mind off of everything COVID, so I watched my favorite TV show. It’s about COVID now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 92

Alexa, play "Guess I'm Dumb" by Glen Campbell

By t…… - 23/10/2021 11:00

Today, my coworkers were trying to teach me how to play a card game. There was one rule that I just couldn’t wrap my head around, even with three of my coworkers explaining it in different ways. It just didn’t make any sense whatsoever to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 209

By PokeWife - 06/02/2013 13:38 - United States - Omaha

Today, my husband started a conversation with, "In Pokémon" and ended the same conversation with "and that's why we should divorce." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 226

You deserved it 4 506

By Alex - 11/06/2019 14:30

Today, I was working at my job at a bank. A couple was waiting in the lobby, and not being busy, I asked what they needed. They told me that they were applying for a loan, so I asked if it was for something exciting. It was to pay for their 12-year-old son's burial expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 355

You deserved it 350

By ladylol - 24/11/2012 13:54 - United Kingdom - Towcester

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he'd rather play the new Assassin's Creed game or have a night of sex with me. He started crying from indecision. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 069

You deserved it 12 460

By offended - 07/04/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was putting the finishing touches on my portrait of a young boy in art class. I asked my teacher if she could help correct the bad parts of my portrait. She said, "Well that would take all day and I just don't have the time." She was serious. I thought this was my best work yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 161

You deserved it 5 114

By ilovebigmacs - 06/08/2015 04:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I spotted an elderly man trying to use the ladder at work. Knowing customers aren't supposed to use these, I went over and helped. Not only did I fall from the ladder, but I landed on the old man's foot, breaking my elbow and fracturing his toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 724

You deserved it 3 168

By rainbows? more like shitstorms - 17/08/2012 00:22 - United States

Today, I was suntanning outside, when I had a bout of nausea. I rushed to the toilet, hoping at all costs to just dry-heave it away. When I lifted the lid, I was faced with two of the most rancid floaters I've ever seen, courtesy of my live-in gran. Well, my stomach's empty now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 692

You deserved it 2 039

By TheComedyAudio - 06/04/2018 01:30

Today, I surprised my girlfriend of 3 years with Stone Sour and Korn tickets, since I knew how badly she wanted to go. She responded by asking if we could go as just friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 677

You deserved it 319

By Bear - 10/07/2017 04:30

Today, while picking up my 14-year-old sister, a friend of hers asked if I was her mother. I'm only 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 664

You deserved it 368

By SilkySmooth - 28/11/2018 22:00

Today, I realised why my room has been smelling like berries and why sex has been so uncomfortable recently. Apparently boyfriend doesn't know the difference between hair conditioner and lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 698

You deserved it 411

By Anonymous - 27/03/2011 14:36 - United States

Today, I kissed a boy I have liked since the first day of university. I was thrilled until he followed it with, "Right, I don't think we should tell anyone this happened. Not that they'd believe it anyway." He then patted my ass and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 068

You deserved it 4 659

By Noname - 13/03/2009 15:49 - Canada

Today, I was talking to my grandmother, who was lying down on the couch under a blanket watching TV. As I was leaving, I said "See you later Nana," and patted her on the shoulder. Her shoulder was soft, and moved more than I expected. It was her boob. I felt up my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 624

You deserved it 12 884

By Awkward - 25/04/2011 18:38 - United States

Today, while driving on the highway, I got stuck in a traffic jam. Upon glancing over at the car in the next lane, I saw it was my ex as of a week ago. We sat in barely moving traffic right next to each other for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 758

You deserved it 4 289

By hannamacintosh - 25/07/2016 14:13 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I told my husband that I think he has ADHD. He was offended and began to argue, then he got distracted by a dog outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 803

You deserved it 1 632

By Anonymous - 15/01/2013 17:45 - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 657

You deserved it 6 626

Spider-man

By Anonymous - 16/10/2019 16:00

Today, I tried to catch a spider in a glass. It was on the paper and I wanted it to fall into the glass, but I moved the paper the wrong way, screeched like a banshee and flung the glass at the floor. I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 1 236

By stupid - 07/07/2009 18:33 - United States

Today, I saw a spot on my computer screen. I tried to use my finger to rub it off. Then, I tried using my nail. Then I tried to windex it off. I continued scratching at it with my nail. A half hour and one scratched screen later, I realized the spot was part of the webpage I was looking at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 741

You deserved it 68 447

By Anonymous - 16/04/2015 02:41 - Australia

Today, I got up feeling refreshed and positive for the first time in ages, so I happily threw my window open to greet the beautiful morning. A bee flew into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 728

You deserved it 3 118

By frenchy - 24/03/2009 05:47 - United States

Today, I work in a grocery store and a woman suffering from diarrhea somehow managed to get shit up and down two of the store aisles, then go to the ladies room and mess up the stall. I was the only one working trained in deal with bio-hazardous waste so I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124 714

You deserved it 9 136

By YouDontSay - 10/05/2015 15:35 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for ages. We were lying in his bed afterwards, and he mumbled the word "happy". I thought it was really sweet, until he repeated himself. "My girlfriend probably won't be too happy about this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 397

You deserved it 6 852

Our soul

By baddream - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at my grandmother's funeral I tried my hardest not to cry, only allowing tears to fall and not making any noise, to be respectful at her funeral. Afterwards, my mother tells my father that I didn't cry, which obviously meant that I didn't love my grandmother and had no soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 918

You deserved it 4 731

By Anonymous - 22/03/2015 09:52 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my mom got drunk and started crying at my after-wedding party, after promising she'd behave herself. She thinks my husband is an awful person who'll drag me into a life of sin, all because he has a tattoo and an ear piercing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 993

You deserved it 2 891

Sing me to sleep

By Anonymous - 19/01/2021 11:01 - Germany

Today, there are two parts to my life: The 12 hours I spend in bed each night trying to fall asleep, with limited success, and the 12 hours I'm up and trying *not* to fall asleep, also with limited success. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 97

Double-crossed

By Anonymous - 13/04/2020 20:00

Today, I found out my husband wasn’t really “working from home” in the evenings. He locks himself in his office until the late hours of the night, having intimate Skype sessions with his coworker. That explains why our joint bank account hasn’t seen a direct deposit this past month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 834

You deserved it 149

By Anonymous - 11/03/2016 22:09 - United Kingdom - Hatfield

Today, I lost what should've been the easiest bet ever. Now I have to let my girlfriend go at me with a strap-on or forever be known as a sore loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 827

You deserved it 20 600

By Miss_Blaine - 29/06/2016 20:05 - United States - Houston

Today, I learned that my husband and I share the same taste in men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 826

You deserved it 1 254

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Top comments

soulreaper12296 28

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Thursday 23 August 2018 18:37

Sounds like you got scammed by your own lawyer.

Charlie Given 24

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Thursday 23 August 2018 16:56

Ummm that's bullshit sounds like that lawyer fleeced to you I'd be taking to the Court's that's an outrageous amount 🤔😒😵

WHSKitty4ever 23

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Thursday 23 August 2018 15:56

Common-law is only legally recognized in certain states...

engineerosaurus 26

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Thursday 23 August 2018 16:55

That has nothing whatsoever to do with this post.

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 23 August 2018 16:59

Evidently, it’s recognized in the OP’s state. You should have asked for enough to cover the legal expenses.

aruden 25

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Friday 24 August 2018 17:15

Should have negotiated a commission based fee not hourly.

Charlie Given 24

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Thursday 23 August 2018 16:56

Ummm that's bullshit sounds like that lawyer fleeced to you I'd be taking to the Court's that's an outrageous amount 🤔😒😵

what??? 17

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Friday 24 August 2018 9:31

you got hosed by the lawyer and next time include lawyer fees and court costs in your complaint next time

soulreaper12296 28

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Thursday 23 August 2018 18:37

Sounds like you got scammed by your own lawyer.

Davros 12

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Thursday 23 August 2018 19:28

So your lawyer screwed you but won the case? I think this is the textbook definition of getting a reach-around while bent over a barrel.

ARISKomuniszt 24

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Friday 24 August 2018 1:39

Your new lawyer is gonna have something to say about this! Maybe even your new new lawyer!

distortedcognition 17

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Friday 24 August 2018 3:42

Guess now you know why she recommended it!

tounces7 27

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Friday 24 August 2018 8:19

And this is why people hate lawyers.

zuckerburg 21

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Friday 24 August 2018 8:43

Things I ask before taking on a lawyer to further my case: How much will it cost? How much will I get out? If the money I get out is less than your cost, what then? Would you be willing to work for a % of the payout? <-- I have never hired a lawyer, but these are the most common sense questions to ask before getting one