Meth: Not Even Once - FML

By Anonymous - 26/8/2017 03:45 - Singapore

Today, I had to sit beside this crazy man on the bus. After trying to ignore his ranting about being the Messiah, he suddenly stood up and cursed me as Satan, loudly screaming that he won't be tempted by my devilish ways. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3502

You deserved it

262

Tweet

Share

British Broadcasting Corporation

Long story short

Rich people problems

By Anonymous - 15/4/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, I backed my car into a parked car in a parking lot. Not only did I back into a parked car, but it was the ONLY parked car there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16175

You deserved it

72456

Tweet

Share

By kingkobrastrikes - 21/1/2015 01:56 - United States

Today, I was asleep and snored so loud that I woke myself up. I was at work and I am now the laughing stock of the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22460

You deserved it

20444

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/1/2013 01:44 - United States - Waldorf

Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37555

You deserved it

6129

Tweet

Share

By GideonSquire - 13/6/2017 20:00

Today, I walked through a car park and brutally bashed my head, leaving a tennis ball sized lump on my forehead on an overhead sign saying, "Max height 6"6'". I'm 6"4'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3713

You deserved it

405

Tweet

Share

By Justin 'Cuntface' Bieber III - 14/6/2015 13:41 - United States - Jersey Shore

Today, at the supermarket, a woman came up to me and said I looked just like her son, who was killed in Afghanistan. She tearfully asked if she could hug me "one last time". It was a little weird, but I let her. 10 minutes later, at the checkout, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35539

You deserved it

5244

Tweet

Share

By see lie - 31/7/2019 16:00

Today, we recently found out I'm infertile, and I thought we were both devastated, until my partner posted a drunk video to Facebook, basically celebrating that we will never have, "crying, nappy-shitting, soul-sucking, bank account-draining little sods." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1908

You deserved it

272

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/3/2013 04:14 - United States

Today, I learned that my parents are planning to divorce. My dad said, "I'll take Rachel." Rachel isn't even his daughter; I am. Rachel is my mom's daughter with her first husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42103

You deserved it

2789

Tweet

Share

By GeoKid - 18/3/2013 03:09 - Canada

Today, after six months of writing a 40 page paper criticizing a famous method, I found out the professor who conceived it has transferred to my favorite college to head the department I'm applying to study in. They require I submit the paper with my application. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36993

You deserved it

4915

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/2/2010 18:24 - United States

Today, while on my way to the break room, it seemed as if everyone was staring at me and giving me odd looks. I asked my friend, "Did I get prettier overnight or something?" She answered, "No, your shirt is just see-through." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11479

You deserved it

30784

Tweet

Share

By FarmerGirl - 9/10/2012 18:43 - Canada - Brossard

Today, my crush and I were volunteering at a local farm. He confessed to me that I'm one of the most beautiful girls he's ever seen. Just as he leaned in to kiss me, I lost my footing and fell into a pile of horse shit. He just stood there, pointing and laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32007

You deserved it

3664

Tweet

Share

By mizzy - 19/11/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, my four year old got mad that he couldn't find his favorite character on the Wii. So, he decided to smash the Wii remote into my $700 LCD TV, shattering the screen. That was the only TV in the house, and the $80 service plan I bought doesn't cover accidental damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32246

You deserved it

8717

Tweet

Share

By ... - 12/3/2009 18:57 - France

Today, the really hot guy that works in the same building as me came to work after being away for the past two days. I said "Look who finally decided to come to work." His response: "I had a death in the family, thanks." FML

I agree, your life sucks

8580

You deserved it

27186

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/12/2014 07:53 - United States - Mooresville

Today, immediately after being informed of the sketchy activities that take place in our store parking lot after dark, I'm handed an orange vest and told to go out there to retrieve carts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30528

You deserved it

2504

Tweet

Share

By youwouldbeacat - 28/4/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, I was making a nacho and grabbed some refried beans that were in a plastic container out of the fridge and put them on top of the chips. After I’m completely done eating my mom looks in the fridge and asked me if I knew where the cat food was. I just ate a small can of cat food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17712

You deserved it

53382

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/5/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

109732

You deserved it

6085

Tweet

Share

By coffee girl - 22/7/2011 20:31 - Canada

Today, the gift my mother had mailed me for my birthday finally arrived. It was a gift card for Starbucks. A gift card that had already been redeemed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33208

You deserved it

2411

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/8/2010 05:21 - United States

Yikes!

Today, I talked to my boyfriend's dad for the first time. One of the first things that he said to me was, "So, I hear you're a screamer." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42038

You deserved it

7200

Tweet

Share

By foreveralone - 1/12/2014 14:37 - Australia - Fitzroy

Today, I got friendzoned by three different women. Each girl suggested I should ask out one of the other two women who also friendzoned me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36191

You deserved it

10873

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/7/2015 01:12 - United States

Today, while on a cruise that I paid for, I was forced to babysit my 5 bratty nieces while my sister and her deadbeat boyfriend relaxed in the kid free zone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27325

You deserved it

5323

Tweet

Share

By JK - 1/2/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30839

You deserved it

4696

Tweet

Share

By Kevin - 21/5/2019 16:02

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I "always wear that stupid little hat." I'm Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2154

You deserved it

371

Tweet

Share

By ishouldhidethekeys - 4/11/2009 08:44 - United Kingdom

Today, my son thought he'd take my new car for a drive without permission. He accelerated straight into a tree, reversed into a lamppost and then accelerated again into the neighbours car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39814

You deserved it

4705

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/7/2016 07:58 - Bulgaria - Sofia

Today, my son finally got a job for the first time in his life. He only did it so he can upgrade his PC and buy Overwatch. He's 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12255

You deserved it

3479

Tweet

Share

By littleguy - 20/8/2009 15:55 - United States

Today, an extremely attractive woman from FedEx came to deliver my new phone. I was wearing athletic shorts and had an erection. She looked down and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42642

You deserved it

19154

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/4/2020 17:00

Social distancing done right

Today, my girlfriend of two and half years broke up with me because I'm no longer able to give her the physical attention she needs. I live 4 hours away and we have been this way for almost a year. She found another guy to do it behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1859

You deserved it

249

Tweet

Share

By thanksmom - 22/12/2014 23:15 - United States - Watertown

Today, my mother brought over some early Christmas presents for me and the kids. The kid's presents were fine, mine however consisted of many yard accessories, including solar lights. I live in an apartment building with no yard. Her response? "Buy a potted plant and shove them in there." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28933

You deserved it

2613

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/5/2009 07:13 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my apartment because I'm moving. I was being really thorough so I could get as much of the damage deposit back as possible. I noticed I still had one of those 3M plastic hooks on the wall, and when I went to carefully take it off, a large chunk of the wall came with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46965

You deserved it

8419

Tweet

Share

By isuckasawaitress - 12/12/2011 17:08 - Singapore

Today, it was my first day at work as a waitress. The day ended with me owing my employers money, after I accidentally smashed an expensive bottle of wine on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27767

You deserved it

5173

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/8/2010 23:36 - United States

Today, while driving I made a fake phone call with my fake boyfriend, making him sound amazing to my friends who were in the car with me. Until the red and blue flashing lights pulled up behind us. My fake boyfriend cost me $160 in real fines. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7936

You deserved it

66173

Tweet

Share

By Terrance - 14/8/2019 23:01 - United Kingdom - Basingstoke

Today, I tried to point out to a chap in a van waiting at the lights that his tyre was flat, and that the rim had been spitting sparks all the way down the road. I was told in no uncertain terms, “Mind your own bleedin' business!” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1433

You deserved it

131

Tweet

Share

By Zanquis - 30/12/2016 19:04

Today, I got stuck with a water damaged kitchen. The manufactor says their warranty doesn't cover it as it's user error, my insurance says they don't cover it as it's a manufacturer error. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3038

You deserved it

194

Tweet

Share

By DaddysGirl - 16/10/2011 10:36 - Canada

Today, I took the train to visit my parents, which arrives late at night. As I was getting off, the cute guy in front of me looked out the window, then turned to me and said, "Doesn't that guy out there give you the creeps?" That guy was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33285

You deserved it

2588

Tweet

Share

By earths_venus - 24/7/2010 07:44 - Australia

Today, my new coworker told me he expects me to call him King Kong and bow down to him whenever he walks past. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30858

You deserved it

3584

Tweet

Share

By ihatespiders - 5/8/2014 12:31 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I asked my 8-year-old daughter to kill a house spider for me. I am a 42-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40748

You deserved it

18779

Tweet

Share

By snickerdoodles - 10/2/2010 21:19 - United States

Today, I was in class and noticed that it smelled strongly of cat urine. I smelled my shoulder and realized that my cat had peed on my sweater. I had six hours of classes left, and the smell had permeated my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25713

You deserved it

5975

Tweet

Share

By ForeverAlone - 15/9/2011 21:46 - Canada

Today, I was at my cousin's house. We weren't spending time together because he was always texting. After a couple of minutes, I got jealous. I played a ringtone on my cell, and "answered" it. I had a whole conversation with nobody in an attempt to seem somewhat more popular than a 10-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12619

You deserved it

29043

Tweet

Share

By balloonface - 18/2/2016 07:48 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I finally treated myself and bought my first moisturizer. The woman at Sephora promised it would "retexturize my face." If by "retexturize" she meant, "make it feel like a rubber balloon," then she was right on the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19697

You deserved it

2283

Tweet

Share

By Nursr187 - 21/1/2018 15:00

Today, my wife asked me to back up all the photos and videos from our desktop computer so I synced it with my Google account. Every graphic picture and video my wife and I have ever exchanged was sent to all 3 of our children's tablets. My daughter cried all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2990

You deserved it

5922

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/7/2013 16:10 - United States - Provo

Today, I found my cat dead on the road. I called my family and told them, and later buried the cat. Not long after I got done burying it, my cat walked up to me. I buried someone else's cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53158

You deserved it

11133

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/6/2011 22:00 - United States

Today, for the first time in my life, a girl has a crush on me. Too bad it's my co-worker's five year old granddaughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40093

You deserved it

4314

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7533913 - Friday 25 August 2017 22:07

If he really was the Messiah and you were Satan, why would either of you be taking a bus?

By e00r | 10

#7533929 - Friday 25 August 2017 23:16

What if God was one of us? Just a slob like one of us, Just a stranger on the bus, Trying to make his way home?

COMMENTS

By BubblesLilGiggle | 9

#7533131 - Thursday 24 August 2017 1:47

This sounds like my neighbour. Everyone has just learned to ignore her but, still, at times... You just don't need that shit.

By Fritterzz | 13

#7533909 - Friday 25 August 2017 21:58

Are you a hot girl that was scantaly clad? If so, I don't blame him you temptress! If not, what a weirdo...

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7533913 - Friday 25 August 2017 22:07

If he really was the Messiah and you were Satan, why would either of you be taking a bus?

By e00r | 10

#7533929 - Friday 25 August 2017 23:16

What if God was one of us? Just a slob like one of us, Just a stranger on the bus, Trying to make his way home?

Reply

Glowworm56 | 25

#7533951 - Saturday 26 August 2017 0:41

What if God smoked cannabis?
Hit the bong like one of us?
Drove a tye-dyed microbus?
And he subscribes to Rolling Stone?

By jfsiv | 17

#7533979 - Saturday 26 August 2017 1:37

You've got to stop hitting on crazy bus guys.

By sumocj | 14

#7534009 - Saturday 26 August 2017 4:32

Today, I sat on the bus next to Satan. FML

By Colon_Man | 17

#7534231 - Saturday 26 August 2017 18:42

That's when you stand up and say, "Good work, sir. You kept strong and passed the Lord's test! Now, go! Spread His word in the East!"

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7534257 - Saturday 26 August 2017 20:41

Should of played along, it would be hilarious!

By writergirl1029 | 17

#7534716 - Monday 28 August 2017 8:27

Classic signs of schizophrenia. I know it wan't fun for you, but his life is probably way worse, all the time.