Today, I got married to the man I love even though my whole family...

By young and dumb - 27/8/2016 06:27 - United States - Trenton

Today, I got married to the man I love even though my whole family told me not to marry him. He got into a drunken fight at our wedding and is now in jail. He apparently won't be getting out any time soon due to charges I didn't know about. FML

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Love

Great speech, thanks!

True hero

Gas giant

By bored2death - 23/7/2010 22:15 - United States

Today, I realized that the only one willing to hang out with me this summer is my guinea pig. FML

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By bobin - 29/8/2011 17:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML

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By Behemoth2 - 14/12/2008 05:15 - France

Today, at the Eurostar customs, an officer asked me if I had packed my luggage myself. I teasingly answered "No, I was helped by a member of Al Qaeda." which earned me a body and luggage search and a missed train. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/3/2014 20:01 - United States - Denver

Today, I was ordering a pizza over the phone. When the guy asked for my order, I yelled "Hey, you guys wanted pepperoni, right?" In reality, I was yelling this to my cat. College hasn't made me many friends so far. FML

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By x_udontknowme_x - 5/1/2011 16:41 - United States

Today, while I was out of the office, I'd left my phone charging inside. My boss informed me that since I am clearly running up her electricity bill, it will be deducted out of my already nearly non existent paycheck. FML

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By insearch4i - 22/1/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I got bored and decided to try World Of Warcraft. FML

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By quadropheniac - 9/6/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I walked into the bathroom and found my sister cleaning her vibrator. With my toothbrush. FML

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By Alex - 13/5/2011 21:10 - United States

Today, I had to run a mile in gym class for fitness training. If it takes longer than 10 minutes to run the stretch, you have to re-take it. My time was 10:02. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2011 20:49 - United States

Today, I got a letter of complaint from my landlord. It said my loud, obnoxious trampling is disturbing my downstairs neighbor, and I have to stop. I'm small and hardly weigh anything, but it seems that if I want to keep my lease, I'll have to master the art of levitating. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2015 13:16 - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, my boyfriend told me he traded nude pictures I sent him for a costume piece in an internet game. He told me I should be okay with this, because, "It's a rare piece." FML

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By JennyAndrews - 5/12/2009 08:44 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I was texting this cute guy that I like. After a couple of minutes I get a missed call from him, I call back and his girlfriend answers and says "Hi this is his girlfriend, please stop calling him". FML

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By mental - 25/10/2012 23:09 - United States

Today, after therapy for obsessing over every woman who talks to me, all I could think about was how I could seduce my therapist. I think I still need a lot of help. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2011 05:21 - United States

Today, I went out on a date with an ex boyfriend that I hadn't seen since college. He took me to a bar, where he was oddly quiet, but drank heavily. When the bartender asked us if we were ok, he replied, "This is my ex girlfriend. Can you believe she used to be skinny?" FML

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By i love stupid people - 14/7/2019 06:30

Today, I went on a 50 km bike ride with a friend. We stopped for a break halfway through, and locked our bikes up. When we returned, some guy had locked his bike to mine. We had to wait an hour for him to return. FML

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By j - 26/7/2011 02:03 - Canada

Today, I ran out of gas while driving, and had to call a tow truck. I drive a tow truck. FML

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By Sheezey - 24/2/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I went to the gym and worked out with a trainer. While doing arm exercises he commented on how impressed he was with the size of my triceps. That really boosted my self-confidence, until he leaned in to feel them and said, "Oh, it's just fat." FML

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By wingless_angel_7 - 2/12/2010 23:43 - United States

Today, I was online and I saw a friend that I hadn't talked to in two years come online. I IM'ed him, only for him to respond, "I haven't responded to any messages of yours in over a year. Most people would get the hint." FML

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By Noname - 25/2/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, my mom decided to give me relationship advice. She told me the key to a happy/successful relationship was "letting your man explore ALL your orifices." FML

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By tuggernuts - 17/7/2012 15:32 - United States

Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML

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By Kaz - 7/5/2011 06:40 - United States

Today, I snuck out to see my girlfriend in the middle of the night. When I got to her house, I decided to throw a rock at her window to wake her up. It broke a hole in the window. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I was at the airport to catch a plane. It was very crowded at the gate and there was nowhere to sit except for a flat metal bench, so I sat on that. Turns out I was sitting on a luggage scale, so my weight was displayed for everybody to see. FML

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By NoRunning - 17/6/2011 19:15 - United States

Today, I was at the water park, when I slipped and fell to the ground in front of the no running sign. I was walking. FML

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By davka - 18/4/2011 15:09

Today, I was fired from my job. Apparently getting shot is no valid reason to stay home. FML

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By Dana422 - 18/5/2010 05:22 - United States

Today, I finally worked up the courage to talk to this hot guy in my law school contracts class. His response? "I'm no fashion expert, but I don't think you're supposed to wear purple underwear with white pants. Not that it matters, though, because your zipper is wide open." FML

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By Cherie - 9/12/2009 16:31 - United States

Today, I received a private message on Facebook, from a woman I've never heard of, subject: "Eric X's wife says HI." She goes on to say that she is going to find me, and ruin my life the way I have ruined hers. I've never even heard of Eric X and am happily engaged. FML

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By sashimieater - 31/5/2011 01:59 - United States

Today, it was the last day of school. My students shared what they thought of me. Expecting to hear wonderful things, all of their complaints can be summed up in a few words: I'm a liar, a killer of dreams, I need to grow up, and I was a big disappointment to them. I'm a first-year teacher. FML

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By NotSoClean - 21/7/2009 18:53 - United States

Today, I noticed that my very expensive facial cleanser was almost out. I had moved in with my boyfriend recently, and questioned him, telling him "You don't have to use so much to wash your face. That's a $70 bottle." To which he responded, "Oh, that nice-smelling stuff? Yeah, I use that on my junk." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After calling her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML

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By Andy - 16/12/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML

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By Canuckster - 10/7/2011 21:41 - Canada

Today, I was invited into a group chat on Skype. Everyone ignored everything I said, so I got pissed and started yelling at them. Then I realised my microphone wasn't plugged in right. FML

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By Ravhi Karia - 3/4/2015 13:41 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I went to see my ill granddad in hospital. I saw lots of doctors around his bed, and they pronounced him dead, so I ran out crying. A little later, I found out that my granddad had been moved, and it was a different man in his bed. FML

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By moms a baby - 31/3/2014 02:44 - United States - Loma Linda

Today, my mom stopped playing badminton with me because she claimed I was too aggressive. Apparently winning, playing by the rules, and smashing is considered aggressive. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2012 05:26 - United States

Today, I was headed on vacation with my family. On the way, our trailer tire blew out. Because the trailer was tilted from the flat tire, the door would not open to get the spare. After breaking the window to get the spare and putting it on, the spare blew out. FML

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By demix_fml - 6/10/2019 02:01

Cat vs. pancakes

Today, it's my birthday, I knew I would be on my own, so I brought some pancakes, only to come down and find that not only had my cat eaten them, but also that I’d have to clean his barf up. Happy birthday to me. FML

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By qhorin halflung - 22/7/2015 17:35

Today, on the bus, my blood sugar level got too low and I passed out. When I came to, the woman next to me was hitting me, saying she needed to get off and that she didn't have time for my "stupid fucking prank". FML

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By Jololol - 17/5/2013 09:25 - United States

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad used to stalk when he was in high school. FML

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By anonymous - 11/12/2010 07:41 - United States

Today, while standing in line at a local Mexican fast food place, I was feeling generous and let a little kid behind me go in front. Turns out he had a list, and was ordering food for his whole family. I had to wait 30 minutes to get my food. FML

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By Bostonian - 2/12/2009 03:18 - United States

Today, I told my long distance girlfriend I will be coming half way across the country to visit here since I have not seen her in a month, I gave her my flight information so she could pick me up at the airport. She responded with "That's when The Office is on, can you take a cab?" FML

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By SenorPoopypants - 8/1/2017 19:23

Today, I shat myself during a job interview. FML

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By Infadel - 22/7/2014 21:55 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was prepping for an interview after several months of unemployment. I had just finished brushing my teeth when I reached back and grabbed a towel behind me to wipe my face. Turns out it wasn't a towel, it was my newly dry-cleaned suit jacket that my wife had put there for me. FML

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Top comments

By baxeh | 29

#6679716 - Sunday 28 August 2016 11:52

Well good news is, since he got drunk enough on your special day, to be put in jail before you consummated your marriage, you could probably get it annulled quite easily...
If he's lied to you about his legal troubles before he's probably not gonna stop any time soon OP. Best of luck to you.

By Memeosaurus | 14

#6679704 - Sunday 28 August 2016 11:37

I guess your family had a pretty valid reason for you not to marry him

COMMENTS

By Yastafari | 16

#6679698 - Sunday 28 August 2016 11:27

Hello conjugal visits (:

Jonkbaby | 19

#6680951 - Tuesday 30 August 2016 10:53

way to look at the bright side

By dougschoonmaker | 20

#6679699 - Sunday 28 August 2016 11:27

At some moments in life you gotta ask yourself"is he really worth it?"

By Memeosaurus | 14

#6679704 - Sunday 28 August 2016 11:37

I guess your family had a pretty valid reason for you not to marry him

By EbyKat | 16

#6679708 - Sunday 28 August 2016 11:43

Annulment.

By baxeh | 29

#6679716 - Sunday 28 August 2016 11:52

DidntGetTheMemo | 5

#6680868 - Tuesday 30 August 2016 7:35

The fact that they didn't consummate their marriage on their wedding day isn't a valid reason for an annulment. I don't know why so many people on this post seem to think it is.

tounces7 | 27

#6683561 - Monday 5 September 2016 1:29

Lying about prior legal troubles and being only married for a day is enough reason.

By MrsHoffman | 11

#6679724 - Sunday 28 August 2016 12:08

Well you were warned!!!

By TabooSushi | 24

#6679737 - Sunday 28 August 2016 12:43

ANULLMENT.
Seriously. The marriage wasn't consumated (I assume, since he got sent to jail on your wedding night), so you can therefore have it anulled without all that messing around with divorce lawyers and stuff.

chosha_fml | 25

#6680286 - Monday 29 August 2016 6:55

Annulment on the grounds that the marriage wasn't consummated only works where the couple haven't had sex before the wedding.

By awildwhisper | 30

#6679749 - Sunday 28 August 2016 12:58

You may be young and dumb but you can still be smart and anull the marriage to save yourself from more lies from the man. It's easier to admit to your family that you were wrong than pay for bail.