Animals: Today, I accidentally ate a cat treat instead of a cinnamon glazed...

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 318

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 126

17/03/2015 07:14

Today, I accidentally ate a cat treat instead of a cinnamon glazed pecan. I thought it must have been burnt by the way it tasted, so ate a few more before I figured out my mistake and spat them out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 575

You deserved it 14 210

Animals

Best teeth in the game

Masterchef 2020

Free carer

20/07/2009 07:07

Today, I had an important powerpoint presentation for ALL the big execs at work. It seems that during my lunch break, my boyfriend IMed me on my mac saying "Feeling so horny right now, come home for a quicky like last week?" I didn't see it until the presentation. So did the executives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 932

You deserved it 10 422

30/09/2009 21:04

Today, when I got to work, I found out that I was being laid off. Two hours later, I found out my boss had my name on the wrong list. I was elated. I went to lunch, and on the way back was rear ended in the rain. I was an hour and a half late getting back to work. I was fired upon returning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 827

You deserved it 3 163

Bye bye love

By Anonymous - 04/10/2020 14:01

Today, according to my emotionally distant boyfriend, stopping by a whorehouse on his way home several nights a week for a quick blowjob isn’t cheating, because it involves cash and no intimacy afterwards. Dumped his ass real quick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 714

You deserved it 159

The big con

By JustOutofCollegeAndBroke - 16/07/2015 06:56

Today, I agreed to help out with my boyfriend's sister's baby shower. They forgot to inform me that "helping" meant splitting the cost of everything. I now owe his family $275. I don't know how to back out without looking cheap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 489

You deserved it 2 627

17/05/2016 09:03

Today, my father bought a pair of fancy noise cancelling headphones. He doesn't realise that the noise cancelling function only slightly muffles the moaning and screaming in the porn he's watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 187

You deserved it 1 731

28/03/2012 18:02

Today, the magic of witnessing a sheep giving birth was ruined for me when I slipped and fell in the puddle of birth fluids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 683

You deserved it 5 331

20/12/2009 19:42

Today, I woke up to a quite frigid room, which wasn't out of the ordinary since my building's heat is broken. But I realized that the extra cold I was feeling was due to the snow piled up on my bed. It had snowed 20 inches last night. My mom had apparently opened my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 881

You deserved it 2 865

06/04/2009 21:50

Today, me and my boyfriend were telling eachother secrets and I told him i've shaved my upper lip. He said "I know, it's prickly when we make out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 704

You deserved it 27 465

Gifts for the whole family

By don’tletthembite - 04/05/2020 02:00

Today, my trucker husband brought home roses for me, toys for the kids and bedbugs for the whole house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 643

You deserved it 115

14/09/2011 13:56

Today, I asked my mom why she drinks. She said she only drinks when she's depressed. My step-dad said she only drinks on the weekend. Those are the days I'm at her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 010

You deserved it 2 742

01/03/2018 19:00

Today, I came up with a new system: If I want to buy something, I must do a chore first. I thought my laziness would keep me from impulsive shopping. Instead, my entire apartment is sparkling clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 786

You deserved it 1 024

13/10/2010 15:28

Today, I got fined when my fat dog decided to walk across a private film set to get at the catering area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 955

You deserved it 10 066

10/09/2013 07:04

Today, I found out my grandma wears dentures when I had to fish them out of a cooler. She lost them bobbing for beer at a local bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 861

You deserved it 2 596

03/04/2013 16:50

Today, my husband told me to look for a honeymoon resort, since we had to cancel it last year. I looked everything up and got all excited. Just when I asked him for payment information, he said "April Fools!" April Fools was two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 355

You deserved it 3 451

08/12/2008 08:46

Today, I met someone with the same name as me for the first time ever. I'm 20 years old, he is 97. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 409

You deserved it 4 737

07/01/2013 01:49

Today, my fiancé decided he wants a baby only because our dog is good, quiet, and falls asleep as soon as he starts to cradle her. He thinks a baby will be just like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 255

You deserved it 2 810

21/12/2011 15:33

Today, a student came in late to class, and there were only a couple of seats available. I waved her over offering her the seat beside me with the quip, "It's OK, you can sit by me. I don't smell or anything." I realized after she sat down that she actually did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 438

You deserved it 5 153

07/08/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up to my drunk mom trying to pee in the dresser drawer of our hotel, with my clothes in it. I woke up right in time to yell at her. Pants down and all. She started denying there were even clothes in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 647

You deserved it 96

It's good to learn!

By Anonymous - 10/08/2020 20:01

Today, I’m living in China and I asked my native boyfriend to read me the names of all the different goods at the bakery, so I can do more than just point next time. I realized why he doesn’t see the point, when he translated : "Bread, bread, bread, bread and… bread." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183

You deserved it 179

05/02/2010 00:47

Today, I was riding a bus. After having a conversation with my friend, I looked down and saw a little boy looking at me. He asked, "Are you a boy or a girl?" As if that wasn't bad enough, when I responded that I was a girl, he said, "Oh. So, why do you have a boy voice then?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 221

You deserved it 3 037

Work sucks, I know

By Anonymous - 06/05/2021 14:01

Today, I had to go hands-on at work while choking on mace with a man who was mentally disturbed, and it could have been avoided if my supervisor had been less concerned with asserting dominance and instead let the guy come to grips with his situation. Great use of my college degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 67

22/11/2014 18:37

Today, my son trained his little sister to walk up to strangers and whimper: "My mommy punches me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 771

You deserved it 2 886

04/07/2017 18:30

Today, after buying a new pair of prescription glasses, I went to the beach. The ocean now has a new pair of glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 865

You deserved it 2 330

27/05/2013 16:17

Today, I found out that my husband of 12 years has been sleeping with my best friend of even longer for who knows how long. She actually tried to turn it around on me and implied that it was my fault for finding out about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 106

You deserved it 3 793

26/06/2009 06:43

Today, I had three sheriffs come to my door, turns out my boyfriend of three years went on a robbing spree last week and brought the stolen merchandise back to my apartment. The best part: He used my car while committing the robberies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 940

You deserved it 6 600

18/03/2013 22:34

Today, it was my first time with my boyfriend, at his house, in his Dora the Explorer sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 516

You deserved it 9 103

17/03/2010 15:22

Today, I did my laundry. When I took it out, everything was clean, including the mouse that had been hiding in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 043

You deserved it 4 817

04/11/2012 07:28

Today, to help me get over my crippling social anxiety, my therapist encouraged me to sing in front of a crowd, since I actually have a fine singing voice. I ended up fainting onstage, mid-song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 173

You deserved it 2 285

01/01/2010 17:01

Today, my girlfriend told me it was her fantasy to orgasm at midnight on New Years. We got started at 11:53. I didn't last until midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 461

You deserved it 23 476

19/11/2011 07:47

Today, my mother looked me dead in the face and said, "I have failed as a parent." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 158

You deserved it 7 086

29/01/2011 08:09

Today, my cat died while walking around the kitchen. He had a heart attack when the toaster popped out two slices of bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 394

You deserved it 4 464

12/08/2011 07:44

Today, my friend and I went for a late night walk along the beach. We decided to sit down on a log. It was a dead seal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 818

You deserved it 7 076

All shook up

By Anonymous - 24/07/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my crush had a girlfriend. The way I found it out? He hugged me from behind, calling her name and saying darling, etc. When I turned around in shock, he quickly backed away and said, "Sorry , I thought you were someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 81

Remember me?

By sydthekid2000 - 23/03/2020 20:08

Today, I called my workplace to ask if I was going to be working, and if our store would be open. I was told that yes, we're still open, however, I can order inside, but I can’t sit in the dining room. They thought I was a customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249

You deserved it 248

11/08/2009 14:57

Today, my mother sat me down to tell me that since coming home from college, I sounded like "a liberated woman". She was disappointed and disturbed by this and said that I should stop having strong opinions and ideals because it would make finding a husband for me difficult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 989

You deserved it 7 354

30/03/2019 02:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were out to dinner. She had to use the bathroom, so she went, but the food came while she was in there. She came out, yelling at me for ordering the food to come that exact time, then she broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 323

You deserved it 184

12/04/2019 20:00

Today, I dreamt I had a secret admirer whom I met in person. She had red hair, a plus size body and a beautiful smile. This would've been great if it weren't for the fact I was a straight woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 667

You deserved it 355

20/10/2016 13:17

Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 274

You deserved it 1 117

29/08/2015 19:10

Today, I was outside talking to my new neighbor. I was gesturing while talking and didn't notice the little kid riding her bike coming our way. I ended up accidentally smacking her in the face and knocking her off her bike. Apparently she's my new neighbor's daughter. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 011

You deserved it 2 345

27/01/2016 05:41

Today, my boss got mad at me because I told her that I wouldn't be able to work two days out of the week, due to college classes. She then cut back my hours so much that I now only work one day a week. I got the job in the first place to pay for my college classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 141

You deserved it 1 616

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Top comments

Steve95401 49

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Tuesday 17 March 2015 14:26

Did you cough up a hair ball afterward?

cmonger 27

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Tuesday 17 March 2015 14:31

Even if they were burnt pecans why would you keep eating them?

Comments

Steve95401 49

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Tuesday 17 March 2015 14:26

Did you cough up a hair ball afterward?

Blackhawk706 23

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Tuesday 17 March 2015 14:26

Bad kitty.

Jace_Crockett 12

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Tuesday 17 March 2015 14:27

Um, why is your cat treats so close to your cinnamon glazed peacans? And wouldn't you notice the smell?

UmmOkThen 31

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Tuesday 17 March 2015 14:30

That's just Puuurrrrr-fect.

pugpuggy 21

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Tuesday 17 March 2015 15:13

Actually... No, it isn't.

MrsPegg 45

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 11:36

That's just grrrross.

WitEluded 13

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Tuesday 17 March 2015 14:30

Your name alone makes this a YDI

SeanLewis 17

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Tuesday 17 March 2015 14:30

How catastrophic.

cmonger 27

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Tuesday 17 March 2015 14:31

Even if they were burnt pecans why would you keep eating them?

PurpleMyth 28

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Tuesday 17 March 2015 15:40

He thought that only the first one was burnt

tossaway2321 5

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 6:44

Why is this being downvoted? Hes right

jay_ladybug 19

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 12:47

#47, OP said "so I ate a FEW more," a few is more than just 1 or 2.

thugling 9

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Tuesday 17 March 2015 14:31

Are you saying purina soft cat treats are NOT cinnamon glazed pecans?!?!?

Sandsh8rk 36

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Tuesday 17 March 2015 14:32

I bet you wish you could paws that moment and rewind to before you ate those treats.

kmaheynoway 25

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 0:29

that joke was NOT the cat's pajamas

haileyrows 26

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Tuesday 17 March 2015 14:34

That's just nuts! Couldn't you taste the catastrophe as soon as you ate the first one?

WaltzingPhanthom 23

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Tuesday 17 March 2015 15:05

It literally was nuts....

ExorcistParrot 11

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Tuesday 17 March 2015 16:33

The puns of damage.

cryssycakesx3 22

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Wednesday 18 March 2015 4:17

it literally was not nuts...