Love: Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend when I said "I wish... - FML

By not-that-fat - 27/07/2009 13:49 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend when I said "I wish all the weight I gained just went to my boobs." His reply was, "They'd be HUGE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 278

You deserved it 25 922

Compromises

The smell detective is on the case

Pampered

By pinchy - 07/03/2011 03:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he was taking me out to eat to his favorite restaurant. He said I could order whatever I wanted and he'd pay for it. He took me to Red Lobster, knowing full well that I'm allergic to seafood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 901

You deserved it 4 623

By Anonymous - 03/11/2013 18:56 - United States - Roanoke

Today, my mom found a new fad, and now styles herself as some kind of modern druid. Normally I'd just roll my eyes and deal with it, except she's forced the entire family to go vegetarian, threatening harsh punishments if we refuse to stop "poisoning" our bodies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 908

You deserved it 3 403

By alternativefacts - 10/07/2017 14:28

Today, I confronted my neighbor because he'd been telling my kids that global warming was a myth. He responded with, "Whine all you want, but the swamp is draining and your bullshit liberal narrative is finally going down." He then dumped his trash on my lawn and retreated to his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 869

You deserved it 1 198

By Username - 23/01/2011 18:44 - United States

Today, my best friend came over for dinner and a movie. Moments after arriving, she spent an hour on the phone, and ended up accepting another invitation before leaving. I guess it's dinner for one tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 197

You deserved it 2 598

By jll14 - 31/03/2013 22:27 - Malaysia - Kota Kinabalu

Today, my mom has forbidden me from drinking skim milk, because my sister is upset that I'm skinnier than her. The same sister who refuses to drink any other milk than 2% chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 551

You deserved it 2 831

By All the ills - 15/02/2016 20:32 - United States - Geneva

Today, I was miserable with a cold. So I ordered soup and noodles from a new Chinese restaurant. Now I am miserable with a cold and food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 980

You deserved it 2 242

By therewasnocurtain - 06/04/2015 20:07 - United States - Lewiston

Spicy

Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 991

You deserved it 2 525

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 07:19 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She got incredibly excited and started flapping her hands around. Then she suddenly went deadpan and said "But seriously... no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 898

You deserved it 1 887

By MoreActionThanMe - 11/12/2012 00:04 - United States

Today, my dog did something I had no idea he could do. He participated in an all-male three-way at the dog park. In front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 873

You deserved it 2 803

Go to a doctor

By norelaxtime - 20/04/2021 08:00 - United States - Lexington

Today, I spent all day on the toilet trying to pee and when I did, very little would come out. I would stand up, sit on the couch then go back to the toilet. I have been going to the bathroom around 30 times, including last night trying to fall asleep. Worst day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 71

Stress factor 11

By Jonoq - 04/10/2019 16:00 - Canada

Today, in a 2-hour period at work, I had to talk to the cops, clean up shit and clean up vomit, yet none of these events were related. The worst part is, I work as a lifeguard and none of this is in the job description. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 109

By NathanPlays - 23/04/2011 01:39 - United States

Today, a very attractive girl moved in across the road from me. As I was leaving, I noticed she was looking out her window at me. I tried playing it cool, only to end up tripping over my own feet, hands in pocket, and faceplanting the hood of my dad's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 036

You deserved it 20 195

By emeraldarcher74 - 19/11/2016 18:34 - United States - Lake Stevens

Today, my mother made me a delicious meal of gravy, stuffing, mashed and sweet potatoes, and cranberries. Overjoyed, I tried to give her a hug. Instead, I accidentally punched her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 205

You deserved it 1 319

Babe, I am your father.

By no, oh god no - 08/09/2018 14:30

Today, it was only as my boyfriend met my dad for the first time that I realised how alike they are. Same opinions, same dress sense, same moustache and beard, same height and body shape, similar jobs and cars, and they support the same rugby team. They got on like a house on fire as soon as they met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 730

You deserved it 708

By youngboob - 21/10/2014 15:42 - United States - Topeka

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 146

You deserved it 3 671

By trackdaddy - 02/05/2017 09:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, my dad came to take pictures of me at my track meet. When looking back at the photos, I noticed most of them were zoomed in shots of the girls' butts in their spandex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 878

You deserved it 413

By marge1010 - 08/03/2009 14:39 - United States

Today, the man I have been dating for 3 weeks, who told me he owns a high end restaurant in the city, handed me my lunch order through the drive-thru at Wendy's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 884

You deserved it 9 983

By Schaf_12 - 16/06/2012 18:10 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I trimmed my beard. When I showed my wife, she said, "Yeah, but you still look like a serial killer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 886

You deserved it 5 143

By idiocy Trumps reason - 10/08/2016 15:32 - United States - Mission

Today, a customer made a huge scene at work because all of our reading glasses are made in China, and apparently any "moral" person should be repulsed by that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 577

You deserved it 1 224

By Anonymous - 13/12/2018 15:30

Spicy

Today, I’m almost six weeks pregnant. From exactly ten seconds of penetration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 279

You deserved it 1 330

Falling down

By Anonymous - 28/06/2021 00:01

Today, I was doing laundry. I went to go grab a couple of detergent pods. Forgetting that I'm 5'3 and the pods are above the industrial-sized washer, I reached for them and fell backwards into a hole where the water from the washer goes. My left leg got soaked in dirt water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 175

By Blah - 02/08/2018 05:00

Today, I learned that my (ex) boyfriend has a breastfeeding fetish. How did I learn this? I found him sneaking pictures of my breastfeeding sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 470

You deserved it 248

By scaredypants123 - 07/03/2014 15:41 - United States

Today, I was in bed staring at two red lights coming from my DVD player. They reminded me of the terminator movies, and I had to unplug it. I'm 23 years old and scared of The Terminator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 356

You deserved it 9 109

Deception

By Anonymous - 07/01/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my husband, who was supposed to be in PA school, dropped out 6 and a half years ago and never even received his bachelor's. He started lying to me before we were even a year into dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 138

By Anonymous - 20/06/2012 23:08 - United States - New Kensington

Today, I went to the gynecologist. As she was checking me out, she said, "Wow. So you must get wet a lot." It took me several minutes to realize she was talking about my job bathing dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 420

You deserved it 3 385

By Anonymous - 14/07/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, I received an email with a link to a story about a man who lost 650 pounds. I ignored it, until I saw who sent it. My mom, with the message "Maybe there's hope for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 731

You deserved it 8 827

How very dare you?

By 1357katie - 19/09/2009 04:22 - Canada

Today, I told my mom about the couple of times that I'd skipped classes during high school. She got really mad and grounded me for a month. That would usually be normal except for the fact that I'm 27 and live in my own apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 646

You deserved it 6 255

By Anonymous - 10/11/2012 07:23 - United States

Today, while at work, a customer gave me a $20 tip. I explained to him we aren't allowed to accept tips, but he insisted. When I called the manager to report it, he pocketed my tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 425

You deserved it 30 246

By anonymous - 16/02/2010 01:25 - United States

Today, I was really excited to be observing my first autopsy for my forensics class. Apparently so was the guy behind me. He barfed up ramen noodles all over my hair and back. I couldn't leave the room to clean up. For two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 873

You deserved it 1 923

By bobafett892 - 02/10/2016 17:32 - United States - Atlanta

Today, while working at a cell phone store, I helped an older woman learn how to use her newly updated phone. After trying to help her for over 20 minutes, she threatened to throw her phone at my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 075

You deserved it 835

By Hannah - 01/03/2010 03:16 - United States

Today, I got excited because I found a chat line for teens who are dealing with depression. I signed up and was about to enter the chat room and then a message popped up that said ''Sorry this is only available for teens in the United Kingdom.'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 785

You deserved it 4 435

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 05:50 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my room and set my burnt out light bulb on my computer chair without any second thought. Later, I sat on the chair, the light bulb shattered and I got a huge gash on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 648

You deserved it 30 844

By replaced - 22/02/2016 03:03 - United States - Marietta

Today, my boss fired me because his girlfriend wanted the job I had. She has no experience whatsoever in my line of work, it was just his "anniversary present" for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 106

You deserved it 1 645

Stay mad

By shut mouth - 11/10/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, my mother is upset that I won’t share things with her anymore. This is the woman who spent my entire childhood gossiping about every teeny tiny detail of my life, and used my suicide attempt as a way to garner pity for herself. Yeah, no thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 51

By Noname - 24/01/2009 15:24 - United States

Today, I was walking in the mall and passed one of the hair product booths (with the people who constanly harrass you as you walk by). In front of half of the mall the woman working there told me that she had several products that I could use to touch up my roots. I'm a natural red head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 655

You deserved it 2 613

By Anonymous - 20/12/2014 22:42 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, my 7-year-old daughter loudly asked in the middle of the supermarket, "Mummy, what's a cunt?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 099

You deserved it 3 886

Thief

By Mommabear - 15/06/2018 01:30

Today, I caught my husband's crazy aunt attempting to steal from my daughter's piggy bank. When I confronted her, she tried to defend herself by saying, "She's 2 months-old, she doesn't need the money!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 031

You deserved it 231

By iliketoastalot - 09/08/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got arrested. For robbing my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 572

You deserved it 5 886

By offrampmotel - 28/03/2017 14:00

Spicy

Today, my 4-year-old son discovered that he really likes masturbating. So much in fact, that he took pictures of it with my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 277

You deserved it 700

By liz - 03/10/2010 04:00 - United States

Today, my husband and I moved to get closer to his job. Today he got transferred 150 miles away from where we moved to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 587

You deserved it 2 607

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Top comments

mysitc_burrito 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 20:11

You know there is no good way for him to respond to that. You kind of set yourself up for it. And this is coming from a fat girl with big boobs. Also having big breast suck, hard to find cute bras, and your back always hurts.

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Monday 27 July 2009 20:04

just lose weight

Comments

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Monday 27 July 2009 20:04

just lose weight

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Monday 27 July 2009 21:02

LOL check OUT THIS SITE FOR FUN: http://justfuns.in LOL

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 0:00

doesn't really mean your fat if all the extra weight someone gained went to there boobs they really would be huge. whether they're fat or not.

bexox 0

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 3:15

This is the OP: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-XIMEHGoZI&feature=related :D

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 6:56

OP fished for a compliment and got burned. YDI, it's annoying as hell when girls do this.

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 9:13

#90, she wouldn't just stare at the cupcakes, she'd eat them right away.

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 9:14

Failure troll is full of fail

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 9:37

you set yourself up for that one, any response would have been offensive.

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Sunday 3 January 2010 0:24

Exactly.

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Monday 27 July 2009 20:04

haha sick burn! that sucks though. you should dump him then lose all the weight :)

curryndricegirll 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 20:46

dump him? she's the one who already called herself fat. i hate when people do that and except you to just bring them up. OP's just fishing for compliments. next time you want to say something like that, don't expect people to disagree with you. it's pathetic.

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Wednesday 22 September 2010 11:20

curryndricegrill-I could not have said it better myself

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Sunday 5 October 2014 7:53

it seems like you boobs didn't get #2's joke!

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Monday 27 July 2009 20:05

you don't know if he was excited or just being mean in this so I'm not sure what to say.

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Monday 27 July 2009 20:05

That sucks. I so feel you, though...I don't have big boobs, but I have a big stomach...xD

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Monday 12 December 2011 20:30

You wouldn't like It the other way around. I feel like that's what happens to me, I'm a 32DD. My back f***ing hurts all the time and the only bra Victorias secret has in my size is this ugly nude colored thing.

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Saturday 18 February 2012 0:42

I don't even care how big a girls tits are, it's all about their personality IMO

mcpar 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 20:07

lose the weight, fatty fat fat...also, 5th!!!! lulz

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 19:40

u suck

brrrx 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 20:09

No you don't, you'd look like a lollipop.

brrrx 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 20:09

No you don't, you'd look like a lollipop.

shewasalmost18 0

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Monday 27 July 2009 20:10

they'd be so huge that you couldn't even stand up again

mysitc_burrito 0

Send a private message

Monday 27 July 2009 20:11

You know there is no good way for him to respond to that. You kind of set yourself up for it. And this is coming from a fat girl with big boobs. Also having big breast suck, hard to find cute bras, and your back always hurts.

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 2:56

wtf #9? you know, if you'd be fit, then you could have a powerful back so the pain would be nonexistent. survival is for the healthy!! @op: YDI

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Tuesday 28 July 2009 3:08

Are you really that stupid? Being fit does not mean that having big boobs won't hurt. My best friend has an hourglass figure, and exercises, but still has like, flippin 44D boobs or some crap. They're genetic, her mom has them, as do all of her aunts, and no matter how much she exercises, or how in shape she is, they still hurt her back. You're probably some prissy girl with no body whatsoever.

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Wednesday 29 July 2009 8:33

pff, you're talking shit, and surely your friend is just another stupid girl who believes gym training or jogging, yoga or the like, are good exercises. bullshit! do real workouts cuz you know nothing about being FIT

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Thursday 31 August 2017 3:49

big boobs don't count if you're fat

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Monday 27 July 2009 20:11

Well...that *is* the same amount of weight in a more localized area. Of course they'd be huge!

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Monday 27 July 2009 20:34

Thank you...that's what I immediately thought...even if she only gained, let's say, 5 pounds which is not all that much, that'd be like 2.5 pounds each breast in addition to what she already has...so yea they'd be huge :p

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Monday 27 July 2009 22:24

Indeed, thanks ... is quite obvious. A 2lb implant is HUGE, 2lb weight gain is nothing.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 5

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 760

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 977