Today, I met a girl who had a deeper voice than I do. FML - FML

By Daryll - 22/1/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, I met a girl who had a deeper voice than I do. FML

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Dangling modifier

Out of it

Workaholic

By dEpPrEsSeDgIrL - 11/11/2009 11:28 - United States

Today, my dad decided to clean my 20 gallon fish tank. I had 6 fish. One of them was called a transparent fish, clear with a bright orange tail, which was my favorite. My dad didn't see it, and dumped the water out along with it. FML

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By Janice - 3/1/2019 12:00

Today, while working as a bank teller, a woman came in with a $100k check. I commented, "Wow, I really could do with one of these!" She responded, "It's a life insurance check. I'd rather have my son back," and teared up in front of me. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2012 16:33 - United Kingdom

Today, my toaster scared me. Again. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2014 23:13 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

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By SomeDJ - 12/8/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, my cousin came over. I left my iPod on shuffle in the room we were in as I left to go to the bathroom. When I came back she was jamming out to "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon. She won't stop singing it and her mom is coming over to pick her up in an hour. She's 4. FML

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By "syd_the_kidd_9707" - 25/2/2019 00:00

Today, I went in my car to a very important job interview. I was out of gas, so I had to get some on the way. When i was done pumping, I went to get back in and the door handle broke off on the driver's side. Then I blew a tire on a piece of metal. Needless to say, I lost my chance. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 19:51 - United Kingdom

Today, after having a shower, I walked back into my room butt naked. As I looked up I saw the window cleaner staring right at me. I looked. He looked. And without thinking I dropped straight to the floor to hid myself, then realized my naked butt was still staring right at him. FML

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By Former Professor - 21/7/2019 22:00

Today, I happily went to an interview after job searching for months. I learned a large part of my job would be cleaning the toilets. Every. Single. Hour. I used to lecture at a university until budget cuts happened. FML

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By ScaredDude - 19/5/2019 04:07

Today, I was home alone in the dark and I heard the doorbell ring. I didn't know who it was so I didn't answer. They kept ringing, so I got a bit scared and called the police. When the police showed up, they told me it was a Chinese delivery guy with the wrong address. FML

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By fuckmeitsgettingworse - 24/2/2014 19:36 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

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By ouch - 20/12/2011 12:46 - Australia

Today, I'm on a medication that really dehydrates my skin. I thought split lips were the worst side effects. Other split orifices make a trip to the toilet a literal pain in the arse. No sign of stopping in the near future. FML

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By Delicious - 6/12/2009 07:28 - New Zealand

Today, I found out that the shower sponge I've been using for a while now is the very same sponge my friends used to wipe up my vomit when I was drunk. I have been exfoliating a puked on sponge for more than a month. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/5/2014 11:37 - United Kingdom - Wolverhampton

Today, my friend announced that she'd lost weight recently. As I was congratulating her, my baby sister said, "I think you're still fat but that's good because you can give more meat to God when you go to heaven." Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML

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By ginny - 10/9/2009 17:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

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By whyyyy - 17/6/2020 05:05

Dumbass

Today, my daughter shaved her head in solidarity for a friend who went bald from cancer. Normally this would be an amazing gesture. Unfortunately, her “friend” is a fictional character from a book she’s reading. My daughter had almost 24-inch long hair. FML

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By heatproblems - 19/12/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, I can't get my heat to turn off. It is currently 87 degrees Fahrenheit in my house, and my heat is running non-stop. It's about 20 degrees outside with over a foot of snow on the ground, so a repairman can't come out to fix it. My electricity bill will be about $1000. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, at my girlfriend's place I cleaned up her room, put candles everywhere, scented the air and placed rose petals all over her bed in an attempt to be romantic and loving. The first thing she said when she saw all this was "uggg I have to clean all this up". FML

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By Heather - 26/6/2012 17:13 - United States - Newport News

Today, I discovered my children had found my vibrator and buried it in the cat's litter box. FML

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By elfy2 - 3/3/2011 02:49

Today, while riding the bus to a really important job interview the child sitting next to me threw up in my lap. His mother then told him to wipe his mouth. He used my sleeve. FML

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By Anna - 25/7/2020 05:10

Masterchef

Today, my partner, our 5-month-old baby and I had to go to A&E because my idiot boyfriend mistook dishwasher rinse aid for cooking oil, and cooked a meal for us in it. As I'm breastfeeding, even our baby needed blood tests. FML

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By no spare - 19/12/2016 19:22 - United States - Marquette

Today, I woke up to find out that the two front tires on our van were flat. Now we won't have a vehicle all week since the tire shop is booked solid. We just went through this with the rear tires two weeks ago. FML

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By FullCircleProblem - 27/1/2016 06:04 - United States - Round Rock

Today, my girlfriend came home and spontaneously wanted to have sex for the first time in about a year. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and had just came from an AA meeting. She reeked of alcohol, I couldn't get hard because of it and she got pissed at me. She says she won't be spontaneous again. FML

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By BaconBreathBlonde - 30/10/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

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By oconron - 6/3/2009 06:09 - United States

Today, I put my picture into a celebrity look alike website. The three matches that came up were Barbra Streisand, Hillary Clinton, and Boy George. I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2012 14:20 - United States - Rhodes

Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML

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By ncjarhead - 24/4/2010 23:38 - United States

Today, I discovered the same erotic pictures my wife emailed to me while I was deployed were emailed to several other guys by her. FML

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By scatter00x - 8/2/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

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By Monty - 1/3/2009 08:45 - United States

Today, I was baking cookies. When I took the tray out of the oven I closed the door, but it bounced back open and hit me in the back of the knees. That caused me to sit down on the hot oven door. I was just wearing my short bathrobe and no underwear. I really burned my ass and um...stuff. FML

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By Lee - 21/6/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, we spread my uncle's ashes at my grandparent's house. We were on a hill overlooking a sunset. It was a beautiful ceremony... until the winds changed direction. Our whole family wound up covered in my Uncle. He's still stuck in my hair. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2011 06:29 - United States

Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML

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By ulrika - 24/7/2016 01:09 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left, I was carrying her downstairs and tripped. Try calling your parents from the hospital and explaining that their daughter, who can't even crawl yet, has a broken leg. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2010 14:03 - United States

Today, my parents found several drawings of a dinosaur girl in various bondage equipment posing seductively in my purse. The drawings weren't mine, nor do I have any idea where they came from, but my parents now think I'm a freak. FML

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By lostintellct - 11/5/2009 04:46 - United States

Today, I had a hour long conversation with someone I apparently was friends with a few years ago. I couldn't remember who he was for the life of me, so I just played along. Finally, I told him I didn't remember him. He had the wrong number. I had a long conversation with a wrong number. FML

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By funy_hunie - 2/8/2019 06:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, while lying in bed, I was so lonely that I put a heavy blanket in front of me so it felt like I was spooning someone. FML

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By ihatemyjob - 3/9/2015 03:37 - United States - Ridgeland

Today, my boss found me on a dating app. He found it perfectly acceptable to message me and didn't understand why I wasn't comfortable with it. He now wants to have a meeting with me about inappropriate behavior outside of work. FML

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By Backstabber<3 - 6/3/2018 19:00

Today, as I was about to finally tell my boyfriend of nearly a year that I love him, he revealed that he cheated on me, his side chick is pregnant, and he has the clap. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 05:16 - United States

Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML

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By -.- - 19/1/2015 01:18 - United States - Ellwood City

Today, my mother told me how long it took for her to have me. Not how long she carried me in her womb - how long it took her and my dad to have sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/6/2015 15:37 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, my wife paid a man with a fake crystal and an even faker accent to investigate the creakiness of our apartment complex floors. $300 later, she told me he'd found a "sinkhole of chi energy" and that the building may collapse if we don't pay him to disperse it. I want a divorce. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my mom had one too many and announced to all of my friends that, if she had the opportunity, she would bang Gwen Stefani. FML

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Top comments

By a1m2a3d4o5 | 0

#52906 - Monday 23 March 2009 19:21

#3LOOOL , it know a lot of girls with deeper voices than me, but then again im only 12 so...

By Give_Linux_A_Go | 28

#3113440 - Monday 15 August 2011 16:32

f HER life, surely?

COMMENTS

By Timmytwofinger | 0

#83 - Wednesday 4 February 2009 6:41

get her to hum with your balls in her mouth.

Reply

yashack | 0

#1196232 - Friday 6 August 2010 2:22

you met Justin beiber!

Reply

Maladjusted1 | 0

#1229989 - Thursday 12 August 2010 17:58

fail.

Reply

Technocidal | 0

#1349164 - Saturday 4 September 2010 8:47

Justin beiber is a girl!? I thought she was an anthropomorphic beaver...

Reply

Give_Linux_A_Go | 28

#3113440 - Monday 15 August 2011 16:32

f HER life, surely?

Reply

FiFiLovee | 26

#5537800 - Sunday 16 June 2013 21:23

OP, I don't think that was a girl sweetheart.. xD It might have just looked like one.

By TheBigDawg | 8

#8360 - Friday 27 February 2009 5:16

Was it Dr. Mrs. The Monarch? :P

By abcdefgh_fml | 0

#11721 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 1:15

hahahaahahahaha

By a1m2a3d4o5 | 0

#52906 - Monday 23 March 2009 19:21

#3LOOOL , it know a lot of girls with deeper voices than me, but then again im only 12 so...

Reply

ZleveL | 0

#1206929 - Sunday 8 August 2010 8:41

wow I had a deep voice when I was 10. it was deeper than a group of faggot skater 16 year old white kids. it was hilarious cuz they thought they were tough and they didn't even have Pube-Staches yet. I almost had a chinstrap and a goatee!

that's just me though, I'm an earlybloomer. (except for my dick) :(

Reply

smokey20 | 0

#1354464 - Sunday 5 September 2010 9:38

lol

By rxxk | 0

#56675 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 2:14

I think Katy Perry has a deeper voice than me. And I'm a Bass.

By masterpops | 0

#56687 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 2:18

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

sayyestothedress | 24

#6076942 - Monday 29 September 2014 16:11

That has nothing to do with the FML!

By Oops_myb | 0

#72798 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 19:44

I think i know that girl...

By princess90 | 0

#78011 - Thursday 2 April 2009 23:52

you prob still have your 12 year old voice, dont worry in a while it'll get better:P

By MukyDaCookie | 0

#84979 - Sunday 5 April 2009 21:48

Have you taken health lessons yet? No? Well let me introduce you to a new concept. Its called "puberty" its a magical thing.

By centic | 0

#111170 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 22:26

Yfnjhg