Love: Today, I met a girl who had a deeper voice than I do. FML - FML

By Daryll - United States

Today, I met a girl who had a deeper voice than I do. FML

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Proactive

Reverse psychology

Always ask for documentation

By CollegeKid

Today, I was in the hospital for 12 hours with unbearable stomach pain. Apparently I have a horrible infection in my intestines and colon. My mom is now accusing me of having anal sex and allowing a man to ejaculate into my bum. My great-grandma believes her. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out that my husband only dated me because I look like what he thought the daughter he had with his first wife might look like when she's grown up. FML

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By Angry Mob - Australia - Sydney

Today, most of my neighbours came to my house in an angry mob to complain about my dog barking. I don't have a dog. FML

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By Iknowitlooksbad

Today, I learned the hard way not to keep my own cash in my pocket while working as a cashier, when I was forced to give $30 to a scamming customer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - California

Today, I got a call from a girl I dated long ago, who cheated on me and got pregnant by another guy, or so we thought. Turns out it isn't his, and she is taking me to court for child support. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Parkersburg

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

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By lonely

Today, my boyfriend blocked me from every form of contact. He told my friend that we broke up, but never told me. I still have his clothes in my house. FML

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By Jen

Today, I opened my car door on reaching destination and my dog escaped. I never found him. My destination was the vet's office to get him micro-chipped. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - West Chester

Today, I was outside talking to my new neighbor. I was gesturing while talking and didn't notice the little kid riding her bike coming our way. I ended up accidentally smacking her in the face and knocking her off her bike. Apparently she's my new neighbor's daughter. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

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By adjk90 - United States

Today, I was helping a customer when she asked if we were open on Christmas eve. I wasn't sure, so I asked my manager. My manager looked me over and said, "Yes, we will be open. Thank you for volunteering to come in." FML

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By I hate that game - United Kingdom - Wigan

Today, I was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML

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By beeee - Australia

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. Up until now, I thought my cat was the only four year old I had to deal with. FML

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By Sick Guy - United States - Boynton Beach

buys case of Listerine

Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML

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By Jaden Dubin - 31/7/2020 08:02

Animal Farm

Today, I found a mouse stuck in a glue trap at work. I had to take it home to get it off with oil, and then I released it outside. Twenty minutes later, the cat returned it to me, dead. After that, the dogs dug it up where I buried it. Sorry, mouse. FML

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By Gribby - United States - Branson

Today, I was accused of shooting drugs at work. I was only feeding a baby bird that was tucked into my arm using a medicine syringe. I've been smuggling it to work because it has to eat every 2 hours or it will starve. Now everyone there thinks I'm a hardcore dope fiend. FML

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By Anonymous - Korea Republic of

Today, I was waiting for my girlfriend, I wanted to have a serious talk about her hypochondria. She called to cancel because she was (self) diagnosed with some sort of 'neurological disorder'. FML

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By Heifer - United States

Today, when done feeding my newborn, I stated to my husband that I'm a cow. He said, in a sincere tone, "Oh, baby, you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow because I'm producing so much milk. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Vancouver

Today, my manager asked me for the password to my Internet so she could Skype family since she can't pay her bill. This is the same woman who just a week ago tried to evict me because my rent was an hour late. Trying to be the bigger person, I gave her the password. She changed my password. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to bury my horse again because coyotes keep digging it up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hicksville

Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML

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By Rednbumpy

Today, I was getting ready to meet my boyfriend. We haven't seen each other in a month so I decided to shave my body hair, even though I have really sensitive skin and usually end up getting rashes after a few days. His flight got cancelled and he won't be back for another two days. FML

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By eeeee - United States

Today, my morning sickness was so bad that I threw up everywhere, just from thinking about the pretend meal that a kid had made for me. FML

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By Screwed - United States

Today, I had one of the worst panic attacks in years. I was worried nobody cared about me and that I had completely messed up my life. I was hyperventilating and crying hysterically. My mom walked by my room, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make those noises, at least shut the door." FML

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By Z - Australia

Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML

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By alo1434 - United States

Today, I got mugged. As the guys who took my purse were about to walk away, my cellphone rang in my pocket. FML

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By Anonymous

Alarmed

Today, after 5 hours of attempting to sleep, I began to finally drift off. Then, some fuckwit who'd parked his car right outside my door took 20 minutes to switch his alarm off. I have to be up in about 4 hours, after a 12-hour night shift, heading into another. FML

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By SleepEat - 25/2/2021 21:30

Hmmm, candy

Today, I found out that I eat candy in my sleep. For two months I've been dieting because of my weight and high risk of diabetes. I now know why nothing has changed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a job interview with a man that I got drunk with at a bar on Saturday night. He spent an hour telling me things I did that I don't even remember. FML

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By oops123 - United States

Today, I finally hooked up with a guy I've been hanging out with for 2 months. Afterwards, while we're getting dressed he says "You better be clean. If you're not tell me now so I dont pass it on to my girlfriend." Stunned, all I could say was, "Girlfriend?!" His reply, "Well technically my fiancée." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got pulled over for a busted tail light. The officer gave me a warning and told me to fix it. Ten minutes later I was pulled over again for the same busted tail light by the same cop. This time he wrote me a ticket. FML

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By where do they come from - United States - Bellingham

Today, I had to explain what "cashback" was to a customer. She called me a liar and wanted to talk to a manager because she felt I made up the concept. I'm the manager. She wouldn't believe me and waited in the store for an hour. Apparently this is what a Masters degree gets me. FML

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By Awkward Jeff

Today, I was home alone, so for fun I put red lipstick on. A few minutes later, my doorbell rang. I managed to get it off before I got the door. I saw my neighbor, and had a long conversation with him. After which, I came inside and realized I had lipstick all over my teeth. FML

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By LindseyS - United States

FML: Uncensored

Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at the Holiday Inn in front of hundreds of college kids. I tried to be sexy by turning around and bending over. My friends took pictures and my bloody tampon string was hanging out the whole time. FML

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By couldntholdit - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy that I really like. When he gave me a hug goodbye, he slid his hand into the back pocket of my jeans. It was glorious until I farted on his hand. FML

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By Noca - United States

Today, I was eating with my boyfriend and his family at a high-end restaurant when, suddenly, I screamed, thinking a dog had just bitten my leg. I am terrified of dogs. I kicked my under-the-table assailant as hard as I could. It was my boyfriend's adorable five-year-old sister. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Framingham

Today, my fiancé pawned off my engagement ring so he could buy himself a PS4. FML

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By fuckingbeliebers - United States - Gorham

Today, my friend and I were discussing music bands, and I asked who her favorite Queen member is. She looked at me like I was from another world and said, "I don't have a favorite British queen. That's like, so weird." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I learned I'm getting kicked out of the house for NOT dropping out of college. FML

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By HelpMe1 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, my boss told me to fire the unstable, former military, gun nut employee. He's been making death threats to his supervisors. FML

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By das_shizzle - 2/5/2020 05:00

Entitled bitch

Today, after telling a student that she had to take the online test on the date that I had assigned, she whined to the vice president of the college, who then told my dean that he needed to do something about it. She made me offer testing days on multiple dates. So much for integrity. FML

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Top comments

By a1m2a3d4o5 | 0

#52906 - Monday 23 March 2009 19:21

#3LOOOL , it know a lot of girls with deeper voices than me, but then again im only 12 so...

By Give_Linux_A_Go | 28

#3113440 - Monday 15 August 2011 16:32

f HER life, surely?

COMMENTS

By Timmytwofinger | 0

#83 - Wednesday 4 February 2009 6:41

get her to hum with your balls in her mouth.

Reply

yashack | 0

#1196232 - Friday 6 August 2010 2:22

you met Justin beiber!

Reply

Maladjusted1 | 0

#1229989 - Thursday 12 August 2010 17:58

fail.

Reply

Technocidal | 0

#1349164 - Saturday 4 September 2010 8:47

Justin beiber is a girl!? I thought she was an anthropomorphic beaver...

Reply

Give_Linux_A_Go | 28

#3113440 - Monday 15 August 2011 16:32

f HER life, surely?

Reply

FiFiLovee | 26

#5537800 - Sunday 16 June 2013 21:23

OP, I don't think that was a girl sweetheart.. xD It might have just looked like one.

By TheBigDawg | 8

#8360 - Friday 27 February 2009 5:16

Was it Dr. Mrs. The Monarch? :P

By abcdefgh_fml | 0

#11721 - Tuesday 3 March 2009 1:15

hahahaahahahaha

By a1m2a3d4o5 | 0

#52906 - Monday 23 March 2009 19:21

#3LOOOL , it know a lot of girls with deeper voices than me, but then again im only 12 so...

Reply

ZleveL | 0

#1206929 - Sunday 8 August 2010 8:41

wow I had a deep voice when I was 10. it was deeper than a group of faggot skater 16 year old white kids. it was hilarious cuz they thought they were tough and they didn't even have Pube-Staches yet. I almost had a chinstrap and a goatee!

that's just me though, I'm an earlybloomer. (except for my dick) :(

Reply

smokey20 | 0

#1354464 - Sunday 5 September 2010 9:38

lol

By rxxk | 0

#56675 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 2:14

I think Katy Perry has a deeper voice than me. And I'm a Bass.

By masterpops | 0

#56687 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 2:18

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

sayyestothedress | 24

#6076942 - Monday 29 September 2014 16:11

That has nothing to do with the FML!

By Oops_myb | 0

#72798 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 19:44

I think i know that girl...

By princess90 | 0

#78011 - Thursday 2 April 2009 23:52

you prob still have your 12 year old voice, dont worry in a while it'll get better:P

By MukyDaCookie | 0

#84979 - Sunday 5 April 2009 21:48

Have you taken health lessons yet? No? Well let me introduce you to a new concept. Its called "puberty" its a magical thing.

By centic | 0

#111170 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 22:26

Yfnjhg