By failure - 08/04/2011 05:24

Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML
I agree, your life sucks 20 727
You deserved it 80 940

Same thing different taste

Top comments

That's one way of doing it. But there is probably a better way of telling you what you need to give her.

Just do oral I guess? Or, like the guys above me are saying, take something of hers!


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yeah, thats acsually a good idea. hide something of hers!

Did she hide the keys in her cooch?

just go have sex with her I don't see any problems here

ya why r u complaining r u gay she's give u a free ticket to have sex with her non stop r u stupid

208, your grammar is horrendous, maybe op needs to get to work or something.

208 your grammar fails but I like your logic

xcalabrese3x 6

who cares about 208's frickin grammar? if he wanted to know about his grammar he would have asked his English teacher .

Pretty_Pink_Lady 10

208, having sex doesn't mean the OP's girlfriend will have an ******. If only that was how the world worked...

Sounds like he's lacking In that department

SmallyBigs 9

Hide her vibrator. Then she loses twice.

Just do oral I guess? Or, like the guys above me are saying, take something of hers!

yeah, if you aren't going down on her or don't know what you're doing there, that's the problem and I don't blame her. You gots to eat the pussy man, all types of flavors

RandomHavoc1 13

That's one way of doing it. But there is probably a better way of telling you what you need to give her.

forestqueenie 0

yeah boney is a turn off (yes I am bi but I've been with the boytoy for almost 5 years now), and an hj is manual stimulation lol

forestqueenie 0

hahaha sorry Cinn I meant to comment on my own post. Forgive me? I must have been falling asleep (it's 432am here) and pressed the wrong button

Of course. But like I mentioned (well, implied), there is a comment bug. Next time just blame that. :)

Pretty_Pink_Lady 10

I haven't seen Cinn comment in forever!

forestqueenie 0

you deserve it! my boyfriend had never had any experience with women before me and he can make me ****** in less than 5 mins, regardless of what he was doing (oral, sex or hj)

and all women function the same way, right? my mate can get me off with just her voice, as I'm an audiophile. however, it takes a good half hour, if not longer, to reach climax through physical stimulation. it's just the way I am.

This girl sounds like a bitch thus I doubt she's a constantly horny person. Although in my experience it's not that hard to give multiple orgasms in a short space of time.

forestqueenie 0

No, he took the time to learn what I liked! And he makes sure I get off at least 3 times before he even thinks about having an ******... so I don't think the OP has given an ounce of effort... if not then maybe his GF just has physical problems that she needs to get checked out.

briidontgive_ 0

Well you get to have sex continuously untill you get it right , am I correct ? That's not so bad..

forestqueenie 0

Eh I can sound like a bitch sometimes... thanks for spotting that out Bano360 :D I don't mind it at all

briidontgive_ 0

Ooopss , I didn't mean to reply to the comments above, excuse me.

forestqueenie 0

I'm actually a really horny person we have sex at least 6 times a week... I don't get what you mean by that comment...

Oh I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about OP's girlfriend.

forestqueenie 0

well yeah I think it's best if she would have been straight out with him, she's just immature and it was uncalled for... ugh women these days!

I think OP should grab an 18" double ended *****, stick it in both holes. and use it on her until she can't

forestqueenie 0

You know what? He's actually not p-whipped he just honestly loves me that much that he'll do anything for me, I mean I'm fine with just one but he's not... so it's good... You gotta realize that just because a Man loves pleasing his woman doesn't mean he's p-whipped.

forestqueenie 0

Yo bano! lol I somewhat agree aside from the fact that it would hurt like a moooooother! ouch! it's gonna be sticking out her stomach and back! bahahaha

I think OP should grab an 18" double ended *****, stick it in both holes and use it on her until she can't walk. She won't complain again. Sorry send button is next to cancel on my phone.

We don't know the OP hasn't put effort in before and just failed, not all girls get off in the same way with the same amount of stimulation and so on and so forth, so he could be doing stuff she likes, but it's never enough. It could also be that she's faked a few too many times. We don't have enough information to say that it's ENTIRELY the OP's fault. (Mostly aimed at Forestqueenie)

forestqueenie 0

that sounds likes a painful solution! haha

forestqueenie 0

I didn't say it was completely his fault, like I previously mentioned she could have something that stops her from having an ******... I was just saying her should probably respond to her more... and on a side note I honestly hope the OP doesn't use pornos as a reference!

Depends on what she is used to, if she can take a lot of it then she needs to stop having sex with horses.

forestqueenie 0

hahaha Bano you're the best! And size doesn't matter if you can't use it, am I right ladies? all you need is a solid 5 inches to hit the g and you are gooood!

Some girls won't settle for average though. 8" at least preferably for most. They can complain about small but don't complain when one rips her in two.

Fair enough, Forestqueenie, I obviously read it as if you'd decided it definately was all the OPs fault. My bad. :) But like Givemechange said lower down (and you implied/said) it would seem like the OP might care more about his keys and not the fact that his gf has essentially said 'we're having sex until it's done right'. But then again, he might be viewing it as an FML because he never knew she wasn't getting off...

forestqueenie 0

dude even if a girl got 4" in her and some hj action I bet they wouldn't complain! Some chicks are toooooooo damn picky! So screw them... actually don't, they don't deserve it!

forestqueenie 0

Yeah Cinn, I'm not a complete bitch and say that the OP isn't trying I'm just saying maybe both parties are at fault here... they should just lay the cards out and deal with it like the adults I hope they are.

I'm no picky guy, a girls boobs can be huge or small. Her ass can be huge or small. Doesn't matter as long as she has a good personality.

forestqueenie 0

Mr. Bano you are too sick with it I love you! hahaha what about weight? lol I'm just curious cause you didn't mention it... ah who cares as long as you're getting some eh?

I don't mind a big girl. I prefer curvy sometimes. But not too skinny, don't really like it if I can see her ribs.

forestqueenie 0

shoot did my reply not go through? I don't like boney-ness just a personal preference... nothing against skinny people and an HJ is manual stimulation :] simple enough, yes?

Your reply got misplaced further up. Things like that happen.

forestqueenie 0

Ah ha I noticed, I apologize Cinn xx no hard feelings?

forestqueenie 0

Eh I don't like to lie, I'd rather be honest then blame a little bug... thanks though :]

Fair enough, can't hold that against you. Honesty tends to be the best policy. I like honesty. :)

forestqueenie 0

Goodnight Bano and Cinn, great chat yeah? sending some SoCal love! xoxox p.s. I like honesty too, which is why I don't like to lie.

I like big butts and I cannot lie. Night

SuckerPunchurMom 0

Haha I hope HJ doesn't stand for Hand Job. That is a secret you would not like to share.

audie9010 0

I'm just saying medically 4" is enough to fill. after 4" the female will actually stretch up to 8" for the man to fit. the average man I about 5"-6".

great, I couldn't read more replies and I was wondering why no one had said it yet

damselchelle 4


*Facepalm* Did you even bother reading the comments in the thread you replied too?

i only slept with one girl the first night we went 3 times. i got her off at least 15 times. its not a lack of experiance. its prolly a size thing >.<.

are you a gay???? how did he give you an ****** with a hj???

Pretty_Pink_Lady 10

gman94, I don't think you know what a hand job is...

i guess im gonna be the one to point it out but no one gives a **** what you and your boyfriend do for eachother.

or tie her up and trow her naked in a boy scout camp.

What is she gonna do with those keys? ********** with them?

LifesJusGreat 7

She's going to rev up her engine.

Mrken 0

I'm not sure did this gos threw

bgawne 0

Op is like the little train that could haha.

DropBearHunter 8

Sounds like you're stuck with public transport for a while... FYL