Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and...

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

By Alice - 3/7/2011 07:54

Illustrated interview : FML's naughty dream

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FML Erin's website: http://www.erinhunting.com/ If you want to be the next...

Favorite

By wtfdreams / Sunday 17 May 2009 12:33 / United States

Intimacy

Understandable

Proactive

Dangling modifier

By Catfish - 29/3/2018 01:30

Today, I met the "cute guy" I've been chatting with online for a few months. He never smiled in pics, but I didn't think anything of it until I got to his place and he started talking. He didn't have a single tooth in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3701

You deserved it

536

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By ELparano - 29/12/2012 01:21 - Canada

Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25518

You deserved it

49499

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By bigmikenyc - 15/7/2010 09:31 - United States

Today, I realized if you leave a can of soda in parked car during a heatwave it will explode all over everything. My car is like a human glue trap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22984

You deserved it

28526

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By madbabynoel - 25/3/2016 15:06 - United States - Clovis

Today, my only friend got banned from my house, all because she kissed her boyfriend in front of me. I'm 16, but apparently I can't handle seeing a kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22087

You deserved it

1580

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she "blew up her toilet". FML

I agree, your life sucks

42491

You deserved it

2860

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By anonomous - 7/2/2011 19:51 - United States

Today, it looks like I may have an STD. My fiancé and his friends went to Vegas two months ago. He says he's been completely faithful. They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Turns out that's not quite true. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47797

You deserved it

4691

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By ks0300 - 24/2/2010 05:47 - United States

Today, while visiting my in-laws, I went into their home office in search of a sheet of scrap paper. Instead, I found printed copies of every email and IM my husband and I had ever sent each other, including pictures. Highlighted and annotated by his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35144

You deserved it

2159

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By FirmlyInEngland - 17/9/2009 09:23 - United Kingdom

Today, the boy I have crush on at school announced that his family were moving to Australia. My friend thought that it would be funny to spread a rumour that I was moving too, in order to follow him. Everyone has heard it, and unfortunately everyone believes it, including him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41106

You deserved it

5525

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By "ironyyyyyyy" -_- - 31/10/2013 16:58 - United States - Marion

Today, I gave a short presentation at a neighborhood watch event to raise awareness of pickpocketing and to give tips on how to avoid becoming a victim of it. After I got back home, I realized my wallet was missing from my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39889

You deserved it

6184

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By ashamedklutz - 22/2/2014 00:20 - United Kingdom - Dunfermline

Today, with a single misstep, I managed to send myself and several others tumbling down a stairwell at work. An ambulance ended up having to be called for one lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41476

You deserved it

5035

Favorite

By Craig - 17/2/2010 06:30 - Canada

Today, I went to my hair dresser to get my haircut. When she asked me what I wanted, I told her "the usual". She confused me with another customer and gave me a mullet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15416

You deserved it

32851

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/10/2009 11:29 - Canada

Today, I found out that, because i'm a student, the employees I train make more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33049

You deserved it

2356

Favorite

By Ricky - 9/3/2009 00:00 - Canada

Today, I was working at Old Navy. A girl came up to me and did a bizarre dance. Not knowing how to react, I imitated her to be friendly with the customer. Then she stopped cold. Her friend stormed up to me and yelled, "you jerk! Why are you mocking her? She has tourettes you know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

52987

You deserved it

40743

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By Noname - 15/10/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, my younger sister's dog broke its leg. The vets are closed today so instead of going on a date with a girl I have been trying to get for at least 2 years, I need to carry an 80 lb. dog that hates me, up and down the stairs. I already got bit twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32436

You deserved it

3463

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By Anonymous - 26/5/2012 00:15 - United States

Today, my eight-year-old son thought that if he swallowed soap, his farts would smell like soap. The smell of vomit and diarrhea now permeating my house is proof of how wrong he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28164

You deserved it

2710

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By pinchy - 7/3/2011 03:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he was taking me out to eat to his favorite restaurant. He said I could order whatever I wanted and he'd pay for it. He took me to Red Lobster, knowing full well that I'm allergic to seafood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40847

You deserved it

4597

Favorite

By redjesus69 - 3/2/2010 03:52 - United States

Today, after almost nine months of doing anything and everything to show my love for my girlfriend and make her happy, she told me she would give "anything" to relive the one week of her and her ex's relationship where she was the happiest in her life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32455

You deserved it

3512

Favorite

By Cherub - 3/5/2009 22:16 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my wedding day. It was meant to be perfect. The bouquet, along with a high pollen count, set my hay fever off. I walked down the aisle in front of 200 people with streaming eyes and a runny nose; I then had a sneezing fit during my vows and blew a large snot bubble. Real attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68926

You deserved it

7779

Favorite

By asdfghjkl - 18/12/2010 19:14 - United States

Today, I saw Saw IV with my boyfriend. He held me close and said, "I'll protect you." A few seconds later, he jumped up so violently, he gave me a bloody nose, and ran screaming out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35211

You deserved it

3885

Favorite

By maybe if i was paid like them i would - 14/8/2015 22:42 - United States - Houston

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I had any kinks, so I told him all about them. He was actually mad because I didn't have the same 'sexy kinks' the girls in porn have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28199

You deserved it

2560

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/1/2015 17:17 - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, I mixed up my chapstick and cork grease. Now my clarinet smells like cherries, and my lips smell like a gym floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32366

You deserved it

7151

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By sad - 7/9/2011 05:05 - Canada

Today, I left my book on the plane after I'd finished reading it. The flight attendant thought I'd forgotten it, so he chased me through the airport, past security, past customs, and past baggage claims. I didn't have the heart to tell him I left it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10032

You deserved it

45810

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By Scooter - 25/9/2018 05:00

Today, I replaced the battery in a closet’s electronic keypad door lock, and I accidentally locked myself inside. My family was traveling, so I had to call a neighbor. He got me out, but took pictures and posted to social media. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2501

You deserved it

684

Favorite

By 21! - 3/7/2012 01:53 - United States - Schenectady

Today, while walking around my college campus, I passed by a dorm where a drunk guy was peeing out one of the top floor windows while his drunk friends cheered him on. That guy is my boyfriend. Lucky me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24268

You deserved it

6818

Favorite

By kmf - 10/8/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get hot and heavy in my truck at our favorite park. We start going at it and we were both butt naked when I see a car pull into the lot. Not only is it a cop car, but the first thing the cop asks my girlfriend is "Are you being held against your will?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

46640

You deserved it

14111

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By ColdHeat - 16/4/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. His partly digested nachos decided to make an appearance halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46189

You deserved it

4619

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By L0L59 - 7/9/2018 14:30

Today, I got my braces checked by another orthodontist since I've had them for years and my teeth never got the way they should be. After 8 years and 27 x-ray exams, my orthodontist didn't do much except loosen the root of the tooth to the point where I can move it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2815

You deserved it

174

Favorite

By bchorror - 22/4/2020 02:00

One ring to…

Today, I went to take out my NuvaRing. To my surprise, I couldn’t find it. I’ve had unprotected sex almost every day this month. I don’t know when it fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1830

You deserved it

1048

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/10/2010 00:48 - United States

Today, my parents gave me my birthday present. Two weeks ago, I ordered an xbox online. Three days ago, it came to my house, and my parents thought they could save money by putting wrapping paper on it, and giving it to me for my birthday. That's all they got me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36023

You deserved it

3456

Favorite

By Angela - 4/1/2012 19:01 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office. People kept staring at me and I couldn't figure out why. Later, I realized my sister's puppies had chewed a noticeable hole in my pants' crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28450

You deserved it

5561

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/11/2016 08:43

Today, I got to meet the guy that I have been talking to over a dating website. We were having a great time, at least until I managed to randomly fall asleep in front of him. I spent the rest of the day sending text messages trying to explain to him that I suffer from narcolepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10123

You deserved it

988

Favorite

By *sneeze* - 29/11/2018 12:00

Today, it's my wife's birthday. Since I had work, I gave her $200 to spend on herself and left. When I came back with dinner and the movie she wanted, I found her with a dog. She is very attached to him because the shelter was going to put him down. I love him, but I'm allergic to dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2979

You deserved it

415

Favorite

By Omar Khalaf - 28/9/2017 01:30

Wham!

Today, when I called my 2-year-old son over for a hug, he giggled and squealed as he ran over to me. He then stopped in front of me, punched me in the bollocks, and walked away quite happily whilst I was doubled over in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2981

You deserved it

377

Favorite

By Thomas - 11/11/2013 17:20 - United States - Portsmouth

Today, my wife and I were watching Killing Kennedy. Jokingly, I said, "Spoiler alert: he dies." She threw a book at me and won't talk to me. I think she's serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50296

You deserved it

7574

Favorite

By wow @ creepy fuckers - 17/11/2012 01:06 - United States

Today, yet again, my boss whined to me like a baby over being "friend-zoned" by his secretary. Not only does he basically stalk her and make her eat lunch with him every day, she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. He suspended me after I lost it and told him to see a fucking therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33950

You deserved it

6119

Favorite

By tripb101 - 22/4/2009 18:47 - United States

Today, I hinted at getting it on towards my wife (it's been 2 weeks since we last did). She answered with "no I'm to tired", within 2 minutes she said, "I'm gonna go use the treadmill". She got all hot and sweaty for about 30 minutes, but it was with the treadmill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57931

You deserved it

6055

Favorite

By lunab123 - 31/12/2015 20:59 - United States - Potomac

Today, I got a letter from my long time boyfriend asking me to meet him at the place we first met for a "surprise". I can't remember where that even is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30505

You deserved it

12835

Favorite

By hairplease - 27/2/2010 19:03 - United States

Today, I brought my best friend to my uncle's birthday party. We were having a great time until my grandmother walked up to us and said to me, "You sure have a nice looking boyfriend." My friend is a girl. She has cancer and lost all of her hair due to chemotherapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43658

You deserved it

2382

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By BugDTV - 27/11/2018 09:30 - United States - Auburn

Today, I went to open my store but corporate had changed the locks without notice. The store's being sold. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2802

You deserved it

121

Favorite

By notsexy - 28/7/2009 22:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55595

You deserved it

8402

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Top comments

By MoonTiger | 4

#205961 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:01

Ooooh, bacon, yes! You're some fucked up dude o_O

By JackR1104 | 0

#205987 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:07

Wait.....doesn't everyone do that? Shit....I thought I was normal....

COMMENTS

By MoonTiger | 4

#205961 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:01

Ooooh, bacon, yes! You're some fucked up dude o_O

You_Just_Failed | 0

#955614 - Wednesday 17 March 2010 0:42

cant remember last Time i had sex with Bacon

Wolfex999 | 0

#963725 - Friday 19 March 2010 4:23

If the bacon was female then your all good.

phreshboi | 1

#974979 - Tuesday 6 April 2010 5:02

I think this speaks for all fat people who can't get laid

MW2_St3F4N | 0

#982190 - Tuesday 20 April 2010 4:13

#532 lmao

Aquatics | 0

#989318 - Saturday 8 May 2010 5:41

its time to reconsider that diet eh? ;)

CvBobo | 0

#1001575 - Saturday 22 May 2010 0:51

MMM Bacon = ) oh yeah ; ) lolz jk

jrkarikas | 0

#1031248 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 22:01

bacon oohhhh ohhh OOOOOHHHH OOOOOOOOOH...... mmmmm bacon.....

c00lsk8erboi | 7

#1079021 - Sunday 11 July 2010 15:26

the correct way to spell it is "cum"

zanguard | 0

#1112293 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 6:04

I lauughed for 2min when I saw this
I guess you just like em fat n greasy

bonicr | 0

#1149718 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:19

558 maybe he's giving up bacon to stay skinny and clean and had the dream because he misses it and because he's a ****ing creeper... you never know.

DiscountDJ25 | 0

#1186362 - Wednesday 4 August 2010 8:16

Bacongasm.

WJCool | 0

#1298111 - Wednesday 25 August 2010 5:45

lol ihope it was delicious hahaha.

Ihatethesenames | 0

#2327687 - Monday 11 April 2011 2:03

pig :)

Sassybq1 | 13

#2531833 - Thursday 19 May 2011 4:55

no ppl its more like he would fuck a pig FOR bacon lmao

Trololololololo_fml | 7

#2814312 - Sunday 3 July 2011 19:22

Please tell me that 'bacon' is your nickname for something else other than actual bacon.

v1n1c1u5 | 0

#2844008 - Friday 8 July 2011 3:30

kkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

coldblood | 4

#2997783 - Saturday 30 July 2011 2:05

wait orgasms at bacon are uncommon?

toqwert | 0

#3066311 - Monday 8 August 2011 22:49

650 hells yea!!! and I'm god too, I kick puppies and small children off bridges... wait…

lucy9897 | 6

#3154258 - Sunday 21 August 2011 21:10

Me likey the meat :)

Omit | 4

#3193246 - Sunday 28 August 2011 6:00

Probably a redneck

BaconBoy75 | 2

#3716147 - Sunday 11 December 2011 19:06

#532, one would think I'd remember that too. B-)

TheAwkHawk | 14

#5489743 - Monday 13 May 2013 8:30

#532 I can •_•

TheAwkHawk | 14

#5489744 - Monday 13 May 2013 8:32

#570 the bacon or the... Liquids •_•

aimzskee | 30

#6001739 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 15:05

I bet the dream was sizzling.

weezypanda420 | 22

#6446210 - Tuesday 27 October 2015 19:29

Sounds quite sexy

By ffpoisongirl | 0

#205962 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:02

Yeah, sounds about right. Hahahahaha.

GreatGeak | 8

#1719883 - Thursday 18 November 2010 19:20

agreed. bacon rocks!

92910bg | 4

#3328808 - Thursday 22 September 2011 16:47

Bacon strips & bacon strips & bacon strips

By cinderelly | 0

#205963 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:02

LOL! sexy bacon.

maloneybabe13 | 0

#986199 - Wednesday 28 April 2010 5:44

very sexy bacon lol

Rachel_Vikram | 0

#2107199 - Monday 21 February 2011 13:50

Smoky

By Silas_fml | 0

#205967 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:02

The kind of love that kills.

StrangeSpider | 0

#480919 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 22:43

is there a kind that doesnt kill? they dont say "till death do us part" for no reason.

By Jethro_fml | 0

#205974 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:03

Oooooh, I like bacon. But not like that....

Jet

By thisishilarious | 0

#205981 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:05

now how fat are you?

By Foxtooth | 0

#205984 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:06

Damn that bacon for being so damn sexy!!!

By JackR1104 | 0

#205987 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:07

Wait.....doesn't everyone do that? Shit....I thought I was normal....

evan40111 | 0

#1706940 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 0:50

It is.I once had a dream about my new dirt bike and I came...

bcih | 0

#3178784 - Thursday 25 August 2011 21:57

hahahahaa

By harlehatschi | 0

#205992 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:09

well bacon IS pretty awesome. just be glad you weren't dreaming about cabbage or grits or something gross like that

ichikibobivopula | 0

#2375888 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 4:42

what you saying about grits?

AMCJEEP | 10

#3862341 - Tuesday 10 January 2012 21:36

You are definitely not from the south. Grits is just what everyone eats.

NailQueen2 | 7

#4479114 - Friday 25 May 2012 5:16

I was born and raised in the south and I don't like grits.

infernno | 23

#4778411 - Monday 6 August 2012 6:19

At first, I misread it, thought it said girls instead of grits...

By Aryss | 0

#205997 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:12

My kind of man. On the bright side, if someone ever asks you what you dreamt of, you don't have to lie.