Intimacy: Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and...

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

By Alice

Illustrated interview : FML's naughty dream

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FML Erin's website: http://www.erinhunting.com/ If you want to be the next...

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By wtfdreams / Sunday 17 May 2009 12:33 / United States

Intimacy

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Dementia or hate? You decide

Empathy lives

By australian6196 - Australia - Sydney

Today, while on a road trip through Australia with my dad, we were both complaining that we had yet to see any kangaroos. Suddenly, we saw one up real close. The rental car saw it even closer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49684

You deserved it

7447

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By heartbroken - United States

Today, I managed to convince the girl of my dreams to stop being so shy, and put herself out there to get her crush to make a move. It worked. And yet as it turns out, I'm not her crush after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36453

You deserved it

13757

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw my dad for the first time in ten years. He was stealing my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47946

You deserved it

2705

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By Anonymous - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I realized my sister has a yeast infection. How, you ask? Her tube of yeast infection cream and my tube of toothpaste look remarkably similar. I'm still trying to get the taste out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24682

You deserved it

3195

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By Anonymous - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my boyfriend found a take-out menu under my bed. It's probably been there for months. He looked at it and said, "Well, that explains a lot." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22649

You deserved it

4669

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By stillsick - Canada

Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39241

You deserved it

3222

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2021 02:01

Strong incel vibes

Today, I showed up to my Bumble date with a guy. He looked at me up and down and said, "You look different from the pictures. I pictured you more slimmer." To rub salt in the wound, he proclaimed, "I’d rather staple my nutsack than continue this date. Good luck to you," and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1268

You deserved it

208

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to convince my girlfriend that, no matter how much she makes herself burp, she won't lose any weight. She still doesn't understand why. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32295

You deserved it

3944

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, for Easter, my brother and sister both got $200 gifts from my parents. I got a chocolate egg. I'm allergic to chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

142621

You deserved it

7490

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By Jumja - Netherlands

Today, I found out my boyfriends' mother has invented a new kind of cake and named it after me: not because it's delicious, but because of the amount of fat in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35127

You deserved it

5691

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By StewPit - United States

Today, I was eating some left over Easter peanut MandMs at work, when I exclaimed "oh cool, they have E's on them for Easter". It took me a couple of minutes, but I eventually realized that I was looking at a regular MandM sideways. Definitely explains my coworkers' uncontrollable laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15229

You deserved it

74929

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By helen_ - United States

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk

Today, I had to go to my 10 year-old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face, "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

65359

You deserved it

6021

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By Anonymous - United States - Pleasantville

Today, I was given a call home, a 3-day-suspension, and a week of detention in school for a "serious violation of the code of conduct." Said violation? Jogging in the middle of the hall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42340

You deserved it

4677

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had the Monday meeting that I have had every week for 8 months. We had new people joining today. One of my bosses went around the room introducing people, and he forgot my name. I've been sitting across from him with a nametag for 8 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46053

You deserved it

4029

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my Dad and I killed a cockroach with a large metal pole. It was the most bonding experience we have ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24281

You deserved it

2631

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By androidjezus

Halloween, the long wait

Today, I asked my girlfriend to get a bunch of candy for our first Halloween at our new house, so she got $60 worth. We got into an argument about who was going to give it out. It’s now 9 p.m. No one came to our door all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1677

You deserved it

436

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By Justcan'twin

Today, at 5:30 on a Sunday, I noticed my tire had a bubble in it. I found a tire shop 15 minutes away that would be closing at 6pm and made it there in time, but the shop had closed early. I left to try and make it to the next one and had a blow out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2486

You deserved it

281

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By itisthedude - United States

Today, I was walking with my very attractive friend who I like a lot. She then told me that her roomate wouldn't be home tonight, and if I wanted, I could come over and study history. I didn't get it. I told her no thanks, that I was covered, and it was chem I needed to study. An hour later, I understood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15789

You deserved it

76487

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By thanks, dad... - Romania - Baia Mare

Today, I was playing with my phone after midnight, and I kept getting calls from a withheld number. The guy just breathed heavily and wouldn't speak. When the third call came, I asked "who the hell are you?" The call ended, and my dad yelled from outside my door: "ME! Now go to sleep!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

43047

You deserved it

14418

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By KMKWEEN - United States

Today, I was at work. I work at a grocery store and a woman pulls a cart to me filled with chips, breads, lunch meats, and sodas. I said to her "Looks like you are going to have a fun party" she then looks at me and says "My mother just died, this is for after the funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43830

You deserved it

10631

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By whatchagonnado - Canada - Victoria

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37860

You deserved it

8837

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By klanciee - United States - Valencia

Today, when I woke up, I noticed something crawling on my bed. A white faced wasp was dragging the corpse of a rather large spider. I'm not sure what I was more disturbed about; the fact that the wasp was dragging something twice its size, or that these bugs even live in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29381

You deserved it

2195

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By wookieewhosshe

Today, I woke up on the floor with my feet still in the bed. I had passed out while vomiting into a bucket, since I couldn't make it to the bathroom in time. The bucket had spilled all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1391

You deserved it

585

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By nessacadesa - United States

Today, I was telling my younger brother and sister how important it is to know how to use a knife properly : while slicing potatoes. Just as I was saying how stupid people can be with knives, the potato slipped on the counter. I sliced open my hand while talking about knife safety. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22955

You deserved it

58373

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By AbysmalAbyss - 11/3/2021 08:04

Gruesome

Today, it's been seven days since I had my wisdom tooth removed, under guidance from both a doctor and a dentist to help with frequent headaches. The dentist cut open my cheek during surgery, which got infected, and now I also have dry socket. My mouth is causing me agony, and so are my headaches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

993

You deserved it

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By single - United States

Today, I met up on a blind date. He took a phone call one drink in and said he had to leave because he didn't know it was his buddy's birthday, and they were having a party without him. I offered to split the bill and put out a $20. He got up, unlocked the bicycle behind us and rode off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41979

You deserved it

3679

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By JoblessandStupid - United States - Stockbridge

Today, I got pissed and tried to storm out of work, only to get outside and realize I couldn't because I'd let my coworker borrow my car for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5498

You deserved it

2404

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2021 22:58

Saucy devil

Today, I was helping my Dad with an internet issue he was having. He gave me his tablet to check it out. I opened the browser, and there were 8 tabs open. All of them were PornHub. FML

I agree, your life sucks

893

You deserved it

128

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By melas303 - United States

Today, I came home to find a pregnancy test in my trashcan. I live alone with my boyfriend and I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43786

You deserved it

2806

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By Nickname - United States

Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42850

You deserved it

6218

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By notsurprised - United States

Today, I woke up to my mom washing the dishes completely naked. Sadly, I was more surprised by the fact she was doing the dishes than the fact that that she was strutting about in her birthday suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37404

You deserved it

3142

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By kaitlynn - France

Today, at four in the morning, I was asleep with my boyfriend beside me. I started yelling at him in my sleep and broke up with him. When I woke up, he was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40792

You deserved it

10212

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By Home sick

Today, I was called fat by my boyfriend's old-fashioned mom. I'm not close to fat but I'm not really skinny either so she calls me fat. She also complained that my feet makes noise when I walk and that girls shouldn't make noise when walking. This week has been hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2853

You deserved it

268

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By Username

Today, I learned that my 29-year-old boyfriend won't stay the night at my house because he lives at home with his parents and doesn't want to have "the discussion" with his mom about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1759

You deserved it

241

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By ashley_skillz06 - France

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant. While the chef is throwing food at us, I'm getting ready for my turn. He tosses the piece of broccoli at me, I lean back to catch it, completely falling off my chair. I knocked everything over and had the packed restaurant laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23254

You deserved it

7361

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By grandlisleguy - United States - Colchester

Pinky

Today, I was at the office making copies for a project. As I left the copy room my dress pants caught a sharp something on the door frame and ripped open my pants. All my co-workers saw my pink boxer briefs. Now I'm called "Pinky" by everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1600

You deserved it

362

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By mike h - United States - Mcadoo

Today, I started my dream job of being a veterinarian. My first day consisted of having to put down 12 dogs and 5 cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37361

You deserved it

4790

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By - United States - Modesto

Today, the moment after hitting "confirm payment" for my boyfriend's valentine gift (along with some sexy lingerie for the occasion) on a shopping app, my period tracker app popped up to let me know I'll be well into my period on the 14th. I'm getting cockblocked by mother nature herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7325

You deserved it

1099

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By MrG - United States

Today, I had to write, "Do not use to freeze cat," on my bag of ice because my sister's cat died, and she refuses to bury it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33799

You deserved it

2841

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By asnolt - United States

Sex Ed is broken

Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58571

You deserved it

9320

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Top comments

By MoonTiger | 4

#205961 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:01

Ooooh, bacon, yes! You're some fucked up dude o_O

By JackR1104 | 0

#205987 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:07

Wait.....doesn't everyone do that? Shit....I thought I was normal....

COMMENTS

By MoonTiger | 4

#205961 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:01

Ooooh, bacon, yes! You're some fucked up dude o_O

You_Just_Failed | 0

#955614 - Wednesday 17 March 2010 0:42

cant remember last Time i had sex with Bacon

Wolfex999 | 0

#963725 - Friday 19 March 2010 4:23

If the bacon was female then your all good.

phreshboi | 1

#974979 - Tuesday 6 April 2010 5:02

I think this speaks for all fat people who can't get laid

MW2_St3F4N | 0

#982190 - Tuesday 20 April 2010 4:13

#532 lmao

Aquatics | 0

#989318 - Saturday 8 May 2010 5:41

its time to reconsider that diet eh? ;)

CvBobo | 0

#1001575 - Saturday 22 May 2010 0:51

MMM Bacon = ) oh yeah ; ) lolz jk

jrkarikas | 0

#1031248 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 22:01

bacon oohhhh ohhh OOOOOHHHH OOOOOOOOOH...... mmmmm bacon.....

c00lsk8erboi | 7

#1079021 - Sunday 11 July 2010 15:26

the correct way to spell it is "cum"

zanguard | 0

#1112293 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 6:04

I lauughed for 2min when I saw this
I guess you just like em fat n greasy

bonicr | 0

#1149718 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:19

558 maybe he's giving up bacon to stay skinny and clean and had the dream because he misses it and because he's a ****ing creeper... you never know.

DiscountDJ25 | 0

#1186362 - Wednesday 4 August 2010 8:16

Bacongasm.

WJCool | 0

#1298111 - Wednesday 25 August 2010 5:45

lol ihope it was delicious hahaha.

Ihatethesenames | 0

#2327687 - Monday 11 April 2011 2:03

pig :)

Sassybq1 | 13

#2531833 - Thursday 19 May 2011 4:55

no ppl its more like he would fuck a pig FOR bacon lmao

Trololololololo_fml | 7

#2814312 - Sunday 3 July 2011 19:22

Please tell me that 'bacon' is your nickname for something else other than actual bacon.

v1n1c1u5 | 0

#2844008 - Friday 8 July 2011 3:30

kkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

coldblood | 4

#2997783 - Saturday 30 July 2011 2:05

wait orgasms at bacon are uncommon?

toqwert | 0

#3066311 - Monday 8 August 2011 22:49

650 hells yea!!! and I'm god too, I kick puppies and small children off bridges... wait…

lucy9897 | 6

#3154258 - Sunday 21 August 2011 21:10

Me likey the meat :)

Omit | 4

#3193246 - Sunday 28 August 2011 6:00

Probably a redneck

BaconBoy75 | 2

#3716147 - Sunday 11 December 2011 19:06

#532, one would think I'd remember that too. B-)

TheAwkHawk | 14

#5489743 - Monday 13 May 2013 8:30

#532 I can •_•

TheAwkHawk | 14

#5489744 - Monday 13 May 2013 8:32

#570 the bacon or the... Liquids •_•

aimzskee | 30

#6001739 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 15:05

I bet the dream was sizzling.

weezypanda420 | 22

#6446210 - Tuesday 27 October 2015 19:29

Sounds quite sexy

By ffpoisongirl | 0

#205962 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:02

Yeah, sounds about right. Hahahahaha.

GreatGeak | 8

#1719883 - Thursday 18 November 2010 19:20

agreed. bacon rocks!

92910bg | 4

#3328808 - Thursday 22 September 2011 16:47

Bacon strips & bacon strips & bacon strips

By cinderelly | 0

#205963 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:02

LOL! sexy bacon.

maloneybabe13 | 0

#986199 - Wednesday 28 April 2010 5:44

very sexy bacon lol

Rachel_Vikram | 0

#2107199 - Monday 21 February 2011 13:50

Smoky

By Silas_fml | 0

#205967 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:02

The kind of love that kills.

StrangeSpider | 0

#480919 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 22:43

is there a kind that doesnt kill? they dont say "till death do us part" for no reason.

By Jethro_fml | 0

#205974 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:03

Oooooh, I like bacon. But not like that....

Jet

By thisishilarious | 0

#205981 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:05

now how fat are you?

By Foxtooth | 0

#205984 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:06

Damn that bacon for being so damn sexy!!!

By JackR1104 | 0

#205987 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:07

Wait.....doesn't everyone do that? Shit....I thought I was normal....

evan40111 | 0

#1706940 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 0:50

It is.I once had a dream about my new dirt bike and I came...

bcih | 0

#3178784 - Thursday 25 August 2011 21:57

hahahahaa

By harlehatschi | 0

#205992 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:09

well bacon IS pretty awesome. just be glad you weren't dreaming about cabbage or grits or something gross like that

ichikibobivopula | 0

#2375888 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 4:42

what you saying about grits?

AMCJEEP | 10

#3862341 - Tuesday 10 January 2012 21:36

You are definitely not from the south. Grits is just what everyone eats.

NailQueen2 | 7

#4479114 - Friday 25 May 2012 5:16

I was born and raised in the south and I don't like grits.

infernno | 23

#4778411 - Monday 6 August 2012 6:19

At first, I misread it, thought it said girls instead of grits...

By Aryss | 0

#205997 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:12

My kind of man. On the bright side, if someone ever asks you what you dreamt of, you don't have to lie.