Intimacy: Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and...

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

By Alice

Illustrated interview : FML's naughty dream

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FML Erin's website: http://www.erinhunting.com/ If you want to be the next...

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By wtfdreams / Sunday 17 May 2009 12:33 / United States

Intimacy

Serious times

Sorry…

Recycling helps

By Lucky - United States

Today, I recieved a phone call from a cruise line I had travelled on with my parents a year ago. After being told I had won a free $2,000 cruise from a sweepstakes I had entered while on the cruise. After celebrating loudly they informed me that you have to be 23 or older to collect it. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45095

You deserved it

6232

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2020 05:01 - United States - Lake Butler

Spy vs. Spy

Today, I panicked when I realized two of my diaries were missing. I turned the house upside down, and found them in the guest room, tucked away in a dresser drawer. My only visitor in the last six months was my mom. I’m 37 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

969

You deserved it

133

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By Jeri - United States

Today, the day of my 29th birthday and two weeks after our 10th wedding anniversary, the only thing my husband got me for my birthday was divorce papers. Happy birthday, bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35558

You deserved it

4917

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2020 02:12

Falling Down

Today, I woke up in hospital. Apparently, I fell down the stairs, broke 3 ribs, one toe, and hit my head so much that 12 stitches were needed. I also blacked out for an hour before my husband found me covered in blood. Recovery should take about a month and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1735

You deserved it

117

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By wtfiswrongwithher - Australia

Today, I discovered my wife has a YouTube channel dedicated to 20 second videos of her wearing a fake mustache and making weird sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46671

You deserved it

7487

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend, the love of my life. Actually I ran into a billboard for her college, where apparently she is the new "poster girl" for their advertising campaign. I have now seen her on 2 billboards, a newspaper ad and a bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33735

You deserved it

3436

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By longest minute - United States - Cypress

Today, I was peeing in a public bathroom when a guy walked in and passed by 4 open urinals to use the one next to mine. After feeling his gaze for a second, I confronted him with my own, in hopes he would stop. Instead, I stared into a stranger's eyes until I finished peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13628

You deserved it

2630

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By Wrenda Witt - 15/6/2020 14:02

Not interested

Today, it has officially been two and half months since I've had sex. I've done everything imaginable to entice him, but my boyfriend doesn't seem bothered at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1530

You deserved it

263

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to my family remodeling our (extremely) out of date bathroom. I was SUPER excited to help them get it done. I walked down the hallway and opened my bedroom door to find a huge, gaping hole in my wall and my room covered in dust. I had to sweep every surface in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24268

You deserved it

3244

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I left to go home for Christmas holidays. I got 3 hours away and realised I forgot the presents. Along with the engagement ring I was going to give to my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30497

You deserved it

13877

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By Anonymous - United States - Orlando

Today, my brother was telling me about my "sweet" and "pure" ex-girlfriend. Three stab wounds have already proven otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25986

You deserved it

1880

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while driving through town, I was distracted by a pretty girl walking on the nearby pavement and accidentally rear-ended the car in front of me. Not only did the pretty girl witness the crash and give a statement, it turned out she was a very feminine man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14871

You deserved it

49521

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I was packing, when my parents told me to put my little sister's toothbrush in the top pocket of their suitcase. The pocket I opened had 3 unopened boxes of condoms in it. We're going to my gran's house, and I'm going to be sleeping on a mattress on the floor of their room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58133

You deserved it

5452

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By pissedoffandon - United Kingdom

Today, I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting in my face, so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting, I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15902

You deserved it

61668

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By Anthony Hathaway

Today, as I was taking the garbage out, I tripped over my own feet, causing my knee to dislocate in such a way that it shattered the back of my kneecap and fractured my femur. I guess I won't be taking the garbage out again anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2830

You deserved it

189

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By NickC - Malaysia

Today, after burning all my past-papers, books and notes in celebration of finishing maths forever, I found out I have to re-take my maths exam to get the minimum grade for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11212

You deserved it

50408

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By WellGroomed - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my housemate walked out of the bathroom with my toothbrush in his mouth and asked, "You're not one of those people who cares if someone uses their toothbrush, are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

24548

You deserved it

1571

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By Sam

Today, I went to my first ultrasound appointment. The daughter I was hoping for is actually going to be boy triplets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4121

You deserved it

1215

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By Anonymous - United States - San Luis Rey

Today, while visiting family, we went to a restaurant to eat. Towards the end of the meal, I went to use the restroom. When I came back, everyone was gone. Everyone had actually gotten into their cars and left without me. I have no idea where I am and no one is answering their phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56647

You deserved it

4742

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By Vince - Canada

Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36972

You deserved it

3212

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By Me - United States - Homer Glen

Today, while at my aunt's funeral, my grandma who has terrible memory loss asked me whose funeral we were at. I had to explain to her that her daughter had died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

89314

You deserved it

3894

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By Anonymous - United States - Montpelier

Today, I went with a couple of my friends to see a friend who's fallen very ill. Her dad walked in with a gun and demanded to know which of us had gotten his daughter pregnant. By the time I realized it was a joke, I'd already pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39425

You deserved it

5232

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By ccblock - United States

Today, my girlfriend's dad offered me $100 to break up with his daughter. I eagerly replied "no", but my girlfriend grabbed the money and said, "deal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40134

You deserved it

3671

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By Anonymous

Light day

Today, on my 16th birthday, my lightly worn jeans split while I was at school. I attempted to fix them with staples, but I have a metal allergy. So I took my driving exam with a rash on my butt and staples digging in, in a car that had no AC. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1507

You deserved it

378

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By mermaidkeels - United States

Today, after getting fired, I went home only to find my boss sitting my living room. Apparently, he and my mom had been dating for months and he felt compelled to let me go because it was a "conflict of interest". FML

I agree, your life sucks

16846

You deserved it

987

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By representative

Today, I was let go without warning at work. Why? Because my boss saw some comments I'd posted. Nothing I'd said was offensive or controversial, but he said he didn't care, because he didn't agree with it and didn't want me to "smear" the company name. I represent the company? I just serve coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4591

You deserved it

880

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By JustplainSad - 15/8/2020 23:01

People are strange

Today, I found out my friend of 15 years, who cut off our weekly gaming group during Covid after a fight, is speaking to everyone but me. I wasn't even in the fight, I just checked in to see if he was OK after. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1385

You deserved it

143

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By solyana vr1 - United States

Today, my husband started getting frisky, but I wasn't in the mood, so I said I'd just like to cuddle and talk. He decided a good topic of conversation was whether or not it would be physically possible to smoke my grandma's ashes from the cremation urn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23777

You deserved it

9504

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By glowstick - United States

Today, my dog ate my little brothers medication. I spent all morning trying to make him throw it up, but it wasn't working so I took him to the animal hospital, which was in a different city. $150 in poison control and vet bills later, I found the pill we thought he ate stuck under his paw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42559

You deserved it

8160

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out my boyfriend was going to propose. He'd bought me a beautiful white gold ring that I never got to see. His estranged mom stole the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2287

You deserved it

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By Single - France

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted to make the most of his 1 month X-Box Live coupon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40237

You deserved it

6994

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By GOAWAY - United States - Jefferson City

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store. Before I knew what was happening, he'd sniffed me and started whimpering about how I don't smell like I used to. He does this kind of crazy shit all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33721

You deserved it

3436

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18716

You deserved it

32125

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By 1DisGR8

Today, while writing a midterm, my period came unexpectedly. Too bad my male professor was the one to notice and not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2884

You deserved it

169

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By Anonymous - 5/3/2020 06:01

Gentrification strikes !

Today, I actually can't choose what's worse, hearing my direct neighbour having really loud sex on a regular basis, including furniture breaking, or hearing people cheering and playing the piano in the same room. Upper-class fantasy? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1273

You deserved it

215

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By Punphmelch - Australia - Adelaide

Today, no matter how many toys and teddies she has, and no matter how much I punish her, I am most likely never going to be able to break my 10-week-old puppy's habit of stealing my underwear. She doesn't eat them or even chew on them. She steals them to sleep with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42029

You deserved it

5577

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend was wearing a new shirt he had bought over the weekend. It was really cute and I always borrow his shirts so I asked to borrow his new one. He replied with, "Okay but please don't stretch this one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51733

You deserved it

18792

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By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, I dove head-first underneath my garage door, narrowly missing both the sensor and the closing door, executing a perfect roll, and popping back up onto my feet unscathed. My smugness went through the floor as I remembered I'd left my keys back in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22983

You deserved it

15175

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, I managed to break my ankle by running it over with the wheelchair I've used on a daily basis for the last 6 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1516

You deserved it

158

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By Anonymous - 18/1/2021 02:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Organisation rules

Today, my college is so intent on teaching us teamwork that we hardly ever get to do any assignment by ourselves. Even if we could do it better alone. Even if we spend half our time trying to find a slot where all the team members are free to meet. And of course it’s a different team for each task. FML

I agree, your life sucks

763

You deserved it

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Top comments

By MoonTiger | 4

#205961 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:01

Ooooh, bacon, yes! You're some fucked up dude o_O

By JackR1104 | 0

#205987 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:07

Wait.....doesn't everyone do that? Shit....I thought I was normal....

COMMENTS

By MoonTiger | 4

#205961 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:01

Ooooh, bacon, yes! You're some fucked up dude o_O

You_Just_Failed | 0

#955614 - Wednesday 17 March 2010 0:42

cant remember last Time i had sex with Bacon

Wolfex999 | 0

#963725 - Friday 19 March 2010 4:23

If the bacon was female then your all good.

phreshboi | 1

#974979 - Tuesday 6 April 2010 5:02

I think this speaks for all fat people who can't get laid

MW2_St3F4N | 0

#982190 - Tuesday 20 April 2010 4:13

#532 lmao

Aquatics | 0

#989318 - Saturday 8 May 2010 5:41

its time to reconsider that diet eh? ;)

CvBobo | 0

#1001575 - Saturday 22 May 2010 0:51

MMM Bacon = ) oh yeah ; ) lolz jk

jrkarikas | 0

#1031248 - Tuesday 15 June 2010 22:01

bacon oohhhh ohhh OOOOOHHHH OOOOOOOOOH...... mmmmm bacon.....

c00lsk8erboi | 7

#1079021 - Sunday 11 July 2010 15:26

the correct way to spell it is "cum"

zanguard | 0

#1112293 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 6:04

I lauughed for 2min when I saw this
I guess you just like em fat n greasy

bonicr | 0

#1149718 - Tuesday 27 July 2010 23:19

558 maybe he's giving up bacon to stay skinny and clean and had the dream because he misses it and because he's a ****ing creeper... you never know.

DiscountDJ25 | 0

#1186362 - Wednesday 4 August 2010 8:16

Bacongasm.

WJCool | 0

#1298111 - Wednesday 25 August 2010 5:45

lol ihope it was delicious hahaha.

Ihatethesenames | 0

#2327687 - Monday 11 April 2011 2:03

pig :)

Sassybq1 | 13

#2531833 - Thursday 19 May 2011 4:55

no ppl its more like he would fuck a pig FOR bacon lmao

Trololololololo_fml | 7

#2814312 - Sunday 3 July 2011 19:22

Please tell me that 'bacon' is your nickname for something else other than actual bacon.

v1n1c1u5 | 0

#2844008 - Friday 8 July 2011 3:30

kkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

coldblood | 4

#2997783 - Saturday 30 July 2011 2:05

wait orgasms at bacon are uncommon?

toqwert | 0

#3066311 - Monday 8 August 2011 22:49

650 hells yea!!! and I'm god too, I kick puppies and small children off bridges... wait…

lucy9897 | 6

#3154258 - Sunday 21 August 2011 21:10

Me likey the meat :)

Omit | 4

#3193246 - Sunday 28 August 2011 6:00

Probably a redneck

BaconBoy75 | 2

#3716147 - Sunday 11 December 2011 19:06

#532, one would think I'd remember that too. B-)

TheAwkHawk | 14

#5489743 - Monday 13 May 2013 8:30

#532 I can •_•

TheAwkHawk | 14

#5489744 - Monday 13 May 2013 8:32

#570 the bacon or the... Liquids •_•

aimzskee | 30

#6001739 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 15:05

I bet the dream was sizzling.

weezypanda420 | 22

#6446210 - Tuesday 27 October 2015 19:29

Sounds quite sexy

By ffpoisongirl | 0

#205962 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:02

Yeah, sounds about right. Hahahahaha.

GreatGeak | 8

#1719883 - Thursday 18 November 2010 19:20

agreed. bacon rocks!

92910bg | 4

#3328808 - Thursday 22 September 2011 16:47

Bacon strips & bacon strips & bacon strips

By cinderelly | 0

#205963 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:02

LOL! sexy bacon.

maloneybabe13 | 0

#986199 - Wednesday 28 April 2010 5:44

very sexy bacon lol

Rachel_Vikram | 0

#2107199 - Monday 21 February 2011 13:50

Smoky

By Silas_fml | 0

#205967 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:02

The kind of love that kills.

StrangeSpider | 0

#480919 - Wednesday 12 August 2009 22:43

is there a kind that doesnt kill? they dont say "till death do us part" for no reason.

By Jethro_fml | 0

#205974 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:03

Oooooh, I like bacon. But not like that....

Jet

By thisishilarious | 0

#205981 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:05

now how fat are you?

By Foxtooth | 0

#205984 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:06

Damn that bacon for being so damn sexy!!!

By JackR1104 | 0

#205987 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:07

Wait.....doesn't everyone do that? Shit....I thought I was normal....

evan40111 | 0

#1706940 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 0:50

It is.I once had a dream about my new dirt bike and I came...

bcih | 0

#3178784 - Thursday 25 August 2011 21:57

hahahahaa

By harlehatschi | 0

#205992 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:09

well bacon IS pretty awesome. just be glad you weren't dreaming about cabbage or grits or something gross like that

ichikibobivopula | 0

#2375888 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 4:42

what you saying about grits?

AMCJEEP | 10

#3862341 - Tuesday 10 January 2012 21:36

You are definitely not from the south. Grits is just what everyone eats.

NailQueen2 | 7

#4479114 - Friday 25 May 2012 5:16

I was born and raised in the south and I don't like grits.

infernno | 23

#4778411 - Monday 6 August 2012 6:19

At first, I misread it, thought it said girls instead of grits...

By Aryss | 0

#205997 - Sunday 17 May 2009 16:12

My kind of man. On the bright side, if someone ever asks you what you dreamt of, you don't have to lie.