Miscellaneous: Today, I realized that something's wrong when you have to go... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 102

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 110

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 41

29/03/2012 02:53

Today, I realized that something's wrong when you have to go to a mental hospital for a family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 432

You deserved it 2 147

Alexa, play "Unhappy Birthday" by The Smiths

Bad boys, bad boys, what ya gonna do?

Kinky

07/03/2010 05:21

Today, I apologized to my boyfriend for thinking he was cheating on me right before another girl posted pictures of them together on her myspace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 850

You deserved it 3 878

03/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I was fooling around with my new girlfriend. I guess she'd never been with an uncircumcised man before, because before I knew it I had a frenulum tear and had to go to the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 785

You deserved it 600

12/07/2014 20:19

Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 864

You deserved it 8 008

28/07/2012 04:17

Today, while in the store with my kids, they wanted to buy tampons because I am "getting cranky, and it should be that time of the month." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 782

You deserved it 22 447

The Hulk

By Anonymous - 10/08/2020 14:01

Today, I was diagnosed with intermittent explosive disorder, meaning that I involuntarily fly into a rage without provocation. It's only controlled by healthy eating and sleeping. I work too much to get any sleep, I don't make enough money to eat well, and my disorder limits my ability to find a job that pays more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 295

16/04/2009 08:40

Spicy

Today, I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver. They drank too much and, on the way home, hooked up in the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 060

You deserved it 16 950

13/09/2013 22:24

Today, I got fired from my volunteer job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 911

You deserved it 10 975

10/12/2010 06:53

Today, I learned the hard way that if you tell your child that they're old enough to cook their own food in the microwave, you have to make sure they're smart enough not to put the metal spoon in with the food as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 267

You deserved it 36 874

09/12/2015 23:42

Today, I finally received my first love letter. Too bad it was from the boy who lit me on fire two months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 563

You deserved it 1 635

12/03/2009 00:23

Spicy

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 345

You deserved it 106 428

Very bad idea

By Yoir mom - 16/01/2020 20:00

Today, I realized I was late for work, so I rushed out of bed only to accidentally step onto my dog which then promptly bit my leg and now I'm in the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 825

You deserved it 489

03/12/2008 06:11

Today, in front of a hospital, I noticed that an old lady was having trouble lighting her cigarette because she had Parkison's. So I went to help her to light it up and she then started chatting with me and told me she had lung cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 862

You deserved it 6 864

08/01/2009 02:28

Today, my car was broken into. They broke the passenger side window and took my radio system. But they didn't take the remote for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 597

You deserved it 2 317

24/07/2013 06:44

Today, it was so hot in the un-airconditioned gym that when I got up off the floor, I slipped in my own pool of sweat and got a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 609

You deserved it 4 824

Hormonal hell

By Anonymous - 05/08/2020 23:02

Today, someone drank a sip of my single serve pasteurized orange juice and put it back in the fridge, ignoring the whole jug of non-pasteurized juice, that I cant drink because im pregnant. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 220

11/11/2008 08:32

Today, I'm 20 and I'm going bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 999

You deserved it 4 559

21/05/2009 16:41

Today, I woke up early to take my dog for a walk. I wore spandex shorts. I stopped to talk to several people I know and passed a group of hot construction workers who checked me out. I just got home and realized I have the biggest cameltoe I've ever seen in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 719

You deserved it 59 832

05/12/2016 20:08

Today, I was driving in a busy area looking for a place to park. I happened to lock eyes with a really handsome man who was walking alongside the road. He approached my car with a huge, gorgeous smile, and as I rolled my window down he asked, "Are you my Uber?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 545

You deserved it 948

06/04/2013 16:17

Today, I took my girlfriend to eat out at a restaurant. We chatted for an hour, and it all seemed to be going well, until she told me that she wanted to break up. Waiting for the bill and driving her home was the most painful time of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 572

You deserved it 3 614

05/06/2009 19:07

Today, I got a taxi home from work. Only having notes in my wallet, I told the taxi driver that I'd run inside my house and come back out with the change for the journey. He agreed, but only if I left my bag as collateral. It seemed fair. An hour later, I realized my wallet was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 312

You deserved it 48 244

30/03/2018 19:00

Today, I tried to explain my 8-year-old son that my fiancée was going to be his stepmother. Little did I know, he watched Coraline last week. Now he thinks she's his "other mother" and won't go anywhere near her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 788

You deserved it 416

BIKES!

By _aPerson_ - 22/04/2016 15:58

Today, I lost the key to my bike lock. I ended up having to cut it off, even though it was brand new. After spending 30 minutes hacking away at it, it finally came off. When I hopped onto my bike, I felt something poking my leg. My key was in my pocket the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 818

You deserved it 20 798

17/10/2013 05:06

Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity fixed for the first time. The dentist showed me the drill and other tools, and referred to them as things like "Mr. Bumpy Brush". I'm 15. She thought I was "special". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 571

You deserved it 4 277

22/09/2014 17:41

Today, I got yelled at by a bleeding-heart hippy in the restroom for using paper towels. Apparently I'm a "tree-hating, paper-wasting bitch". I had a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 488

You deserved it 3 083

Weren't there two girls?

By Megan - 19/03/2018 01:30

Today, I was at my boyfriend's in a back room that wasn’t connected to the main house. I really had to pee, but neither of us wanted to go into the house, so he told me to just go outside in a cup. I ended up having diarrhea in a cup in my boyfriend's backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 324

You deserved it 4 502

14/07/2009 13:39

Today, I was in a music shop looking for a new guitar when someone called out someone else's name and jumped on my back. I lost balance and fell forward and broke 3 guitars and damaged another 6. The guy said "Sorry, thought you were someone else" and ran out. I now have to pay £2500. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 236

You deserved it 3 348

08/02/2011 21:39

Today, my "friend" put itching powder in my cast while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 131

You deserved it 2 728

16/02/2011 01:13

Today, I received a call from the police about a car accident that I was a witness to. As the only witness who stopped to help, I was remembered by the other cars involved. They're blaming me for the accident. The cops want to talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 818

You deserved it 2 757

09/07/2015 16:51

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he thinks I'm cheating on him, with my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 567

You deserved it 2 331

26/03/2010 01:50

Spicy

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house. She had promised me we'd get it on so I couldn't wait. When I got there, I didn't get it on. Instead, I got a list of reasons why I make her depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 431

You deserved it 25 202

Knackered

By Karen - 05/03/2012 02:00

Spicy

Today, in the middle of sex my boyfriend asked if he could use the bathroom. It would've been fine, if he didn't fall asleep on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 471

You deserved it 3 067

15/05/2017 20:00

Today, the person who bullied me throughout my childhood eventually resulting in me going to therapy and switching schools became my boss. On top of that, he refers to me by the insulting nickname he called me during childhood. It's good to see that growing up hasn't changed him at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 044

You deserved it 381

02/08/2014 04:00

Today, my girlfriend interrupted my proposal to take a selfie with the ice cream I had just bought her. She then said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 068

You deserved it 6 443

13/08/2019 18:01

Today, I was visiting my 8-year-old nephew, who told me he learned about fire safety today. I asked him what he'd do if there was a fire right now. He pushed me out of the way and I fell over, then he ran over me and out the front door, leaving me on the floor in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 462

You deserved it 342

21/04/2013 13:33

Today, I overheard my boyfriend talking to his mom about me. It sounded like they were planning something for me, like a marriage. They were planning how to break up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 358

You deserved it 6 162

18/07/2016 23:02

Today, I was at a really big party and everyone was showing off by flipping into the pool one by one. When it was my go, I attempted a back flip, cracked my head open on the side of the pool, and was rushed to hospital. Now everyone hates me cause the party was forced to shut down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 549

You deserved it 4 524

You tried, yay!

By Anonymous - 25/03/2013 06:03

Today, I was late to a lecture when I tripped up the stairs. With a few hundred people already staring and laughing at me, I started to curtsy to my "adoring fans" but instead fell backwards down the massive flight of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 051

You deserved it 12 626

22/10/2016 04:32

Today, my boyfriend of nearly six months broke up with me. Over text. In a group chat. With the new girl he wanted to date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 427

You deserved it 727

17/12/2009 05:07

Today, I walked into Old Navy to buy myself a pair of jingle jammies. Save yourself the embarrassment: don't shake the jammies in the middle of the store to hear the jingling, because these jammies do not jingle. You'll just look like an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 101

You deserved it 34 615

08/04/2009 04:34

Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 073

You deserved it 66 076

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Thursday 29 March 2012 7:47

Yours too? We should have a giant party then. I'll bring the cake!!!

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Thursday 29 March 2012 7:49

hope its not a glimps into your future. quick test do you hear the color purple?

Comments

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Thursday 29 March 2012 7:47

Yours too? We should have a giant party then. I'll bring the cake!!!

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Thursday 29 March 2012 7:58

Perfect, I'll get the psychadelic movies, they already have all the thorazine and psychotropics we might need, op's party will be the stuff of legends.

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Thursday 29 March 2012 8:18

I'll be the odd one out that eats the leftovers :)

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Thursday 29 March 2012 8:57

I'm with you Tennesseans on this. I can't comprehend why Peyton Manning didn't come back to you guys. I can only imagine how distraught you all are.

iteenlovequotes 19

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Thursday 29 March 2012 15:20

don't forget party favors

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Wednesday 7 August 2013 10:21

Can we share the left overs? I love food.

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Thursday 29 March 2012 7:48

That sounds like it could get interesting

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Thursday 29 March 2012 8:15

Especially if any of the loonies can escape the straight jacket. It is possible, ya know?

hippyhater3000 4

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Thursday 29 March 2012 18:59

ya but only if you have it put on a certain way, and that way can leave you with a couple broken wrists

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Thursday 29 March 2012 21:51

If you dislocate your shoulder in a certain way it will work. I should know.

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Thursday 29 March 2012 7:49

hope its not a glimps into your future. quick test do you hear the color purple?

SirSquishyPants 1

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Thursday 29 March 2012 8:53

No but I can taste to color clear... That has got to count for something, right?

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Thursday 29 March 2012 19:54

No I taste blue but that's only when I eat orange!

MerrikBarbarian 9

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Thursday 29 March 2012 21:01

Synesthesia (cross sensory perception) is not a psychiatric disorder any more then colour blindness is. Try again. Oh and I don't hear purple, but I can tell you it's the number 6 and kinda chewy. :p

StonerkidDGK420 0

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Friday 30 March 2012 2:34

I thought we were talking about LSD...

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Friday 30 March 2012 4:03

I taste the word euphoria

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Thursday 29 March 2012 7:49

I wouldn't mind .... Wait.

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Thursday 29 March 2012 7:49

That shit cray.

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Thursday 29 March 2012 8:26

Please delete your profile, smash whatever you're using to access FML, crawl into a dark corner and rethink your life.

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Thursday 29 March 2012 13:26

Oh the things music is teaching kids now days. It's not cool to say Cray instead of crazy, it's not cool to say bay instead of babe/baby. I know every generation has their own thing but... Talking like you've never been to school a day in your life? Come on now.

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Thursday 29 March 2012 13:41

Can't tell if trolling, stupid or in a rush to get near the top of the comments.

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Friday 30 March 2012 1:20

Sorry for failing at making a pun by referencing a kanye/jay-z song guys. But I've disrespected my family by getting downvoted so now I must commit seppuku.

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Friday 30 March 2012 5:10

I got the reference, in fact it's my picture right now. This is the Internet, you need a thick skin to survive these rough parts. *puffs on cigar*

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Thursday 29 March 2012 7:53

Sounds pretty normal to me... Lol jk... All that matters is that you're with family... Be thankful...

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Thursday 29 March 2012 11:42

Use full stops. And when I say full stop, I mean ONE full stop.

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Thursday 29 March 2012 7:53

Right there with you

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Thursday 29 March 2012 7:54

You know, I'd feel sorry for them if most of my family was in a mental institution, not make an FML about it just for laughs and so the people make funny comments. You should actually be concerned…

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Thursday 29 March 2012 15:00

Dumbass, if only 1 family member is in a mental hospital you would have to have your family reunion there. I'm pretty sure it isn't "most" ignore family rather just 1 family member

Pandacupcakelove 26

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Thursday 29 March 2012 7:57

Awww, well all families have that one or two members who are... Well, special to say the least. They are still family though, and I hope you're not ashamed of tthem.

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Thursday 29 March 2012 8:40

True dat Never be ashamed of your fam

Pandacupcakelove 26

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Friday 30 March 2012 7:37

37- Don't know why your comment got so many thumbs down :/ I liked it ^^

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Thursday 29 March 2012 7:57

To shed some positive light, it's better when your family gets the help they may need instead of suffering through it, which inevitably affects everyone else in a negative way as well.