The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Types

By aphre - 18/03/2009 12:35 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of over a year and I were discussing how neither of us is the other's usual "type". I explained that I usually go for insular asshole types and then asked him what made me different from his usual choices. He said "Oh, well, I usually go for the attractive ones." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 901

You deserved it 11 921

By Jess - 30/05/2011 15:46 - United States

Today, my mom publicly pole danced. In a playground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 109

You deserved it 5 041

Noped outta there

By SmileEveryday - 17/03/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, I decided to ask my friend to the school dance, which is one where the girls ask the guys. I spent hours placing signs down his street so he would see them on his way home. As I was waiting in his driveway with balloons, I saw his car reverse and go in the opposite direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 088

You deserved it 20 429

Why are we waiiiting?

By Username - 27/05/2011 21:13 - United States

Today, I finally get to go home after a 16 day training event in Colorado. The plane has been sitting in the runway for over three hours due to lightning storms and we're not allowed to leave. We've spent more time on the ground waiting than the flight itself would take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 653

You deserved it 3 281

By bachelor - 26/09/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, was my bachelor party. The only people that showed up were my best man and my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 805

You deserved it 3 684

Walk the line

By Anonymous - 30/05/2021 00:01 - India - New Delhi

Today, I got dumped for not "walking the talk" by someone who'd laid a whole bunch of relationship ground rules on day one, and conveniently violated each one of them in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 234

You deserved it 245

Easy mistake to make

By Notmyfault - 22/11/2023 02:30

Today, I almost got in trouble at work, all because I inadvertently referred to a 19 year-old patient’s 47 year-old husband as her father. I didn’t know this until she got so upset that she threw a tantrum, filed a complaint against me, and requested another nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 112

By Noname - 15/03/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party for my friend's daughter. I picked up a gift for the girl and another for her parents. I got the mother a cute little garden stone that read "What our children see in the world depends on what we show them." Later, I found out her daughter is blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 581

You deserved it 17 229

Deer in headlights

By Hujunnn0 - 31/07/2022 00:00

Today, at a Starbucks in China, when it was my turn to order, the handsome cashier locked eyes with me and asked me in perfect English what I wanted. All words in all languages that I can speak, including how to speak English, my mother tongue, left my brain as I stared into his beautiful eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 471

Sore loser, even sorer winner

By Silent Fan 2022 - 24/11/2023 22:00

Today, I beat my old college friend at CoD and mocked him vigorously, to which he replied, “Don’t feel bad for me, I have a hot wife, a baby on the way, and a house I paid off by selling my business. How are you?” I… won a video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 788

Wrong number

By Lovesickgal - 26/11/2019 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my ex-boyfriend texted me, saying, "I love you." Stupidly, I was very excited and replied, "At last! I still love you", to which he replied, "wrong number sorry, I don't love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 960

You deserved it 662

By Not_High - 23/03/2012 06:18 - Canada - White Rock

Today, I was accused of being high. Why? Because I was playing with a milk bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 982

You deserved it 5 291

Not_High tells us more.

Not_High 9

Friday 23 March 2012 23:17

For everyone wondering, there were multiple teachers who accused me. Then they proceeded to contact my parents on account of my 'strange behavior'

By california - 14/03/2009 20:55 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and noticed a man in ripped clothes with a cup out asking for money. I was on my way to the movies but I felt like this man needed it more that me. Right as I gave it to him, he pulled out his blackberry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 478

You deserved it 17 812

Taking the piss

By allie - 31/05/2021 22:01

Today, my mom forced me to take a drug test while she watched. I couldn’t do it due to nerves, so she grounded me because, "there's no way I would be nervous unless I was doing drugs." Nope, just a shy bladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 170

You deserved it 135

By Anonymous - 01/03/2013 16:35 - United States

Today, I received a chain-mail text that vividly described what "Tanya" would do to me in my sleep if I didn't forward it on. I'm so paranoid that I did just that. I also realized that accidentally forwarding such things to your boss can get you fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 973

You deserved it 51 835

By birthdayfail - 24/05/2011 07:55

Today, it's my birthday. At my workplace, we always get a cake for whoever's birthday it is. They somehow forgot about me. I've been working there for a year, and my grandparents and my dad own the restaurant I work at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 183

You deserved it 3 421

Karen strikes again

By lanadelreylover - 04/06/2021 17:01

Today, I was working at a carnival. I was on the ticket booth, and middle-aged lady came up asking for a refund for $50 worth of tickets she didn’t use. However, there are signs saying I can’t give out refunds. She spent 10 minutes yelling at me to give her a refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 81

Small talk fail

By notapervert - 28/02/2013 07:57 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, I managed to score a date for the first time in over a year, and was very nervous. When I was asked what I do for a living, I laughed nervously, and then blurted out, "Finger women." What I was trying to jokingly say was that I'm a gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 985

You deserved it 39 716

By Alyssa - 21/03/2012 01:33 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I paid $50 for a haircut. Halfway through, I realized the hairdresser was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 520

You deserved it 5 121

By Anonymous - 23/05/2011 07:25 - United States

Today, the guy I have loved for seven years asked me to move in with him. Turns out he only did so because he needed someone to pay the rent since he's quit his job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 075

You deserved it 4 951

By E or - 13/07/2010 13:41 - United States

Today, I flew a toy airplane into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 898

You deserved it 40 234

By moneycatious - 19/03/2012 23:50 - United States - Seattle

Today, I gave my husband an expensive watch. The first words out of his mouth were, "You didn't use our joint bank account for this, right?" He then asked if I still had the receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 379

You deserved it 5 548

By Noname - 12/03/2009 11:09 - Australia

Today, I was on a standing on a crowded bus going home after school. A wriggling 5 year old boy and his mum left the seat to get off the bus. Since no one looked keen to sit on the seat, I did, only to find out that it was covered in pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 681

You deserved it 11 508

That one friend who changes once they're in a relationship

By Anonymous - 25/06/2021 22:01 - United States - Thousand Oaks

Today, my best friend and my brother are in love. I've been her friend for 10 years, and she’s an absolutely horny whore. She treats me like shit 25/8 now. If I hadn't become friends with her, they wouldn’t have met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 287

Skipped

By how?!?! - 07/06/2021 00:01

Today, I found out that I’m pregnant even though I've had the implant for a couple of years. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that I got knocked up after only seeing the guy for a few weeks, or the fact that I had a boyfriend for five years and it never happened. The new guy thinks I lied and bailed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 316

Name thievery

By Anonymous - 08/06/2021 17:01

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend used the baby name I wanted with the girlfriend he’s been dating for less than a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 183

Iconic

By Anonymous - 05/12/2023 06:00

Today, I went to a party that had a "dress like rock stars" theme. I got all the gear necessary to dress as Ozzy Osbourne. A wig, round sunglasses, a crucifix on beads, the usual stuff. Not one person at the party knew who Ozzy Osbourne was. Nor Black Sabbath for that matter. Someone thought I was Meatloaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 136

Sorry

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 00:01

Today, I vented a lot to my niece about serious things via text message but I didn't reply to hers since I was asleep. She assumed I'd killed myself and called everyone I know, and had a full blown panic attack. And she has asthma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 668

You deserved it 475

By Anonymous - 14/03/2012 19:31 - United States

Today, I was masturbating, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure. It was my neighbor staring at me through the window with a total look of disgust. I moved in this weekend and hadn't yet introduced myself to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 897

You deserved it 33 129

Reset my life

By Username - 17/05/2011 04:05

Today, I updated my Facebook status as, "Lost all my contacts, need numbers". My mom commented, "Her phone didn't get reset, she just doesn't have any friends." Her comment got 32 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 185

You deserved it 8 716

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Kids Parenting Miscellaneous Suspicious Weird Awkward Health Phobias Embarrassing Transportation Cars Geek Neighbours Dreams Animals Family Gross Landlords Intimacy NSFW Sex Anxiety Stressed out Cooking Work Relatable Clothes Friends Birthday Money

The Top

Today, I went shopping for a wedding dress at a fancy store. The proprietor took one look at me, said they don't have any dresses large enough for me, and asked me to leave. No wonder my self-confidence is in the gutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 352

You deserved it 8 114

Today, I saw a blond-haired guy crouched by my bike fiddling with something as I came back from the shop. Thinking he was a thief, I slammed him across the head with my helmet, knocked him over - then I realised not only was he a kid barely in his teens, he was tying his shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 789

You deserved it 46 364

Today, my boyfriend offered to give me a piggyback ride from the house to the car as means of avoiding walking in mud. Both aware of how tall he is, he crouched extra low and I jumped extra hard. This makes for a terrible example of leapfrog, and a faceplant in the mud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 310

You deserved it 8 893

Today, I told my dad that for Halloween I'm going to be an '80s workout Barbie. He just looks at me and says, "Yeah as the 'before' picture". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 123

You deserved it 8 113

Today, I found out that they won't hold my stimulus for child support, only to find out that they withheld it to give it to me when I file my taxes. Which child support will take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 1 903

Today, there's a company I want to get a job at, and I've worked for a long time to get in. However, I realized that in the test task I'd been doing for almost a month, there was a small mistake in my calculations that makes all my results false. And, of course, I'd already sent this task to HR two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 174