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Bad timing

By oh no - 29/01/2013 14:51 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 501

You deserved it 3 473

By EyesOffMe - 07/09/2009 04:04 - Canada

Today, I was getting changed in front of my roommate of two years. Feeling comfortable, I took off all my clothes and started putting new clothes on. I asked why she wasn't taking her eyes off my naked body. She said, "I'm loving the view. Didn't you know I'm a lesbian?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 039

You deserved it 59 043

Serious talk

By OhMyWhitney - 20/02/2012 07:41 - United States

Today, my friend and I got into such a heated debate the police had to be called. The debate was about Whitney Houston. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 199

You deserved it 32 918

By Dfacta - 13/05/2010 17:51 - United States

Today, I found out the reason I've been itchy for the last two weeks is because I'm now allergic to chlorine. I'm also a swimming instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 306

You deserved it 3 191

Denial

By Isabella - 20/09/2022 22:30

Today, I'm 9 months pregnant and the father of my child has suddenly decided that the child I've carried for 9 months isn't his, and that it was "too late" to try and fix our relationship. He's the only man who could be the father, he's just finding every excuse to say, "Sorry, but no thank you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 181

You deserved it 197

Classic

By anonymous - 22/04/2011 10:50

Today, I was on the train to work. I was up late the night before, causing me to doze off. When I woke up, I was at my station. I stood up, went to walk out of the door and fell flat on my face on a platform full of people. Someone had tied my shoelaces together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 908

You deserved it 6 891

Football blues

By Anonymous - 23/09/2022 03:00 - United States - Fairmont

Today, I noticed a text from a few days ago, and it appears that even my therapist sends me memes about how bad the Dallas Cowboys are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 292

By MH. - 24/01/2014 12:36 - Norway - Sandnes

Today, my mom took a picture of me. All she could say about the picture was, "At least your sister is pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 039

You deserved it 3 974

Check these out!

By BoobSicle - 17/04/2010 23:37 - United States

Today, I took a picture of my boobs and sent it to my boyfriend, only to realize after I hit "Send" that I had sent them to the taxi driver (my last phone call) who had just dropped me off at my house. He won't stop calling my phone now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 620

You deserved it 57 690

By akward - 04/09/2009 17:36 - United States

Today, I began my job as an intern at a high school. I saw one of the students looked very familiar, and I couldn't remember from where. Then I figured it out, I had hooked up with him at a club last week. He's a junior in high school, I'm in my last year of college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 172

You deserved it 52 215

Love is blind

By Blinded - 23/09/2022 02:30 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I finally figured out who my girlfriend reminds me of when she wears her glasses: the character Newman from Seinfeld. I can't unsee it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 190

Funny how?

By Jessie - 23/02/2009 08:08 - United States

Today, I drove to a party after getting my car back from the shop. A thunderstorm started as I made my way there and upon arriving, the power went out. The guests decided to watch the storm from the front windows when someone mentioned how funny it would be if a tree fell on my car. Seconds later, one did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 389

You deserved it 3 531

Smooth moves

By ouch - 25/03/2010 08:00 - United States

Today, while having sex, I tried to kick the blanket over my feet and kneed myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 926

You deserved it 26 336

Red flag

By not good enough - 27/01/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Apparently, he spoke with my mom and the fact that she wants me dead is a huge red flag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 106

Full support

By Anna - 18/03/2010 12:20 - United States

Today, I called my dad at his new wife's house to inform him I was all set to graduate from community college with my associate degree and that we needed to sit down and plan how to pay for the 4 year degree, to which he replied, "All a girl needs is an associate degree." Thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 084

You deserved it 4 902

Cheeky

By smiler - 17/03/2010 16:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I had my wisdom teeth removed. The sympathetic words from my boyfriend asked if this meant I could open my mouth a bit wider for him now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 623

You deserved it 5 686

Awkward

By rawrrrr - 17/03/2010 04:01 - United States

Today, after a fire alarm went off, everyone was going back into the building. I had never gone up the stairs before because I live on the 9th floor. As everybody was going back inside, I followed some guys right into their suite on the 1st floor, thinking it was the way to the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 989

You deserved it 29 480

My boobs don't lie

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 22:01 - Germany - Zittau

Today, I got a fancy new bra made of organic cotton. Or, well, the outside of it is. The inside, which actually touches my skin, is made of 100% polyester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 181

Call CPS

By Mortified - 03/10/2022 23:30

Today, while on holiday in Melbourne, I begged my wife to take a day off from yelling angrily at our 4 year-old. A few hours later, she was cursing and yelling in front of gathering onlookers because he didn't want to go inside LegoLand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 182

Oedipus Rex

By Anonymous - 19/03/2020 18:00

Today, my mother started arguing with me once again about how my life revolves around my girlfriend and how it's unhealthy to spend so much time with her. We live together and are engaged to be married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 947

You deserved it 174

By Ihaveaheadache - 09/02/2012 05:37 - United States

Today, my dad put in wall plug-ins that emit high frequencies that are suppose to ward off mice. I must be a mouse, because I can hear the annoying noise in every room I walk into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 987

You deserved it 2 180

By Noname - 19/02/2009 06:51 - United States

Today, I decided to try this new cardio workout video I got. As I was obnoxiously bouncing around my room I heard a noise behind me. Turns out there were three boys outside my window watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 123

You deserved it 29 136

By Danielle - 09/04/2011 23:00 - United States

Today, while dog sitting, the dog peed on the carpet. There was a bottle of cleaning spray on the counter so I sprayed the spot. Turns out that spray was Clorox Bleach. Now their carpet is bright orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 328

You deserved it 27 400

By Anonymous - 29/08/2009 06:58 - United States

Today, I took the kids I'm babysitting to the farm to feed the animals. They were a little scared of the llama, so I showed them how nice it was by feeding it a lot of bread. Then, as I was telling the farmer how I loved the llama and wanted to take it home, it spit grass and bread all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 92

By tbright010 - 08/04/2011 22:48 - United States

Today, the highlight of my day was learning how to drain my dog's anal glands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 540

You deserved it 4 630

He's a very naughty boy

By Anonymous - 29/03/2020 08:00

Today, a Jehovah's Witness followed me around, talking about Jesus. My dad's a pastor. I hear this stuff all day, every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 699

You deserved it 193

Damn regulations

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 06:01

Today, after being years of being told that it's a pipe dream and that I couldn't do it, I finally qualified for my unconventional dream job, competing with almost 100k people, only to find out during the medical exam that as I have epilepsy, I'm unfit for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 108

Lactose intolerant

By ClintBEASTw00d - 19/08/2025 03:00 - Canada - Surrey

Today, at the gym, I attempted to deadlift after binge eating ice cream last night. I need new underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 534

Today, on Dr Phil…

By anon - 17/10/2022 22:00

Today, it's been a week since my girlfriend committed suicide. Everyone keeps telling me how sad they are for me. The truth is, she was an abusive piece of shit and I'm happy to be free, but my family and friends loved her and I can't bring myself to tell them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 720

You deserved it 172

By lovingthis - 09/01/2013 16:48 - United States - Largo

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 227

You deserved it 5 255

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The Top

Today, I was looking through pictures on Facebook. There was a picture of me and my friends with the caption "I love you guys!" below. I had been cropped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 563

You deserved it 3 055

Today, for our anniversary, I sang my boyfriend a heartfelt, self-written song. The first thing he said when I finished was "Your fly is open." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 156

You deserved it 6 428

Today, I was sucking on a Tic Tac. Just as I was starting to get into it, the Tic Tac suddenly shot down my throat. After a minute of coughing and gagging, it came back up… out my left nostril. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 127

You deserved it 6 303

Today, I gave my friend what I thought was the perfect birthday gift, a personalized mug with her favourite quote. When she opened it, she looked confused so I explained. Then she said, "I’ve never ever said that." I realized I'd printed a quote from a completely different friend. I awkwardly told her, “Well, now you have something new to say!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 594

Today, I'm sick with a fever, and on my cycle I was too tired and forgot to change my tampon, and ended up putting another one in. I woke up to go to the bathroom and ended up pulling two out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 375

Today, I went to a restaurant in a casino, thinking I wouldn’t have to deal with any kids. There was one family with rowdy toddlers and a baby, all crying and being loud. Guess where the restaurant seated us? There goes my child-free outing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 252