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It's my special day

By I give up - 03/06/2022 02:00 - South Africa - Kimberley

Today, for the third day in a row, my wife is bitching about her terrible birthday. She had messages wishing her a happy birthday from her friends instead of actual calls. Also, she knew that my pay comes in the day after, and she agreed to go shopping with me, as opposed to a present on the day. She is 54, going on 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 247

You deserved it 282

By Almost Fired - 15/08/2019 12:00

Today, I got written up for insulting a customer last week, who then rang up to complain about my bad attitude. I was on vacation all last week. My boss doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 982

You deserved it 146

By Anonymous - 14/04/2013 13:29 - United States

Today, is the day of the biggest concert in the state of Florida, and it's also my birthday. I was so excited to hear my mom got tickets. It was for her boyfriend and her. I'm stuck at home babysitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 923

You deserved it 4 440

Oh nooooo

By Fucked. - 26/04/2021 07:59

Today, my supervisor at work is now my father-in-law. My girlfriend told me that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 192

By ILoveFML - 29/08/2010 14:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was talking with his friends about how long girls take to get ready (hair, make-up, etc.). I said, "I never spend a long time getting ready." He then looked at me and said, "Maybe you should." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 947

You deserved it 7 750

By AdriBAMF - 17/10/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, I got asked to Homecoming by the person I really like. I said yes and I was really excited. But my best friend who has liked me since the 6th grade wasn't. He went and broke my date's jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 346

You deserved it 7 775

That's nuts

By Anonymous - 02/10/2023 14:00

Today, while stressing about our third date, which I had planned to be third date sex night, I binge-ate a bag of peanuts. When he picked me up, the first thing I did was kiss him. He asked me why he could taste peanuts. He never told me he’s allergic. Sex night turned into hospital night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 205

By Live02Dance - 25/06/2011 12:58 - United States

Today, my mother won't give me any painkillers for my migraine. She believes that "When medicine goes into your stomach, the acids stop the medicine from working" and that "It's all in people's heads when medicine works". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 532

You deserved it 3 117

By Andrew Dutch Beebe - 25/08/2019 20:00

Today, I was told not to show up for work, after I showed up for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 669

You deserved it 107

By dating a big bag of dicks - 13/05/2014 21:02 - United States

Today, while driving out to the countryside with my new boyfriend, we came across a deer lying in the road. It seemed badly hurt, but instead of letting me get out and make sure, my boyfriend decided to just run over its head to finish it off, then continued driving with a smirk on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 523

You deserved it 9 216

Taking the piss

By Mug - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my boss made me work a longer shift than usual. Not because he needed me in, but just so I'd finish at the same time as his brat of a son, and give him a lift home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 275

You deserved it 2 244

A bug, not a feature

By Anonymous - 22/04/2021 14:01

Today, I forget to remove my mask before I spitting. What a good day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 1 432

Charming

By hoggypig - 23/04/2012 13:00

Today, I was walking across a pedestrian crossing and waved at the driver of the car who'd stopped, just to say thank you. She stuck her middle finger up at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 603

You deserved it 2 901

By gooddriver - 15/10/2009 03:18 - United States

Today, I was involved in a wreck. How quickly did the police arrive at the scene? Very quickly, considering he was the one who rear-ended me at a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 775

You deserved it 2 101

By nokeys - 02/04/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend after driving 200 miles to see him. While arguing, I told him I never wanted to see him again and left after slamming the front door. I left my car keys in his kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 808

You deserved it 59 137

Leech

By Anonymous - 04/04/2013 18:04 - Portugal - Sintra

Today, while on the bus, an elderly man fell asleep on my shoulder. He looked sweet, so I didn't push him off. A few minutes later, the bus jolted and his head slipped down into my breasts. I'm pretty sure you don't smile like that when you're really asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 070

You deserved it 7 298

Health tip

By Anonymous - 13/10/2023 00:02 - United States - Laramie

Today, I was hanging with my mates when we found an old pregnancy test. Since I’m a guy, we thought it’d be hilarious if I took it. It came out positive, so we were roaring with laughter. That is, until someone looked up why. Turns out, I might have cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 128

By anonymous - 07/05/2014 23:06 - United States

Today, I had the house to myself, and I started talking to myself and singing at full volume. When I went to use the bathroom, I found my constipated cousin looking at me strangely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 039

You deserved it 5 722

Sit down, old man

By Anonymous - 23/06/2022 22:00

Today, my husband is sulking because our daughter's first boyfriend is a rugby-playing giant he can’t scare away with the standard father's threat of a good beating unless he treats our daughter well. I married a real idiot manchild. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 310

By Burp - 19/04/2012 12:37 - United States

Today, I traveled by plane for the first time. Once in the air, I was absolutely terrorized by the whole experience. Luckily, they had free booze on board, so I necked some to steady my nerves. Unfortunately, the vodka mixed with air turbulence made me spurt some vomit into my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 481

You deserved it 25 020

By ChampionshipVinyl - 18/04/2012 06:57 - Canada - Orangeville

Today, I came home from work to find my kids playing Frisbee with my collection of rare, valuable vinyl records. The term "smash hit record" took on a whole new meaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 534

You deserved it 2 910

By Anonymous - 30/03/2013 05:23 - United States

Today, I texted a girl I met at the bar last night. She accused me of being "fake" because she couldn't find me on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, then threatened to call the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 845

You deserved it 3 451

By Jer - 11/10/2009 00:30 - United States

Today, my oldest son answered my phone call much to my surprise as we haven't spoken in a year. The first words out of his mouth were, "I didn't mean to pick up the phone." He then hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 459

You deserved it 8 973

By catlover - 16/06/2011 16:14 - China

Today, our new cat, which my mum was hesitant about letting us keep because she believes they're diseased, gave us all ringworm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 223

You deserved it 13 535

By Yay..... - 17/08/2010 04:21 - Canada

Today, my friends thought it would be a good idea to make fun of a homeless man. I didn't fancy making fun of the less fortunate, so I stayed a bit back. Still, the homeless man didn't think it would matter to throw a rock at me after my buddies ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 686

You deserved it 14 544

Spaghetti junction

By superjesse006 - 10/10/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, I was fired from a job I didn't have. The manager in charge of calling me to tell me if I got the job never called, and never called me back when I left messages. The only time he called me was to fire me for not coming to orientation, which, by the way, he never called to tell me about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 210

You deserved it 2 516

By random - 15/06/2011 14:23 - Canada

Today, I was approached by a police officer who instructed me to move because I was "threatening the elderly". I was sitting on a park bench in front of an old folks home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 504

You deserved it 3 199

U wot m8?

By Anonymous - 23/10/2023 12:00 - United Kingdom - Ilminster

Today, my now ex-boyfriend said to me, “Who’s your daddy?” during the deed and it was so off-putting, I said my dad's actual name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 278

Cunning plan

By Anonymous - 16/04/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I was texting a friend about how my date last night went, which gave me a goofy idea: I thought it would be cute to pretend that I'd made a mistake and send my response to my date, just so he'd know how I felt it went. I should've proofread, because instead of “It went well, he was really sweet!”, I sent him “It went well, he was really sweaty!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 655

Oooooooh!

By only my life - 22/04/2014 22:21 - United States - Concord

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was moaning a lot. My ego was quickly crushed, though, when I found out they were moans of pain due to a foot cramp. We had to stop so I could rub his foot better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 934

You deserved it 6 752

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The Top

Today, a total stranger on the bus called me hideous and threw a soda in my face. I only asked him if the seat next to him was taken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 203

You deserved it 3 519

Today, I was in the car with my 16 year old daughter. There was a guy on a fast looking motorcycle next to me at the stop light. I yelled to him to "get it up!" so that he would do a wheelie. Just before the light turned green he yelled back, "You're too old for me, but I'll get it up for her!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 135

You deserved it 32 378

Today, my girlfriend left her phone on a bus. With no way to pick it up, I drove 40 miles through Friday night Boston traffic to get it from the bus company office. It took me four hours. Bored in traffic, I discovered the texts from her other boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 757

You deserved it 5 041

Today, completely nude, I had to collect my clothes around the boy’s apartment I have been sleeping with for awhile. While his girlfriend watched to make sure I “got the fuck out.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 341

You deserved it 181 106

Today, I was out driving with my dad when the car broke down. He made me get out and push. I am a 5 ft tall 90 lb girl, and the car was an SUV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 850

You deserved it 508

Today, my partner said I was ''foreign'' to him, like ''I didn't know him at all'' when I failed to correctly pick up on a highly specific thought he had about me, via text message. Sorry for not being psychic, babe? FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 125