Miscellaneous: Today, was the third day of my camping trip with my "friends".... - FML

By Anonymous - 25/06/2010 09:36 - United States

Today, was the third day of my camping trip with my "friends". I woke up in my boxers with my hand glued to my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 34

Dysfunctional

Romance is dead

You light up my life

By Anizzaf - 27/01/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, I picked up my cat and it went wild because I didn't know he was sleeping. I ended with with several cuts, and one on my wrist. Later a kid in my high school saw my wrist and told my guidance counselor who told my parents. Now everyone thinks I'm either a liar, attention whore, or emo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 193

You deserved it 3 094

Classic brain fart

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 05:30 - Australia - Ballarat

Today, I lovingly simmered a chicken carcass, vegetables and spices to make soup. Two hours it took. After all that, I mindlessly strained out the chicken bones and let the soup pour straight down the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 511

By samaris - 08/07/2016 21:19

Today, 5 months after doing a shoot for a stock photo site, someone finally used one of my photos. In an article about meth abuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 243

You deserved it 1 160

By Anonymous - 10/01/2010 15:10 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I propositioned my boyfriend of two years to have sex with me in the shower to spice up our love life. He said that he was really busy. He was playing Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 859

You deserved it 6 021

By audreyav - 30/06/2012 08:10 - United States - Dallas

Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 681

You deserved it 3 444

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 18:50 - Canada

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend, the love of my life. Actually I ran into a billboard for her college, where apparently she is the new "poster girl" for their advertising campaign. I have now seen her on 2 billboards, a newspaper ad and a bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 763

You deserved it 3 436

By Michelle C - 26/01/2009 03:44 - United States

Today, I saw a homeless man asking for money for food. Not wanting to give him money so he'd spend it on booze, I decided to buy him a full big mac meal from McDonalds. When I went to hand it to him, he quickly waved his hand, denying it saying, "Thanks but I'm a vegetarian". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 673

You deserved it 5 517

Who am I?

By lonergirl - 18/02/2015 12:35 - Australia

Today, after being with the company for over 3 years, I realised nobody really knows my name. This was after my boss was walking around a new staff member and couldn't introduce me. Neither could my colleague, who's been sitting next to me for the last 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 054

You deserved it 3 920

By Anonymous - 16/03/2013 18:55 - United States - Escondido

Today, I have the flu. I had to wash the dishes, cook dinner, take out the trash, and take care of the laundry, all while my wife sat around watching TV, because she was "too tired". I work 8 hours a day. She's a college student. She doesn't see what's so unfair about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 305

You deserved it 8 194

OCD FML

By necca - 15/04/2021 23:00

Today, during class, my teacher left a small mark on the whiteboard. When I pointed it out, she simply rolled her eyes and told me to, “let it go.” I have OCD and was completely unable to focus on the rest of the lesson because of the mark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 663

By ocdistheworst - 26/08/2013 20:05 - United States - Gardena

Today, I was formally diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive tendencies. My mom saw this as an excuse to make me clean the whole house top to bottom, because "Hey, you love to clean." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 570

You deserved it 3 870

By stupid_world - 24/12/2009 06:02 - Canada

Today, I learned that while anybody can call me a bitch, my husband got mad at his aunt for calling our dog a mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 681

You deserved it 3 723

By Anonymous - 21/12/2012 14:22 - United States - Cottonwood

Today, I started my first day of work at our local humane society. I asked where the break room was, so my coworker directed me to a small room in the back of the building. The only place I get to take my lunch break is the same room where they euthanize, freeze and cremate the animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 871

You deserved it 7 892

Deliverude

By omfgwhywhywhy - 22/03/2020 19:18 - United States

Today, I had to take a delivery to a known hoarder. I was braced for the sight of the house, but not the naked fat guy and the smell of dead cat when he answered the door. To top it off, they didn't even tip me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 667

You deserved it 116

By cul8erqtpie20 - 03/01/2012 16:35 - United States

Today, I found out my roomie has lost her only source of income. This means I'm responsible for all the bills and the rent. I would kick her out and get someone else, but she's my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 211

You deserved it 4 702

By Rover - 11/07/2016 19:03

Today, unfortunately, my new husband's idea of foreplay is to tap me on the shoulder and tell me to roll over. I saved myself for marriage for this? FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 539

You deserved it 3 303

Justify My Love

By carrie - 09/05/2021 14:00

Today, my husband thinks I don’t love him. Why? Because I won’t poop with him in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 103

By Rynne S. - 13/03/2012 06:12 - United States

Today, I got my yearbook. My sister and I are identical twins, and we realized only my sister had a picture in it. When we asked the head of yearbook, they said they thought it was the same girl trying to get two pictures, so they put in the prettier one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 428

You deserved it 2 455

By caligirl4ever - 19/07/2019 12:00

Today, my boyfriend and I got robbed. He was so depressed about all the stuff we lost, I decided to cheer him up with a lap dance. I told him to sit on a chair. We have no furniture left. He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 915

You deserved it 456

By aishyaslife89 - 06/10/2015 22:03 - United States - Dayton

Today, I found out that when I was 4 I killed my bunny by drowning it. Apparently, my aunt bribed me to do it because it pooped in her shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 859

You deserved it 2 496

By AshWil - 26/06/2015 16:54 - United States - Washington

Today, I accidentally posted an extensive, negative review of the gynecologist I visited earlier this week. I messed up and posted it from my work's customer service email, so now it looks like the large, well-known company I work for had a poor gynecological experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 854

You deserved it 22 998

Love is love

By PetNameNoy - 08/05/2021 23:59

Today, my girlfriend is giving me the silent treatment and is making me sleep on the couch, all because I said I loved my best female friend. I meant loved like family. She still won’t hear me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 651

By malcolmXXX - 14/10/2015 02:01 - United States - Savannah

Today, a girl I've liked for the longest time kept asking me to reveal my "deepest secret" in exchange for hers. Thinking this was flirting, I told her my secret was that I liked her. Her secret was that she was a "lesbian and just had to tell somebody." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 272

You deserved it 2 340

By roseland - 07/07/2013 20:07 - United States - Hilton

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend nicknamed my vagina after a local waterpark. It wasn't even that annoying until his friends started asking me how much I charged to let people "ride n' slide". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 028

You deserved it 6 180

By kebaby - 19/06/2010 23:19 - United States

Today, I spent a long time steam-cleaning a mystery stain on my living room carpet. I turned the light on to get a better look at it, and realized that it was a shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 918

You deserved it 48 106

By lip - 24/12/2008 08:40 - France

Spicy

Today, I was jerking off in the train washroom when the ticket inspector knocked at the door. I was nearly done so I didn't open right away. I didn't think he would have the key…I found myself face to face with him and three other passengers. The worst being I didn't have a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 423

You deserved it 75 427

By Anonymous - 13/01/2011 21:10 - Lebanon

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my fiancé when he stopped and said, "Boy, what I wouldn't give for a burger right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 278

You deserved it 4 963

By proteinboy - 16/11/2009 03:00 - United States

Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 684

You deserved it 30 355

By TrashGirl - 24/06/2018 01:30

Today, for our 8th wedding anniversary I gave my husband several well-thought-out gifts. He gave me divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 889

You deserved it 368

Mommy issues

By Anonymous - 30/11/2021 20:01

Today, my mother is such a nosy, intruding busybody, she has driven away my last three boyfriends who could no longer stand her. My latest fella had even proposed, but he asked for the ring back and you can bet he blamed my mother for repeatedly involving herself in our private business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 079

You deserved it 390

By tillybonkers - 26/09/2018 22:00

Today, I helped a guy in a flaming car by busting his window to get him out. I didn't realize until after the crash scene was cleared, that I didn't just have his blood on me, but I also had cut from the window. Round 3 of aids testing here I come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 066

You deserved it 278

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 15:37 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I actually thought of faking my own death to get away from my girlfriend and her insane, overbearing family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 746

You deserved it 7 825

Not a real doctor

By silencio - 24/05/2012 10:44 - Canada - Ch?teauguay

Spicy

Today, my mom watched a Dr. Phil episode. She's now hysterical because she assumes me and my friends are involved in sex parties. All because a man on the TV said so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 304

You deserved it 2 378

By anon - 16/02/2014 12:56 - Australia - Kingston

Today, I needed to borrow money from my girlfriend. I went into her bag and pulled out the money all while a lady watched me open-mouthed. Turns out it wasn't my girlfriend's bag. It belonged to the lady watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 440

You deserved it 20 111

By Anonymous - 22/08/2019 04:00

Spicy

Today, my wife read a Facebook article about how oral sex can lead to mouth and/or throat infections, and is now avoiding all forms of sex, in case my penis happens to give her the bubonic plague. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 108

You deserved it 209

The only one who could ever reach me…

By MeOhMy23 - 25/11/2020 07:59 - United States - Tazewell

Today, I went to have a vaginal ultrasound. The nurse walked me back and I got undressed. She said the tech doing the procedure would be right in. It was my preacher's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 104

By Daughter of a Dork - 14/09/2018 17:30 - United States - New York

Today, my dad demanded that I break up with my cheating boyfriend. With that revelation, I did some investigating on my own. The other woman is apparently my boyfriend's "cute little" Marshadow that slaughtered my dad's "godlike" Incineroar in a 3DS battle they had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 715

You deserved it 238

By Malpal - 23/01/2009 11:03 - United States

Today, I tried jumping off my bed over the footboard. I tripped and broke a full length mirror with my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 522

You deserved it 29 539

By Anonymous - 25/01/2017 16:00

Today, after months of delays, my home renovation is nearing completion. Well, it was nearing completion. Last night, a pipe burst, flooding the entire house. The water damage will cost more to repair than the entire renovation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 270

You deserved it 214

By Anonymous - 12/04/2015 20:57 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I caught my teenage daughter doing her laundry for the first time ever. She had piles of black and white, but then she threw them together in the washing machine. I told her blacks and whites were supposed to be separate, but she just said, "End the segregation, mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 818

You deserved it 6 119

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Top comments

ArtIsResistance7 1

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Friday 25 June 2010 19:03

Sounds like a good trip to me. I'm sure poison ivy is around somewhere to stuff in their privates. Revenge is sweet.

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Friday 25 June 2010 19:10

At least u didn't wake up naked with your hand glued to your cock

Comments

ArtIsResistance7 1

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Friday 25 June 2010 19:03

Sounds like a good trip to me. I'm sure poison ivy is around somewhere to stuff in their privates. Revenge is sweet.

supergirl69_fml 0

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Friday 25 June 2010 19:09

oooo harsh

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Friday 25 June 2010 19:10

At least u didn't wake up naked with your hand glued to your cock

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Friday 25 June 2010 19:15

Lol, Asstazztic. One of the reasons I will never fall asleep around any of my friends..

LoneliestxHobo 0

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Friday 25 June 2010 19:29

haha Raleigh I thought you were going to say white people instead of friends, lol Dave chappelle skit. "I thought yous were all friends baby, what happen?" "well I fell asleep at his house right, cuz we was drinking, and I fell asleep, and while I was sleppin.... i'm just gonna kill that motha fucka, that's all you need to know... and fuck carrots"

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Friday 25 June 2010 19:33

Lmao I get the reference, that stand up show he did was amazing. :P

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Saturday 26 June 2010 9:42

this comment has nothing to do with the Fml. but #2 your cutee:)

Pugs_not_drugs 9

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Wednesday 16 January 2013 20:59

angry woodland animals work too

RawrzItsDevy93 11

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Wednesday 27 February 2013 12:02

That would've made for a way better FML

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Friday 25 June 2010 19:03

hahaha that blows

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Friday 25 June 2010 19:25

speaking of blows your mom is pretty good at that.

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Friday 25 June 2010 19:04

better than snow skiing

supergirl69_fml 0

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Friday 25 June 2010 19:06

doh!

supergirl69_fml 0

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Friday 25 June 2010 19:07

lol idk y but I pictured homer Simpson saying doh! for this fml..

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Friday 25 June 2010 19:10

atleast it's not syrup

PenguinBitch 43

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Thursday 17 January 2013 23:21

I would prefer it to be syrup, that way. it'll be easier and sweeter to lick off.

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Friday 25 June 2010 19:12

I agree with 5, I paint my male cousin's nails bright pink when he's sleeping and he gets me back by drawing on my face while I'm sleeping. :P

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Friday 25 June 2010 19:14

Sounds like you probably got drunk or you would have woken up when they did it. YDI.

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Friday 25 June 2010 19:20

No, some people are really heavy sleepers. When I fall asleep, I'm dead to the world til morning.

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Friday 25 June 2010 23:49

Yeah my sister is the same way, I could do that too her in her sleep. Still funny though, I think the OP is taking it too harshly, though, its a joke.

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Friday 25 June 2010 19:14

wow I have to try that

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Friday 25 June 2010 19:15

fuck u

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Friday 25 June 2010 19:18

what?

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Friday 25 June 2010 19:20

wow shut the fuck up! who cares if you moderated it? at least another 1000 people moderated it too... OP just get them back

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Friday 25 June 2010 19:27

did my comment get moved?

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Friday 25 June 2010 19:28

never mind FML is messed up again

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 25

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 21

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 582

You deserved it 166

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 246