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By TANT - 22/03/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, I decided to start working out because my friends said I'm scrawny and weak. I bought an expensive giant container of protein powder to take before during work outs. I wasn't strong enough to open the lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 84

By catstew - 02/10/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 162

You deserved it 4 454

By as-salamu alaykum, motherfucker - 05/04/2014 22:04 - United Kingdom - Birkenhead

Today, I was having my birthday party. My dad showed up late, blind drunk, and drove his car straight through my garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 204

You deserved it 3 519

By Jusawkward - 01/10/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I went to my former high school's homecoming game. A classmate who I always had a crush on looks up and goes "Brian!", holding her arms out for a hug. I hug her and she seems a bit suprised but hugs back anyway. I get up and see another Brian from our class behind me. Shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 700

You deserved it 4 430

Trying to Put My Life in Order

By FML Approved - 17/10/2017 03:00

Life is just one giant storm sometimes!

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 127

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 22:21 - United States - Berkeley

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I said yes. This caused him to panic, excuse himself, then take it back via text message a half hour later, claiming he'd been drunk. We live together. When he comes back home, it's going to be very awkward indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 606

You deserved it 3 117

When love breaks down

By BadGirlfriend12 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend actually offered me $1000 to break up with him, and to move back to where my family lives 5 hours away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 077

You deserved it 6 431

By Blurry - 30/09/2009 19:30 - Philippines

Today, I joined a small disaster relief group. I remarked to the big, long-haired person beside me that it was surprising that I was the only female in the group. I got a cold stare. Later I asked another volunteer about that person. He answered, "Oh, her? She's my sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 257

You deserved it 39 060

Wig out

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 18:00

Today, a little girl asked me if I was wearing a toupee. It's my real hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 407

You deserved it 165

Triple whammy

By D J's MOM - 13/11/2023 04:00

Today, after I attended the funeral service of a good friend last Sunday, tomorrow I'm going to the funeral of my uncle, and last night my mother just told me she has Covid. Triple whammy. Gonna mask up, stay my distance, and pay my respects. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 116

By derped-out sperm - 01/04/2014 21:41 - Ireland

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 123

You deserved it 5 947

By cunts, cunts everywhere - 11/03/2013 11:57 - Australia

Today, my brother yelled at me, calling me a "no-good fucking whore", because I couldn't fix his laptop. The same laptop he threw on the floor after screaming "FUCKING HEAL MEEE!" at his game. As ever, my parents took his side, refusing to believe that I can't fix a cracked monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 425

You deserved it 2 790

Pooptown

By L…… - 01/06/2011 20:40

Today, the sewers in my town became overloaded. My basement is now filled with other people's poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 115

You deserved it 3 137

You can't see for shit

By Anonymous - 22/05/2021 00:01 - United States

Today, my parents still won't let me drive in the dark. I'm 30 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 525

One off

By Craigsux - 13/05/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, my ex told me she got pregnant from when I was comforting her when her mother died. We were still friends, so I went to her house and held her while she cried. One thing led to another and we began fucking like rabbits. I was gonna propose to my girlfriend next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 1 425

Nice try

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I tried to pick up a girl by asking her what the time was as a conversation starter. She responded by telling me it was time to pick a girl more in my league. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 381

You deserved it 9 406

By Anonymous - 29/03/2012 05:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed. His reason? A Las Vegas wedding came up on Groupon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 362

You deserved it 3 197

By anon - 26/07/2010 04:22 - United States

Today, I was fired from the restaurant I work at because I missed my shift. I missed it because I was in the hospital for food poisoning from the meal I ate at work last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 140

You deserved it 3 242

Types

By aphre - 18/03/2009 12:35 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of over a year and I were discussing how neither of us is the other's usual "type". I explained that I usually go for insular asshole types and then asked him what made me different from his usual choices. He said "Oh, well, I usually go for the attractive ones." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 903

You deserved it 11 921

Noped outta there

By SmileEveryday - 17/03/2009 20:44 - United States

Today, I decided to ask my friend to the school dance, which is one where the girls ask the guys. I spent hours placing signs down his street so he would see them on his way home. As I was waiting in his driveway with balloons, I saw his car reverse and go in the opposite direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 091

You deserved it 20 432

By bachelor - 26/09/2009 18:15 - United States

Today, was my bachelor party. The only people that showed up were my best man and my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 807

You deserved it 3 684

Walk the line

By Anonymous - 30/05/2021 00:01 - India - New Delhi

Today, I got dumped for not "walking the talk" by someone who'd laid a whole bunch of relationship ground rules on day one, and conveniently violated each one of them in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 238

You deserved it 245

Easy mistake to make

By Notmyfault - 22/11/2023 02:30

Today, I almost got in trouble at work, all because I inadvertently referred to a 19 year-old patient’s 47 year-old husband as her father. I didn’t know this until she got so upset that she threw a tantrum, filed a complaint against me, and requested another nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 112

By Noname - 15/03/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party for my friend's daughter. I picked up a gift for the girl and another for her parents. I got the mother a cute little garden stone that read "What our children see in the world depends on what we show them." Later, I found out her daughter is blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 583

You deserved it 17 229

Deer in headlights

By Hujunnn0 - 31/07/2022 00:00

Today, at a Starbucks in China, when it was my turn to order, the handsome cashier locked eyes with me and asked me in perfect English what I wanted. All words in all languages that I can speak, including how to speak English, my mother tongue, left my brain as I stared into his beautiful eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 476

Sore loser, even sorer winner

By Silent Fan 2022 - 24/11/2023 22:00

Today, I beat my old college friend at CoD and mocked him vigorously, to which he replied, “Don’t feel bad for me, I have a hot wife, a baby on the way, and a house I paid off by selling my business. How are you?” I… won a video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 790

Unreliable narrator

By screwed - 20/03/2014 21:03 - United States - Amarillo

Today, I had to give a deposition ahead of a trial in which my former boss is accused of fraud. I'm not a smart man, and I smoked a joint before heading out to try to calm my nerves. I got way too high and ended up giggling like an idiot through half the deposition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 185

You deserved it 70 067

By california - 14/03/2009 20:55 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and noticed a man in ripped clothes with a cup out asking for money. I was on my way to the movies but I felt like this man needed it more that me. Right as I gave it to him, he pulled out his blackberry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 481

You deserved it 17 812

Taking the piss

By allie - 31/05/2021 22:01

Today, my mom forced me to take a drug test while she watched. I couldn’t do it due to nerves, so she grounded me because, "there's no way I would be nervous unless I was doing drugs." Nope, just a shy bladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 135

By tash - 24/05/2011 12:33 - Canada

Today, while I was mowing the lawn in my backyard, I ran over a glass bottle. My legs looked like a disco ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 000

You deserved it 9 465

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The Top

Today, I looked at house listings, found my parents' home, empty and repainted. I hope they're OK. No calls. I'd been gone for months, ill, weak, and struggling to recover. They knew this. They threw away life memories, my body of work, new clothing and supplies for when I got back on my feet, and more. Gutted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 100

Today, the Chinese student I've been teaching English to got on stage in front of hundreds of people to read her final essay. She ended with, "What a fucking day." I don't swear, and I no longer have a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 688

You deserved it 2 917

Random

Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used to propose with a week ago. Her reason? She only said yes because she was worried the real father of the baby wasn't going to stick around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 010

You deserved it 2 882

Today, my boyfriend fed me chocolate chip cookies with laxatives in them because he was concerned I did not poop enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 462

You deserved it 4 274

Today, I was walking down my very steep basement stairs when I fell and rolled all the way down but luckily I didn't hurt anything. While walking back up around the very last stair, my cat jumped out on me, causing me to roll all the way back down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 328

You deserved it 4 028

Today, I finally weighed myself after going on a strict diet of only fruits, vegetables, and coffee. I gained weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 197

You deserved it 22 494

Today, our boss offered use of the restaurant for free for my 50th. It went well but afterward he asked us to clean up, then started pulling all the deep-cleaning equipment out of storage, saying, “Might as well while you’re all here.” The cleaning took longer than the party. Bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 119

Today, I hard launched the guy I’ve been dating online. The guy who’s still mad that I friendzoned him commented, “See if he gives you rides, a shoulder to cry on, brings you food, and lets you copy assignments like I did for a year.” My now-ex dumped me and called me “heartless” for “using that poor guy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 655