Today, my friends confronted me and told me that they no longer want to visit my house because my dog smells really disgusting. I didn't have the heart to tell them that the smell is actually my parents, who have been trying to "save water" by only showering once a fortnight. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I've invited friends and family to my birthday party. I've also come home to find that my parents didn't pay the water bill. I either have to tell everyone I know that they are uninvited or not to take dumps in my house. FML
Today, my in-laws kept mocking me for being "too clean" because I take a shower every day. They think I'm weird and kept saying things like, "Be careful when you hug your daughter, she might squeak!" and calling me names like "water-wasting bitch." They haven't stopped all day. FML
Today, my mom revoked my shower privileges for a week, all because I'm “using too much water.” I'm the kind of person who will smell like garbage after one skipped shower. FML
Today, my not-yet-even girlfriend dumped me in front of her family, as they all mocked and laughed at me because of my pointless and ridiculous "quirks". I'd told them that I shower and change into fresh clothes every day. I'd also said do not wipe after I poop, but I wash, soap, rinse, and dry. FML
Today, I found out that my mom uses my incredibly expensive conditioner to wash her two dogs every single weekend. No wonder they smell so good. FML
Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend's family for the first time. Unfortunately, I have diarrhoea and keep leaving extremely smelly farts around the house. I blame the dog every time, but I think they're catching on. FML
Today, my mom told me she was getting tired of the smell of marijuana in the house. So I confessed and told her I'll never bring it home again. She was talking about my neighbors. FML
Today, my girlfriend and her best friend have been in a contest to see who can go the longest without showering. They’ve just hit day 22. They smell so bad, I can’t stand to be in the same room with them anymore. I'm really about to dump her. FML
Today, the sewage pipe busted on the side of our house, spew fecal matter and the condoms I recently flushed. My parents now refuse to talk to me, and won't let my girlfriend anywhere near the house. FML
Today, my five-year-old son told me that I smell bad and asked me to take a shower so I wouldn't attract bugs into the house. I had just showered. FML
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Top comments
newburton13 26
I feel sorry for the dog, their sense of smell is 100 times that of ours.
BurningGrannies 16
Then... how often do they give the dog a bath?
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Comments (55)
BurningGrannies 16
Then... how often do they give the dog a bath?
SuperTroll187 10
once a score I presume.
gc327072 31
Annually.
gc327072 31
Oh wait we're using old terms! So, once in a blue moon.
iOceanus 18
I didn't know how long a fortnight was, so I googled it. I thought maybe it was 2 or 3 days, but 14 days? You have to cross the line somewhere...
Mr_Mole 24
Sounds like they're doing a good job.
newburton13 26
I feel sorry for the dog, their sense of smell is 100 times that of ours.
Theclarksondales 8
But then again they like the smell of poop, so they might like the smell of Op's dirty parents
billyz77 24
The dog is probably just fine. He likes to bury his nose in someone's crotch and eats anything that falls on the floor anyway so he's happy.
igive 29
Wow, even then the dog takes the blame. First it's farts, now lack of bathing.
emeraldisle 30
Tell your parents the truth. I'm sure they'll take a hint.
lilhellian 27
But it was the friends he lied to.. And I would think he tried to tell his parents atleast once..
fml121785 14
You could stock up on some baby wipes for them to freshen up between baths!
lilhellian 27
BUt then they'll try to save on that to..
sleepwalker13 25
Your parents are strange.
HowieDoIt 21
Just tell them to shower together once a night, same savings, better smell.
SirBreaksalot 9
Now that is Howiedoit.
Bibliovore 26
(A fortnight is two weeks, not two days; it's from an old Middle English contraction of "fourteen nights.")
picante72 24
Once a week then at least.
jimbob_76592 5
Or just draw a bath of water before they get home and inform them if they don't use it they'll be wasting the water
ScarletBloom 14
Why they assumed that it was coming from your dog? Your parents smelled like one?
firefly319 7
Yep. I'm pretty sure that the OP addressed those questions in their post.
SillyGirl4602 23
I am pretty sure that op's friends didn't expect the parents to smell that horrible.
BadApple88 29
Ask them to please shower more often
AH1Zviper 15
You could always make a mixture of soap and water and play the ol' bucket on top of the door prank.