Love: Today, my boyfriend drove to my house to break up with me. He...

By Ima in Hungary - 22/03/2012 12:06 - United States - Silsbee

Today, my boyfriend drove to my house to break up with me. He only did so after I'd vacuumed the whole house to compensate for his cat allergies. I thought he was just coming to dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 729

You deserved it 2 585

Love

Playing the long game

Suspicious Minds

Chill out, dad

By Anonymous - 13/02/2012 01:11 - United States

Today, I had to pick my grandma up because she was drunk, at church, at 9am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 291

You deserved it 2 486

By owwwww - 19/07/2012 20:05 - United States - Piscataway

Today, I was having a really vivid dream in which I had to take a penalty kick to win the World Cup for the USA. I took the kick, but in reality, I smashed my foot against my bedroom wall and broke four of my toes. I also missed the kick in my dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 712

You deserved it 3 528

By Mike - 01/03/2009 02:42 - United States

Today, I spent 300 dollars making colored flyers for my iPhone that I lost. On the flyer I wrote for whoever found it to call me and I would give a reward. I wrote the phone number of my iPhone that I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 640

You deserved it 133 768

By dumb - 02/06/2009 15:33 - United States

Today, my new subletter moved in. Within 6 hours one of my cats took a dump on her pants. I freaked out, lit some candles to hide the smell and threw her pants in the washer. When the cycle was done I found her cell phone at the bottom of the washing machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 923

You deserved it 25 571

By 2ndplacechamp - 01/06/2011 05:43 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were driving to a costume party. On the way, we got into an argument and she kicked me out of her car. I had to walk around the city center in an Iron Man outfit trying to find the party venue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 483

You deserved it 9 432

Freaky...

By shinra - 18/07/2018 20:30

Today, it's the third time in a row that I've woken myself up in the middle of the night by pouring freezing cold water on myself. I didn’t even have water on my nightstand last night. I woke up in the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 381

You deserved it 277

By UnluckyReporter - 17/02/2016 06:35 - United States - Lexington

Today, I lost control of my car on a patch of ice and slid off the road, messing up my car. I was working on a news story about bad road conditions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 194

You deserved it 2 915

By AH - 07/09/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I told my parents that all I wanted for my 18th birthday was to go to a restaurant in NYC for a nice dinner. My parents denied me saying that it would cost too much money. I come home today to see my parents had bought a huge plasma screen TV for $800. We already have 3 tv's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 818

You deserved it 4 342

By dumbass1991 - 12/12/2010 19:36 - United States

Today, I was messing around on my laptop by drawing on the screen with a marker pen. When it came time to clean it off, it wouldn't budge. Now I have a full beard and mustache etched permanently on my computer screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 126

You deserved it 121 623

By Failure - 09/11/2009 22:13 - United States

Today, I was taking a final test online that would account for 65% of my final grade. I had worked extremely hard in that class. I had one submission for the test. My roommate thought it would be funny to click the "Submit All" Button while i was getting a glass of water. I got a 13%. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 009

You deserved it 3 463

By loserman - 16/02/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, I accidentally deleted my entire email inbox. Everything from the last 3 years. EV-ER-Y-THING. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 461

You deserved it 56 223

By notacaveman - 16/04/2013 13:27 - Netherlands

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 072

You deserved it 13 409

We need to talk

By Anonymous - 30/07/2015 19:29 - Canada - Foam Lake

Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 470

You deserved it 2 936

By shoopbadeewoop - 08/03/2014 21:43

Today, it was snowing. After answering a call, I put my phone into my jacket pocket, and hurried across the road. I quickly realised my phone hadn't slipped into my pocket after all, and I turned around in time to see a snowplow go by. I couldn't find my phone in the snowdrifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 864

You deserved it 6 206

By Anonymous - 14/11/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 229

You deserved it 4 637

By Anonymous - 09/06/2015 20:52 - Ireland

Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 442

You deserved it 2 813

Signs

By Anonymous - 10/04/2021 23:00

Today, it's been a year since I moved 200 km across the country to be closer to my boyfriend of 5 years and his kids. I got the keys to my flat and 3 days later the pandemic was a fact. Shouldn’t have ignored that sign. I’m single now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 108

By woodchuck0022 - 21/05/2011 21:16 - Canada

Today, my pants felt a little looser than usual. Thinking I'd lost weight, I proudly went about my day. It wasn't until much later that I realised I hadn't lost any weight at all; my fly was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 407

You deserved it 30 780

Letting yourself go

By Fat man pube - 29/03/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom

Today, after months of isolating and shielding, suffering through the isolation of having caught COVID and letting my hygiene, diet and exercise programme go to shit, I can officially say my pubes are now longer than my penis, but it’s ok because my belly now hangs over my belt so I can’t even see it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 607

By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 14:48 - Canada

Today, I was putting my horse away into her pasture, when I slipped in the mud. In a haisty attempt to support myself, I grabbed the electric fence in on hand, and my horse with the other. The shock from the fence traveled through me to her, sending her running and leaving me with 2 broken teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 094

You deserved it 6 767

By stinkystinky - 12/08/2016 17:32

Today, after cleaning the whole house, I still couldn't get rid of the foul smell. Later, my roommate revealed his new place to "stash and dry" his socks: The ventilation ducts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 406

You deserved it 878

By gingerninja - 02/11/2010 17:43 - United Kingdom

Today, our class was focusing on discrimination, and our teacher asked us if anyone had ever felt discriminated against. I put my hand up to share a story, and my teacher immediately said "It's because you're ginger, isn't it?" That's not what I was going to say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 392

You deserved it 7 628

By Screwed - 01/05/2017 14:00

Today, I was informed that- despite an already skeletal staff- my supervisor is leaving the company. Tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 311

You deserved it 303

By Anonymous - 31/10/2010 09:05 - United States

Today, while setting up for a party I was having, I put black lights into our bathroom for the cool bright, neon color you get when you pee. When I turn them on to see where I need to continue cleaning, I see many, small, yellow hand prints on the walls. I have a nine year old brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 347

You deserved it 3 296

By PunkChik27 - 12/12/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying we're too different. His only example? He likes ham and I don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 057

You deserved it 4 450

By Anonymous - 13/02/2016 01:07 - United States - Roxboro

Today, I accidentally dropped my birth control pill. My cat ate it before I could pick it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 284

You deserved it 2 769

By hoolagirl4422 - 20/09/2013 11:23 - Hong Kong - Kennedy Town

Today, I bumped into a really cute guy I know. I stuttered and floundered, before saying, "Hi, it's me, Megan Thomas." My surname isn't Thomas, but his is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 863

You deserved it 9 378

Something smells fishy.

By Anonymous - 19/04/2017 22:00

Today, the maid left a bottle of Febreze in my hotel room. Think she is trying to tell me something? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 234

You deserved it 775

By Dr_Dolittle - 12/01/2010 15:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my young son swung a plastic pipe, it makes a kind of whistling sound as it spins around. I was standing a little too close, luckily it missed both my legs, but hit my happy sacks full on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 348

You deserved it 5 487

By Idk - 12/12/2018 08:00 - United States - Wilton

Today at work I had recieved a lot of phone calls. I thought maybe it was a scammer line because I never recieve calls. Turns out my phone number was a character's same number in a TV Show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 590

You deserved it 159

By slitherasssnape - 13/09/2016 18:53 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, in science class, I was bored and playing with a paper towel, dipping it into a container of water. When my teacher caught me and asked what I was doing, I panicked and said I was 'drying the water'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 799

You deserved it 3 289

By lorrilanee - 20/11/2010 06:20 - Australia

Today, I finally made out with my boyfriend. Let's just say his idea of making out is moving his tongue like a lizard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 134

You deserved it 5 068

Overruled

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 22:58 - Germany

Today, I told my dogs to go to their dog beds. The small dog went onto the big one’s bed. The big dog went onto my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562

You deserved it 212

By NotSarahConnor - 11/03/2018 20:30 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my boss thought it was funny to fire me by putting on dark sunglasses and saying "You have been terminated" in a bad Arnold Schwarzenegger voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 851

You deserved it 372

By Anonymous - 16/07/2019 02:01

Today, I realized my boyfriend's family love and respect me more than my own family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 614

You deserved it 119

By Anonymous - 09/08/2013 14:54 - France

Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 622

You deserved it 4 922

By mydadsawsooomuch - 17/11/2010 13:26 - United States

Today, in the wee hours of the morning I decided to make a naked dash to the bathroom, unfortunately, my dad decided to do the same thing at the exact same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 094

You deserved it 9 784

By Spencer Chan - 18/05/2017 14:00

Today, I ended a 15-year relationship. Don't worry, it wasn't mine. It was my parents'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 398

You deserved it 554

By Katrin - 30/10/2011 19:13 - Norway

Today, I got into my car after a long shift at work. When I looked in my rear view mirror, a horrifyingly evil face grinned at me from the back window. I leaped out of the car, only to be chased around by two people in clown masks. It turned out to be a prank set up by my co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 480

You deserved it 3 472

By Greatgrandpa - 30/11/2014 17:29 - Curacao

Today, my only child introduced his new girlfriend to me. He is 36 and has no children. She is 46 and has a pregnant daughter who she is very close with. I don't know if I'll ever be a grandfather, but in any case, my son is going to be one before me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 943

You deserved it 2 826

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Top comments

DrNuggetcase 3

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Thursday 22 March 2012 18:57

That sucks, but at least your house is clean!

Roevera 14

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Thursday 22 March 2012 19:02

atleast he didn't just text a break up. but still. shouldn't have made you vacuum..

VorpikeII 17

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Thursday 22 March 2012 18:55

That really sucks. At least you know he won't sneeze snot all over your house.

SuperKnuckels 6

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Thursday 22 March 2012 19:04

more like atleast he did it in person and not a text or something stupid like that. sryz OP.

VorpikeII 17

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Thursday 22 March 2012 19:06

Yeah that's very true. One promise I made to myself is to never break up with anyone except in person.

beccaishereyay 11

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Thursday 22 March 2012 19:37

It's okay it probably wouldn't have worked out in the long run anyway. I could never marry someone allergic to my kitties!

domking1315 20

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Thursday 22 March 2012 20:15

At least he had the balls to do it to your face. I HATE people who break up over texts

Cad6 24

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Thursday 22 March 2012 21:01

@OP - Did you tell you're boyfriend that you cleaned your entire house for him? I bet that if you told him that, he would reconsider breaking up with you seeing how much you care for him. However, if you did do that, and he still broke up with you, that asswipe is missing out.

st0815 9

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Thursday 22 March 2012 22:25

#12: It won't make one bit of difference. She'll still think it's a FML because she shampooed the cat, or her friend had an ingrown toenail and she supported her all day, or whatever else unrelated may have happened. She might even have cleaned the house (which obviously was only necessary because her boyfriend was visiting and has no benefits of it's own).

Annpop 1

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Thursday 22 March 2012 23:31

He didnt know .. But hes still a dick! Lool

I_heart_sex 1

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Saturday 24 March 2012 3:05

Which kitty?

DrNuggetcase 3

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Thursday 22 March 2012 18:57

That sucks, but at least your house is clean!

SkoomaKi 27

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Thursday 22 March 2012 19:21

That depends who gets the house...

coried91 28

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Thursday 22 March 2012 20:48

They weren't married and she did state he went to HER house.

The_Hitdude 12

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Thursday 22 March 2012 20:50

It's not a divorce it's a break up. They're not married. Re-read the FML.

Cad6 24

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Thursday 22 March 2012 21:03

@ShoomaKi - Your an idiot.

Cad6 24

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Thursday 22 March 2012 21:06

^You're*...Wow, I just made myself look like an idiot right there. Karma has it out for me.

AwkwardPartyBear 24

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Friday 23 March 2012 0:42

I would advise putting a cat in his house while hes out. Bur at least he disnt break up with her through text... I find that a douche movement.

AwkwardPartyBear 24

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Friday 23 March 2012 0:55

*didn't

22cute 17

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Friday 23 March 2012 4:24

Thats what I'm saying - you got a clean house out of it - that's good luck! The rest? His loss only.

wlddog 14

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Friday 23 March 2012 16:11

Who wants to go into a house covered in pet hair anyway. That's probably half the reason he is breaking up. You can always look forward to being the crazy cat lady down the street.

mashfan6507 17

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Monday 21 July 2014 16:40

Eh at least you realized it and fixed it. You're smart enough :p

jane_marie 12

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Thursday 22 March 2012 19:00

Better off without him :)

mwrc8man94 1

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Thursday 22 March 2012 19:17

How do you know if she's better off without him?

kat2812 1

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Thursday 22 March 2012 19:49

because he broke up with her, he doesn't want to be with her anymore....who wants to be with someone who doesn't want them back?

nofearjenshere 12

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Thursday 22 March 2012 21:21

^ me, unfortunately.

mwrc8man94 1

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Thursday 22 March 2012 23:16

Typical women. Back to the kitchen with yee

Eiregal2 10

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Friday 23 March 2012 2:11

Aw babes ( hugs)

Roevera 14

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Thursday 22 March 2012 19:02

atleast he didn't just text a break up. but still. shouldn't have made you vacuum..

guitarbeast 22

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Thursday 22 March 2012 19:26

Well how did he know she would vacuum the house? He couldn't just say, oh don't bother cleaning or anything, I'm just coming over to break up with you

donut_gurl 8

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Thursday 22 March 2012 20:09

you should probably vacuum anyway.

traze 7

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Thursday 22 March 2012 20:48

Maybe she didn't want to look like a slut.

Drigr 9

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Thursday 22 March 2012 19:02

At least all you did was cleaned. He could've made you make him a nice dinner, then take you to the bedroom for some sexy time, then end the night with, "Oh by the way, we're done. Thanks for the dinner and sex though!"