Miscellaneous: Today, I was working at a retirement center, when an old woman...

By Imaman - United States

Today, I was working at a retirement center, when an old woman came to me and asked if I would like her old clothes. I politely said, "I'm sorry, but I'm a guy." She then said, "You could have just said no, instead of rudely lying to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39756

You deserved it

4469

Favorite

Miscellaneous

BO Central

Vulture

Jealousy

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49779

You deserved it

6724

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out one of my girlfriend's recent Google searches was, "should I admit to cheating or just dump him?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

37492

You deserved it

2568

Favorite

By Bubbah - United States

Today, I was working my job as the person who checks people in at the gym. A sweaty chubby woman came up to me complaining about how our staff seems so fit. I replied with "we like to hire people who have bodies that motivate our clients!" She gave a blank stare, then said "so how did you get the job?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

60784

You deserved it

14993

Favorite

By NoCirculation - 24/11/2020 14:03 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Thermoregulation wars

Today, my boyfriend is wearing a t-shirt and shorts. I'm wearing leggings, sweatpants, a vest, t-shirt, jumper and hoodie. If we turn the heating any higher, he starts overheating and sweating. At the current level, I'm still shivering. FML

I agree, your life sucks

849

You deserved it

256

Favorite

By forgotten - United States - Phoenix

Today, I saw my car being broken into on the street below my apartment. Too scared to stop them myself, I called the police. Before I could even tell them what was going on, they put me on hold. It was a good 5 minutes before I realized they'd hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33108

You deserved it

3970

Favorite

By Jesse - United States

Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37905

You deserved it

150988

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

79517

You deserved it

6403

Favorite

By I Hate My Brother - United Kingdom - Colchester

Brotherly love

Today, I'm in hospital because of my brother. He followed me and my boyfriend around a fair yesterday dressed as a gorilla, and whenever we showed some sort of affection towards one another, he rugby tackled me. The final tackle caused me to break my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1854

You deserved it

174

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Mama's Boy

Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6649

You deserved it

566

Favorite

By bieberslayer - United States

Today, in my AP Biology class, a student informed us she'd read that Antarctica had completely melted due to global warming, to which my friend gushed, "Yeah! It's been melted for, like, months." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25771

You deserved it

2195

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/1/2021 02:01

Eco-friendly

Today, my colleague heated 1,5 liters of water, waited visibly impatient the several minutes it took to boil, made himself one cup of tea, then poured the rest down the drain. Maximum amount of time and energy wasted in one go? Check. FML

I agree, your life sucks

789

You deserved it

Favorite

By DingusGinger

Today, I found out my boss likes to shit talk about me when I'm not around. Best part is I don't know what I've done to piss him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1953

You deserved it

147

Favorite

By WrongPlaceWrongTime - France

Today, my girlfriend came to my workplace to tell me she was breaking up with me. My boss, who was passing by, fired me for "chatting with friends" during work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15217

You deserved it

805

Favorite

By kitkat - United States

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend. He said it was because he lived 2 hours away, but I think the ultrasound photos his other girlfriend posted proudly on his Facebook wall are the real reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48269

You deserved it

4434

Favorite

By rmo1776 - United States

Today, I went to a very nice reception at a hotel. I glanced inside the ballroom and saw that no one else was in there and, not wanting to be the first one there, I walked past and into the stairway. Turns out, I had walked into the emergency exit stairs and had to set off the alarm to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12980

You deserved it

48917

Favorite

By oops

My chocolate

Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML

I agree, your life sucks

972

You deserved it

1684

Favorite

By Anon - Australia

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I found out he was seeing someone behind my back: my ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56449

You deserved it

5177

Favorite

By LynnJ - Canada

Today, I walked past a group of men at the mall and one of them mooed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33201

You deserved it

6921

Favorite

By ...

Today, I finally had an interview for my dream job. It was all going great until I started chuckling uncontrollably, snorted like a pig and hit the guy with the world's largest snot rocket. All I could do was slip out the door as he sat paralysed with shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2248

You deserved it

508

Favorite

By Nick - Australia - Sydney

Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26195

You deserved it

6688

Favorite

By Anonymous

Once you see it…

Today, it was brought to my attention that my dog has a giant anus. I'd never noticed. Now I can't stop staring at his silver dollar-sized backdoor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1293

You deserved it

275

Favorite

By whymegirl - United States - Worcester

Today, my cousin is coming home after his honeymoon. His gift to his new wife was a puppy, which I said I would take care of while they went away. I sneezed last week and scared the puppy. She ran off. This was ten days ago, and I still haven't found the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27966

You deserved it

8538

Favorite

By JoseIsAdork - United States - Somers

Today, I realized how lonely I am, when I got a call from an elderly women who had dialed the wrong number. We ended up having a 20 minute conversation about her cat and how he "just won't use the darn litter pan." I was sad when she had to hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24237

You deserved it

2357

Favorite

By Joey - Canada

Today, while DJing at a jumpin' wedding reception, my speaker system conked out. I hadn't brought any backup equipment, and 500 guests had the unfortunate luxury of dancing to the sounds of a portable CD player someone brought in from their car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10780

You deserved it

30504

Favorite

By NotAThief - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a store to buy some noodles, but hey were out so I left empty handed. When I left, the store the alarm went off so I was called back in, and they searched my bag. They didn't find any stolen goods. They did find a dead mouse my cat must have left for me, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14359

You deserved it

1063

Favorite

By md - Canada

Today, I got an alarm installed in my car, and was having problems with it not going off when the car was hit. To demonstrate this to the installers, I bumped my car with my hip, which left a dent, and set the alarm off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9508

You deserved it

28289

Favorite

By hatboxghost - United States

Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65829

You deserved it

7703

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/8/2020 20:01

What goes around…

Today, my wife demanded that I cut all ties with my best friend, just because she doesn't like the jokes he tells. Now she's bitching that she's upset because his wife, who she works with, is talking about her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1425

You deserved it

300

Favorite

By sixxie - United States

Today, I went in to work and was handed a write-up for having lied about being sick in order to leave early yesterday. Apparently, a co-worker saw me leave the parking lot, then immediately pull into the shopping center next door. I was going to Walgreens for cold medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33733

You deserved it

2279

Favorite

By jam - 27/7/2020 08:01

Is that even legal?

Today, my boss told me that I'm being terminated. Apparently, being pregnant means I was going to quit soon anyway, so there's no point. Now I have to get job so I don't get deported. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1438

You deserved it

179

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, after weeks of being hounded to go out on a date with this guy, I finally found the time and invited him over, fully intending to hook up. He stood me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1666

You deserved it

431

Favorite

By r u kidding me? - 9/6/2020 20:00

Whatthefuckaburger

Today, after my girlfriend continuously whined for hours about a specific burger place, I finally gave in and we drove nearly two hours to get there. Once in line, she looked at the menu, then decided everything had too many calories and wanted to go home. She doesn’t get why I’m pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2719

You deserved it

293

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned the hard way how easy it is to get on my boss's bad side. We were talking about reality TV shows and I'd mentioned how much I despise Snooki, and how useless to the planet she is. Now I fear for my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33172

You deserved it

6353

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML

I agree, your life sucks

75147

You deserved it

4602

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Bronx

Today, my wife said she was going to her friend's place to help her with couponing. She started getting ready at 5pm; shaved her legs, did her hair, put on skin-tight leggings and a low-cut top. Left at 6pm, snuck back in at 2:50am. Shit, couponing must be really exciting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21000

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2855

Favorite

By AyDiosMio42 - United States

Today, I stepped on the MacBook Air I purchased 4 days ago. The screen snapped in two, and I didn't buy insurance because I promised myself I would be "extra careful." $3500 well spent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13791

You deserved it

70395

Favorite

By Anonymous

Crossed Wires

Today, while on Grindr, I saw that this guy I'm friends with and have liked for a while now had messaged me. I got all excited, just for it to be a picture of him flipping me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1365

You deserved it

193

Favorite

By bluskyz1979 - United States - Cypress

Today, my boyfriend and I were on a date and he starts complaining about how his back is hurting him. He complains the whole evening. Fast forward to later that night, we are in bed so I ask him if he was feeling OK. He says, "I guess so. I'm just confused about my feelings for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12532

You deserved it

998

Favorite

By anon13 - United States

Today, at a family Seder, (a Jewish service for Passover), my mom served matzah balls during the festive meal. Considering how much I love matzah balls and there aren't many options for me to eat because I'm a vegetarian, I shouted, "I like really big balls!" in front of my entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21512

You deserved it

94570

Favorite

Maybe he is gay!

Today, my boyfriend got back from a long wrestling tournament. As a nice surprise, I decided to give him a little show over FaceTime. As soon as I stripped down into my bra and underwear, he paused the screen and started surfing the internet for new shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

318

You deserved it

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By thebestof1984 | 0

#2578639 - Saturday 28 May 2011 12:10

that's when you whip out your dick and say see!!!

By ChiddyBANGr | 13

#2578611 - Saturday 28 May 2011 12:02

"Ask me about my Weinerrr"

COMMENTS

By cindayy77 | 0

#2578583 - Saturday 28 May 2011 11:53

FYL, I have to say xD

kl_beans | 0

#2578815 - Saturday 28 May 2011 13:20

I mean he could've just pulled down his trousers but then again it was a retiament

turtlemanz | 8

#2582297 - Sunday 29 May 2011 4:51

dude looks like a lady

dav3800 | 7

#2584480 - Sunday 29 May 2011 22:00

21 is right...

By bluegoldfish | 7

#2578587 - Saturday 28 May 2011 11:53

pwned. by an old lady. burn sssssssss....

Judahsh | 8

#4938704 - Sunday 16 September 2012 20:53

Unless heshe realy did lie...

By ChiddyBANGr | 13

#2578611 - Saturday 28 May 2011 12:02

"Ask me about my Weinerrr"

SoccerBitch113 | 0

#2579543 - Saturday 28 May 2011 17:29

hahaha

alexg823 | 0

#2610994 - Friday 3 June 2011 7:19

I'm curious as to why you capitalized "Weinerr."

By sourgirl101 | 28

#2578619 - Saturday 28 May 2011 12:06

"Dude looks like a Lady".(:

gwadafiesta_fml | 2

#2578664 - Saturday 28 May 2011 12:13

And dude sounds like a lady too if he couldn't convince her when telling her ! Double FML

sillybanana97 | 1

#3812295 - Saturday 31 December 2011 19:48

Lol double FYL! I feel sorry for you....

By btnhdude | 0

#2578624 - Saturday 28 May 2011 12:07

did you not finish your comment?
'cause I'm guessing you meant to say,
"the girl who cried wolf doesn't relate to this fml at all."

By Sinvudyo | 0

#2578629 - Saturday 28 May 2011 12:07

Hmm, maybe you should grow an beard =)

BabbiiLovvee | 0

#2581222 - Saturday 28 May 2011 22:10

a beard*

bluegoldfish | 7

#2581225 - Saturday 28 May 2011 22:10

maybe you should learn which indefinite article to use for words beginning with a consonant.

funnynesh | 10

#4204728 - Friday 23 March 2012 11:15

48- shut up! I really hate you grammar nazi bastards…

By thebestof1984 | 0

#2578639 - Saturday 28 May 2011 12:10

that's when you whip out your dick and say see!!!

Btgalownia | 0

#2579654 - Saturday 28 May 2011 17:55

what if he had a small penis? "today, to prove to an old lady, I showed her my penis. she laughed at the size and walked away. fml"

By Tsunami87 | 17

#2578647 - Saturday 28 May 2011 12:11

better start hitting the gym, girl :p

By btnhdude | 0

#2578666 - Saturday 28 May 2011 12:14

motherfuck Dre, motherfuck snoop, motherfuck deathrow! Yo' n here comes my left blow! - Eazy E

at1325 | 0

#2578973 - Saturday 28 May 2011 15:02

judging by all of the thumbs down your comment has received and simply reading the comment, you should follow your picture's advice and shut the fuck up