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OP here :) No, I'm NOT a terrible wife. I had a situation that caused sex to be very painful for me, so we weren't doing it very much. He got frustrated, this ***** started chatting with him. I moved in with my parents, and two weeks later he ended it with her (without even meeting her in person yet) realizing that it was his sexual frustration talking. We are back together and working things out, which is easier now that I've been to the doctor and had my situation taken care of. Thanks for the sympathy, and a big FECK OFF to the haters ;)

Classic story

By Anonymous - 01/10/2020 05:01

Today, I found out my boyfriend of six years, with whom I wanted to spend my life with, has been cheating behind my back with my friend. The kicker? They met after I invited her to live with us to get away from her chaotic family, and I suspected she was emotionally stunted at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 217

By Noname - 29/10/2011 11:02 - United States

Today, I drove home on my birthday, and my mom said she'd meet me there. I was a little surprised to get home and find she wasn't there, but even more shocked to see my rabbit run over in my driveway. Turns out he'd gotten loose and my mom had run him over, panicked, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 136

You deserved it 2 426

User manual

By Drewzter - 11/01/2010 03:33 - United States

Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 969

You deserved it 26 522

I don't wanna!

By every time seriously - 03/01/2022 08:01

Today, I told my mom for the third time that I won’t be able to attend her husband's family Christmas party because it’s on my birthday. She won’t take no for an answer, and I just don’t want to spend my whole birthday in a car for an 8-hour drive there and back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 126

My pleasure

By never again - 29/07/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, a bit buzzed, I finally gave in to my boyfriend's request and gave him a rimjob. I was licking away when I suddenly realized what I was doing, leapt off the bed, and ran to the toilet to puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 183

You deserved it 663

Floored

By smashyonewfloors - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - High River

Today, my crew and I were berated by a client for not installing her new hardwood floor on time. We were only halfway through the day, but apparently it should have only taken "like, an hour?" because "The guys on the TV shows do it that fast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 312

You deserved it 2 915

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea for me to talk with a British accent during my job interview to make me sound smarter. I'm applying for a job at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 619

You deserved it 5 378

Pissed

By CatDad - 18/12/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I was taking a piss in my toilet, and my cat came and jumped up onto the toilet bin and looked at what I was doing. Instinctively, thinking she'd jump in or something, I grabbed her while I was midstream, causing me to piss on her, and on my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 860

By bjfail - 09/01/2010 15:56 - United Kingdom

Today, the guy I have been seeing stopped me in the middle of sex and told me to finish him off by going down on him instead. After a few minutes, I looked up to discover that the noises I had thought were moans of pleasure were actually the sounds of him snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 561

You deserved it 4 906

By apparentlyugly - 10/12/2014 01:56 - United States - Henderson

Today, after spending a lazy day at home, I went to UPS with my mom to help her pick up a package. While in line, she sent me back to the car because I'm, "an embarrassment to be around" when I'm not wearing makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 180

You deserved it 2 968

Nooooooo… !

By Nicole Jones - 01/10/2020 22:02 - United Kingdom

Today, after having a hard week, I decided to order a pizza with an expensive milkshake. It slipped out of my hand in front of the lift. It went everywhere. I had nothing on me to clean it up with. Now I’m milkshakeless, down £5, and accidentally responsible for littering my accommodation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 172

Let's say, hypothetically…

By Anonymous - 08/12/2014 04:35 - United States - Long Beach

Today, my boyfriend gave me a long, philosophical explanation about how he doesn't love me, but we should still have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 882

You deserved it 3 873

Get me out of here

By Anonymous - 06/01/2022 20:01

Today, I got a new name, which is “We” apparently. My supervisor keeps admonishing me about details, saying, “WE don’t do that” and, “WE make sure to do this”, while she herself simply does anything she pleases, including the opposite of what she tells me “we do”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 016

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 21:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason she asked me to shave my beard. When I go down on her shaved, it feels more like her ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 860

You deserved it 3 870

By burnt38392 - 24/12/2010 19:36 - United States

Today, as a means of getting over my abusive ex, I decided to write his name on a piece of paper and light it on fire. As I lit the paper up, I noticed the marker ink had bled through it. The paper is gone, but his name is forever engraved on my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 532

You deserved it 19 575

By carpetoops - 21/06/2009 16:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I spilt purple washing detergent all over my white carpet. Desperate to get it up I grabbed a blue towel and started mopping it up. The detergent hasn't stained the carpet at all, the blue dye from the towel has. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 843

You deserved it 35 573

There's always that one friend…

By seriously? - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, my best friend actually had the audacity to try and one-up my suicide attempt story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 329

You deserved it 10 696

By Anonymous - 21/10/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, I paid $70 to learn from the vet that my cat doesn't have a UTI, he's just developed a fetish for peeing on plastic bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 548

You deserved it 2 932

First and last date

By Xyanthe - 18/03/2023 00:00

Today, my date was making remarks about “stupid illegals” and “immigrants are everything wrong with this country” because our waiter barely spoke English and apparently got his order wrong. When I reminded him I’m an immigrant, he said, “But you speak English and you’re legal, so you don’t count.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 277

By virgacs - 01/12/2014 13:58 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, my husband shaved off his beard. Turns out he looks like my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 320

You deserved it 5 151

virgacs tells us more.

virgacs 10

Wednesday 3 December 2014 8:29

OP here. Thank you all for the hillarious comments. I had seen him without a beard before of course, but he has recently lost some weight and turns out it changed his features a bit.

By hairybetty - 05/01/2010 01:43 - United States

Today, I shaved my legs and armpits for the first time in 6 weeks. Unfortunately, I didn't have a hot date, I just had my yearly gyno exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 191

You deserved it 8 519