By imsorry - 14/1/2015 23:57 - United States - Oakland

SORRY!

Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

33052

You deserved it

7751

Favorite

Intimacy

Messed up

Ambien conversations are the worst

The end of the road

By Anonymous - 24/8/2018 15:00

She definitely won though.

Today, as part of our prank war, my girlfriend found a hairy tarantula picture and stuck it on the wall. I hadn't yet told her I'm arachnophobic, and when I saw it I passed out and hit my head hard enough to need an ambulance. She decided she's won the war and I don't get a say in the matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2528

You deserved it

740

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/8/2016 03:07 - United States - Dover

Today, I was helping my Grandfather to sort through tubs and bins after cleaning out his attic, and I had to move a 50lb bin downstairs. That's when the dog thought it would be funny to block the top of the stairs as I was going down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12579

You deserved it

982

Favorite

By Megan - 17/6/2012 19:38 - United Kingdom - Neath

Today, I was forced to listen and politely nod with a smile on my face, as my boss droned on and on, explaining that everything in the universe is slowly getting bigger, aside from him, because he's never felt so short before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21486

You deserved it

2301

Favorite

By allergies - 18/9/2015 14:43 - United States - New York

Today, I sneezed while my ID photo was being taken. I look like a total moron in it. The photographer refused to retake the photo because I "clearly" faked the sneeze just to be funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24938

You deserved it

1775

Favorite

By sadtimes - 22/1/2009 11:10 - Canada

Today, I decided to get a Blizzard from Dairy Queen. As bent down to put my pen away, my Blizzard somehow defied the laws of gravity and fell on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21144

You deserved it

4223

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/1/2009 05:22 - France

Today, I got unbelievably drunk and pissed in the corner of my room, all over a plug socket, which blew out the electrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6230

You deserved it

43448

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/8/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, everyone in my department got a raise except for me. Last week, I had been the one who asked for a raise for me and my fellow department members. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39584

You deserved it

3386

Favorite

By dwaggle - 2/7/2009 00:58 - United States

Today, my wife tried to catch the bouquet at my sister's wedding. Afterward I informed her that only single women were supposed to do that, and she replied "I know". My wife told me that she was divorcing me at my sister's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58087

You deserved it

2740

Favorite

By melonhead77 - 29/3/2012 11:46 - Cyprus

Today, I got so bored that I ordered my DVD drawer from awesomest to non-awesomest. I need a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19857

You deserved it

6789

Favorite

By YoshiSqu4d - 22/5/2019 04:00

Today, my father told me I was becoming violent because of the video games I play. I was playing Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1616

You deserved it

187

Favorite

By CoffeeBoy - 6/11/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I went to meet a potential client at StarBucks all the way across town about designing his website. I was extremely excited because I really need the work. I sat for an hour. Turns out he was across the street, at the other StarBucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32953

You deserved it

6437

Favorite

By poormom - 27/6/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I went to announce to my son that I am pregnant again. After I told him, he looks up and yells: "fuck this shit!" and walks out of the room. My son is nine years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69970

You deserved it

28831

Favorite

By mac - 27/1/2014 14:40 - Australia - Bankstown

Today, my roommate showed me a video of a cockroach crawling all over my face while I was asleep in the lounge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52323

You deserved it

4355

Favorite

By julieseattle - 28/10/2019 18:00

Hyperviolence

Today, I was at a restaurant waiting for a table. Some lady walked by, smelling like BO and patchouli oil. I attempted to cover my nose with my sweatshirt, but I thumped a small girl in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1253

You deserved it

298

Favorite

By boss_daughter - 20/5/2015 12:03 - United States

Today, while we were at a work party, I noticed a drunk lady in the mix. I pointed out to my boss how dumb she looked. It was his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28492

You deserved it

14145

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/11/2009 02:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I finally had it off. He sounds like Chewbacca when he comes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23757

You deserved it

4223

Favorite

By Anonymous90 - 24/7/2010 23:59 - Canada

Today, I spent 100 dollars on lingerie. I put it on, walk out to the living room, and tell my boyfriend to follow me into the bedroom. He says no, and then pretends to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36741

You deserved it

6443

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/7/2019 04:49

Today, I set up a date between my roommate, who I'm in love with, and his crush, who I'm jealous of. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1152

You deserved it

941

Favorite

By teacher - 7/9/2014 21:05 - United States - Apo

Today, I started my first teaching job ever. As I was teaching, another teacher interrupted my class about 5 times because she thought it was her class. Not only did she ruin my confidence, her behavior caused my students to laugh at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39531

You deserved it

2949

Favorite

By Guitar-ZERO - 12/6/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, my band had a show. We played a love song, and during the bridge, I ask out a friend of mine who was in the crowd, over the mic, in front of at least 200 people. She said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54295

You deserved it

22198

Favorite

By AW - 10/1/2011 12:48

Today, my husband and I are both suffering from food poisoning. He has horrible, raging, rank smelling, explosive diarrhea; I am vomiting every 15 minutes. We have one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39546

You deserved it

3009

Favorite

By roadbikemama - 25/10/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I was cooking. I leaned over the stove to preheat the oven, and burned my nipple on a pot of boiling water. I also have a teething son who is breastfeeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43154

You deserved it

11078

Favorite

By anne - 17/12/2011 03:46 - United States

Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35703

You deserved it

5957

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/5/2009 15:50 - United States

Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weedwacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgetting that I am mowing where the dogs go to the restroom, I absent-mindedly weedwack over dog poop. Which got flung into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41878

You deserved it

26148

Favorite

By tkr - 6/2/2012 03:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing that song that goes 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' when we have sex. Now, every time that we have sex, that song is going to be stuck in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9896

You deserved it

39759

Favorite

By notsoaloneanymore - 17/6/2016 04:32 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my parents left on vacation for the week. Taking advantage of my freedom, I was planning on having my boyfriend over. My grandparents just showed up as they 'thought I would be lonely'. I can't get rid of them. Looks like I'm not having any fun this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14866

You deserved it

3112

Favorite

By testacular - 25/3/2014 21:20 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24606

You deserved it

55583

Favorite

By upupandaway - 30/1/2012 23:51 - United States

Today, I spent two hours perfecting a really romantic text message to my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. I listed all the things I loved about him, and recalled some of our best times together. Two minutes after I sent it, he replied, "Huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28360

You deserved it

9936

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/11/2014 23:59 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I finally found out why my husband is always so eager and happy to buy me whatever I am craving during my pregnancy. It's because it gives him an excuse to meet up with his mistress and have a quickie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62497

You deserved it

4028

Favorite

By ScaryOldMan - 7/10/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, while trying to sleep, I kept hearing this groan/scream for help for about an hour. I decided to call 911 to send someone to investigate. Police came, I received a $100 parking fine and another citation for improper use of 911. The noise? Just a dog howling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29517

You deserved it

13197

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/5/2010 04:33 - Canada

Today, after taking a pregnancy test and carefully disposing of all the evidence so no one would find out, I realized I left the receipt for it on the bathroom counter. I noticed too late as I watch my mom step out of the bathroom, and my step-father go in right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10048

You deserved it

32247

Favorite

By workhoe - 20/2/2017 06:00 - United States

Today, I had sex with a coworker I've had my eye on for awhile. Immediately after, he turned on the light and got on his phone. Me, trying to start a conversation, I said "Well, that was fun." He looked at me and said, "Was it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

7857

You deserved it

1699

Favorite

By hoggypig - 23/4/2012 13:00

Today, I was walking across a pedestrian crossing and waved at the driver of the car who'd stopped, just to say thank you. She stuck her middle finger up at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24496

You deserved it

2864

Favorite

By crazycatlady - 19/11/2012 16:15 - United States

Today, I realized the number of cats I currently have is higher than the number of guys I've ever dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23268

You deserved it

18348

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/3/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I was applying some acne ointment. The directions said, "Apply a thin layer, covering the entire affected area." In other words, for me: My entire face. Lovely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25348

You deserved it

4173

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/1/2014 19:49 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, at work, a kid rushed into the bathroom to vomit. Understandable, except he threw up into the sinks. Sinks plural, whose drain holes are so small that only liquid can really pass through. Guess who had to clean up vomit chunks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47367

You deserved it

3802

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/1/2017 20:00

Today, I was pumping the tire of my bicycle indoors, and suddenly the inner tube exploded next to my head. One ear is now ringing and the other one feels like it's bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6096

You deserved it

1008

Favorite

By ugh - 5/3/2010 00:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that we need a code word for when I'm being annoying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23040

You deserved it

8719

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/10/2013 05:04 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was training at work on proper techniques of physical restraint. As my coworker was practicing on me, I realized this was the first time I've had physical contact with a man in years. I'm ashamed to admit how good it felt to feel his weight pressed into my back as I pretended to resist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43716

You deserved it

4929

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/4/2016 20:18 - United States

Today, I found out how acidic some of the chemicals I work with are. After a chemical shower, minor burns, and having to throw away my clothes due to a biohazard, I had the pleasure of running across the parking lot to my car, wearing only a lab coat around my waist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18325

You deserved it

2299

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By MercyFrag | 22

#6173232 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:08

How very Canadian of you...

By Jasim | 17

#6173212 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:00

Doesn't matter had sex.

COMMENTS

By Jasim | 17

#6173212 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:00

Doesn't matter had sex.

By blueblu97 | 16

#6173220 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:02

Sorry for what?

ComoEsJuan | 24

#6173225 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:04

I believe for arriving first.

StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#6173239 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:18

Or letting her pussy whip him physically too. And here I thought it was only a metaphorical phrase. I've been doing it wrong.

Kyle1dc | 17

#6173333 - Thursday 15 January 2015 14:31

guys, anyone else think this is kinda like makeup sex?

hamrtym | 15

#6173677 - Thursday 15 January 2015 23:32

My thoughts exactly. She should've moaned thank you or better yet you're welcome before sorry.

By FemskyD | 26

#6173228 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:05

I guess theres worse things you could have yelled xD

howard007 | 18

#6173304 - Thursday 15 January 2015 14:04

Pussy whipped

By MercyFrag | 22

#6173232 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:08

How very Canadian of you...

bahamit | 18

#6173560 - Thursday 15 January 2015 19:33

Yet would only happen in 'murica

cheeeksss | 29

#6174331 - Friday 16 January 2015 15:59

This made me laugh because my boyfriend is Canadian and he is the most aggressive partner I've ever had.

By Sunflower1919 | 19

#6173233 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:10

I hope there's a follow up to this one so we can find out if the apology was accepted..

By russiancat464 | 12

#6173234 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:11

meow *whip lash*

By nataliewby | 25

#6173240 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:18

But were you actually sorry?

By FunnnyGirrl | 19

#6173243 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:20

Reminds me of Mr. Darcy...

FunnnyGirrl | 19

#6174186 - Friday 16 January 2015 11:51

Guess there's no Bridget Jones fans here!

By Dreamsorrow93 | 24

#6173254 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:38

DINKLEBERG!

laden_swallow09 | 34

#6173344 - Thursday 15 January 2015 14:42

Forced meme is irrelevant.

By ProfessorMctitie | 20

#6173269 - Thursday 15 January 2015 13:12

Someone only lasting a few seconds?