By imsorry - 14/1/2015 23:57 - United States - Oakland

SORRY!

Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML

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Intimacy

Relationships sink

Yappy neighborhood

Hello everyone!

By sister sister - 25/11/2013 17:38 - United States - Rhinebeck

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/12/2019 19:00 - Australia

Smell good

Today, I was doing the laundry and changing the bed sheets. I found most of my underwear under my step daughters bed, when I asked her, she said that she liked the way they smelled. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2017 01:30

Today, I took a well-aimed TV remote to the testicles. My wife’s pregnancy cravings are really bad and I forgot to restock the cupboard with apricot jam and packets of sage and onion stuffing. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/3/2016 05:25 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was emailing a government employee at the place I'm hoping to get hired by. I realized too late I had been emailing her with my personal email address, which is rather jokey and unprofessional. She noticed and started referring to me as that. FML

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By Jorgen - 18/12/2015 01:45 - United States

Today, at my workplace, $200 checks were given to every employee for how well the corporation was doing. The temps didn't get any. Guess who was the only temp. FML

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By awesome - 11/4/2009 17:36 - United States

Today, I was sitting at my computer, listening and singing along to some music. I started singing louder, thinking that I was pretty good. Just then, my mom comes barging through the door in a frenzy saying, "Are you all right? Are you hurt?" FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 13:39 - United States

Today, I was participating in an exercise in my psychology class to describe this horrible looking person I had never seen before and I described the person as a "rebellious, drug dealing, lowlife". The person in that picture turned out to be my teacher. FML

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By theshad - 10/9/2010 06:28 - Reserved

Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and superiors as well as our clients. About two hours in I started playing with the lid of the pen I was using, next thing I saw was the lid flicking up and hitting my boss square in the middle of the head. FML

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By oops - 30/11/2011 14:15 - United Kingdom

Today, in a store, an obnoxious woman, swearing loudly and slapping at her out-of-control kids, was disrupting the whole place. I said to the cashier, "That nasty woman should leave the brats at home." She gave me a filthy look and said "Do you mind? That's my sister." FML

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By dysfunctional_ravenclaw - 21/10/2017 08:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I made the egregious mistake of going on RateMyTeachers. My students think that, while I'm a good teacher, I have constant "wardrobe malfunctions" and spill my "bloody ass tampons all over the place like a bitch". I teach 6th graders. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/6/2013 20:36 - Jordan - Amman

Today, my 12-year-old son played QWOP on my laptop. Half an hour later, he virtually destroyed it in a fit of rage. FML

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By zachadams - 16/9/2013 21:03 - United States - Buffalo

Today, at a family party, my uncles were complimenting my mom on her pies. I cooked them. She took all the credit. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2015 20:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I got nearly kicked out of the room I rent because I refuse to close my curtains at night. Apparently, my landlady thinks it doesn't look nice when people pass by and look. My room is on the third floor and I just want to see the stars. FML

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By riahta - 6/8/2010 06:45 - United States

Today, I was playing a math game with a 4th grade boy (I'm a college graduate). I cheated during the entire game, and still lost 7 of the 9 rounds we played. FML

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By P0wned - 29/9/2009 21:21 - France

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

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By Alex Xavier - 25/6/2018 01:30

False Advertising

Today, after getting married recently and my wife making a ton of promises about "things" we'd do, she admitted she won't do any of them and said I should just accept that she lied. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2013 16:54 - United States

Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML

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By perfectlybrokenx - 24/8/2010 04:21 - Canada

Today, while I was on a date, I noticed my ex-boyfriend in the restaurant, and he looked sad. So I walked over to see him and jokingly said, "You look like your mom died or something!" She had. FML

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By busmonster - 12/9/2015 00:32 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I told my nephew to be careful when crossing the street in front of a bus because it might eat him. We then watched as a bus slowed down and stopped in front of a group of people. When the bus moved away, all the people were gone. My nephew is terrified, and won't stop crying. FML

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By greeple - 10/9/2012 16:19 - Singapore

Today, I decided to clean my face of unwanted visitors, and spent my shower popping the pimples on my cheeks. Twenty minutes later, I remembered that I was showering ahead of a date with my girlfriend. My cheeks now look like the crater-filled surface of Mars. FML

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By anonymous - 18/6/2010 17:25 - United States

Today, I was on an airplane and had to go to the bathroom. The guy next to me was asleep and blocking the aisle. I tapped him on the shoulder, and he responded by punching me in the stomach. FML

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By ThatWasntFun - 29/1/2015 21:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I went to have a pre-cancerous mole removed off of my nose. When the doctor numbed my nose, she didn't check to see if the anesthetic actually worked, and began hacking away at my nose, leaving me to feel every last flick of the razor. Turns out I have an immunity to that anesthetic. FML

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By backtothelaundrettethen - 3/12/2012 11:40 - Germany

Today, I bought some expensive fabric softener since I'm not too keen on my detergent's smell. Only after washing two weeks worth of laundry did I discover that mixed together they realistically mimic the smell of fresh puke. FML

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By nubs - 27/9/2018 15:30

Today, my dad wants a divorce. I can either stay with my wine-loving mom or move 300km away with my dad. FML

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By TooYoungForThis - 30/6/2013 04:36 - Canada

Today, I sneezed so hard that I threw my back out. Now my back is in agonizing pain, and I can barely walk. FML

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By wilmerjean - 8/9/2011 20:47 - United States

Today, I had to spend the morning and afternoon waiting for my uncle to take a crap after his hernia surgery. It never happened, and in the end I drove home, only to find the highway just as backed up as my uncle's colon. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 20:18 - Jamaica - Kingston

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML

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By Noname - 2/3/2009 18:52 - Canada

Today, I decided to be a good driver and not run through the yellow light. As soon as I stopped my car another came and rear-ended me. The guy told me to go in the parking lot so we can exchange information. So I drove into the parking lot, I turned my head and watched him drive away. FML

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By PizzaNIF - 13/7/2016 17:58 - United States - Henderson

Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML

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By First Kiss - 7/12/2012 12:39 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after a romantic dinner, movie, and stroll in the park, we had our first kiss. It would have been perfect, had a passerby not thrown rubbish at us for "unnecessary public display of affection." FML

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By Trumpet - 28/6/2019 02:49

Today, my mom called me again to whine about what she heard about Trump on the news. I don't like him either and often agree with her, but she does this every 20 minutes so she can update with me. She's done this since he took office. FML

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By patronuscat? - 5/10/2017 01:30

Meow!

Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML

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By waymoreiwanted - 15/2/2014 03:21 - United States - Ashland

Today, I opened up a snapchat from my best friend. I received a full and detailed view of her and her boyfriend having sex. All I wanted to know was how her Valentine's Day dinner went. FML

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By Madeline Lee - 9/4/2012 21:34 - France - Pessac

Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML

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By graduate - 6/6/2009 13:17 - United States

Today, I got a computer. When I opened it, I found out that my dad had made himself the administrator. He made it so everything shut off after 11 o'clock, and made it so I couldn't download anything without his password. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2013 07:24 - United States - Duncannon

Today, the McDonald's in my town ran out of fries. I was the one who had to tell all the angry customers we had no more fries in the store. FML

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By CatofSteel - 5/3/2017 22:00

Today, my cat cracked my phone screen by sneezing on it. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/11/2014 18:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, army recruiters came to my school and set up some punching bags to attract potential recruits. I gave it a shot, managing to set the highest score at my school and fracture my wrist at the same time. FML

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By Hairy Cheek - 15/4/2016 04:27 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was at work and caught my pants on the corner of the door hinge. They tore completely open and my hairy cheek was exposed for the whole office to see. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2016 21:43 - United States - Sterling

Today, my 12 and 14 year olds told me they'll be doing whatever they like from now on and there will be no rules or bedtime, otherwise they'll tell their teachers that my husband and I abuse them. Where did I go wrong? FML

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Top comments

By MercyFrag | 22

#6173232 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:08

How very Canadian of you...

By Jasim | 17

#6173212 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:00

Doesn't matter had sex.

Comments

By Jasim | 17

#6173212 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:00

Doesn't matter had sex.

By blueblu97 | 16

#6173220 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:02

Sorry for what?

ComoEsJuan | 24

#6173225 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:04

I believe for arriving first.

StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#6173239 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:18

Or letting her pussy whip him physically too. And here I thought it was only a metaphorical phrase. I've been doing it wrong.

Kyle1dc | 17

#6173333 - Thursday 15 January 2015 14:31

guys, anyone else think this is kinda like makeup sex?

hamrtym | 15

#6173677 - Thursday 15 January 2015 23:32

My thoughts exactly. She should've moaned thank you or better yet you're welcome before sorry.

By FemskyD | 26

#6173228 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:05

I guess theres worse things you could have yelled xD

howard007 | 18

#6173304 - Thursday 15 January 2015 14:04

Pussy whipped

By MercyFrag | 22

#6173232 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:08

How very Canadian of you...

bahamit | 18

#6173560 - Thursday 15 January 2015 19:33

Yet would only happen in 'murica

cheeeksss | 29

#6174331 - Friday 16 January 2015 15:59

This made me laugh because my boyfriend is Canadian and he is the most aggressive partner I've ever had.

By Sunflower1919 | 19

#6173233 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:10

I hope there's a follow up to this one so we can find out if the apology was accepted..

By russiancat464 | 12

#6173234 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:11

meow *whip lash*

By nataliewby | 25

#6173240 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:18

But were you actually sorry?

By FunnnyGirrl | 19

#6173243 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:20

Reminds me of Mr. Darcy...

FunnnyGirrl | 19

#6174186 - Friday 16 January 2015 11:51

Guess there's no Bridget Jones fans here!

By Dreamsorrow93 | 24

#6173254 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:38

DINKLEBERG!

laden_swallow09 | 34

#6173344 - Thursday 15 January 2015 14:42

Forced meme is irrelevant.

By ProfessorMctitie | 20

#6173269 - Thursday 15 January 2015 13:12

Someone only lasting a few seconds?