By imsorry - United States - Oakland

SORRY!

Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

33072

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7754

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Intimacy

Family values

Walk on the wild side

Boom, headshot

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I talked to a girl I like. I tried to make her jealous by telling her I had a "thing" going with another girl. She looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Wait, aren't you gay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

45110

You deserved it

17764

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By Tyr88 - Australia - Blakehurst

The first step is admitting you have a problem: take away is bad for you.

Today, I opened my fridge. It's entire contents: half a takeaway meal and 4 bottles of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4471

You deserved it

1544

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By dieana - Canada - Lacombe

Today, I actually uttered the words: "Those are my good sweatpants." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41763

You deserved it

9515

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By mortified - Canada

Today, at work, I was caught picking my nose, on camera, in an elevator. The security guard stopped me on my way out of the building to tell me how funny it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10567

You deserved it

30852

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By ShowerGirl - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, I heard a door slam. Assuming it was my fiancé, I shouted "I love you!" I later opened the bathroom door to see my stereo and television missing. I'd said "I love you" to whoever robbed my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58561

You deserved it

5661

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By furryballoon - United States

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40480

You deserved it

6834

Favorite

By hairstylistprobs - United States

Today, I attended my best friend's wedding. Instead of throwing her bouquet, she turned around and handed it to me. I was the only single lady out of 150 guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31267

You deserved it

2628

Favorite

By Irritated - United States - Muncie

Today, I was sitting in a drive-thru with my girlfriend waiting for our food and the idiot behind me rear-ended me. I got out of the car to tell him he'd rear-ended me. He then argued with me, saying he "didn't feel it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12743

You deserved it

856

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By Anonymous - Italy - Milan

Today, while at the store with my mom, we ran into the girl I recently confessed to being interested in. My mom decided to shout, "IS THAT HER?! IS THAT THE GIRL YOU LIKE?!" Embarrassed, I desperately told her to be quiet. She grounded me for being "rude" to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39698

You deserved it

3743

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By Ilovelife07

Today, I got pulled over heading home from college. My car was full of my stuff from moving out, and I couldn't reach the glove box. I told the cop this, and asked if he wanted me to go around to the passenger side to get my paperwork. He agreed. When I got out of the car, he pepper sprayed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2392

You deserved it

162

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By only my life - United States - Concord

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was moaning a lot. My ego was quickly crushed, though, when I found out they were moans of pain due to a foot cramp. We had to stop so I could rub his foot better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53699

You deserved it

6704

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By Anonymous

Today, my wife is threatening divorce because I won't hire her son, my stepson, at the company I work at. Even the lowest position at my company requires a degree in computing, and prior experience. My stepson dropped out of high school to "discover himself" 12 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5672

You deserved it

345

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 14:02

My precious

Today, I had some flagstones put down to fix a muddy place where my horses stand, in a part of the woods that is only accessible on foot. The flagstones weigh about 30 kilos apiece and you can easily get them for free on the internet, yet someone went to the trouble to steal them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

771

You deserved it

Favorite

By redneckpunk - United States - Schaumburg

Today, during a date with my girlfriend, I found out you can hiccup hard enough to convince someone that you're having a seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31578

You deserved it

2664

Favorite

By Taylor - United States - Eastchester

Today, I shaved my legs for the first time in three weeks. It took half an hour, three disposable razors, and I cut my legs up so badly they look worse then they did when they were hairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10923

You deserved it

32797

Favorite

By magicman - Canada

Today, while buying groceries, I noticed that the lady in front of me had left a box behind. I grabbed the box and ran out the door after her. After turning around to find three employees chasing me, I noticed I had just stolen the donation box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34570

You deserved it

17430

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By notinflammable - United States

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11301

You deserved it

127424

Favorite

By TordNorski - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, I finally had a day off in two weeks and I was excited about getting to sleep in. At 5am, my mom came in and knocked loudly. When I asked her what she wanted, she said she was checking to see if I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13787

You deserved it

1108

Favorite

By Landdownunder - United States

Comedy gold

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me and decided it'd be funny to blow raspberries in my crotch. He literally thought it was the funniest thing ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1631

You deserved it

285

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By anonymous

Today, after almost a year of having threesomes with my “best friend” and her husband, they both confessed that neither of them actually even like me. They just went along with it because they thought it’s what the other wanted. Now they won’t even talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2430

You deserved it

772

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By Anonymous - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I saw my ex best friend and my cheating ex-girlfriend hanging out at the gym, where I work. They signed up here just to piss me off. It's working. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16318

You deserved it

1115

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By nick - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I refused to serve a woman alcohol, as she looked underage. She complained to my manager about "age racism". FML

I agree, your life sucks

35789

You deserved it

2717

Favorite

By Leah - United States

Today, my boss gave me a speech about my "motivation issues". I've been working for him for 2 months, the commissions I've made for him paid off his bills, so what are my motivation issues? I turned down his offer of a date. I have a boyfriend. He keeps asking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34611

You deserved it

2616

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By quiet_screaming_ - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I learned I don't have a yeast infection. I have herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28986

You deserved it

8787

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By Anonymous - Canada - Surrey

Today, while riding the subway, I fell asleep. I awoke to find that someone had stolen my glasses. From off my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41121

You deserved it

7773

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By anonymous - United States - Knoxville

Today, my fiancé threatened to break up with me if our dog couldn't be the best man at our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35432

You deserved it

6953

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By 8 Legs plus 1 - 8/5/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom

Spider-Maaaaaaan

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She went to the bathroom momentarily, only to be greeted by a 'huge' spider, which disappeared under a cabinet. Due to her chronic arachnophobia, this instantly turned her off and caused her paranoia all night. I essentially got cock-blocked by a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1763

You deserved it

239

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Saint Maries

Today, my mother and grandmother informed me that my sixteen-year-old dog died. I was standing in Wal-Mart at the time. They then yelled at me because crying in public is "inappropriate." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55555

You deserved it

4130

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By sexyswollen - Netherlands

Today, I woke up to find my face all red and swollen. Turns out it is caused by the medication I’ve been taking for over a week now. Only in very rare cases it will cause redness on your skin. I’m glad to know I’m special. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30878

You deserved it

3120

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By Poowee - United States

Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it would not go down the pipes. After about ten panic filled minutes, I notice the cat litter box. I carefully scoop out my logs, and bury them in the cat litter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20520

You deserved it

49238

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

That shirt is FIRE!

Today, my shirt caught on fire when I was burning paper for my ancestors at the cemetery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1242

You deserved it

328

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By Anonymous

Twister

Today, while making out in my car, the guy I was with decided it'd be a great idea to stick his tongue in my ear. He shoved it in so far that my ear still feels wet four hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27276

You deserved it

3272

Favorite

By Lazy - Australia

Today, I was at work and was trying to cheer up my stressed out manager by chatting. We were on the subject of sleeping in when I told her that I loved to be lazy and sleep in when I could. She looked up and down me and then answered, "I can see that." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31685

You deserved it

10094

Favorite

By Sal - United States

Today, I found a used condom and wrapper in the bathroom trash can at my girlfriends house. The condom is not a brand I've ever used. She lives alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

85482

You deserved it

5235

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By Yudor - France

Today, my girlfriend told me that she woke up after yesterday’s party with someone else’s trousers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26375

You deserved it

2415

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By someone something

Today, I was finally able to come home after 4 months in a hospital recovering from brain surgery and physical therapy. While taking a walk around the neighborhood, my new neighbor's Rottweiler ran after me. I tripped while running, got bit, and went back to the hospital for stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3326

You deserved it

172

Favorite

By steven - Cayman Islands

Today, I had my first kiss standing in front of my front door. It was really cute, the way you normally think about first kisses. When I got inside, I realized my mom had been watching out her second story bedroom window taking pictures. She put them on Facebook captioned 'My baby's first kiss!' FML

I agree, your life sucks

101003

You deserved it

7261

Favorite

By surfergal91 - United States

Today, I rummaged around in the attic, looking for old pictures of me and my family, so I could make a surprise collage. Instead, I found my dad's old journals, talking about how desperately he didn't want a kid, and how he wanted to leave my mother more and more every day that passed since I was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45473

You deserved it

4115

Favorite

By anonymous_0505 - Russian Federation

Today, my boyfriend ditched me, saying he had some important things to do. When I checked on him a while later, I found out what was so "important". A game called Robot Unicorn Attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29751

You deserved it

9447

Favorite

By maddie! - United States

Today, I was walking in the park with my boyfriend of 3 years. He stopped and knelt down in front of me. I started to panic, then he told me to calm down, my shoe was untied. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34472

You deserved it

13282

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Top comments

By MercyFrag | 22

#6173232 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:08

How very Canadian of you...

By Jasim | 17

#6173212 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:00

Doesn't matter had sex.

COMMENTS

By Jasim | 17

#6173212 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:00

Doesn't matter had sex.

By blueblu97 | 16

#6173220 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:02

Sorry for what?

ComoEsJuan | 24

#6173225 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:04

I believe for arriving first.

StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#6173239 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:18

Or letting her pussy whip him physically too. And here I thought it was only a metaphorical phrase. I've been doing it wrong.

Kyle1dc | 17

#6173333 - Thursday 15 January 2015 14:31

guys, anyone else think this is kinda like makeup sex?

hamrtym | 15

#6173677 - Thursday 15 January 2015 23:32

My thoughts exactly. She should've moaned thank you or better yet you're welcome before sorry.

By FemskyD | 26

#6173228 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:05

I guess theres worse things you could have yelled xD

howard007 | 18

#6173304 - Thursday 15 January 2015 14:04

Pussy whipped

By MercyFrag | 22

#6173232 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:08

How very Canadian of you...

bahamit | 18

#6173560 - Thursday 15 January 2015 19:33

Yet would only happen in 'murica

cheeeksss | 29

#6174331 - Friday 16 January 2015 15:59

This made me laugh because my boyfriend is Canadian and he is the most aggressive partner I've ever had.

By Sunflower1919 | 19

#6173233 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:10

I hope there's a follow up to this one so we can find out if the apology was accepted..

By russiancat464 | 12

#6173234 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:11

meow *whip lash*

By nataliewby | 25

#6173240 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:18

But were you actually sorry?

By FunnnyGirrl | 19

#6173243 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:20

Reminds me of Mr. Darcy...

FunnnyGirrl | 19

#6174186 - Friday 16 January 2015 11:51

Guess there's no Bridget Jones fans here!

By Dreamsorrow93 | 24

#6173254 - Thursday 15 January 2015 12:38

DINKLEBERG!

laden_swallow09 | 34

#6173344 - Thursday 15 January 2015 14:42

Forced meme is irrelevant.

By ProfessorMctitie | 20

#6173269 - Thursday 15 January 2015 13:12

Someone only lasting a few seconds?