The Top

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By talwin - 27/07/2011 04:05 - Reserved

Today, I discovered that the more money I earn, the more my personal belongings break down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 266

You deserved it 3 284

The happiest place on Earth

By Anonymous - 27/05/2022 00:01

Today, we were supposed to go to Disneyland but we got in a blazing argument. Then this morning I woke up to my alarm clock disabled, he was gone, my ticket was in the kitchen shredded, and when I rang him the bastard was in the first class lounge, waiting to get on the plane without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 116

You deserved it 278

By Useless training - 11/07/2014 06:04 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, we finished a sit-up test at school. I had been training for the athletic tests, so I was proud of my score. When someone asked what I got and I shared, proud, they responded with, "I bet it helps that your fat bounces you back up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 734

You deserved it 4 765

By raynbowsend - 23/04/2009 05:22 - Malaysia

Today, I had an appraisal meeting with The Boss. She raved and gushed and told me what a great job I was doing. Then she said, "Well done, Eric!" Eric isn't my name. She froze, opened a new file, and told me my actual appraisal, which was the complete opposite of everything she had just said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 355

You deserved it 6 741

By tgd4444 - 23/07/2011 10:29 - Malaysia

Today, I was arrested. The policeman threw me to the ground because I wouldn't answer his questions. This was after he told me I had the "right to remain silent". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 462

You deserved it 8 499

By Meggie - 05/11/2009 05:06 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my dad and his new "girlfriend". A couple days ago I realized that my sexy clothes that my boyfriend had bought me for our anniversary was missing. Guess who was wearing it? FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 276

You deserved it 2 207

Hair care

By hairball - 22/04/2009 00:12 - United States

Today, my shower is being renovated so I washed my hair in the kitchen sink. I put my two year-old son on the counter next to me so I could keep him close. As I was rinsing out my hair, my son started playing with the light switches. He flicked the garbage disposal by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 838

You deserved it 28 723

By Anonymous - 09/05/2013 16:30 - Saudi Arabia - Jiddah

Today, by pure chance, I found the website where my boyfriend has been getting all the cute, "original" romantic texts he sends me, including the one that made me fall in love with him to begin with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 419

You deserved it 10 104

By Anonymous - 27/09/2010 15:58 - United States

Today, I'm a 22 year-old guy with a 11:00 pm curfew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 339

You deserved it 16 422

Signs of distress

By Anonymous - 29/04/2022 04:00

Today, I was woken up by my cat, who normally doesn't bother me in the morning, meowing desperately and trying to get me to wake up. Fearing that something was very wrong, I jumped out of bed. He gestured for me to follow him, so I did. I followed him all the way to the kitchen, where he proceeded to puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 057

You deserved it 229

Fertile

By Anonymous - 09/09/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I started my senior year of high school and I just learned I'm pregnant. I'm not sure how to tell my parents, considering I had a baby freshman, sophomore, and junior year as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 1 206

By Sebastian20 - 08/05/2013 11:05 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 365

You deserved it 15 630

I will always love you

By Ihavenothing - 01/05/2022 02:00

Today, at a very important company function where lots of the big bosses were, including the CEO of the company, I absentmindedly introduced the executive director whose name is Whitney as “Whitney Houston.” On stage. In front of ALL of them. I’ll never live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 419

Addicted

By Anonymous - 07/05/2013 03:27 - United States - Utica

Spicy

Today, after spending a week defending my marriage to everyone, I found out my husband has an addiction I never knew about. Hookers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 154

You deserved it 7 175

By grossed out - 05/05/2013 23:10 - United States - Mount Prospect

Today, I was at my aunt and uncle's house. I went to the bathroom and after I washed my hands, I took a Q-tip out of the carton to clean my ears. When I reached for a second one, I noticed that every Q-tip in the carton was actually already used. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 274

You deserved it 8 269

Freudian slip

By Daria_Weiner - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Russian Federation

Today, at my anniversary party, and in front of all our friends, I accidentally called my husband-to-be by my ex-boyfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 597

You deserved it 49 212

By granny_panties - 18/04/2009 20:49 - United States

Today, I was folding the laundry. At one point, I had to take a moment to figure out whether a pair of underwear was mine or my mothers. I'm 18. She is 56. Enough said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 497

You deserved it 12 913

By CaoiiBieber - 17/07/2011 19:15 - Ireland

Spicy

Today, I accidentally deep throated a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 266

You deserved it 38 903

Well planned out

By Anonymous - 25/07/2019 06:01

Today, after 6 months abroad, I finally got home to the airport at 5 a.m. where my parents were supposed to be picking me up. I called my mother to let her know I'd landed. She picked up with a sleepy voice and asked, "Who is this?" I'm an only child and we live 2 hours away from the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 726

You deserved it 168

By Anonymous - 17/05/2012 04:35 - United States

Today, I went to the hair salon. When I got home, my three-year-old daughter told me I looked like Dora the Explorer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 169

You deserved it 5 906

Leave me alone

By MIB - 13/07/2011 16:26 - United States

Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 768

You deserved it 2 833

By hmb - 16/09/2010 18:50 - United States

Today, my dog used my stomach as a trampoline to jump onto the couch. I wouldn't have minded so much if I wasn't still recovering from having my appendix removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 107

You deserved it 2 924

By Anonymous - 15/09/2010 15:01 - France

Today, my boss walked down to my office with me to get some paperwork after a very tense, important meeting. He patiently waited while I tried to unlock my office door with my remote for my car. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 571

You deserved it 25 788

Knackered

By Anonymous - 11/06/2022 16:00 - Germany

Today, I'm fit, but so exhausted from work that I hardly managed to even climb the stairs. Yet, as soon as I sit on the couch for longer than half an hour, my butt starts hurting. So I guess it’s either reading a book lying on my stomach, which makes my back hurt, or hanging upside down from the ceiling like a bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 152

It sounds funny I know, but it really is so

By Anonymous - 24/02/2025 09:00

Today, my dad admitted to dating and getting my stepdaughter pregnant, and they’re very happy. My wife is furious. Meanwhile, my brother pointed out it’s a real life version of the Willie Nelson song. Once the baby is born, our inbred family tree will result in me technically being my own grandad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 549

You deserved it 102

Animal sanctuary

By Anonymous - 12/06/2014 00:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my roommate's pets conspired against me. "The dog ate my homework" has apparently become too clichéd for them. The new excuses are, "My cat chewed through my laptop power cable" and "The gecko ate my pen drive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 681

You deserved it 4 906

By neighbour hell - 25/04/2013 17:56 - Norway - Kristiansand

Today, after 2 months of my new neighbours' kids throwing rocks at our cars, constantly swearing at us, bullying my siblings in and out of school, and vandalising our property, their mother has convinced the landlord that we're the ones out of control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 121

You deserved it 2 720

By humbug - 13/05/2012 13:08 - United States - Broomfield

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been paying her half of the rent by taking my ATM card and getting money from my account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 543

You deserved it 5 619

By hatemyjob - 27/10/2009 04:04 - United States

Today, I arrived at work and was immediately given a disciplinary write-up for being two hours late for my shift. Apparently the manager had changed my schedule that morning and failed to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 384

You deserved it 2 081

By Teu_much - 10/06/2014 02:33 - United States - Bronx

Today, I let my dog outside to play. He shat on three cars, played dead in the middle of the street, and chased my neighbors' cat into a pool. When he came back into the house, he had a note taped to his back saying "IOU 1 lawsuit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 001

You deserved it 25 060

Teu_much tells us more.

Teu_much 5

Thursday 12 June 2014 5:36

Thank you 42. That was the exact reason why I posted it. I never knew so much people on here would take this post to heart. It isn't that serious to hate me for it.

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The Top

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 003

You deserved it 4 506

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568 535

You deserved it 40 621

Random

Today, I started working my new summer job at McDonald's. Only 2 hours into my first shift, my tooth falls out onto a young girl's tray of food. Not only did she see it, but my managers and other people waiting in line all saw it. I don't think I have a summer job anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 183

You deserved it 5 433

Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited thinking she was going to give me a hand job. She was actually pulling out her wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 265

You deserved it 10 452

Today, I came home from out of state. I found out someone online had told my husband that the "fumes" from hot showers can be lethal. As a precaution, he removed the draft-blocking bathroom door to make sure it's "properly ventilated." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 392

You deserved it 2 557

Today, I went to the drive-through and ordered 5 cheeseburgers. I told the cashier that some of them were for my girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend, and I ate all of them by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 376

You deserved it 54 337

Today, my 8-year-old nephew told me he liked the way I smelt. Apparently I smell like "cat food and cheese." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 889

You deserved it 654

Today, I drove 3 hours to the Capitol and back to cash my winning scratch ticket of $2000. When I got there, it was pointed out to me that it wasn't in fact a winning ticket. I'd already planned a weekend vacation at an adventure park the next state over. I’m flat broke and rent is due. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 1 381