Money: Today, I discovered that the more money I earn, the more my personal... - FML

By talwin - 27/07/2011 04:05 - Reserved

Today, I discovered that the more money I earn, the more my personal belongings break down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 152

You deserved it 3 261

Our house, in the middle of our street

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Christine

By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 20:55 - United States - College Place

Spicy

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 910

You deserved it 27 318

By Anonymous - 14/05/2016 15:48

Today, a very attractive man asked me out on a date, and I said yes. He is tall, charming and a very good kisser. I'm sure the woman he heavily made out with after I left would agree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 709

You deserved it 978

Phone call anxiety

By Anonymous - 28/11/2020 16:59

Today, I'm making preparations to call a foreign embassy to try to get back a huge sum of money. A close relative was scammed out of it, it seems to be bouncing around a European banking system, and they are not capable of figuring this mess out themselves. It's not even my money, but I feel obligated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 668

You deserved it 125

By Anonymous - 13/02/2010 00:22 - United States

Today, I was fired from my job. Why? Because my boss has been dating my newly divorced mother, and he didn't want family get-togethers to be "awkward." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 086

You deserved it 1 912

By top dog! - 11/10/2011 20:05 - Australia

Today, I was threatened with suspension from school because of my nose piercing. I had to explain that it's actually a pimple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 414

You deserved it 2 925

By Superficial - 09/12/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being superficial. She said I was superficial because I paid $100 for acne medication, because she always complained about how much acne I had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 920

You deserved it 2 671

By Braced - 21/02/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, my dad and I were shovelling snow off the roof. I told him I was going to jump off the roof. He told me to go ahead, so I did. He failed to tell me that the snow was packed and wouldn't break my fall. I now have an injured back. He didn't tell me because he didn't think I would actually do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 085

You deserved it 38 779

By Purple - 06/11/2014 01:12 - United States - Fremont

Today, my dad told me that my mom wanted to name me something "unusual." He eventually got her to compromise. I go by Violet. I now know that my legal name is Purple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 315

You deserved it 2 911

By tool - 09/04/2009 06:03 - United States

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 864

You deserved it 143 010

By heckaza - 19/01/2016 06:47 - Australia - Werribee

Today, I went to visit a suburb that was named after my family. Within five minutes of walking around I was mugged and then beat up. My family name has certainly done well for itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 570

You deserved it 1 903

By xX-SaD-FaCe-Xx - 24/11/2009 10:04 - Singapore

Today, the woman I love told me she cared about me and didn't like me hurting myself. She then posted a picture of herself making-out with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 832

You deserved it 5 781

By Anonymous - 20/01/2010 02:33 - United States

Today, I lost my job because I was doing my work too quickly, getting too much done and the supervisor was afraid I was bored. I have only been here for 3 weeks and already had the best stats on the team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 727

You deserved it 2 364

Things that go bump in the… parking lot

By Lousydriver - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was about to drive out of a parking lot. The space in front of me was empty, so I figured I could drive forward. I hadn't noticed that there was a median in front, and my car got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 385

You deserved it 31 869

Transference

By KayBee - 30/01/2021 02:00

Today, my psychiatrist of 6 years suddenly and out of nowhere told me I need to see someone else. She gave me the equivalent of the "it's not you it's me' speech." Actually her assistant told me via email. I basically got broken up with by someone I was paying a lot of money to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 94

Poultry

By sparkynobe - 30/12/2016 08:24 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, a co-worker asked me what meat we use for the drumsticks. We work in a chicken factory. This co-worker also thought that spreading out the chicken wings more evenly in the tray would increase the overall weight of the product. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 905

You deserved it 250

TMI

By Anonymous - 21/05/2020 05:00

Today, I was trying to teach my Aunt and Gran to use Google drive to share and upload pictures, when I scrolled past an image of my… yep. I didn't have a mirror when the pic was taken and I was concerned about a sore. Now they just think I'm a whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 492

Time for the dentist

By Ethan - 07/04/2021 20:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got home to my son holding his brother down with one foot on his chest and both hands on a pair of pliers, trying to pull out his infected tooth, looking like some sort of redneck, hillbilly comedy sketch. I half expected to hear sound effects in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 158

By facepalm - 06/06/2012 08:06 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, my mother is trying to convince me to divorce my husband. He has a tattoo of a skull on his shoulder and she believes this means he kills people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 998

You deserved it 3 032

By Kate - 05/04/2019 22:00 - United States - Exton

Today, my dog showed me her latest kill. Too bad it was the stuffed animals my dead grandmother had given me as a child that had a lot of sentimental value to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 077

You deserved it 379

By Anonymous - 12/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband caught me scratching my armpit with his beard brush. Just last week I swore that I never touch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 432

You deserved it 12 136

By JellitonOctopus - 25/01/2012 04:51 - United States

Today, I received a package from an unknown address. Inside were doll heads and cigarette butts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 933

You deserved it 2 644

By Anonymous - 01/01/2009 05:23 - France

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend has big fake boobs, but gets offended when I tell her how much I like them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 448

You deserved it 6 343

By Scammed - 05/06/2016 18:26 - Mexico - Mexicali

Today, a week after spending most of my paycheck on a down-payment and rent on a new apartment, I found out the "landlord" I paid was a scammer. Turns out the real owner was away on vacation, and he'd stolen most of her stuff before showing me the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 654

You deserved it 1 372

Cruella

By Anonymous - 05/10/2021 14:01

Today, my son was having a hard time mentally, and asked my wife if she loved him as much as she loved her biological children. She straight up told him not to be stupid, because of course she doesn’t love a step-kid as much as she loves her "real kids." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 414

You deserved it 174

Insurance is a scam

By Anonymous - 12/01/2021 05:01

Today, you’re required to have health insurance in my country. I have no income, I spend more on insurance than on food, yet most of the treatments that actually help me are not covered by the insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 68

By Anonymous - 02/01/2014 02:32 - United Kingdom - Chelmsford

Today, I finally got proof of my theory when the dog came downstairs at 2 in the morning, looked me dead in the eye, pissed on the rug and took my socks before disappearing back upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 501

You deserved it 4 274

By Anonymous - 30/07/2015 01:50 - United States - Schenectady

Today, I woke up on the couch and realized I had fallen asleep while doing laundry. Ran to the laundry room, and found all my clothes gone. I really wish I hadn't been doing a load of all my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 931

You deserved it 3 157

By cmilla - 02/01/2010 09:18 - United States

Today, I was setting up comcast cable boxes for my house. I had the packaging everywhere when I finished. Looking admirably at my job, I backed out my door, and stepped on bubble wrap, scaring myself. I flailed, fell, reached out, grabbing one of the cable wires. I pulled the cable box and my modem off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 475

You deserved it 22 410

By nomorefreehugs - 27/06/2011 23:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, I saw a guy with a "free hugs" poster. Since nobody else was hugging him, I decided to. He had a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 651

You deserved it 41 139

By lonewolf2701 - 22/11/2009 09:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, my manager sent me a text message with a picture of Santa masturbating, with a message that said he wished me a white Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 428

You deserved it 4 260

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 20:13 - France

Spicy

Today, I had an asthma attack because I was masturbating too vigorously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 743

You deserved it 46 716

Messy

By fiat850 - 09/05/2020 17:00

Today, I had two accidents in my car: one when a truck drove into its rear end, the other immediately after when my own rear end released its load onto the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 460

You deserved it 143

By Kamburgler - 02/07/2011 06:33 - United States

Today, this really cute guy at work kept flirting with me and cracking the funniest jokes. Before he left, he told me how much he enjoyed making me smile. An hour later, I saw my reflection in a mirror, I had a huge piece of food stuck in my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 336

You deserved it 5 688

By edgyasfuck23 - 13/05/2016 17:09 - United States - Blairsville

Today, I was hiking with my uncle. We were going down a slope, and I kept slipping. He jokingly pushed me just as we approached a big drop. I ended up with three fractured ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 540

You deserved it 989

By wellfuck - 02/05/2015 14:23 - United States - Lexington

Spicy

Today, I realized I get more pleasure watching YouTube videos of people lighting their farts on fire than I do from making love to my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 179

You deserved it 7 556

By Anonymous - 04/12/2013 04:02 - United States

Today, I covered a 10-hour shift for a sick coworker. Glad to earn some extra money for the holidays, I went to clock out. I hadn't even clocked in when I first got there at 7 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 924

You deserved it 16 386

By timmynotjimmy - 28/10/2009 01:28 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me how disappointed and depressed she was that she could never make me hard. She started ranting about her looks and how she fails at everything. I didn't know how to reply. I was hard while she told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 227

You deserved it 3 905

By Keastwood013 - 18/01/2013 15:25 - United States

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 714

You deserved it 4 138

By Anonymous - 01/05/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I had to pee really bad so I tried to unlock my door as fast as I could. I put my key in and turned it too hard, the key snapped inside. I ended up peeing on myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 827

You deserved it 13 642

By sigh - 16/04/2012 03:10 - United States - Medford

Today, my daughter told me that when she dies, she'd like her ashes spread on her laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 212

You deserved it 3 575

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Top comments

StopDropNRoll 11

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 12:09

seriously I find people with jobs have less money than people with out them.

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 11:58

As you earn more money, you're meant to buy better quality items...

Comments

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 12:01

sorry everyone, my iPhone shitted up.

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 12:03

my app doesn't seem to think I exist right now too :(

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 12:03

I think your first ;)

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 12:00

The more money you earn, the higher the quality of the items you buy... :/

BeautifulDemonKP 4

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 11:57

what things like your car? That doesnt sound good well fyl op

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 14:50

Mo' money, Mo' problems

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 19:40

Satin? Try Satan.

Trololololololo_fml 7

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Thursday 28 July 2011 1:38

By that theory, you should stop earning money. Things would magically fix themselves!:D

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Saturday 30 July 2011 7:21

So the more rich you get, the moor broke you get.

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 11:58

As you earn more money, you're meant to buy better quality items...

StopDropNRoll 11

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 12:09

seriously I find people with jobs have less money than people with out them.

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Thursday 26 February 2015 6:49

Point taken. Let's all be jobless and have more money.

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 12:10

And by the time you know it, you'd be broke too!

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 12:14

Now i aint sayin she a gold digga, but she aint messin with no broke nikka

that_is_Nathy 9

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 12:20

They were probably halfdead already but knew they couldn't let you down unless you had the money to replace them, so don't be mean - they did their very best to be good

borkchop1992 15

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Wednesday 27 July 2011 12:20

oh you silly clutz

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 6

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 21

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 70