Weird, Annoying, Neighbours, Cops and Miscellaneous: Leave me alone

Leave me alone

By MIB - 13/07/2011 16:26 - United States

Today, I awoke to banging at my door. It was my neighbor, accusing me of stealing her mail to spy on her, because apparently she thinks I must be some sort of secret agent. The cops don't believe me when I call, and she won't go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 738

You deserved it 2 826

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Same thing different taste

Nice neighborhood

By Anonymous - 11/10/2015 15:34 - United States - Lexington

Today, I awoke to the sound of my neighbors attacking my car with a baseball bat accusing me of calling the cops on them. I did call the cops on them, after they screamed at me last night, drunkenly, to call the cops for them because they thought they were being robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 974

You deserved it 1 791

Christmas gifts

By not a thief - 24/12/2021 01:59

Today, while I was home sick from work, my neighbor got packages delivered. Our apartments have had a lot of thefts lately so, being neighborly, I brought her stuff inside to wait. When she came home, I gave them right to her. Instead of thanking me, she told the office that I was the thief all along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 217

You deserved it 141

By nothingtoseeherejuststealingtrees - 05/04/2016 20:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my neighbor. When she saw me cutting down trees on my lot, she interrogated me and called the police because she didn't believe I owned the property. She didn't call the cops when she watched someone steal a cord of wood from my property two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 837

You deserved it 1 334

By Ava_Darkflame - 01/01/2017 15:54 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I had to call the police to get my crazy stalker of a neighbor out of my house. When the police arrived, I found out that she was friends with the officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 514

You deserved it 168

Nice try, Janet

By Anonymous - 06/04/2014 19:37

Today, I witnessed my psycho neighbor put her cat in a cage, cross into my backyard, and set the cage down before returning to her house. She then called the cops and claimed I'd stolen her cat. The cops didn't believe my side of the story for a second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 785

You deserved it 3 512

By ThatAintLogical - 18/12/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I slipped as I was about to take a shower, knocking myself out cold. I woke up to someone banging on my door. It was a cop checking to see if I was okay. When I asked how he knew to come, he said he was notified by "a male neighbor who called anonymously." I guess I have a peeping Tom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 204

You deserved it 2 546

Good samaritan

By tryingtohelp - 24/05/2020 20:00

Today, I heard my downstairs neighbor being beaten by her husband. I anonymously called 911, hoping to help. She must've seen me giving the cops my statement because as soon as they left, she knocked on my door and punched me square in the face while screaming, "Mind your own business bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 367

You deserved it 409

By Ghettogirl4life - 12/07/2011 13:34 - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 047

You deserved it 3 175

Not taking it well

By runsinthefamily - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Aurora

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, claiming I'd threatened him with a gun. Despite zero proof, they took me to the station and gave me hell. I guess what I've learned today is that you should never offend your crazy neighbor by breaking up with his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 009

You deserved it 4 635

Foiled

By james88 - 07/01/2013 21:39 - United States - Altoona

Today, in an elaborate plan to finally meet my cute neighbor, I convinced my friendly mailman to switch up our mail so I'd have an excuse to meet her. After I delivered her mail, I waited for her to mention that she had my mail, but she never did. I even saw her take it out of her mail box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 560

You deserved it 37 807

olii_fml 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 22:34

Tell her that she's blown your cover and that you're going to have to kill her

denvan 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 22:34

Tell her the aliens are coming for her

Comments

denvan 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 22:34

Tell her the aliens are coming for her

urdirtyolduncle 15

Wednesday 13 July 2011 22:40

Tell her to stfu and let you make your next 007 film. Then request a sex scene with her for the "film." If she's ugly, ask for her daughter.

whyXD 13

Wednesday 13 July 2011 22:51

use your imagination, have fun.

tacocannon99 5

Wednesday 13 July 2011 22:53

tell her your actually a Porno director. if he asks which one, just say: avrile lavigne and Emma Watson sex tape; the anal hammer. works every time.

baddud300 6

Wednesday 13 July 2011 23:16

Better buy a tuxedo.... doo roo doo do do rooooo

rallets 22

Wednesday 13 July 2011 23:22

were they butt naked banging on your bathroom door?

Thunderbender 2

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:43

. . . Well are you a spy?

goaliemkl123 8

Thursday 14 July 2011 2:07

badud300. that's not the beat for 007 at all.

dolphincheddar 10

Thursday 14 July 2011 3:12

umm.. calling the cops is a bit drastic. and your neighbors a creep but at least she doesn't stalk you or something..

ChibiChibi_fml 27

Thursday 14 July 2011 4:45

How is calling the cops drastic if the woman won't go away? If she's been asked repeatedly to leave and refuses than calling the cops seems like the best response. If she seems a bit crazy (as someone accusing you of being a spy might) it seems like the smart response.

bubbly31 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 5:23

I'm pretty sure if you call the cops they have to come

a_nutritionist 10

Thursday 14 July 2011 5:46

"there are 5 snipers trained on you as we speak, if you value your life you should turn around and walk away now. ill pretend this conversation never took place and wont need to tell my superiors the mission is compromised and to terminate the subject immediately."

ceepevoy 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 8:16

3 fingers, were the 3 best friends that anyone can have.

WallyTheWombat 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 14:53

Hit her with a bat, she'll go away.

aubcope14 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 22:34

well, you know what they say...

NomOnShroomz 14

Wednesday 13 July 2011 22:45

Well I know what your mom said last night... would you like me to enlighten you?

atthegates 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 23:38

im embarrassed for you 19......

lucas18xx53 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 6:40

lmfao 6 ahahaha

aubcope14 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 8:17

smart asses

sydneyaval 9

Thursday 14 July 2011 8:24

What DO they say? Please tell cuz i am just NOT getting it!

sydneyaval 9

Thursday 14 July 2011 8:26

are you an Austrailian?

aubcope14 0

Friday 15 July 2011 8:32

lmao, I'm not.

olii_fml 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 22:34

Tell her that she's blown your cover and that you're going to have to kill her

jonathanje2 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 2:05

That looks so awsome with that picture lol

Lumenoire 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 5:37

This must be the same neighbor that thinks that OP is trying to steal her husband..

brittiboo1 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 6:41

#73 haha i was thinkn tha same thing

ArentICute 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 6:53

Lmao, I thought so too.

daisy963 4

Tuesday 27 March 2012 1:46

I second that

jenzan 8

Wednesday 13 July 2011 22:35

The name's Bond, James Bond, let me show you to my room and I'll explain everything...

rainbo955 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 22:36

that's actually funny. I'd play along and do spy-like stuff whenever she's looking, lol.

hellokat1 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 22:46

That's a good idea. Maybe she'll be so freaked out, she'll move away.

NomOnShroomz 14

Wednesday 13 July 2011 22:59

Or maybe she'll be freaked out and stab her. See not such a good idea.

rainbo955 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:59

who would stab a secret agent? Lol

rainbo955 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 0:59

who would stab a secret agent? Lol

rainbo955 0

Thursday 14 July 2011 1:00

oopsy, stupid iPhone double posting.

loooooooooool_fml 1

Thursday 14 July 2011 11:38

rainbo955, obviously the neighbour would stab him, because she's crazy enough..

satanic_fml 13

Wednesday 13 July 2011 22:38

well stop being a secret agent then

heartbrakej 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 22:38

what would happen if I hired two detectives to follow eachother?

OkayImSorry 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 22:40

Who cares...

scottishandrew1 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 22:42

you would find out who the better detective was?

MrSassypants 33

Thursday 14 July 2011 2:49

They would keep looking out for each other then eventually both of them would follow each other in circles for awhile (I don't mean two feet away circles, I mean around the block circles) and would think each other were suspicious for doing that and might confront each other and find out your plan... then you're just screwed buddy.