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Fishing

By notgoth - 27/07/2014 22:17 - Netherlands - Rijen

Today, I went to a bar with my best friend, and some guys came up to us and started flirting with her and offering her a drink. I felt a bit left out and started joking that "I'm thirsty too". One guy looked at me, cringed and said, "No, I don't buy drinks for weird girls." FML

agreeclassic 44 676

vote type 1 8 443

By Anonymous - 13/07/2014 17:54 - Canada - Tatamagouche

Today, I was singing in the shower, not realising the window was open. When I got out, the neighbours were at the front door, loudly arguing with my mother. They were complaining about my awful singing. FML

agreeclassic 41 968

vote type 1 7 039

By hemiol - 09/08/2016 23:05 - Norway

Today, I was, once again, yelled at by multiple tourists because I don't speak their language, even though they could neither speak English or Norwegian. They also yelled at me for not accepting Euros. Norway is not a part of the European Union. FML

agreeclassic 16 661

vote type 1 1 439

hemiol app_comment_confession_title

hemiol 30

Wednesday 10 August 2016 14:22

Because I do understand some of the languages of the tourists who usually come through. I usually get by with a couple of words here and there, some Norwegian and English, but some tourists just don't bother to even try. Usually it's fine, and everybody's happy, but every day I meet at least one asshat who turns to yelling in stead of being a bit patient.

By Kiki - 08/03/2013 21:22 - Poland - Myslenice

Today, my boyfriend came over and dropped off my phone, which I'd left at his place the night before. He immediately left in a sulk. As I looked through my texts, I discovered he was only so moody because I hadn't answered any of his calls or messages. I'm dating an idiot. FML

agreeclassic 39 259

vote type 1 5 591

By Anonymous - 22/03/2014 17:31 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, at a family gathering, it emerged that my now ex-fiancé has been sleeping with his brother's girlfriend for some time now. A fight broke out, the police were called, and more than one of his relatives are blaming me for him cheating with her. FML

agreeclassic 43 630

vote type 1 3 610

By Uh_Oh_Bro - 24/07/2016 17:58 - United States - Annandale

Today, my family, grandma included, took some time to discuss whether or not olive oil is a suitable substitute for lube. FML

agreeclassic 16 648

vote type 1 1 989

I HATE MUSICALS!

By lesson.learned - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Littlehampton

Today, I dragged my boyfriend to see Les Misérables with me. He now refuses to communicate with me through any medium other than singing. Apparently, this is his revenge. FML

agreeclassic 18 260

vote type 1 51 304

By dana - 16/12/2013 22:43 - United States - Montrose

Today, my boyfriend dumped me via Facebook. I cared more about the spelling mistakes he made than the actual message. FML

agreeclassic 41 343

vote type 1 11 913

By poop - 21/03/2015 16:47 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was at my Mandarin teacher's house. I had diarrhoea and had to go to the toilet. My mum texted me while I was still in the toilet saying, "We all heard you". FML

agreeclassic 30 629

vote type 1 2 730

By geewhiz - 01/02/2009 10:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm 19, I'm at uni, I've never been kissed and the only person I have had a proper conversation with in the past week is my Mum. FML

agreeclassic 30 660

vote type 1 5 497

By chinousmc - 06/12/2012 11:30 - United States - Clearwater

Today, I got punched in the face after a stranger asked for a light, didn't realize it was a butane lighter and burnt the tip of his nose lighting his cigarette. Now my nose looks worse than his. FML

agreeclassic 21 871

vote type 1 3 428

By Anonymous - 09/11/2013 01:46 - United States - Blythe

Today, a woman accused me of bullying her son, and said that she is going to get me fired. Her son is a 27-year-old teacher at my school, whom I disciplined for showing up drunk. FML

agreeclassic 49 380

vote type 1 2 659

By Username - 25/01/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, I found out that you need to clean your car more often when you find a mouldy burrito under the back seat. FML

agreeclassic 6 165

vote type 1 35 039

Sabotage!

By WTF - 12/10/2012 23:00 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML

agreeclassic 27 963

vote type 1 1 689

By Jaayoung23 - 14/01/2010 15:47 - France

Today, my sister won a bet. She bet my best friend a burrito that I wouldn't lose my virginity within a year. I am twenty and have to drive my friend to Del Taco so he can buy my sister her victory burrito cause I didn't get laid. FML

agreeclassic 22 730

vote type 1 4 415

By dawg - 15/12/2014 03:50 - United States - Stuart

Today, I found out that the "IRS scam" that I ignored last week was actually not a scam, and now I have a warrant out for me. FML

agreeclassic 34 732

vote type 1 7 046

By itsover - 11/12/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via Facebook. I don't even have Facebook. My friends had to tell me. FML

agreeclassic 39 496

vote type 1 3 392

Circle of love

By HellaBomber91 - 05/12/2009 19:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two months broke up with me because she said I remind her too much of her first boyfriend and it creeps her out. I've checked with all of her friends and family. I'm her first boyfriend. FML

agreeclassic 38 850

vote type 1 3 279

By Jacqueline - 01/07/2012 20:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to throw pebbles at my bedroom window in the middle of the night. It triggered the burglar alarm, which woke up everyone in the house. If my parents didn't know I had a boyfriend before, they certainly do now. FML

agreeclassic 26 250

vote type 1 4 798

By Anonymous - 11/06/2013 04:12 - Canada - Kingston

Today, as I was walking home, I saw an ambulance pull into my driveway with its sirens blaring. Thinking it could be for my sick father, I started frantically sprinting. I managed to trip on my pant-leg, twisting my ankle in the process. They were just turning around in my driveway. FML

agreeclassic 51 992

vote type 1 4 735

By emmingle - 13/05/2013 23:05 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, I discovered that the "dish soap" my sister uses to clean our dishes when it's her turn, is actually a semi-toxic floor cleaner. FML

agreeclassic 43 113

vote type 1 3 043

Jumping the gun

By goodsister - 14/10/2009 08:09 - Canada

Today, I was yelled at and humiliated by my otherwise awesome brother-in-law for my supposed lack of effort in the planning of a baby shower for my very pregnant sister. The kicker? Her huge, break-my-bank semi-surprise baby shower has been in the works for a month, and is happening this weekend. FML

agreeclassic 28 646

vote type 1 2 846

By Raptorcake - 15/08/2016 12:50 - Australia - Calwell

Today, it's my birthday and I celebrated with friends. I now have 34 individual copies of the first Twilight movie. FML

agreeclassic 13 851

vote type 1 1 888

By CliffyB03 - 01/08/2016 21:00 - United States - Coraopolis

Today, while at work as a cashier, one lady's total was $1.32. She handed me the dollar, and then apologized. When I looked at her, confused as to what she was sorry about, she went wrist deep into her bra, grabbed some change, and quickly put it into my hand. It was wet and it smelt. FML

agreeclassic 15 336

vote type 1 2 254

CliffyB03 app_comment_confession_title

CliffyB03 28

Tuesday 2 August 2016 16:10

I'm actually surprised this one got published. But it was 90 degrees out, and my hand smelt like boob sweat for a good half hour until I was able to go a scrub my hand clean.

By Anonymous - 22/07/2016 17:19 - United States - Washington

Today, I had to deal with yet another day of people looking at my name tag and saying "You know nothing, John Snow." with a shit-eating grin, like they're the wittiest people alive. Then I had to deal with my boss telling me to lighten up, because it's "just a joke". FML

agreeclassic 12 806

vote type 1 1 866