Work: Today, my boss ate a small piece of paper off her desk, thinking... - FML

By Anonymous - 24/05/2011 04:38

Today, my boss ate a small piece of paper off her desk, thinking it was frosting. I have to work for this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 466

You deserved it 3 812

Triage

Seize the means

Bye bye love

By sofargone420 - 29/07/2011 14:27 - United States

Today, I was in a restroom sitting on the toilet, when the guy right next to me noticed my AC/DC boxers around my ankles and started to sing "Back in Black." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 560

You deserved it 10 498

By hannahg - 24/03/2014 00:44 - United States - Romulus

Today, my dad yelled at me for being irresponsible while he watched me fold his laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 355

You deserved it 3 791

Wow, thanks, I'm cured

By Anonymous - 07/02/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I vented to my friend about how unhappy I am and how I want to kill myself. What did she say? "Don't do that." That was it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 229

By Anonymous - 19/04/2010 20:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 557

You deserved it 9 705

By Applelover012 - 08/07/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me he was leaving me because we haven't slept together in a few weeks. I just gave birth to our first child and am still recovering from my c-section. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 278

You deserved it 8 436

By glocked and goaded - 03/04/2015 18:08 - United States - Sun City

Today, at my cousin's wedding, there was a bouquet toss. I jumped to catch it, only to get knocked down and crushed by a woman twice my size who'd jumped backwards. It still feels like someone shattered my ribs with a sledgehammer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 706

You deserved it 2 778

By clewie - 31/08/2019 00:01 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad showed up to my birthday dinner wasted, was loud and obnoxious the whole time, sexually harassed our waitress, then invited my annoying, bratty nephews to come home and spend the night with us. They're sleeping in my room. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 765

You deserved it 107

By Anonymous - 30/10/2013 23:39 - United States - South Gate

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me over Facebook. Unfortunately, she "accidentally" posted it on my wall instead of sending me a message, so the whole world could see it. My mom liked her post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 189

You deserved it 3 899

Prosecution time

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 20:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend posted a video of me going down on him online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 318

You deserved it 191

By fecurtis - 22/01/2009 14:38 - United States

Today, I thought it'd be cool and trendy to buy a Blackberry Storm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 414

You deserved it 37 319

By Birthday Surprise - 26/05/2014 21:18 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my parents thought it would be a great surprise to accidentally shoot me in the leg for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 573

You deserved it 4 979

That's rank

By Anonymous - 12/05/2021 06:01 - Germany - Emden

Today, I took a piece of toilet paper to blow my nose and had a surprise: someone in our house seems to not have understood how TP works. In this case, the principle that it shouldn't stay on the roll once there is poo on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 81

By RandomMe - 26/02/2016 08:00 - Cambodia - Sihanouk

Today, I was craving some popcorn, so I went to the supermarket and bought the microwaveable type. When I got home, I remembered I didn't have a microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 641

You deserved it 11 876

By BALEIGHLOVE17 - 20/05/2011 05:46

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me. Ten minutes after, he called me asking how to change his relationship status on facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 720

You deserved it 3 724

Side effects

By Anonymous - 10/12/2020 23:01 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, I’ve been horny for weeks on end. Because I’m on antidepressants, I can’t orgasm, so the horniness won’t go away. The only thing I do is go to the gym, where literally EVERYONE seems fuckable. While I’m not depressed anymore, my vagina is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 111

Yeet the feet

By SalonGirl - 10/03/2009 11:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure. When she took her shoes off I noticed an odd black substance on her feet. I started scrubbing it off and wondered out loud, "What IS this stuff??" As a chunk of it fell onto my lip, she replied, "Girl, that's just the fungus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 113 005

You deserved it 7 227

By Noname - 12/03/2009 00:09 - United States

Today, I was studying for a final when I noticed all I had was a blue highlighter. I decided to drive to the store to get a yellow one. On the way there, I got $200 worth of traffic tickets for not stopping at a stop sign. I basically spent $200 because I prefer yellow highlighters over blue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 489

You deserved it 109 982

Nice way to go, really

By motorboatofdoom - 30/03/2020 05:00

Spicy

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is terrified of me seeing her sex faces, so she violently squished my face between her boobs during sex. I then had a severe asthma attack because I couldn't breathe properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 064

You deserved it 267

By Username - 21/01/2011 01:41

Spicy

Today, while trying to explain to my date that a small coffee would be fine, I said "I'm cheap and I'm easy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 148

You deserved it 34 133

Dried out

By Anonymous - 20/12/2020 20:01 - Canada

Today, after spending $300 replacing a dryer and getting the vents cleaned out when our tenants complained their clothes weren't getting dry, my husband and I realized that it was actually the washing machine that was broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 235

By scumdresser - 29/09/2012 20:34 - United States - Pittsford

Today, an incredibly rude woman came in for a hairdressing appointment. I had to put up with being yelled at and called a "clumsy bitch," a "pleb," and other insults for almost half an hour. When I finally managed to finish her hair, instead of tipping me, she spat at my feet and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 326

You deserved it 2 286

By ohhhman - 10/04/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, one of the Haitians that works in the kitchen at my restaurant said something to me. Usually I can't understand them and I just smile and laugh, so that's what I did this time. Later, I found out he was trying to tell me his father had passed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 666

You deserved it 58 066

By crushed - 11/12/2015 00:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother won't let me intern at a prestigious college, working with graduate students and professors, and being paid, because she doesn't want to drive me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 188

You deserved it 5 015

By Anonymous - 01/12/2011 05:01 - United States

Today, our school started an anti-bullying policy, and we watched a video about bullying. After the video, I told a teacher about a bullying case going on that I know about. His response? "Tell someone who cares" as he walked away chuckling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 353

You deserved it 4 495

By Farterella - 02/11/2016 20:30

Today, I was the only girl in gym class who couldn't lift the weight, and the only one to fart multiple times during the attempt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 694

You deserved it 1 534

By "Growlithe1395" - 11/03/2017 16:00

Today, I finally got my hands on a Nintendo Switch. While unboxing it, I left the room to get a pair of scissors. When I came back, most of the box contents were missing and my little brother was standing there. It has been about 5 hours and I still haven't been able to find anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 548

You deserved it 578

By fucked5waystofriday - 19/02/2016 19:51 - United States - Angola

Today, my boss told me to resign within the month, or he'll fire me and give me a bad reference. I talked to him about it again later on, this time with my phone recording everything, so I could take the proof to HR. I guess he knew, because he acted like he had no idea what I was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 589

You deserved it 1 877

By jonboy - 09/05/2009 20:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a new comfy duvet and pillow and was looking forward to a good night's sleep. I got into bed and was followed by my dog, who then threw up the tub of butter he had just stolen from the kitchen onto my brand new bed spread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 681

You deserved it 5 247

Trust

By oww - 14/05/2020 08:02

Today, I told my boyfriend we should avoid the local walking trail after I got followed by a homeless man. He assured me we’d be fine and the guy wouldn’t approach me as long as I had a man with me. Wrong. We both got beat up and robbed by said homeless man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 076

You deserved it 322

By Can't Believe It. - 03/02/2014 20:11 - United States - Fairview

Today, I dreamed that Robert Downey Jr. kept flirting with me and asking me out. Each time, I refused him, because I'm taken. When I proudly told my boyfriend, he said, "What the hell? I could've kissed the mouth that kissed the Iron Man!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 189

You deserved it 9 181

Boundaries

By Anonymous - 19/07/2021 19:59 - Korea Republic of

Today, I found out that both my boyfriend and his brother feel completely comfortable going into the bathroom and talking to their mother while she is on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 123

By needlessly hungry - 10/03/2019 20:00

Today, when I tried to give blood, I was turned down before I even made it through the information packet. Why? Because I had thought I was supposed to fast for 24 hours beforehand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 3 373

By nekogirl15 - 27/10/2011 01:38 - United States

Today, I convinced my best friend to talk to the guy I like at work to find out if he was interested in me. She came back ten minutes later, and told me he said he'd never be able to date me. Apparently, kissing me "would be like making out with Mother Teresa's corpse." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 099

You deserved it 3 801

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 14:48 - United States

Today, I decided I would eat healthy in order to lose weight. Feeling powerful, I threw away all of the icecream in my freezer. An hour later, I picked the icecream carton out of the garbage and ate the entire half-melted carton. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 395

You deserved it 119 038

Healthy relationship goals

By leapfrog998 - 05/08/2021 14:01 - Canada - Bancroft

Today, my husband told me to stop being friends with my best guy friend because I won't let him hang out with his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 863

Married life

By ALO - 21/01/2020 05:00 - United States - Bossier City

Today, I found out my husband of 7 years has been cheating on me with "10-15" people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 985

You deserved it 202

Who did you piss off?

By Smashed - 15/11/2009 23:16 - United States

Today, when I walked up to my car, all my windows were smashed. Thankfully, all I keep in my car is jumper cables, a pen, my car insurance and manual. Whoever smashed my windows apparently was pissed, 'cos they left a note saying "F**k you and your f**king station wagon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 442

You deserved it 2 594

By Rush Snake - 05/01/2009 03:57 - France

Today, I tried to play with my Wii using the TV remote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 141

You deserved it 31 509

By Anonymous - 21/01/2012 22:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were hugging in the hall after school. This annoying kid I know walked by, and yelled, "Tiny penis!" at me. My girlfriend responded, "Yep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 271

You deserved it 5 013

By FacebookStrikesAgain - 21/01/2014 23:59 - Puerto Rico - Bayamon

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason why my credit card mysteriously maxed out 2 months ago 'might have been' because she posted a picture of it on Facebook. I ordered a new credit card without the custom picture of us immediately. She broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 396

You deserved it 6 108

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 11:56

Maybe it was one of those Chinese rabbit lollies that you could eat the outside paper of. I had totally forgotten about them until now, thanks for reminding.

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 12:28

And why would frosting just be lying on her desk in the first place?

Comments

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 11:51

FIRST!!

superstar_303 0

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 11:52

Loser

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 11:54

First at displaying who's a fucking idiot? Yeah, well done.

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 11:55

Loser!!!

miserypoison 13

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 11:53

perhaps there were crumbs on the paper?

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 12:46

Seems like usual mistake, worth eating it is the concern

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 14:18

Because if it was frosting, that wouldnt be strange? I love frosting, dont get me wrong, but its on her desk.

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 16:43

Ok is your boss high or just a fuckin idiot?

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 16:50

36- your comment actually made me gag..

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 17:02

45- Somehow i think that comment is going to get you worse responses than the original one.

dcam13 19

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 2:17

Today, I ate some leftover frosting off my desk from a cupcake I had been eating. One of my employees saw and thought it was a small piece of paper. Now she thinks I'm crazy. FML P.S. Wait no, I might just fire her stupid ass. :P

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 11:56

Maybe it was one of those Chinese rabbit lollies that you could eat the outside paper of. I had totally forgotten about them until now, thanks for reminding.

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 22:21

I love those! I haven't had one in a while though.

princessRiRi97 0

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 3:48

of course you are chinese! profile pic

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 5:51

Then you must like fried chicken, watermelon and grape flavored kool-aid.

rottentomatoes 7

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Wednesday 14 September 2011 23:04

I know I do :D And I used to eat those candies all the time before I moved back to Holland

redbluegreen 40

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 11:57

Would it be untasteful to say this is the icing on the cake? Sugar, this is merely the beginning.

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 12:02

Some people eat paper trying to loose weight. Maybe it's that.

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 12:04

Give her a frosted penis and she will melt over it.

coolkid_matt 11

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 12:04

LOL. Smart Cookie :D

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 12:08

Don't judge people so much.

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 14:40

Agreed.

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 12:12

should tell her another spot where she can get some frosting... wink wink

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Tuesday 24 May 2011 12:19

nom nom nom

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 30

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 23

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 2

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 197