Miscellaneous: Today, I was trying to listen to a phone message I'd received....

By ihatelife - Canada

Today, I was trying to listen to a phone message I'd received. I was excited because I'd been waiting for the coaches to call me back for tryouts for a week now. Trying to figure out how to listen to it, I ended up deleting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17208

You deserved it

28382

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Never? NEVER?!

Family extension

Vampires are everywhere

By Btdtgts

Today, I had to take out the grease traps from our fryers. A very rude co-worker cut me off, so I had to abruptly stop and try to prevent as much spilling as possible. Luckily, it only spilled on me. I'm here for six more hours with burned, smelly, greasy spots all over my skin and clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4497

You deserved it

311

Favorite

By SHIIIIITTTT - United States - Houston

Today, my new boss, the CEO's son, finally showed up for work, three days late and right after lunch break. His first order of business was to call a meeting and scream at everyone for not having a diet latte waiting for him on his desk. God help us all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32945

You deserved it

1768

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my college did a fire drill, and instructions were given by intercom in English and Spanish. The guy beside me mused: "If they say it in English and Mexican, why not say it in Black too?" That guy is my idiot brother, and he was dead serious. Sometimes I think our parents are related. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40213

You deserved it

3359

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Bethesda

Today, I had an amazing orgasm. So great that the shortness of breath triggered an extreme asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45428

You deserved it

5517

Favorite

By jadalaheart - United States - Citrus Heights

Distant love

Today, for the first time in more than two years, a guy asked me out. Too bad he lives halfway around the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1692

You deserved it

179

Favorite

By TMI - United States

Today, I had the misfortune of being left alone with my dad. He took it as an opportunity to tell me in detail all about his recent vasectomy, and the complications the surgeon had due to the scar tissue on my dad's testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30449

You deserved it

2863

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I learnt there's a woman who comes into my store only to hear my Barry White-like voice. My boss knows who it is, yet refuses to tell me because it's "hilarious." I'm now cautious of every customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25308

You deserved it

3282

Favorite

The best method!

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2599

You deserved it

787

Favorite

By The Rock's arse - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I hit rock bottom; I watched one of those shitty infomercial channels, without even being forced into it at gunpoint. Even worse is that I practically creamed myself over a damn fruit juicer, all because it was 50% off and I could actually afford it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37077

You deserved it

7392

Favorite

By vanilla_blossom - United States - Jackson

Today, I tried asking a guy I like on a date. He turned me down, saying that I "seem like a nice person and all", but after seeing those reality shows on truTV, he "would rather not date a Russian. No offense, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22168

You deserved it

1551

Favorite

By painfulintercourse - Canada

Today, my doctor told me to buy some KY Jelly and a dildo to help "loosen me up" so sex isn't so painful. I haven't been able to have sex for 6 months because it hurts so badly, and now my doctor has basically told me to go fuck myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39439

You deserved it

8338

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29951

You deserved it

6514

Favorite

By reddd - United States

Today, I purposely wore a red shirt to Target just so people would talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28925

You deserved it

11366

Favorite

By itsgonnabealongnight... - United States

Today, I was at my grandparents' house, when the power went out. Even though we were supplied with candles and flashlights, we still had to stumble around in the darkness. They'd left both the candles and flashlights in the pitch black, unnavigable basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24287

You deserved it

3029

Favorite

By Annoyed - United States - Accokeek

Today, after watching an episode of New Girl, my boyfriend became obsessed with the "Cotton-eyed Joe" song. He won't stop playing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38369

You deserved it

4651

Favorite

By Mrs. Man - United States

Today, a stranger told me how proud he was that my boyfriend and I were so open with our sexuality. For the past three years, most strangers have thought we are a pair of gay men. I am a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36845

You deserved it

7602

Favorite

By Reasondon - United States

Today, I found out my cousin had moved to Texas. I would have been okay with it, were it not for the fact that not only did I loan him $3,500, but I was supposed to go with him too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29234

You deserved it

4377

Favorite

By Sleepless

Today, my dad and I had to move in with my mom. There's only two tiny rooms, and my aunt lives there along with her dogs and my cat. The dogs have tried to kill my cat, I have to share the bed with my mom, who snores BAD, and I haven't slept in two days. I work early all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2219

You deserved it

276

Favorite

By srhoa01

Today, while at school, some jerk shot me in the foot with a BB gun. While in agonizing pain, I yelled, "FUCK" as loud as possible. A teacher walked by, oblivious to the fact I had just been shot with a BB gun and wrote me up for, "Disrespectful language". FML

I agree, your life sucks

16190

You deserved it

1572

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that a Ph.D. in Mechanical Engineering does not offer enough knowledge and experience to accomplish some simple, everyday tasks. I have spent the last 12 years designing large robots to scour the seabed for shipwrecks yet the mechanism used to unhook a bra eludes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52646

You deserved it

19736

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was at work serving customers at the checkout. A girl was brushing the floor behind me. I turned around and whichever way she brushed, the brush hit me twice straight in the balls before she noticed anything. She had to serve the rest of the customers while I recovered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1362

You deserved it

143

Favorite

By dust - Japan

Today, I found out that due to the fact that I got divorced, the insurance for my car is going up. A year after she took everything, she is still costing me money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28907

You deserved it

3311

Favorite

By jamiedevin - United States

Today, I was feeling really sick when I was with my boyfriend at the park. When we were walking, I got really dizzy and collapsed. My boyfriend didn't catch me. His mom took me to the hospital. While I was being poked with needles, he was at home playing COD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34436

You deserved it

4797

Favorite

By hahahaha91 - United States

Today, I woke up excited for my trip to Jamaica with my friends. We went to the airport, and I gave them my passport to check in. They gave it back. It had expired three weeks ago. I watched my friends board the plane while I'm stuck in the city. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16049

You deserved it

51519

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30370

You deserved it

4656

Favorite

By B-ran - France

Today, I was taking a dump at the Home Depot. After I was finished, I was bent over and pulling the toilet paper out of the holder. I pulled too hard, causing the dispenser lid to fling open and smack me on the back of the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8739

You deserved it

21545

Favorite

By Jack - United States

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36877

You deserved it

2960

Favorite

By Shelly P. - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39409

You deserved it

3512

Favorite

By inalotofpain - United States

Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32388

You deserved it

3896

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was getting ready for a date, so to avoid stinky pits, I went to put some deodorant on. However, when I raised my arm to apply it, I almost sliced my hand off when I raised it right into the ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1228

You deserved it

713

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 10-year-old brother got the bright idea to urinate in my oven to cool it off. My whole house smells like burnt piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36394

You deserved it

3211

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after hearing the doctor saying my girlfriend can never be pregnant, I got a bit too excited. I'm currently on the 5th hour of the silent treatment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18641

You deserved it

42605

Favorite

By Ferniferousfern

Today, I went to the dentist for a tooth extraction. Not only were they not able to extract all of it, but after 7 injections, I was still screaming. The best part? Their referral to someone else fell through, so I head back tomorrow to finish the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3812

You deserved it

308

Favorite

By swee t - United States - Greensboro

Today, I got a bill from my former attorney for the call he made to me begging me not to turn him in for stealing all my money and almost causing me lose my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15445

You deserved it

1028

Favorite

By BoringFucker - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend openly mocked me, calling me an idiot for thinking seahorses are real. She insists that they're like unicorns, and only exist in fiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42271

You deserved it

4716

Favorite

By ambrosia

Today, I saw my boyfriend cutting the crusts off his peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He’s 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

640

You deserved it

1757

Favorite

By catbum - Canada - Regina

Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while trying to push him off my nightstand in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10440

You deserved it

1416

Favorite

By horrible daughter - United States - Santee

Today, I was feeling guilty about an argument I had with my mother right before she left to go shopping. When she got back, I ran to give her a hug and tell her I loved her. Unfortunately, in the process, I knocked over and broke her new $200 vase. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45934

You deserved it

8378

Favorite

By James - United States

Today, my roommate and I got into an argument. He told me he understood if I didn't forgive him "for a couple of days." He'd confessed to undressing my girlfriend in her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42378

You deserved it

3093

Favorite

By smellyhair - United Kingdom

Today, I was shopping for a new deodorant, and this guy was standing in the way. He wouldn't move, so I crouched down to get the one I wanted, right when he did the most violent fart right in my face. Then his wife came over, made a face and he whispered, "I think that girl just farted". FML

I agree, your life sucks

39997

You deserved it

3822

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By MissAwesomeness | 4

#2513276 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:27

or you can just call them back?

By rups | 0

#2513269 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:26

there is a option to undelete a voicemail

COMMENTS

By doggiemcwoofwoof | 2

#2513252 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:25

lol to undelete press one

06tc | 0

#2513637 - Sunday 15 May 2011 11:29

if you just deleted it go to your trash pile quick! you can re hear it

fatgirllovesfml | 0

#2513666 - Sunday 15 May 2011 11:45

no it's 69 not 1 :/

jazziness | 12

#2514053 - Sunday 15 May 2011 14:52

I think it's different on different phones or phone company

EvilPotato | 14

#2565537 - Thursday 26 May 2011 4:21

and OP that is not a reason to hate life.

By IMveryHUNGRY | 3

#2513263 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:26

press 7 to undelete !

By rups | 0

#2513269 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:26

there is a option to undelete a voicemail

By MissAwesomeness | 4

#2513276 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:27

or you can just call them back?

raider27 | 7

#2514610 - Sunday 15 May 2011 18:01

Exactly what I thought. Why not call and explain the situation?

EvilPotato | 14

#2516734 - Monday 16 May 2011 4:42

well OP your an idiot "looking for a way to listen to it" last time I checked there's only one way to play a message, the "play" button

By AmberlovesJb | 0

#2513283 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:28

Call Them Back?

By ollie179 | 21

#2513293 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:29

just turn up

By teresa96706 | 29

#2513295 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:29

If you gave them your email, check your email. :)

By Livinia | 11

#2513329 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:39

I thought it was possible to undelete a voicemail message...

boredSOLDIER | 33

#2513960 - Sunday 15 May 2011 14:09

so did I

losemymind | 0

#2514632 - Sunday 15 May 2011 18:04

It is. You just go back to listen to the original messages and then it will ask you to listen to messages that you've deleted and then you can undelete it.

By Imabigbeast | 5

#2513332 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:40

It was meant to be...

By Michigan_Girl | 0

#2513348 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:44

You can try calling back and say your voicemail cut them off mid sentence so you didn't get a chance to hear the whole thing.