Miscellaneous: Today, I was trying to listen to a phone message I'd received....

By ihatelife - Canada

Today, I was trying to listen to a phone message I'd received. I was excited because I'd been waiting for the coaches to call me back for tryouts for a week now. Trying to figure out how to listen to it, I ended up deleting it. FML

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Miscellaneous

Messed up

Pavarotti next door

Letting yourself go

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got my lip pierced. By the orthodontist. FML

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By jagerbombs - United States

Today, I woke up at a strangers house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML

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By sadbride - Bahamas - Nassau

Today, 60 guests for my wedding were supposed to arrive to the Bahamas. The first and only hurricane of the season decided to crash my wedding, stranding my mom, maid of honor and best man. No one will be able to attend my wedding, except the other drunken hotel guests. FML

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By Dammit - Canada

Today, I decided to be safe and tested a small dime-sized amount of Nair on my inner arm before using it. I didn't react badly. But as soon as it was washed off from my down-there hair I sure as hell reacted, with small bumpy red dots that look like an STD. FML

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By helpme - United States - Irvine

Today, as part of a charity project called Operation Valentine, I worked with 150 other volunteers to make care packages and Valentine's Day cards to send to the troops in Afghanistan, thanking them for their courage. My boyfriend called the cards "cheating" and now refuses to see me. FML

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By NotYourCopyEditor

Today, at work, I had to explain to a 50-year-old engineer that Comic Sans is not an acceptable font for a government contractor to use in a structural report. FML

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By morningeyes - United States

Today, I was trying to remove a temporary tattoo my friend put on my cheek. When warm water and soap didn't work, I tried something else. Just so you know, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers do not, in fact, work by magic. Tell that to the massive chemical burn covering half my face. FML

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By nickyniknaim93 - United States

Today, I found out that the electric nose hair clippers that I've been using for the past two years are in fact my father's pubic hair trimmers. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Little Rock

Today, after a long couple of months working non-stop, I finally got someone to cover my shift. Turns out she was joking, and when I didn't show up for work, I had been fired. FML

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By amelie

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. While getting down on one knee, he farted. FML

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By aroman2312 - United States

Today, my grandpa decided to charcoal-grill some steaks. Inside the house. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, one of my good friends confided in me about the affair she is having with our boss. She'd been sleeping with him for 3 months and told me they were in love, but it had to be kept quiet due to our company's very strict anti-fraternization policy . I'd been secretly seeing him all year. FML

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By CanadianEH

Today, my dog ate my underwear. This is the twenty-seventh pair that he has eaten. FML

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By shaifox96 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I received a terrible grade for an essay I worked really hard on. I had two friends, one being an English major, check it over. However, apparently I "clearly didn't use spellcheck" on this essay just like the last one I submitted to her. FML

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By single and hatless - United States - Wilmington

Today, my 2 year relationship ended when my boyfriend accused me of stealing his beanie hat. FML

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By SpikeStanley - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been "single" on numerous occasions during our 9 month relationship. FML

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By CandlesSuck - Canada

Today, I invited my girlfriend to come over, telling her I had a surprise. I filled the bathtub and lit a lot of candles to be romantic. She gets here, and we start doing our thing. Until we smell something burning. It was my hair. I now have a bald spot on the back of my head. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Romulus

Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend, who's already made two threats against my life, informed me that she now has a concealed carry permit. FML

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By ShortTermMemoryFailure - Canada - Halifax

Today, I discovered that I once again forgot my credit card in the vending machine at work. This is the second time in a week that this happened, and now 6 coworkers have bought drinks with my card since I lost it. I have no way of making it back to work for a week. FML

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By FML_Fan86 - 23/1/2021 20:02

Moobs are great

Today, I finally got a "sexy" pic from my boyfriend. It's of his man boobs. They're bigger than mine. FML

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By helpless_soul - United States

Today, while standing in line at the video store, I happen to notice a very hot young girl on the TV screen, and mentioned to my friend that I'd "hit that." I was immediately punched by the girl in front of me. Seems the hot girl on TV was her on a security monitor. FML

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By adieuvelib - France

Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading past me on a scooter said I'd lost something. I stopped and looked back. Seeing nothing, I asked him what I lost. He replied, "Your momentum!" FML

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By Carrie - 4/12/2020 20:02 - United States - Birmingham

Obsession by Calvin Klein

Today, I was at a party with my crush, but I didn’t talk to him. After, I walked out to my car, and saw a dent in my car. I then noticed that the dent was exactly the size of my crush’s head. FML

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By Why Is It Always Me - Canada - Calgary

Today, during an interview, I was given a list of items and asked which items I would take to a deserted island. When I chose a Bible, the interviewer asked why. I replied, "So I can burn it." What I meant to say was, "So I can use it to start a fire if the trees on the island bear fruit." FML

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By Crystal_Nicole - United States - Wichita

Today, my dog played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my alcoholic mother decided to finally check herself into rehab. She did it while drunk, and flirted with the front attendant. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Just a dream

Today, at midnight, I heard my son calling for his mom. I stopped by his room and asked him what was wrong? He didn't tell me. Instead, he said: "Oh, I don't need you." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Right place, wrong time

Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML

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By NotTellingYouMyName - United States - South Salem

Today, with my name sounding vaguely like 'Turkey' and being in the phonebook for business purposes, people keep calling, offering to stuff me for Thanksgiving. FML

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By RBEE - France

Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML

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By theunluckylifeofme - United States - Gilroy

Today, while I was working the drive-thru, a couple came through. As I was handing back their change they began giggling. I looked down to see the man's sex-nose fully erect. FML

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By (L) - United States - Athens

Today, I was studying in my university library when I noticed an attractive boy sitting alone four tables ahead of me. I wrote down my phone number, scrunched it into a ball, and threw it at him. He looked up, opened it, scrunched it up, and threw it back. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my landlord sent me a text asking me to please keep it down because our loud Wednesday night sex sessions are disturbing other tenants in the building. Wednesday is my night shift every week so my wife is home alone, or at least I thought she was. FML

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By thepokemonkid - United States - Avon

Today, I finally made a Facebook account after being home-schooled my entire life. I friended people that I know and their friends, and subsequently sparked a debate on whether or not I exist. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 05:00

Yeet it

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML

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Today, my husband told me that, to feel less unreliable, he was just going to stop saying he was going to do anything around the house. That way, when he actually did something (i.e. wash dishes), I could be pleasantly surprised. FML

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By schmoodles - United States

Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML

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By greasyhair - United States

Today, I finally figured out why my 5 year old daughter washes her hair everyday. It's because she doesn't want to have "yucky greasy" hair like her mommy. FML

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By longlostkid556 - United States

Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML

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By Nick Pat

Today, I took my dad out shopping. I managed to pull into a really cramped parking spot and said, "Man, that was a tight squeeze." My dad then looked me in the eyes and said, "So was your mom." FML

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Top comments

By MissAwesomeness | 4

#2513276 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:27

or you can just call them back?

By rups | 0

#2513269 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:26

there is a option to undelete a voicemail

COMMENTS

By doggiemcwoofwoof | 2

#2513252 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:25

lol to undelete press one

06tc | 0

#2513637 - Sunday 15 May 2011 11:29

if you just deleted it go to your trash pile quick! you can re hear it

fatgirllovesfml | 0

#2513666 - Sunday 15 May 2011 11:45

no it's 69 not 1 :/

jazziness | 12

#2514053 - Sunday 15 May 2011 14:52

I think it's different on different phones or phone company

EvilPotato | 14

#2565537 - Thursday 26 May 2011 4:21

and OP that is not a reason to hate life.

By IMveryHUNGRY | 3

#2513263 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:26

press 7 to undelete !

By rups | 0

#2513269 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:26

there is a option to undelete a voicemail

By MissAwesomeness | 4

#2513276 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:27

or you can just call them back?

raider27 | 7

#2514610 - Sunday 15 May 2011 18:01

Exactly what I thought. Why not call and explain the situation?

EvilPotato | 14

#2516734 - Monday 16 May 2011 4:42

well OP your an idiot "looking for a way to listen to it" last time I checked there's only one way to play a message, the "play" button

By AmberlovesJb | 0

#2513283 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:28

Call Them Back?

By ollie179 | 21

#2513293 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:29

just turn up

By teresa96706 | 29

#2513295 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:29

If you gave them your email, check your email. :)

By Livinia | 11

#2513329 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:39

I thought it was possible to undelete a voicemail message...

boredSOLDIER | 33

#2513960 - Sunday 15 May 2011 14:09

so did I

losemymind | 0

#2514632 - Sunday 15 May 2011 18:04

It is. You just go back to listen to the original messages and then it will ask you to listen to messages that you've deleted and then you can undelete it.

By Imabigbeast | 5

#2513332 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:40

It was meant to be...

By Michigan_Girl | 0

#2513348 - Sunday 15 May 2011 9:44

You can try calling back and say your voicemail cut them off mid sentence so you didn't get a chance to hear the whole thing.