Intimacy: Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After...

By nooneatall - 15/01/2010 03:16 - France

Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 960

You deserved it 20 243

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Same thing different taste

False alarm

By dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 529

You deserved it 62 912

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 477

You deserved it 764

Cool off

By chumleevil - 08/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 263

You deserved it 3 504

By jack s.b. - 14/11/2013 22:15 - United States - Austin

Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 064

You deserved it 16 430

Quick thinking

By me. - 29/10/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 046

You deserved it 35 396

Baseless assumptions

By afafakfhsg - 19/02/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 387

You deserved it 12 106

By cumhole - 10/10/2012 02:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 554

You deserved it 69 900

By Anonymous - 08/08/2015 05:18 - Canada

Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 554

You deserved it 2 159

By madisonnkelly - 06/07/2015 03:18 - United States - Dallas

Today, I was laying in bed facing my dad. In the middle of our conversation, I noticed he became interested in something behind me. I turn around to the sight of my mom lifting up her shirt, flashing her boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 549

You deserved it 3 107

Cost effective

By EmbarrassedDaughter - 23/05/2010 07:27 - Canada

Today, I was on my bed on top of my boyfriend when I lost my balance and fell. My father walked in the door to see what the noise was. I don't know what is more embarrassing, my father walking in, or him walking in and saying, "That's an expensive bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 651

You deserved it 10 594

sparkleprincess 0

Friday 15 January 2010 9:20

thats soo freaken funny *wipes a tear* but try doing your situps on the floor using the mattress for that springy bounce back is totally cheating your muscles arent working at all.

becalm_fml 0

Friday 15 January 2010 9:10

I laughed.

Comments

becalm_fml 0

Friday 15 January 2010 9:10

I laughed.

asianpo 0

Monday 25 January 2010 8:20

what a piece of shit excuse for masturbating you dirty twat

bonnieandclyde44 0

Saturday 6 February 2010 23:31

hahahh

lolpwntdumass 0

Tuesday 9 February 2010 6:22

what #40 said. excuses, excuses.

skisftw 0

Monday 29 March 2010 4:49

thars what ur dad might do he probly is the one who made that bed squeaky in the first place lol win

daflyinhawaiian 0

Saturday 1 May 2010 6:30

who does sit ups on a mattress?? don't be a pussy

Idiot_Savant 0

Friday 13 August 2010 6:03

I almost peed myself laughing!

kmow32 0

Saturday 21 August 2010 0:54

sit ups ob matresses definitely don't give you abs. sorry to break it to you op.

kmow32 0

Saturday 21 August 2010 0:56

on* I can give tips if u want em ;)

cbaidchris 6

Friday 29 July 2011 3:12

^I love volleyball players giving tips on how to be masculine

Fenikkusu 0

Friday 29 July 2011 19:08

Says the anorexic. Give tips when you have muscles that you needed to work for.

Fenikkusu 0

Friday 29 July 2011 19:08

Says the anorexic. Give tips when you have muscles that you needed to work for.

farhil 14

Thursday 22 September 2011 2:31

I eat more than anyone I know and work out daily, yet I'm 145 pounds and 6 foot 1 with virtually no visible muscle. I have an extremely high metablism, which prevents me from building muscle, but also keeps me at a low weight. Also, being slightly tall and being lightweight, the muscle I do have is stretched, making it less defined. Just because you're skinny doesn't mean you're anorexic, dumbass

MyKillz 0

Friday 15 January 2010 9:10

I would have too...

rosalita_fml 0

Friday 15 January 2010 9:13

yes me too but you should tell him of your sit ups. and show him your body when it worked out.

Windskurfer 0

Friday 15 January 2010 9:13

BAHAHAHAHAH!

sparkleprincess 0

Friday 15 January 2010 9:20

thats soo freaken funny *wipes a tear* but try doing your situps on the floor using the mattress for that springy bounce back is totally cheating your muscles arent working at all.