Today, my teacher announced that he'd be out for a week because...

By Anonymous - 11/2/2015 21:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my teacher announced that he'd be out for a week because he was going to Vegas. I happily said, "Woo hoo!" Then he finished his sentence by telling me it was because his dad had died. FML

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Work

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Compassion

The student becomes the master

By ontherun2012 - 14/2/2012 04:22 - United States

Today, I finally received my passport. Too bad my flight to Italy left last week. FML

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By student414 - 10/1/2012 17:15 - Canada

Today, I went to my first class of the semester. After an hour of intense note writing, I realized I was in the wrong class. FML

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By notyourfriend - 9/9/2014 01:26 - Canada - Peterborough

Today, my horrible boss sent me a Facebook friend request for the fifth time, in her attempt to not only bother me at work, but also through social media. FML

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By aero00 - 27/7/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, I was fooling around on the trampoline with this guy, when a bounce caused us to bang our heads together, knocking me out cold. FML

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By Wronged - 21/9/2009 10:53 - Singapore

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because she found a bra in my cupboard. It was hers. FML

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By marymark - 13/4/2012 01:02 - United States - West Long Branch

Today, I woke up to a note from my parents saying we need to talk. Assuming it was about the weed I'd left on my dresser, I quickly confessed. Turns out my dog died. FML

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By ThirdWheelHell - 30/6/2016 06:07 - United States - Farmville

Today, I had a date with a guy. We ran into our gay friend at the theater, who insisted on coming along. My date was pissed, but I couldn't turn our friend away. Afterwards, my date texted our friend, mad because he crashed the date. Turns out he isn't gay. And only crashed it because he likes me. FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - 17/1/2011 06:24 - France

Today, and ever since I was born, I've had a lazy eye. This morning my boyfriend broke up with me. He thought it was funny to state that we just weren't looking at life in the same way. FML

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By lojo - 17/6/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, I was flying home to Milwaukee after a weekend in South Carolina. When I got to the airport, my reservation didn't match up with any flights. Turns out Expedia booked me on a flight that doen't exist. I spent ten hours waiting in the airport for a two hour flight. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 15:20 - United States

Today, my husband was planning on getting me my favorite movie as an anniversary present; I ended up buying it. He had to give me the money and leave because he is severely arachnophobic and couldn't even pick up the box. I have to hide the movie for fear of it being destroyed. Again. FML

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By tenniemo - 12/1/2019 04:00

Today, like for the last year, I’ve been on Tinder. I was having a great conversation with a man and we were planning a date for next week when he asked for my number. When I politely responded that I’d rather wait to exchange numbers after meeting in person, he blocked me. FML

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By STOPattheSIGNbitch - 5/4/2020 08:00

Tonight, on Idiots in Cars…

Today, a woman in an SUV rolled a stop sign and hit me, resulting in simultaneously twisting my foot in my bike and being knocked into oncoming traffic. Her excuse before I went to the ER? The sun was in her eyes. FML

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By jessica - 17/2/2009 23:56 - United States

Today, I was working the register at a local grocery store. A kid about 5 years old was having trouble zipping his jacket. I reached out to help him and he started screaming "No bad touch bad touch!" and kicked me in the knee. Everyone looked. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2011 03:38 - United States

Today, I found out that my father died a little over a year ago. I don't know what's worse; the fact that I don't care or the fact that in his will all he wanted was me not to attend his funeral. FML

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By I'm screwed - 27/1/2015 23:46 - United States - King Of Prussia

Today, after I got home from a long day at work. I go inside my room and find a life-size cut out of Miley Cyrus. I don't know how it got here. I'm the only person with a key to my apartment. FML

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By martyn28 - 13/8/2013 14:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked past a girl giving out leaflets for a nightclub. She ignored me the first two times. I dismissed it cynically, thinking she was only giving them to good looking young people. The third time she gave one to a balding 40-year old guy with his pre-teen kid. She still ignored me. FML

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By Cob - 3/2/2009 13:03 - United States

Today, I tried helping an old lady with her groceries. When I asked if she needed help she smiled. When I took one of her bags she yelled. I didn't know she was deaf. FML

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By Anaconda - 7/3/2017 14:00

Today, I ordered a plain cheeseburger. The cashier was confused, so I explained, "just meat and cheese". When I got my food, my burger didn't have a bun. FML

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By LG - 17/3/2010 04:18 - United States

Today, I found out that I will be spending my spring break alone because my family is going to France. I can't go with them nor go with any of my friends because I have to take care of the cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/11/2010 02:22 - United States

Today, after staying in bed all day for a week from sickness, I get up to tell my mom I have terrible back pain and feel extremely dizzy. After curling up on the chair next to her, not being able to keep my head up for too long, she simply stares at me and says, "Can I finish my dinner now?" FML

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By jasonnn - 30/3/2012 05:00 - Australia

Today, I brought a girl home. My dad's first reaction was to pull out the camera and snap away. She now won't reply to my texts or calls. FML

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By mrjude - 28/10/2019 04:00

Whiner!

Today, my boss yelled at me, telling me that I can't answer the phone anymore. Not because I do a bad job, but because a co-worker whined about it being her job. People call her and complain about how rude she is and then ask to talk to me. FML

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By chi-huaHUA - 4/12/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, I walked outside to see my friend frantically waving and running at me, yelling something I couldn't understand. I smiled and started to jog over to him until I realized he was screaming "RUN!!!" We spent the next 10 minutes running from his neighbor's 5 vicious chihuahuas. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2012 18:01 - United States

Today, I picked up a warm blanket that just came out of the dryer. Despite wearing pants, the static electricity from the blanket delivered a shock straight to my crotch. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2019 02:00 - Brazil

Today, I was riding my bike down a hill and noticed a pretty girl sitting at the bus stop. I guess I was staring pretty hard, because the next thing I knew, I was swerving off the road and smashing into a tree. She laughed at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2010 14:20 - Israel

Today, after months of searching I finally got a job interview. Too bad I didn't have enough money to buy a bus ticket to get there. FML

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By newlyengaged - 8/1/2017 18:11 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my mother excitedly jumped up and down, announcing that one of her sweet younger coworkers got engaged. I wished she'd had the same reaction to my engagement when I announced it to her a few days earlier. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2019 02:00

Today, my husband and I were having sex. It was stormy outside, and when lightning flashed through the window, he screamed like a little girl and scrambled off the bed. FML

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By that1guy - 14/3/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, My girlfriend who I've been dating for over a year was going to Florida for a short trip with a few friends without me since I couldn't get work off. She asked me to put her iPod in her bag for her as she was almost ready to walk out the door. Thats when I saw she packed 10 condoms with her. FML

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By OrlandoZ6 - 25/5/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, I was laying down on my couch. My friend IM's me on my laptop to watch a video. It turned out that the video was one of those scary pop up's. I got so scared I dropped my laptop. The screen had a big crack. FML

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By Snotmyfault - 11/1/2009 14:33 - United States

Today, at the age of 22 I started eating my boogers. FML

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By qx5 - 8/1/2011 22:05 - Canada

Today, I put my paycheck in my wallet, intending to cash it in the next day. Later on, I met up with a friend and went to a party. I ended up getting so drunk, I gave away my $400 check in exchange for a pack of smokes, thinking it was a $5 bill. FML

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By houdinette - 22/11/2013 23:14 - Sweden - Norrk?ping

Today, while driving home, I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that my three-year-old daughter had managed to get out of her seat and had crawled to the back window. I pulled over and strapped her in again. Five minutes later she was back at the window. FML

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By thedeadone - 15/7/2019 00:01

Today, I found the phone number of my biological mother after years of searching for her, and gave her a call. I introduced myself by name and said, "I'm your daughter." There was a pause at the other end, followed by, "The one I aborted or the one I gave away?" FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2011 21:52 - United States

Today, the boy I like came to my house with a dozen roses to ask me to homecoming. My uncle chased him down the street with a pitchfork. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2010 20:51 - United States

Today, I was talking to my crush on MSN. She was telling me how her friend had passed away recently. I had two chats open and accidentally replied, "That's hilarious." FML

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By Kylee Day - 27/8/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for a second time. Then when I was getting dressed with him sitting there next to me, there was a silence. He thought to fill it, he'd grab my hand and fist-bump me. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2010 04:59 - Canada

Today, I had to clean bathroom duties at work. Someone wrote "Merry Christmas" on the wall in their own shit. FML

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By Neversleepingthereagain - 28/2/2013 19:00 - United States - Manchester

Today, during a sleepover at my friend's house, I woke up in the middle of the night with a dire need to pee. As I walked in the dark to the bathroom, I saw a silhouette in a doorway and instictively screamed. Turns out it was my friend's sister's One Direction cutout. FML

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By batsu - 27/1/2012 06:48 - Canada

Today, I made a drunken bet with friends that I could pour lighter fluid on my hands, light it, and shake it out before I got burned. I lost. FML

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Top comments

By xlord | 27

#6200245 - Thursday 12 February 2015 8:05

What are the odds of him having to go to Vegas because of his dad's death?

By spatula232 | 25

#6200298 - Thursday 12 February 2015 10:10

Don't know if that was a gambling reference or not

Comments

By xlord | 27

#6200245 - Thursday 12 February 2015 8:05

What are the odds of him having to go to Vegas because of his dad's death?

spatula232 | 25

#6200298 - Thursday 12 February 2015 10:10

Don't know if that was a gambling reference or not

Retaheki | 27

#6200399 - Thursday 12 February 2015 13:49

He has to gamble for his dad's mortal soul, #30.

Zebediabolical | 37

#6200796 - Thursday 12 February 2015 22:21

One in one, apparently.

Ianamis | 6

#6200836 - Thursday 12 February 2015 23:13

He could be from Vegas ya know people live there right?

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6201202 - Friday 13 February 2015 8:16

Gambling, strippers/prostitutes, Viagra, and dead relatives... Is say the odds are pretty good...

By Alexandraaaaa_ | 13

#6200246 - Thursday 12 February 2015 8:06

He was dead serious.

lexiieeex3 | 32

#6200256 - Thursday 12 February 2015 8:22

Your icon describes exactly how I feel about the unnecessary nature of this comment.

UhHuhHoney | 20

#6200269 - Thursday 12 February 2015 9:02

Unnecessary comment.

ChrissyRaz | 9

#6200275 - Thursday 12 February 2015 9:18

No... Just no

xxNIGHTxx_fml | 17

#6200315 - Thursday 12 February 2015 10:58

Too soon.

By Charles900 | 16

#6200248 - Thursday 12 February 2015 8:08

You and your big mouth.

photographer49 | 22

#6200282 - Thursday 12 February 2015 9:47

#4 pretty sure everyone cheered when they found out their teacher was going to he absent in high school.

brssps1 | 19

#6201352 - Friday 13 February 2015 13:11

OP isn't Monica Lewinski..

By kiki1705 | 20

#6200249 - Thursday 12 February 2015 8:09

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas

buckdharma | 36

#6200283 - Thursday 12 February 2015 9:47

I was thinking a zombie could do quite well in Vegas. Potential victims aren't going anywhere until the roulette stops, and he could have a deal with the house to only eat winners.

By PhatCake | 10

#6200250 - Thursday 12 February 2015 8:10

Daaaaaaaamn that sucks OP :/ for both you and your teacher

grimpeeper | 13

#6200778 - Thursday 12 February 2015 22:04

No shit.

By swanheart | 35

#6200251 - Thursday 12 February 2015 8:11

Well you're not psychic are you? You couldn't have known that! Don't feel too bad op

BobbieH | 19

#6200996 - Friday 13 February 2015 1:48

If OP had allowed the teacher to finish their sentence he would have known. OP deserves it for being rude and interrupting like that.

By RebeccaRFT | 18

#6200252 - Thursday 12 February 2015 8:12

You're still a jerk. I want to slap people who purposefully make happy cheers when their teacher announced they are leaving. Believe it or not, teachers have feelings too

usmcmischief | 9

#6200253 - Thursday 12 February 2015 8:19

I guess I took the OP's "woohoo" as they were happy because the teacher gets to go to Vegas and most likely would be gambling. I took it as the OP was happy for the teacher to have a break.