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By Anonymous - 20/01/2011 17:18 - Philippines

Today, I wanted to do something special for my upcoming second anniversary with my girlfriend, so I decided to make a short animation of our lives together since we were preschoolers. In the middle of working on the storyboard, she called and broke up with me. FML

agreeclassic 37 754

vote type 1 3 236

Stranded

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I locked my keys in my car. After looking for the spare key for hours, we called our insurance company, who then sent a "locksmith" with a wedge and a bar to open my car. All he did was break the driver and passenger doorhandles. My stuff is still inside. FML

agreeclassic 44 963

vote type 1 3 675

By Singer_Song - 23/08/2013 05:04 - United States

Today, I was at the library. I had to use the restroom, where I ended up singing in bad, made-up Japanese the whole time. When I went back across the library, my brother informed me that everyone could clearly hear me. FML

agreeclassic 22 376

vote type 1 43 505

Singer_Song app_comment_confession_title

Singer_Song 0

Saturday 24 August 2013 0:41

I'm the OP. The reason I say Japanese specifically is because I do know a few words and included them in the song. I do love anime. I'm actually a really good singer, I've bee compared to Evanescance (I'm not trying to show off I have no reason to show off to online strangers). I was singing because I had a tune in my head and was being silly. Also the restroom is in the back of the Library so I didn't think it would go that far. I didn't know because not a single person made a face or anything.

By Kat - 24/12/2015 21:51 - Australia

Today, I made a typo in a line of code, bringing the company website down. Our admin was already pissed about having to work over Christmas, and he started yelling at me and ended up punching my supervisor when he got between us. Pretty sure my screw up indirectly got the poor guy fired. FML

agreeclassic 22 390

vote type 1 3 298

Thanks, I hate it

By MdT - 23/05/2009 11:51 - South Africa

Today, my family returned from a holiday in Egypt. A holiday that I really wanted to spend with them. As if leaving me behind wasn't bad enough, they then made me watch a 200-picture slideshow of how much fun they had. FML

agreeclassic 49 907

vote type 1 3 714

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 23:56 - Canada

Today, I went into a haunted house. Around 30 seconds into the adventure, I couldn't stop screaming at the top of my lungs from all of the scares. Suddenly, the little girl ahead of me, who was all by herself, turned around and told me to "suck it up and grow a pair, loser." FML

agreeclassic 12 165

vote type 1 42 095

By Oops - 10/06/2013 11:22 - United States

Today, my friend got dumped. I wanted to say, "You must be devastated", thinking, "That really sucks." I said, "You must really suck." FML

agreeclassic 48 212

vote type 1 13 833

By Clumsy - 25/04/2009 09:09 - United States

Today, I was doing a fitness test. Though clumsy, I managed to spin around a bat then dash across a balance beam, run through some tires, and walk across a log floating in water. Pleased with my performance, I walked to the bathroom, tripped on my shoelace, and bust my head on the floor. FML

agreeclassic 50 569

vote type 1 5 488

Best teeth in the game

By Nochnoii - 07/10/2009 20:07 - Belgium

Today, I was chewing my pen while I was paying attention to my teacher. I chewed a bit too hard, and something broke off, so I casually looked at my pen. It was unharmed. One of my front teeth had broken off. Everyone in class, including the teacher, had to see it before I could call my dentist. FML

agreeclassic 31 680

vote type 1 13 267

By Anonymous - 11/02/2013 07:46 - United States - Denton

Today, I checked out a "confessions" page for my university. The first confession was from a guy who whacked off in a campus restroom then used a computer in a lab without washing his hands. I work in that lab. FML

agreeclassic 40 501

vote type 1 3 407

By anon - 31/12/2012 18:13 - United States - Gilroy

Today, my boyfriend knocked into me with his car. I drove myself to the hospital because he couldn't stop laughing long enough to drive. FML

agreeclassic 34 261

vote type 1 3 147

By N - 08/02/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I did not know that was possible. FML

agreeclassic 29 405

vote type 1 5 249

By Anonymous - 19/03/2015 05:01 - United States - Wentzville

Today, I was pulled over by a police officer because he thought I was skipping school. I'm 24 and we graduated high school together. FML

agreeclassic 39 765

vote type 1 2 887

By Anonymous - 28/10/2013 06:31 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, when I locked my newly repaired bike up, I carefully took the new rear light off it so that nobody could steal said light. Somebody stole my bike. At least I have a red light to play with. FML

agreeclassic 41 167

vote type 1 3 951

By ForeverAlone - 15/09/2011 21:46 - Canada

Today, I was at my cousin's house. We weren't spending time together because he was always texting. After a couple of minutes, I got jealous. I played a ringtone on my cell, and "answered" it. I had a whole conversation with nobody in an attempt to seem somewhat more popular than a 10-year-old. FML

agreeclassic 12 664

vote type 1 29 236

By sad-boing - 02/10/2015 21:01 - United Kingdom - Dartford

Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had to retire to my room for a wank. FML

agreeclassic 24 971

vote type 1 6 920

By CarrieRedburn - 27/07/2011 08:09 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog, and a whole bunch of teenagers were driving around my neighborhood throwing water balloons at people. They followed me for 3 blocks. FML

agreeclassic 31 532

vote type 1 2 889

By EmptyGlass - 19/06/2014 20:04 - United States - Morehead

Today, my girlfriend saw my room for the first time and started yelling at me, calling me racist, white trash for having a Confederate flag hanging on my wall. It's a British flag. FML

agreeclassic 22 942

vote type 1 2 447

EmptyGlass app_comment_confession_title

EmptyGlass 3

Friday 20 June 2014 4:09

This happened actually two weeks or so ago I don't visit this site much so I didn't have a account previously. But today I visited it and decided to post this sense that was a FML moment I had with her and thought it would be funny to share. I did explain to her what it really was but argued with me for about 10 minutes that it was really a Confederate flag until I had to go on the internet and show her that it was really a British flag. I ended it with this girl for...various reasons.

A tad overbearing

By nehadrihan - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Oceanside

Today, my mom decided to follow me during my driving test. She rear ended me. FML

agreeclassic 47 825

vote type 1 3 461

By Forgetable - 21/04/2011 05:27 - United States

Today, a coworker introduced herself to me and told me she hopes I enjoy my new job. We've worked in the same building for two years. I say hello every time I see her. FML

agreeclassic 33 159

vote type 1 3 027

By Anonymous - 25/02/2011 12:17 - Egypt

Today, I asked out a girl I like to a movie. She said "I hate babysitting." FML

agreeclassic 36 856

vote type 1 5 530

Sigma mindset

By Username - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding and was shocked that the cop asked me out. Before I could respond, he noticed my wedding ring, said "Nevermind" and then gave me a ticket. FML

agreeclassic 32 912

vote type 1 5 648

By oppafucktardstyle - 14/10/2012 20:36 - United States - Waterloo

Today, I had to pick my parents up from the hospital and drive them back home, after they were treated for eating large amounts of cheese that my dad claimed to have "aged" for several years. FML

agreeclassic 22 507

vote type 1 1 630

By TaddM21 - 02/01/2015 03:18 - United States - Salem

Today, I dragged my grill outside in the freezing cold to cook a steak for New Year's day. I left my spatula in the garage, and I set the still-wrapped steak on the grill. I was only gone 45 seconds, but that was long enough for my cat to open the wrapper and run off with my steak in his jaws. FML

agreeclassic 29 842

vote type 1 6 947

By augh - 10/12/2010 08:24

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my mom that I'm gay. She sympathetically patted my back and told me I don't need to make up excuses for me being so unattractive to women. FML

agreeclassic 37 989

vote type 1 5 717

By hellalegit - 07/11/2014 06:26 - United States - San Jose

Today, my neighbor's five-year-old rode his tricycle into a history diorama I had spent days slaving over. When I confronted him, he just said, "Vroom vroom muthafucka." FML

agreeclassic 42 581

vote type 1 4 420

hellalegit app_comment_confession_title

hellalegit 18

Saturday 8 November 2014 1:54

OP here :) So just a little background: I was in fact using spray cans of paint so I was doing it in the driveway because I didn't want to damage the grass in my backyard. The little kid comes over when I turn my back for two seconds and annihilates it. His mom just laughed when I told her ugh :( Fortunately, although the project was due today, I got an extension from my super cool teacher :)

By InfestedCarOwner - 15/12/2015 02:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that rats have made my car their new home. I haven't even finished paying it off yet. FML

agreeclassic 20 577

vote type 1 2 266

InfestedCarOwner app_comment_confession_title

InfestedCarOwner 15

Tuesday 15 December 2015 20:22

Hey Guys, OP here! I'm amazed this got posted, haha. As for my rat situation - Thank you for all the suggestions. I'll definitely try and trap them in the sticky traps. For anyone telling me to clean my car, I work in pizza delivery and my cars actually very clean. I have to clean it on a regular basis, But that doesn't mean it won't smell like food all the time. A little extra backstory, Our neighbors had a rat infestation, too. We're assuming that whichever rats survived decided to make our trash cans their home, and since my car is right next to the trash cans, They got in. Also, For the people saying to use cats - A family member suggested we use our kittens to get them out. Which I'm not going to do.