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My immediate family isn't religious, but my grandparents were. My sister was not harshly reprimanded or anything of the sort as she has not been exposed to religion and doesn't understand it at this point in her life. Thank you for all of your kind comments; I wasn't close with my grandmother but it's still a heartbreaking event.

By Anonyme - 17/12/2015 06:24 - France - Lyon

Today, Murphy's law didn't check out: my piece of toast didn't fall on the side containing the spread of jam. However, when I leaned against the corner of the table to pick it up, I knocked a full ashtray on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 148

By whoslade - 28/06/2012 17:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 933

You deserved it 4 592

Too soon?

By jobless - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a phone interview with my potential new boss. I was getting excited about the prospects of landing a great job. I had nailed every question the man asked me and right after he told me he'll call me tomorrow if he wants me to come in I sweetly said, "Talk to you tomorrow! Love you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 504

You deserved it 58 537

The dress is lit

By Laura - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I saw a small child take a really bad fall off his scooter, so I got rid of my cigarette and ran to help him. I asked him if he was alright, or if I could walk him to his house. He replied "I'm okay, but your dress is on fire." It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 746

You deserved it 17 706

By thats what my ipod is for - 26/04/2013 17:34 - United States

Today, I overheard my grandpa telling my mom he'd found a load of porn in my laptop's browser history, but that he deleted all the "filth" so she wouldn't have to see it. She believed him and I got grounded, much to his amusement. I've never looked up porn on that computer in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 501

You deserved it 3 150

By flea-bitten - 06/04/2013 19:41 - United States

Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 426

You deserved it 4 445

No one disturbs the masters

By Anonymous - 01/08/2015 04:10 - United States - Erie

Today, I went to the restaurant where my date and I were supposed to meet. After half an hour he still hadn't arrived, so I texted him. He replied with a half-hearted apology and said he couldn't come because his cat had fallen asleep on his lap and he didn't want to wake it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 368

You deserved it 3 237

By pathetic - 20/08/2010 09:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a year and I had sex for the first time in several weeks due to relationship problems; I came in less than 10 seconds. We're still having problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 712

You deserved it 29 898

By Anonymous - 25/03/2013 21:53 - Netherlands - Drachten

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I wouldn't give her a new iPhone 5 for free to replace her broken Nokia, which she threw out the window in "blind rage". I felt awful having to thank her for calling. Sadly, this is a daily event. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 784

You deserved it 2 692

By worker666 - 13/04/2014 14:51 - United States

Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 922

You deserved it 4 254

Hey, it's you!

By SlothyMolly - 06/03/2013 17:19 - United States

Today, while working my shift at Taco Bell, a creepy guy started flirting with me. He said, "You remind me of something," acting as if I knew him from elsewhere. I quickly said I used to work at Chili's. He shook his head and said, "No, not a person! An animal. A sloth maybe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 869

You deserved it 4 209

By epicfail - 28/05/2011 06:45 - United States

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to sneak out. As I was climbing out of my 3rd floor window, he got a text and moved the ladder. Now I'm in the hospital with two broken ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 613

You deserved it 37 449

Spooked

By fucking mafia or what?? - 12/01/2013 22:02 - United States - Marysville

Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 023

You deserved it 3 465

By Anonymous - 03/02/2012 08:12 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad killed my pet rats. They were playing on the sofa, and he thought they were vermin. This would have been understandable if the reason he came over wasn't to meet them, and they hadn't been wearing bright pink walking harnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 035

You deserved it 7 220

By Ashamed_Sister - 30/11/2013 07:35 - Namibia - Windhoek

Today, I was proud when I started a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 676

You deserved it 78 161

Ashamed_Sister tells us more.

Ashamed_Sister 60

Saturday 30 November 2013 16:19

He just asked me if he can have something to eat. When I finished the sandwich I realized the irony.

By fuggers :/ - 24/11/2013 21:38 - United Kingdom - Basingstoke

Today, my workplace had a big employee photoshoot for an ad campaign. I was there all of 30 seconds before the photographer said, "What the fuck? Look guys, this ain't an ad for facial abortions." He then asked me and another colleague to step out of the shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 594

You deserved it 3 821

By krfenton8 - 11/01/2016 06:49

Today, I had a bad feeling about walking to work because of the weather. Instead, I drove. My car slid on the ice and I created a four-car pile up. All three of the other people involved have decided to sue me. I should've walked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 599

You deserved it 4 110

Awkward silence

By kayin - 10/12/2010 01:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a tour for parents who wanted to send their kids to our school. One of the parents had a kid on crutches with what appeared to be a broken leg, so I asked him how he broke it. He replied, "I was born like this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 488

You deserved it 6 604

By Anonymous - 24/06/2013 20:26 - United States - Houston

Today, I took my girlfriend of nearly 2 years out to dinner so I could propose. When the waiter brought the check, I caused a bit of a scene to get everyone's attention. When I got on my knee and proposed, she said no and asked if I could hurry up and pay, because she was embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 770

You deserved it 18 351

By Moeswifey - 24/10/2010 17:11 - United States

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 450

You deserved it 4 568

By WickedRene - 02/08/2014 01:57 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 957

You deserved it 8 234

By lostintdot - 31/07/2014 11:38 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, while wandering around the big city I just relocated to, I asked a seemingly pleasant-looking lady where the nearest library was. She told me to get lost, and started laughing. Then said she was just joking and gave me directions. I'm now standing in front of a gay strip joint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 980

You deserved it 5 172

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Keywords

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Today, I found out the reason I've been itchy for the last two weeks is because I'm now allergic to chlorine. I'm also a swimming instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 306

You deserved it 3 191

Today, I was told that I was no longer being considered for the Prison Officer job I have been interviewed for, because a social media check showed I had liked a picture of drugs, so my character is inappropriate. I thought it was a picture of candy. I've never even tried weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 003

You deserved it 2 247

Today, when I checked on my last payroll, I realized that I pay more in taxes than I do in house bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 127

Today, at my new job, I was answering the phone and said "Hello Cafe Thirty, how may I help you?" The man on the other line said "Don't you mean Old Town Cafe?" Cafe Thirty was my old job. I now work at Old Town Cafe. The man on the other line was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 058

You deserved it 28 467

Today, my boyfriend again accused me of cheating on him. This time, it was because I delayed replying to his text message so I could feed my pet. Apparently I'm fucking my pet toad now. Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 751

You deserved it 5 478

Today, it was the third time in a row someone has lost a boner inside of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 580

You deserved it 638