By Anonymous - 24/06/2013 20:26 - United States - Houston
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Maybe she just isn't ready yet. Still, that's horribly embarrassing.
89, why is it that so many people like you say "dump him/her and find someone better"? Can't you consider the fact that she may not have been ready? Or maybe she's just afraid of commitment? Or maybe she was simply embarrassed with the fact he asked her in a public place?
But 95, that's just your opinion. In your eyes, you see her as the problem when in fact it very well could have been OP's fault. Not saying that it is OP, but from what I'm getting from this FML, I'm guessing that he never brought up the concept of marriage before hand.
89 / 95, there could be many reasons as to why the girlfriend declined the proposal. Maybe they have issues that the girlfriend wants resolved before she makes that committment with OP, maybe marriage was not something she thought about yet, etc. You don't know the whole story, and for you to tell the OP to just dump her straight off is a bit ridiculous. OP obviously loves her and hopes to be with her for the rest of his life; maybe she just needs more time before she is ready to say yes.
I'm sorry, but he should act immaturely because she said no? How rude. Oh, this woman didn't do what I wanted her to do, better screw her over! I hate when people just want to "get even" with anyone who doesn't do what you wanted them to do. Maybe she's not ready for marriage or just doesn't want to get married at all. Don't blame the lack of communication on her alone.
That's fine that he wants to make it a good memory, but making a scene in a restaurant? C'mon. That is embarrassing. If he was with her for 2 years then he should know what she is comfortable and what is not. If he wanted to make something like that work, then he should have been absolutely sure they were on the Same level and maybe done it quietly amongst themselves then announced it after she said yes, if she would've said yes. Would have saved him from the embarrassment of being denied the proposal, her the embarrassment to being put in the position of everyone, including him, assuming she would say yes because everyone was watching them, and why make a scene in a restaurant anyways? It's not a good way to start or end a romantic evening.
People always seem to think a girl wants to be proposed to with the whole world watching. Values have changed. Not every girl wants to get married or thinks commitment needs a wedding, a ring, and a contract to be real. I am one of those women. I would be embarrassed if the person I was with just assumed I would want to marry him without discussing it with me. Not because the idea of marriage is offensive, but that someone who loved me would not want to hear what I had to say. It sounds like Op is not ready for marriage if he did not bother to discuss the situation with his girlfriend. Marriage takes communication and this sounds like--no matter how romantic he wanted to be--he could not be bothered to bring up the discussion.
So saying no because you are not ready for marriage is now considered screwing someone over #96? Interesting...I don't know about you but if I'm not ready for marriage or not 100% that I really want to be with someone for the rest of my life, I am NOT saying yes. Doesn't matter if its private or public. And she doesn't have to say yes, nor is she obligated to just because they have been together for 2 years.
It's horribly embarrassing for both parties involved. Of course it's crushing for him, but with everyone watching like that she was made out to be the bad guy just because she didn't say yes. He really should have made sure they were on the same level before doing this..
Sounds like to me he wanted everyone's attention to kind of push her towards saying yes. Which is why it was embarrassing for her, because she just turned someone down and probably ruined their day with a whole load of eyes on her, when she just wasn't ready for a commitment. If he's embarrassed then he deserves it for getting everyone's attention in the first place.
Two years isn't that long. And besides, you should always make sure it's not overdramatic in case she says no. Now, both of you are embarrassed.
Two years isn't that long? Really? My wife and I had been dating for almost exactly 2 years when I proposed, and 15 years later we're still very much together. The time dating isn't nearly as important as getting to know the person thoroughly so you know if you're truly compatible.
lets see, I've been married two years. he proposed at 8 months. hmmm. yeah, no one can judge how ready a couple is by how long they've been together. sometimes you know right away, sometimes you spend hours on the phone talking and get to know each other better than you know anyone else... and sometimes people just don't want to get married at all
Just proposed to my fiance after close to two and a half years of dating... Got on one knee in a restaurant, didn't make a scene even though I knew she was going to say yes... Heck only 3 other tables saw me do it out of a jam packed restaurant. I have no sympathy for OP... No one likes an attention whore.
Incorrect, she loves me and me only. Yes, I can be an asshole, but in this case, he made a scene to get peoples attention. That's a lot more different then just winging it and hoping people take notice of your actions. Like I said, I did not feel the need to get everyones attention when I proposed.
50- no, not necessarily. My mum is in the process of divorcing the guy she started seeing 8 years ago. They dated for 2 or 3 years before moving in together and have been living together ever since, but it took this long for them to realize they really aren't a good couple. They're to the point now where he thinks she's a bitch and she thinks he's a dick, and they can barely stand to be in a room together without fighting. So clearly two years (or eight) is not necessarily long enough to know if you'll want to spend the rest of your lives happily ever after together.
Kind of a dick move man, but big up for trying to pop the big one man.
Why make a scene? Were you assuming she would say yes just because everyone was looking at her? I'd be embarrassed too, because that's just asking for trouble in my opinion and if she says no(which she did) then people make her out to be cruel and heartless.
He deserves is for making a scene whit the waiter. If that's how he wanted to propose, he should have had the balls to just stand up and politely ask for everyone's attention for a moment. Instead he instantly came off as an asshole then asked her to marry said asshole! No way OP doesn't deserve it!
I agree wholeheartedly. Putting someone on the spot is a terrible idea. If you have discussed marriage and you know that she's interested, etc, then yeah okay that can work. But otherwise asking a woman to marry you in public is a terrible idea. I have seen an fml where a woman accepted and then told him "actually no, I just didn't want all those people to think I was a jerk". That is the situation you put a woman in when you do this. If she says no, everyone thinks she's a cold-hearted bitch. You can't lose, because if she says no everyone feels sorry for you and is on your side. And she's left to either accept, which she may or may not want to do, or be hated by everyone in the general vicinity. I'm on her side.