Miscellaneous: Today, I found out that the crazy old man that sleep walks naked... - FML

By Username - 02/08/2011 06:46 - United States

Today, I found out that the crazy old man that sleep walks naked around my neighborhood every night is my grandpa. And he's not sleepwalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 813

You deserved it 2 855

Dysfunctional

Must be one hell of a novel

She'll learn

By no sir I have not - 08/03/2013 00:35 - United States

Today, I was taking a patient's blood pressure, and listening for his pulse with my stethoscope. I couldn't hear anything, so I adjusted the cuff and tried again. Still no pulse. He pointed out that my stethoscope was the wrong way around and sneered, "You been smokin' the reefer, boy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 331

You deserved it 36 253

By artmfanforever - 22/09/2010 20:39 - United States

Today, I locked myself out of my car. While walking home to retrieve the spare, I realized I locked my house keys inside the house this morning. Now I must decide whether to break into my house or car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 306

You deserved it 25 717

By moronicmoroccan - 22/01/2009 23:26 - Philippines

Today, my boss replied-to-all to a memo I sent, wherein he states that "Filipino" should be spelled with a double P. He spells his nationality with a double R. He's from Morocco. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 477

You deserved it 2 558

By Anonymous - 07/11/2014 23:59 - Canada - Halifax

Spicy

Today, I finally found out why my husband is always so eager and happy to buy me whatever I am craving during my pregnancy. It's because it gives him an excuse to meet up with his mistress and have a quickie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 597

You deserved it 4 035

By Anonymous - 13/12/2010 03:03 - Korea Republic of

Today, I met my boyfriend's very strict and traditional Korean parents. I had to listen to them while they called me a skank and how I was fat and ugly compared to nice, pretty, Korean girls. They don't know I speak Korean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 824

You deserved it 3 558

By JP - 18/06/2009 16:11 - Italy

Today, I went to the bank to make a withdrawal in order to celebrate my last day here in Italy with my friends. Apparently I'm overdrawn by 187 dollars so I'm eating nothing but leftover stale crackers to survive until I get free plane food on my way back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 970

You deserved it 47 844

By sportyhusband - 20/01/2010 03:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, I heard the sounds of women grunting in the living room. My husband knows I don't like him to watch porn, so I confronted him. He was masturbating to professional Women's tennis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 099

You deserved it 26 110

By fububc - 05/02/2010 15:14 - France

Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 763

You deserved it 6 403

Paper-thin walls

By Lauren Davies - 17/09/2019 06:00

Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 282

By heyhijello - 09/09/2013 22:05 - United States - Oakland

Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 013

You deserved it 12 693

By UTRejected - 21/11/2014 13:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was selling winter-themed cookies at my university. I cheerfully asked a girl if she would like to buy cookies to support peer tutoring. Her response? "I don't eat food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 605

You deserved it 3 835

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 09:28 - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my mom before an important job interview. She commented than my lips looked dry and crackly and gave me her chapstick with aloe to put on. Apparently I'm allergic to aloe and my lips got so swollen I could hardly talk. It was too late to reschedule the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 987

You deserved it 2 508

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 01:32 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I ran a hand down my freshly shaven leg to appreciate the smoothness, only to come up with a hand covered in blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 530

You deserved it 5 519

By Anonymous - 17/10/2018 17:30

Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend's family for the first time. Unfortunately, I have diarrhoea and keep leaving extremely smelly farts around the house. I blame the dog every time, but I think they're catching on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 913

You deserved it 498

By Anonymous - 28/06/2012 12:08 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my mother met my boyfriend. She thought it would be appropriate to tell him that he looks just like my ex-husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 090

You deserved it 2 786

By anonymous - 08/01/2015 19:10 - United States - Noblesville

Spicy

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 974

You deserved it 3 326

By B - 31/01/2012 20:36 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, I had a quicky with my boyfriend, because his dad was about to pick him up. Afterwards, I texted: "Nice to meet your dad, hope we didn't look too heated." A few minutes later, he replied: "Great timing, he was holding my phone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 178

You deserved it 9 859

Sounds like a keeper

By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 08:08

Today, it's been a week since my boyfriend has touched me or even paid attention to me, because I refuse to buy him a car. I do everything for him and he owes me $3,000 already, but when I cried about using my savings on him, he said, "That’s not my problem.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175

You deserved it 599

By Bob - 21/01/2010 13:33 - Canada

Today, I'm a cashier in a grocery store. The visiting regional manager tore me a new one for being lazy. His reason? After working a double shift with no break, I decided to sit down for a minute when things got slow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 806

You deserved it 2 731

By izzy_the_pessimist - 10/09/2018 18:30

Today, at lunch, I was talking to my friends about having a boyfriend. Suddenly, some boy I don't even know said, "Nobody wants to date that ugly bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 099

You deserved it 246

Kick the bum out

By SleeplessinNJ - 20/10/2020 17:02 - United States - Raritan

Today, after spending money on all the furniture and decor in our apartment, paying rent every month from my bank account, paying for all the groceries, and paying for all the dog supplies, my fiance asked why I don't keep saving thousands of dollars every month, while he pays for none of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 403

By Nalya - 27/12/2008 10:26 - France

Today, my fiancé told me, that after 7 years together, he is no longer in love with me. Shocked and appalled, I ask him if he has anything else to add. "Happy Birthday". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 889

You deserved it 2 065

By Anonymous - 10/01/2012 06:04 - United States

Today, I found out that when my mom says she's going to kick me in the head to wake me up for an important interview, she actually means it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 089

You deserved it 21 487

By Anonymous - 04/11/2014 19:08 - United States - Grand Ledge

Today, while in a hospital waiting room, a man started talking to me. After a few minutes, he asked me what I did for a living, and I said I'm a stay-at-home mom. He looked me up and down and said, "Huh. No life ambitions, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 387

You deserved it 7 564

Fake News

By Anonymous - 06/10/2020 23:01

Today, I’m not sure what to call it, but I think I just got COVID-SWATted when a bunch of police turned up to my house after someone told them I was partying with over 50 people, breaking social distancing. In a one-bed flat, with barely enough room for 3 people to sit down at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 81

By TheLastSerenade - 23/01/2013 08:33 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I saw a woman breast feeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 689

You deserved it 3 967

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 16:24 - United States - San Juan Capistrano

Today, I went to a blood drive. The nurse taking my blood mentioned that she'd been called in on her day off, and she swore she wasn't drunk. I didn't know what to do, so I just smiled and blinked back tears as she savaged the vein in my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 749

You deserved it 3 252

No kinkshaming here

By Anonymous - 27/04/2021 11:00

Today, my hotel room key wouldn't open my door. Maintenance had to come let me in. My giant dildo was out on the table. I'm a 250-pound man, traveling alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 1 247

Science has gone too far

By Amanda - 15/09/2021 13:00 - United States - Greenbrier

Today, I went in for a full hysterectomy due to medical issues. I came out being 6 weeks pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 137

By mylifesuckssomuch3214 - 07/12/2009 17:08 - United States

Today, after complaining to the administration about my roommate, I finally got switched. As I went into the room to meet my new roommate, I found out he was my old roommate's brother. They are exactly the same, and I'm not allowed to switch again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 866

You deserved it 3 360

This is a robbery

By Anonymous - 30/07/2012 20:02 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, I was walking to the movie theatre with my boyfriend, when three guys muscled over and told us to hand over our phones. My boyfriend didn't waste any time pushing past me and running like hell, leaving me in tears and almost having a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 155

You deserved it 3 055

By nick - 12/01/2015 08:23 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I refused to serve a woman alcohol, as she looked underage. She complained to my manager about "age racism". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 818

You deserved it 2 718

By vlcardenx3 - 12/03/2011 21:11 - United States

Today, I was at Aéropostale with some friends when I noticed a woman glaring at me. When we got to the checkout, the woman still had her eyes on me, so I asked why she was staring. She snapped, "If you had kept your legs closed, you wouldn't be pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 519

You deserved it 6 132

By failedfather - 16/12/2013 16:34 - Australia - Ferntree Gully

Today, I had to tell McDonald's that my 11-year-old son thought it would be funny to take a dump in the urinal. I then had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 235

You deserved it 13 783

By Stigmamma - 13/05/2019 20:00

Today, I asked a hairdresser for an A-line bob. I was left with wavy bangs and hair, which is not A-line at all, it's 1 cm shorter on one side. She says she did my hair right, I just need to "style it properly." Not only is it fucked up, I later realised it's the EXACT same haircut as my mother-in-law's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 634

You deserved it 208

By Anonymous - 08/04/2011 23:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having some intense sex with my boyfriend. I was wailing so loud that my neighbors decided to call the police on us. According to them, it sounded like I was "being tortured to death". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 162

You deserved it 38 142

Family issues

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 09:01 - Canada - Niagara-on-the-lake

Today, I found out from my ex-stepmother that my dad and lied about having cancer to cover up the fact that he was losing weight from doing drugs again. He lied about it for 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 025

You deserved it 63

By Anonymous - 02/08/2013 15:29 - United States - Denver

Today, I turned 17. My parents completely forgot it was my birthday, and when I reminded them, my dad thought it was my 18th. He was ecstatic and mentioned that I can "finally get the hell out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 438

You deserved it 3 445

The heat is on

By Emma - 17/03/2021 22:59

Today, I met my boyfriend’s 6 year-old son. The first thing he said to me was, "You’re not going to leave us for another man like mommy did, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 095

You deserved it 82

By mook05 - 21/10/2010 02:04 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of 6 months is not actually on vacation with her cousin but is moving in with her fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 305

You deserved it 3 167

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Top comments

317theterrible 0

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:03

Wish i had ur grandpa

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:03

Cool grandpa you have there.

Comments

317theterrible 0

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:03

Wish i had ur grandpa

Nanall 15

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:06

Great bonding opportunity.

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:07

that'd be embarrassing!

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:08

Male prostitute??(

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:10

If you want that kind of stuff 8, go to www.lemonparty.org You'll not regret, I guarentee you that!

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:17

he deserves a #1 grandpa mug!

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:45

What kind of world is this where we're expected to put on clothes every time we leave the house?! C'mon, it's summer :D

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:53

Maybe he's a nudist. You gotta respect that. :)

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 17:10

wouldn't you?

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 18:05

maybe he was hot?

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 18:31

It must be my birthday!

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 19:04

that's just icing on the cake, and i'm pretty sure OP would like to blow the candles out! :P

dolphincheddar 10

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 22:07

Is it just me or is fml getting an influx of stories involving nude grandparents

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Wednesday 3 August 2011 3:21

Lol dolphin. The baby boomer generation is plotting a nudist take over.

MyScrewedUpLifeS 0

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Wednesday 3 August 2011 6:03

funny uncle=0 funny grandpa=1

penguinsniper822 4

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Wednesday 19 September 2012 3:59

Come on join him in the fun!

317theterrible 0

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:03

That sucks

musicfreak9821 6

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:32

that sucks ass

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 17:03

It doesn't suck! IT ROCKS! OP has a crazy awesome grandpa!

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 17:13

I bet it's his walk of shame back from his hoes' houses

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 18:40

Not the walk of shame, the walk of pride. Go grandpa!

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:03

Cool grandpa you have there.

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:48

Your pic goes perfectly with your comment

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 17:14

Indeed, I shit myself laughing.

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 18:00

His picture goes perfectly with almost every comment he says...

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Wednesday 3 August 2011 1:01

i know xD

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:05

What a beautiful sight. :/ At least it's dark.

birdofparadise 16

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:07

Soooo...what is he really doing, besides just walking around????

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:08

awh haha that would be scary, let's hope your friends don't find out it's your grandpa

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:11

Even worse for everyone else if the sleepwalker is a daywalker

lilmamiyankee67 5

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:14

lmao, nice

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:14

Flaunt what you've got. Learn from him, grasshopper.

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 17:47

your picture is one of my favorite wallpapers for my ipod: it stands out in the best way possible.

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Tuesday 2 August 2011 16:14

Grandpa has some fly

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 8

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 915

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 1 110