Health: Today, I was trying to fix a broken desk fan. I'd taken the guard...

By sharkgirl4 - 25/08/2014 16:17 - United States - Rialto

Today, I was trying to fix a broken desk fan. I'd taken the guard off and was trying to unscrew the blades, when my roommate decided it'd be funny to plug it in. The blades sliced into my thumb. I need stitches, and he still thinks it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 080

You deserved it 4 394

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Same thing different taste

By sorethumb - 15/12/2015 23:39 - United Kingdom - Bookham

Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 523

You deserved it 3 398

Shocking!

By Toasted - 29/04/2019 20:00

Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 2 586

Slasher

By Anonymous - 01/02/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, I sliced my finger open because my roommate's girlfriend put a broken ceramic plate in the recycling. I was putting some paper in the bin and all of a sudden, an inch and a half of my flesh is naked to the world. I don't have medical insurance, so I fixed it with Superglue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 731

You deserved it 9 384

Who sharpens screwdrivers?

By Anonymous - 26/12/2021 14:01

Today, on my building site, I asked one of the guys to pass me a screwdriver. He threw it so hard that when I caught it, it stabbed into the meat of my finger and came clean out the other side. Now all the guys keep joking I got royally screwed. The jokes are worse than the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 116

Gammon

By Anonymous - 24/10/2022 06:00

Today, while demonstrating our new meat slicer at work, and after sharpening the blade at the end of the demonstration, I noticed some metal powder. I grabbed a rag to wipe it off, not realizing the blade was still in the “open” position. I now have six stitches and a really painful finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 941

Slice of life

By Eleanor - 19/02/2017 23:00 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I tripped and fell on my open dishwasher, right onto a carving knife. I'm mostly ok, except that my nipple has been sliced neatly in half. Seriously, the two halves keep flapping open like a little mouth. It would be funnier if it wasn't so painful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 896

You deserved it 627

My day off

By Anonymous - 08/02/2024 23:00

Today, I was finally able to get around to a totally free day when I could do some much needed DIY around the house. Before I even started, I cut my hand on a Stanley knife almost to the bone, and had to get 8 stitches. My wife thinks I did it on purpose to get out of doing the repairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 128

By Anonymous - 13/08/2019 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 989

By opposableouch - 27/10/2009 18:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I sliced a deep gash into my thumb while carving up bagels. After putting a plaster on, I returned to my room to relax, where I lit a candle. The flame from my new lighter shot up, and set fire to the plaster on my thumb. Now I have a cut AND several burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 001

You deserved it 7 978

By Anonymous - 16/05/2017 20:00

Today, I accidentally superglued my hand to my grandmother's ornate fan while trying to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 448

You deserved it 825

dudeman1212 22

Monday 25 August 2014 23:26

Guess he's not a fan of you

expertsmilee 26

Monday 25 August 2014 23:27

I'd rotate roommates if I were you.

Comments

dudeman1212 22

Monday 25 August 2014 23:26

Guess he's not a fan of you

BassinBoy14 13

Tuesday 26 August 2014 0:34

Fan-tastic!

cryssycakesx3 22

Tuesday 26 August 2014 3:38

do you think his thumb oscillates now?

Jdoge1309 6

Tuesday 26 August 2014 3:56

******* nailed it

sharkgirl4 23

Tuesday 26 August 2014 4:12

As much as my thumb hurts, it is almost worth it to see all the puns.

cryssycakesx3 22

Tuesday 26 August 2014 4:40

it was a small joke. no need for all the thumbs down...

greenx89girl 1

Tuesday 26 August 2014 17:55

hahahaha

dudeman1212 22

Wednesday 27 August 2014 4:08

#63...you are why I love this site

expertsmilee 26

Monday 25 August 2014 23:27

I'd rotate roommates if I were you.

HersheySquirts 17

Tuesday 26 August 2014 0:21

#2 How many circles does Op have to spin his roomate in, to get even?

Lasagnaa 24

Tuesday 26 August 2014 11:27

I'd make the roommate pay for my hospital bills! FYL

Drizl 17

Monday 25 August 2014 23:28

jokeman560 12

Monday 25 August 2014 23:28

You seem pretty cool Haha

cryssycakesx3 22

Tuesday 26 August 2014 3:48

please, elaborate...

silvercamaro 22

Tuesday 26 August 2014 4:36

Or don't, that's fine too.

cryssycakesx3 22

Tuesday 26 August 2014 4:37

never mind. it clicked, I get it ,.

garadan1 18

Monday 25 August 2014 23:28

Yikes... Looks like your roomate needs to cool down.... Please excuse the horrible fan pun!

nlm92 15

Tuesday 26 August 2014 1:13

5, that was a pun? ;)

NicH1799 20

Monday 25 August 2014 23:28

What a fan-tastic guy.

whenitdidhappen 14

Monday 25 August 2014 23:29

clearly your roommate lacks sense of humor.FYL, OP and time to plan for revenge

thevelociraptor 31

Monday 25 August 2014 23:42

OP's roommate has a sense of humour, just the wrong kind.

23lf 16

Tuesday 26 August 2014 1:39

Hope OP's roomie has a sense I humor when OP beats his ass.(once his thumb is healed, of course)

Morning_fml 22

Monday 25 August 2014 23:30

What a dick.

Godsofdracos 15

Monday 25 August 2014 23:30

Maybe he needed a hand.

TigranPetrosian 8

Monday 22 September 2014 7:21

or a thumb.

Drizl 17

Monday 25 August 2014 23:30

You should have hurt him more than he hurt you.

Keywords

Kids Money Health Work Christmas You're fired Fat Bodyshaming Customers Am I overreacting? Social Media Love Facebook AITA Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Miscellaneous Education Relatable Students Technology Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Argument Ironic Awkward Friends

The Top

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 784

You deserved it 22 715

Today, I finally went on a date with a guy who’s been begging to take me out for weeks. I’m terrified of dating but, after consulting with my friends, I decided to give it a shot as he seemed nice. He told me during the date that he has a girlfriend, but he just fantasizes about hooking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 80

The Top

Today, I had to stay at a friend's house because my dryer caught fire. My friend decided to start cleaning, so he put on his music playlist. By sheer coincidence, the first song that played was "Light My Fire." FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 151

Today, my younger brother and I got into a fight over who the favorite child is. My mom overheard, came in the living room and said, "It's your little brother, now shut up." She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 334

You deserved it 7 350

Today, I decided to be a good driver and not run through the yellow light. As soon as I stopped my car another came and rear-ended me. The guy told me to go in the parking lot so we can exchange information. So I drove into the parking lot, I turned my head and watched him drive away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 589

You deserved it 7 619

Today, I’ve been violently ill with diarrhea, and have been for past three days. I finally discovered why. It's because I ate a piece of candy off the recently-cleaned floor last week. My immune system is so weak, it can’t respect the 5-second rule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 1 342

Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 027

You deserved it 46 456

Think outside the box!

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 95

Same thing different taste

Shocking!

Slasher

Who sharpens screwdrivers?

Gammon

Slice of life

My day off

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