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By unfortunate419 - 17/02/2010 07:30 - United States

Today, I brought my new girlfriend over to show off to my family when my senile great-grandmother walked into the room wearing nothing but her underpants asking when the Olympics come on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 473

You deserved it 2 722

Brave

By :// - 04/11/2013 22:27 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I finally worked up enough courage to ask out the guy I've had a crush on for months. I texted him, and he thought I was Maddy from work, not Maddie his neighbor. Now he and the Maddy from his work are dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 468

You deserved it 5 856

Explain like they're 5 year-olds

By Anonymous - 05/09/2013 06:57 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I was asked to dumb myself down so the people I was training could comprehend what I was saying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 787

You deserved it 7 021

By imy - 18/10/2011 15:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 178

You deserved it 9 481

By anon - 25/07/2013 04:44 - United States - Pleasantville

Today, one of my coworkers asked if I hated my life and was depressed because of how I look most of the time. This is just my facial expression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 206

You deserved it 5 008

By Anonymous - 17/07/2013 16:02 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 859

You deserved it 54 940

By dcait_1196 - 16/10/2010 13:14 - France

Today, I went to see Jackass 3 in 3D. While the previews were playing, some guy sitting next to me leaned over and began telling me what happens in every scene, completely ruining the movie for me. He tried to get my number afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 208

You deserved it 4 439

By anonymous - 28/05/2013 00:56 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was working at a place where if you're tipped, you sing. After a lady paid for her ice cream, she pulled out 5 dollars. Thinking it was a tip, I took it, and sang the song. She didn't mean to tip me. I was stopped by the woman slapping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 885

You deserved it 15 222

By AbhorrentApplication - 28/04/2013 23:40 - United States - Reston

Today, my ten-year-old sister had to write out my job application because no one can read my terrible handwriting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 234

You deserved it 38 917

By skc - 14/03/2009 11:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I gave myself a facial with one of those masks you leave on for a while. I busied myself by tidying my room while it dried and eventually forgot all about it. I finally remembered about it after I answered the door to the postman. Not embarassing enough? I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 389

You deserved it 65 072

By cane - 05/03/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, my mom needed coffee so I drove to Starbucks to get her some. She let me drive the Porsche, which has never happened. Upon coming home I picked the coffee up out of the cupholder so it wouldnt spill. My phone vibrated in my pocket, I spilled the coffee and crashed the car into the garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 210

You deserved it 65 518

By Anonymous - 10/01/2015 13:45 - United States

Today, my fiancée got married. I did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 848

You deserved it 3 449

By smeeagain - 21/10/2011 01:17 - United States

Today, I was chaperoning at my local high school's Homecoming dance. Outside the gym, I saw some kids drinking, so I walked over to stop them. One of them promptly spun around and punched me in the mouth. I had my ass handed to by a drunk 9th grader. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 532

You deserved it 6 387

Genius move

By Soopa-Genius - 22/09/2011 12:06 - Canada

Today, the new office IT guy figured the best way to get the virus off my computer was to wipe my entire hard drive. He was kind enough to back my data up and restore everything from the backups. Including the virus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 533

You deserved it 2 696

By mac_miller55 - 31/07/2012 16:47 - United States - Lansdowne

Today, I was swimming with my friends at the local pool. My friend pushed me under, and as I came up for air, my hand stroked a hairy leg. It turns out I had caressed the leg of an old man who had been swimming laps. He spent the next half hour creepily smiling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 652

You deserved it 2 252

mac_miller55 tells us more.

mac_miller55 2

Wednesday 1 August 2012 4:47

I posted this and I am a girl

By Mikaela - 01/06/2012 03:25 - United States

Today, I saw my reflection in the computer screen and I thought I looked quite nice. I tried to take a screenshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 876

You deserved it 31 414

By NikkiiFireStarter - 20/10/2009 10:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my 10 year-old step-brother has an obsession with fire, after he burnt all the belongings in my room, including a £600 guitar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 132

You deserved it 2 939

By mookiemookie01 - 27/03/2014 22:34

Today, after years of frustration, I got a t-shirt printed that says, "I am a girl". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 974

You deserved it 5 862

By Disappointed - 30/05/2015 20:05 - United States - Lexington

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary. All I got was him stopping by for a quickie before he went into work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 642

You deserved it 4 516

Sinking feeling

By aftermath1991 - 03/09/2009 07:23 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I had to sit for an hour listening to my girlfriend talk to her ex about his testicles. She laughed more during that conversation than she ever has with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 230

You deserved it 6 303

Geyser

By Ouch - 15/08/2009 07:51 - United States

Today, I was very sick and kept throwing up. I took a shower after every time I threw up. While in the shower after I threw up, I had to throw up again, so I got out and ran to the toilet. I slipped on the tile, broke my nose on the floor, and then threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 651

You deserved it 11 145

By sakurabloom - 04/05/2016 20:08 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I found out that if I take back my expensive headphones that my daughter constantly borrows, she will play porn on max volume, whether or not I have guests over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 984

You deserved it 2 269

sakurabloom tells us more.

sakurabloom 12

Thursday 5 May 2016 21:39

OP here. for all you saying i need to disipline my daughter, believe me i have. I made her appologise to my guests, her computer is taken away and she is grounded for two weeks. the poignancy of the FML would have been lost if i included that part along with the post being too long.

By PheobeBuffay - 11/12/2015 18:14 - Norway - N?tter?y

Today, my mom made me go to church choir rehearsal with her so I could sing "the gay" out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 619

You deserved it 2 971

Ins and outs

By Anonymous - 01/11/2009 21:08 - United States

Today, I finally got my paycheck from working at my minimum wage job for the last three months. I was delighted when I saw it was worth $846. On my way to cash it, I destroyed my car's suspension. It's going to cost almost $800 to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 015

You deserved it 6 729

By hatesgravity - 02/09/2010 11:40 - United States

Today, after finally getting up the nerve to take my motorcycle to up 75 mph on the freeway, I made it off in one piece, only to fall off my bike in the mall parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 940

You deserved it 25 629

By brother love - 13/08/2010 05:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that the guy I like was only coming to my house to get closer to my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 785

You deserved it 3 937

Thanks for nothing

By Anonymous - 12/08/2010 04:00 - United States

Today, I asked my mother why she had me in the first place, as we never get along. She replied because my father wanted me. So, I called my father to ask him the same question, he said he only wanted to have me to keep my mother around, and that didn't work, so I was a waste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 985

You deserved it 4 555

By Anonymous - 12/02/2013 18:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I both developed food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartment has one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 339

You deserved it 3 327

By Florida_1827 - 28/01/2011 10:54 - United States

Today, I received the 'special' present my mother had sent me for my 21st birthday. I opened the box and saw that my mother had picked out, accessorized and shipped to me, in college, a doll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 897

You deserved it 4 530

By apparentfatty - 11/11/2011 11:50 - Canada

Today, I found out that my husband thinks I'm fat when I caught him slipping diet pills into my morning smoothie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 381

You deserved it 7 140

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Today, an attractive guy approached me and struck up a conversation. He was friendly and sweet, and gave me his number. As I walked away, my first thought was that someone had played a cruel joke on me. I've had such awful relationships that I can't recognize when someone is actually being sincere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 871

You deserved it 6 544

Today, I dragged myself to work, suffering from a bad cold. My boss quietly told me to go home and rest, to avoid spreading it around the office. I thought it odd since he dislikes me so much, but I did as he said. He called later in the day to suspend me for leaving work early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 222

You deserved it 3 591

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw a brick down the laundry-chute. Guess who spent the night at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 484

You deserved it 1 752

Today, I finally jumped high enough to dunk on the ten foot rim. I caught my tooth on the net and nearly pulled my tooth out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 824

You deserved it 6 342

Today, a person who I've been talking to for months told me they were in a relationship with someone else. I work with this person and see them almost everyday. To top it off, they told me this over text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 206

Today, on my building site, I asked one of the guys to pass me a screwdriver. He threw it so hard that when I caught it, it stabbed into the meat of my finger and came clean out the other side. Now all the guys keep joking I got royally screwed. The jokes are worse than the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 123