Love: Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled... - FML

By Anonymous - 05/10/2014 15:47 - United States - Arlington

Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled out the ring, uttered the words, "Lisa, will you…" then abruptly shat my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 122

You deserved it 6 275

Good kid

Triage

Care and sympathy

By meunluckycharms - 14/09/2015 19:54 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I brought a boy home for the first time, only to have my dad ask him what his mother's maiden name was. When he answered, my dad exclaimed, "Oh yeah! I think I dated her in high school. I could be your father!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 566

You deserved it 1 815

By ugh - 04/07/2013 18:28 - South Africa - Durban

Spicy

Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 518

You deserved it 5 155

By Anonymous - 09/04/2012 05:15 - United States

Today, I got mugged at Disney World, the happiest place on Earth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 099

You deserved it 3 579

By Brittany - 18/06/2012 14:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 880

You deserved it 37 949

Any damage? Who nose?

By Anonymous - 09/07/2019 07:00 - Colombia - Bogot?

Today, it's the seventh day after my nose job. I was taking something out of a box and pulled too hard. I punched myself in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 436

You deserved it 639

By doody - 30/12/2009 22:42 - United States

Today, I was in a busy airport bathroom with my three year old son. While in the process of pulling my pants down, my son decided to open the stall door. I jumped up to yank the door closed but not before the line of waiting women saw me with my pants wrapped around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 158

You deserved it 4 257

By CH - 07/12/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I pretended to smoke a bread stick that looked like a cigar. It made me feel cool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 672

You deserved it 41 063

By anonymous - 29/12/2009 01:21 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me 80 times in 5 minutes. I had previously told him I was with my friends. He left me a voicemail proposing saying he loved me to death and he was crying. We've been dating for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 124

You deserved it 5 025

By ilivealoneandwhatthefuck - 23/06/2013 17:02 - Guam - Yigo

Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 205

You deserved it 4 310

By awkward - 06/11/2013 21:16 - Canada - Okotoks

Today, at a grocery store, a man came up to me while I was picking out apples and whispered in my ear, "That's how Snow White died." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 494

You deserved it 4 297

By Unlucky. - 16/10/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, I took my parking permit off my car to debate a ticket that I got for not having my permit displayed. Twenty minutes later, when I got back to my car, I had another ticket on my window for not having my parking permit displayed because I was using it to disprove the first ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 858

You deserved it 8 052

By Anonymous - 24/12/2011 08:38 - United States

Today, I worked 4 hours for a huge mail call to get all the troops their Christmas mail. And just like every other mail call I did not receive one package or letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 016

You deserved it 2 498

Narcissistic parents

By wendy - 01/04/2021 10:59

Today, my mom told an entire room full of people about the time I almost died from severe diarrhea as a toddler. When I told her that it was embarrassing, she simply told me to “grow up”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 211

The Voice

By NotChadKrouger - 11/05/2011 15:19

Today, I was auditioning for a talent show. I asked my girlfriend if I could sing to her before I went. She said sure. Thirty seconds in, she got up and mumbled, "You're only going to embarrass yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 369

You deserved it 14 923

By O.o - 20/02/2011 08:15 - Australia

Today, while trying on bras in the changing room, I wanted to see what my friend's bra looked like on her. Not wishing to leave my changing room in my underwear, I wriggled under her door. When I got through, my bra had come nearly all the way down and when I tried getting back, I got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 429

You deserved it 45 649

By so pray to ariel about it, dipshits - 30/11/2012 19:29 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, two of my friends condemned me for being "narrow-minded", because I couldn't help but laugh at the thought that someone would believe mermaids actually exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 140

You deserved it 5 127

By 3rd wheel, 2nd dick - 26/07/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, my best friend asked if I'd join him and his girlfriend for a 3-way. Since I've always had a crush on his girlfriend, I eagerly agreed. When I got there, I learned that their idea of a 3-way was them watching me jerk off while I watched them have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 395

You deserved it 2 547

By Broken - 03/08/2010 12:11 - United Arab Emirates

Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 041

You deserved it 4 708

By Anonymous - 13/09/2009 02:44 - Canada

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost 6 years has put me in debt over $33,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 257

You deserved it 17 185

First day

By notsogoodtrainee - 09/07/2015 17:02 - United States - Fargo

Today, at my first day of work, I was impressing my trainer with my skills by carrying many trays at once. Well, I could until I came around a corner and ran into a customer. With food all over his front, he introduced himself to me as the head manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 579

You deserved it 4 771

By "Levi2411" - 31/12/2018 04:00

Today, I'm babysitting. The kids have only been home at the same time together for 15 minutes. Two of them have punched each other and the other is running in circles screaming. What is wrong with this picture? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 206

You deserved it 306

PUSH

By whoops - 08/07/2015 16:30 - Taiwan

Today, while visiting family in Taipei, I came across a large button that said "PUSH" on it. I was curious and pushed it. A deafening alarm then sounded for the next 10 minutes, attracting concerned neighbours and finally a security guard who informed me that I'd pushed a panic button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 545

You deserved it 11 022

By steven - 24/01/2013 05:16 - United States - Orinda

Today, I took an IQ test and ended up scoring above average. Feeling good about myself, I decided to bake some cookies. After 30 minutes of them not doing anything in the oven, I realized I forgot to turn the oven on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 164

You deserved it 34 304

By iVaughtTV - 28/02/2012 22:44 - United States

Today, I learned that lemonade and urine look very similar to one another. I also learned that they taste very different. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 094

You deserved it 24 469

By gymbob - 06/05/2009 11:36 - United States

Today, I was walking on the track when this really cute guy shows up. I was hot and sweaty, and wanted to impress him by pouring water on myself. Instead of being turned on, all he saw was me wiping my face on my shirt screaming. It wasn't water, I forgot I had brought Sprite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 757

You deserved it 103 292

By zetuga - 01/04/2015 07:40 - United Kingdom - Luton

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend asked me to take my belt off as the buckle was hurting her leg. I didn't have a belt on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 412

You deserved it 5 334

By garfwebba - 03/01/2010 01:17 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend didn't get me a present. He did, however, get me a card from our cat. He signed it "Have a purrrrfect birthday." Then he left to go to work. I was alone all day long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 407

You deserved it 6 594

Animal lover

By fml9124 - 01/03/2021 02:00

Today, my 14 year-old daughter threatened to run away. Why? We live in southern Arizona. In the last week, she's found a dead tarantula and a live scorpion in her bedroom. In a couple of weeks it will be rattlesnake season. She's not liking the desert much anymore, where even the plants want to hurt you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 404

By liz - 08/03/2010 01:46 - United States

Today, at work, I had toast thrown at me by an old Vietnam vet. Who also happens to have a dead cat in his freezer. I love retirement homes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 535

You deserved it 2 580

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 16:01 - United States

Today, it's my two year anniversary with my wife. She's celebrating the day with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 007

You deserved it 3 383

By Idktbh - 18/11/2017 22:00 - United States

Today, when I finished helping a customer, she said, “Thanks cutie!” When I thanked her she giggled and said, “I just like making people smile, plus I bet you don’t get called that often!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 138

You deserved it 306

By Anonymous - 12/08/2012 09:23 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 090

You deserved it 2 347

By Sam - 24/06/2011 04:46 - Canada

Today, I was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and as I handed out a Diet coke to the customer, the man started growling and yelled "HULK SMASH!" He smashed the cup with two fists and drove off. I was drenched in soda. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 860

You deserved it 4 883

Gangsta

By Wolf - 07/11/2018 15:30

Today, I went to my local bank after getting an email from them concerning unknown purchases. Four hours later, I was still in police custody. Someone had been using my account to purchase guns and drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 065

You deserved it 138

By krt - 03/10/2010 23:29 - United States

Today, my dad found the ugliest picture my mom has ever taken. I show it to her laughing. She said it looks like me. I looked again and it kind of does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 034

You deserved it 7 771

By Anonymous - 27/12/2009 03:09 - Canada

Today, I woke up to an unfamiliar male face right beside mine. I flipped out fell of my 4 foot raised bed and got a concussion. Who, you may ask, was in my bed? My Robert Pattinson pillowcase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 495

You deserved it 71 310

By Anonymous - 03/03/2010 21:40 - United States

Today, I was upset that my boyfriend hasn't called in a while. Turns out, my step-mother blocked his number so he can't call. She never told me and, instead, just let me think he hated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 152

You deserved it 2 507

By Anonycock - 06/01/2016 17:15 - Qatar - Doha

Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 768

You deserved it 3 881

By Anonymous - 28/04/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, I walked into the ladies restroom and was shocked to see the guy I've had a huge crush on for two years. Peeing. In the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 577

You deserved it 5 471

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 20:28 - United States - Fremont

Spicy

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend, when his doorbell rang. He said it was his friend and that he'd be back soon. He shut off his video feed but forgot to mute his audio. A few minutes later, I heard him and some orgasm-faking girl getting it on in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 288

You deserved it 1 726

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

mrtonyanderson 20

Send a private message

Sunday 5 October 2014 20:20

Smooth

Send a private message

Sunday 5 October 2014 20:20

Holy crap! Didn't see that coming op ;)

Comments

mrtonyanderson 20

Send a private message

Sunday 5 October 2014 20:20

Smooth

laden_swallow09 34

Send a private message

Sunday 5 October 2014 20:27

Like his bowel movement? Smooth move, Ex-Lax.

AoC15 10

Send a private message

Sunday 5 October 2014 20:28

He's a true gentleman

Send a private message

Sunday 5 October 2014 20:35

This is what I call a bad case of the mudbutt.

Send a private message

Sunday 5 October 2014 21:04

I'm glad this didn't end in her running away, I think it could have been worse OP!

Send a private message

Monday 6 October 2014 1:00

OP didn't say how it ended

Send a private message

Monday 6 October 2014 8:05

Oh, I'm pretty sure she ran away... or at least BACKED away...

Send a private message

Sunday 5 October 2014 20:20

Holy crap! Didn't see that coming op ;)

Jared900DUmpling 30

Send a private message

Sunday 5 October 2014 22:40

I don't think anyone expected that ending XD

skychu 18

Send a private message

Monday 6 October 2014 0:46

Obviously, neither did he, #2

Send a private message

Monday 6 October 2014 4:49

I'm going to be the adult here and say, "hehe, you said #2."

DarksideDoll 31

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 October 2014 7:11

Taco Bell strikes again!

Send a private message

Sunday 5 October 2014 20:20

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Send a private message

Sunday 5 October 2014 20:32

Leave

Send a private message

Sunday 5 October 2014 20:56

This got old the first time it was used. Just stop.

nikkipettyfer 24

Send a private message

Sunday 5 October 2014 20:21

Hopefully in 20 years you can laugh about it together!

a_wiener_d0g 15

Send a private message

Sunday 5 October 2014 20:30

If she really loves him she can probably get over it haha

Send a private message

Monday 6 October 2014 0:24

That story will take more than a lifetime to live down. Their grandchildren would still be going, "You will never believe what my grandfather did in the middle of his proposal..."

Send a private message

Thursday 9 October 2014 5:53

#5, i'm not sure "hey! Remember when you shit yourself!?" Is a great conversation topic.

Send a private message

Sunday 5 October 2014 20:21

What an elegant proposal

Send a private message

Sunday 5 October 2014 20:21

Really shitty! But did she say yes?

Send a private message

Monday 6 October 2014 1:02

Stop.

russiancat464 12

Send a private message

Sunday 5 October 2014 20:22

"yes my dear, I will most certainly shit with you"

Send a private message

Saturday 29 November 2014 21:53

I laughed so hard at your comment.

how_about_no_ 19

Send a private message

Sunday 5 October 2014 20:22

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Send a private message

Sunday 5 October 2014 23:22

What you said only BARELY qualifies as a "joke," and it is in no way a good one.

DippinGrizzly907 27

Send a private message

Sunday 5 October 2014 20:23

Dude...Wtf?!? She ain't saying I do now.. What the hell happened? You have the runs before you asked her?? Get nervous BMs? God damn son..

cadillacgal79 32

Send a private message

Sunday 5 October 2014 20:39

It was probably a case of, "where will you be when diarrhea strikes..."

Send a private message

Sunday 5 October 2014 20:23

I hate when that happens

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 170

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 2 744