Today, my boyfriend called me and dumped me. Thirty minutes later...

By life_isnt_fair - 9/3/2011 08:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me and dumped me. Thirty minutes later he called asking for me back. When I asked why, he said "The other girl dumped me." FML

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Love

Work name

Tidy your room

Abuse

By Ya - 10/5/2009 14:18 - United States

Today, I missed my flight because I was stopped by airport security. They found "small, suspicious, spherical objects" in my purse on the X-ray. After pulling me out of line, taking my purse aside and carefully opening it with tongs, they removed the bag of grapes I had packed as a snack. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2018 05:00

Today, my mum put up a sticky fly trap to try get rid of our fly problem. My phone started ringing and I jogged to answer it, but my hair got suck in the trap. My mum had to pull my hair out of the sticky mess and pick dead fly bodies out of my hair. FML

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By Mel - 5/10/2015 04:21 - France - Toulouse

Today, I went to a group gym lesson. While working on our abs, the coach came through, touching our stomachs to check we were doing the exercises correctly. When he got to me, he asked, "How many kids have you got then?" I'm 22, and I've got none. FML

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By LearnGeographyUSA - 12/12/2012 06:45 - United States - Kirkland

Today, it's been 13 months since I've been living in the States. I've been called a Nazi, asked if we have electricity in Germany, and been made fun of the way I speak with my "German accent", the list goes on. I'm not even German, I'm Danish. FML

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By Eric Ngan - 12/5/2012 16:01 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML

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By No Job - 1/10/2015 01:42 - United States - Prairieville

Today, I was supposed to start my new job. I had forgotten I had a doctor's appointment, so I called work early and told them I wouldn't be able to start until tomorrow. My boss then terminated my employment. I got fired before I even started. FML

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By mandythepandy - 4/3/2017 04:00

Noise annoys

Today, same as every other day, I had to pick up around 8 spoons because my cats love to take them and drop them on the floor around my house so they can listen to the noise. FML

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By partypooper - 18/1/2012 15:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my parents are on holiday, which means I have the house to myself. Wild parties? Hot girls? Loads of beer? No. Flu. FML

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By Richmond24 - 29/7/2010 19:10 - Canada

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth out. My mom didn't get my prescription for painkillers because she thought I'd get addicted. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, finishing up in the shower room, I walked into the kitchen to get a drink. Apparently both bathrooms were occupied and my grandmother really had to go... She was bent over in the kitchen peeing into a cup. I may never be able to erase this image. FML

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By sarah - 18/4/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I was at the Apple Store taking random pictures of myself. I took one with a really stupid face. This girl passes by and says, "Wow, that's a cool effect! You look just like an alien!" I wasn't using any effects. It was a regular picture. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 00:53 - United States

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/12/2012 23:50 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was yelled at by a customer, who was upset over having waited twenty minutes for a waiter to come take her order. Maybe it would be understandable, if she was sitting in an actual restaurant, and not a serve-yourself coffee house. FML

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By Dunnie - 22/8/2018 18:30

Today, my aunt was itchy down there and sent me to buy a vaginal cream at the pharmacy. The pharmacist was a cute boy and was flirting with me. I said I needed a cream and he asked what for. When I said vaginal cream, he stopped smiling, got the cream, and said, "Good luck." FML

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By Superdumb - 26/11/2018 03:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about sex and I asked him if he had ever finished inside a woman. He looked directly into my eyes and said, "Babe... I have a son, remember?" Yeah, I forgot. FML

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By polemania - 11/7/2016 05:23 - United States

Today, I had an employee come in 20 minutes late with the excuse, "There's a Pokemon gym across the street!" FML

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By Kay - 23/2/2010 20:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I was looking down at my chest and noticed the hairs growing upon it. For a 16 year old, it's pretty impressive. It's a shame that I'm a girl though. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2011 02:06 - United States

Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML

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By suckstosuck - 23/7/2013 04:04 - United States - Dana Point

Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML

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By Kimberly - 25/7/2009 09:55 - United States

Today, my 9 year old niece asked me if I was a virgin. I told her, "Yes, I'm saving myself until marriage". She replied, "That's a load of bullshit, you just can't get a guy!" Sadly, she's right. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/3/2020 08:09

Caring

Today, I was rummaging about in the pantry. When I turned to walk away, the heavy pantry door fell off, struck me in the back of the head, and the wood surrounding the doorknob cracked. When my mom came home, she accused me of "property damage." FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2018 20:30

Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML

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By whyme - 31/5/2013 18:47 - United States - Crescent

Today, my friends and I went out for drinks. I'm the only one who's actually 21 or over, and they have fake IDs. Not only was I the only one to be carded, the bartender thought that my actual ID was fake. I got kicked out while my friends kept drinking. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2014 05:47 - United States - Queen Creek

Today, I dressed up as my friend for Halloween. He has a very distinct style and I thought my costume was pretty clever. When he saw me, he said he had never been so offended in his entire life, and now I feel like a complete asshole. FML

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By me - 9/8/2011 03:43 - United States

Today, my friend and I gave our numbers to some guys at a bar. Twenty minutes after we had left, we got a call. We excitedly answered the phone, only to hear the guy ask, "So are you the fat one or the ugly one?" FML

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By Cuzles - 23/3/2011 16:11 - United States

Today, I locked the door to our only bathroom so my two year old wouldn't get in and make a mess. I crapped my pants while trying to unlock it with the key that rests on the frame. FML

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By bastard magnet - 2/10/2011 22:14 - United States

Today, I came home crying after my boyfriend dumped me for another girl. My dad told me to come tell him what was wrong. I sat down and let it all out, after which he looked up from his book, into my eyes, and gave me his loving advice: "Just cry about it and move on to another bastard." FML

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By LadyNexus - 7/1/2015 03:54 - United States - Mohrsville

Today, I asked my boyfriend how he felt about me and he said, "You're the hottest seven I've ever met." FML

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By whoanoa - 10/3/2010 03:12 - United States

Today, I discovered that my mother uses my eyebrow tweezers to pull ticks off the dog. She also hasn't figured out that just dipping the tweezers in alcohol doesn't automatically sterilize them. Especially if there is icky dog hair still stuck on. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2010 01:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to pick me up, throw me over his shoulder and take me to the bedroom. Little did he know that he literally threw me over his shoulder, and I face-planted on the ground. FML

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By Dentedbumper - 7/3/2019 14:00

Today, I tried to back my car into my parking space while some of my neighbors were out by their cars. I accidentally rammed into the retaining wall behind my spot. I was hoping the neighbors didn't notice the huge crunching sound, but they did. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2011 20:26 - United States

Today, I had to convince my girlfriend that, no matter how much she makes herself burp, she won't lose any weight. She still doesn't understand why. FML

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By sy123 - 29/7/2012 23:34 - United States - Frankfort

Today, I had an ovarian cyst rupture at work, causing sudden severe stomach cramps; this caused my bowels to release everything right then and there, while on the phone with a customer, in the middle of the call center surrounded by 200 other sales reps. FML

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By megaladon - 28/6/2010 08:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around. When he slipped his hand down my pants, he scratched my pubic hair and said "scruffy, scruffy, scruffy." FML

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By hellnooo - 15/8/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, I found out that I puke and then pass out at the sight of blood. I am a 16 year old girl expecting hundreds of periods to come. FML

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By grosstoenail - 13/7/2016 05:04 - Canada - Courtice

Today, while I selling merch at a festival, a volunteer lost her toenail. Not only did she immediately show me, but she then took a picture and showed everyone coming up to my station. I lost sales because she wouldn't leave. FML

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By lanbon182 - 10/4/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML

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By oceangirl - 8/2/2012 00:14 - United States

Today, I texted my flatmate to ask him when he would be paying his portion of the rent, since he has told me he would be late this month. He wrote back to inform me that he had moved out last night while I was away, and that he won't be paying me anything. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/2/2015 18:23 - United States - Cheyenne

Today, I was making out with a girl I've liked for a long time. At one point she stopped kissing me and said, "You kiss like my brother". I sat there dumbstruck as she went back to kissing me. FML

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By Katsura - 19/7/2016 00:43 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, my boyfriend wanted to get into an open relationship. He has no romantic feelings for me anymore, but he didn't want to separate from my cat. FML

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Top comments

By marinkovski | 0

#2164869 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:03

take him back then dump him

By chewbacca69 | 0

#2164859 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:00

your boyfriend sounds like a dickhead you don't need him anyway

COMMENTS

By claferi | 5

#2164855 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 11:59

oh wow that sucks

claferi | 5

#2164866 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:02

I hope you sent him to heck op o_o

kcnutt10 | 1

#2165226 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 14:43

Holy shit! Should you be on this site?!? You look like you're 10!

josephhhhhh | 0

#2165296 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 15:20

holy shit! should you both be on this site, you look like 2 morons

florecitabetch | 0

#2165601 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 17:22

holly shit! you all made me LMAO

froob | 0

#2165747 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 18:59

holy shit dogs can type

xstaticdelta | 6

#2165775 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 19:18

C-C-C-C COMBOOOO BREAKERRRRR

tjv3 | 10

#2166293 - Thursday 10 March 2011 1:17

well at least he is honest

sydneynault99 | 7

#2166930 - Thursday 10 March 2011 5:24

lmfaoo , ydi for making him cheat in the first place .

pokopiko | 9

#2167197 - Thursday 10 March 2011 6:43

ehem. @69 LLAMA?

gamercanadian | 11

#2169416 - Thursday 10 March 2011 20:05

this is classic

By chewbacca69 | 0

#2164859 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:00

your boyfriend sounds like a dickhead you don't need him anyway

By girlslikeguys | 0

#2164868 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:02

what an asshole =P

By marinkovski | 0

#2164869 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:03

take him back then dump him

DynamicDave | 11

#2165095 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 13:40

^ Haha, awesome!

sailorzoe | 14

#2165355 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 15:40

haha for real.

cyte20 | 0

#2165949 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 20:09

I agree

rhinestonedworld | 0

#2167383 - Thursday 10 March 2011 8:19

agreed.

By noornia | 6

#2164874 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:03

oh : that sucks , you don't need him anyone ,don't take him back =P

valri3 | 0

#2165081 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 13:32

If she doesn't want to, then trust me she wouldn't be on FML, she'll be on FHL.

By noornia | 6

#2164878 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:04

him or anyone like him >.< *

By obtusian | 7

#2164886 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:07

I hope you didn't get back with him, he sounds like a dickhead.

By techweed | 12

#2164888 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:09

thats like getting dumped twice, she rejected the person who rejected u

By marlie_x | 8

#2164890 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:09

that sucks you don't need him and apparently the other girl doesn't either

acelucas | 0

#2164975 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:45

Damn you're beautiful.

Mitsimonsta | 0

#2165108 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 13:47

Lots of Aussie women are sexy as hell. this is just another example, plus she is from my home town.

IStoleTheCookies | 16

#2165117 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 13:52

marlie I gotta admit, I look like a pork scratching dropped out of a tramps arse compared to you. why be so pretty... bitch.
lol joke :) but seriously, I hate you.

saturnfive | 5

#3212244 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 17:21

Good god you are just stunning

By FYLDeep | 25

#2164891 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:09

If you take him back, you're retarded.