Love: Today, my boyfriend called me and dumped me. Thirty minutes later...

By life_isnt_fair - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me and dumped me. Thirty minutes later he called asking for me back. When I asked why, he said "The other girl dumped me." FML

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48514

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Love

Taking stock

There's no helping some people

Vibe check

By dogggg - India - Pune

Today, I caught my dog drinking from the toilet. After yelling at him, his apology was licking my face. FML

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39657

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By mog - United States

Office embarrassment

Today, the girl who works at the liquor store came to where I work. She recognized me. FML

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1335

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By weep weep weep - United States

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26848

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By justhatelife - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my coworker got angry at a mean customer. She came to the back, where I work, and started punching the wall repeatedly. When I tried to intervene and stop her from breaking her hand she punched me in the stomach and uppercut me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9226

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By gt - Canada

Today, my boss fired me because I corrected him after he misspoke during a meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15733

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35704

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By hannahj88 - Australia

Today, while working at the bakery, I slipped on a pen. I dropped the pie rack I was holding full of pies right on my face. I now have a burn mark on my cheek that looks like a swastika. FML

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32209

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I realized that not only am I still an unpublished author, but I can't even get an FML posted after submitting several in the last year. FML

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39196

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By Jocelyn - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was walking home, when I realized I didn't have my phone on me. After retracing my steps, I realized that I'd been listening to music from my phone the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8604

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By Really - United States - Butte

Today, I told my mother that, after years of cheating and abuse, I'm finally getting a divorce. Her reaction was deep concern that my husband might not want to "be friends" with the rest of the family any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26264

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By Slipperywhenwet

Today, I tripped over a "Caution: Slippery When Wet" floor sign and sprained my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5424

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1973

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while making love to my boyfriend, my sister called my cell phone. Not wanting to face the consequences of not answering, I had a long conversation with her. My boyfriend kept going. FML

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10237

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Right in the kisser

Today, I was in sociology class and I raised my hand to ask a question, not realizing that the professor was right behind me. I smacked him right in the face, no doubt reducing my chances of a good grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1329

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By Laura_2118 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me my first compliment in months. Apparently my body spray makes me smell like a stripper. He then asked me if he could "park the beef bus in tuna town". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24802

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By dadum - Australia

Creeped out

Today, I had a stranger scream at me that I was a whore and I was trying to steal her boyfriend. She then said my full name, stating my previous hair colour, my recent activities and that her boyfriend had been my year nine dance partner. I officially have a stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42418

You deserved it

3666

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By Anonymous - France

Today, one of my husband's old college buddies came over for dinner. We reminisced about our college days, and he laughed as he told the story about my husband making up a friend, Marc Deveau, that he'd say he was visiting when he was cheating on his girlfriend. My husband still sees Marc Deveau. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67313

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2020 20:02

Seize the means of production

Today, my job has a policy where you can only have two breaks if you work 7 hours or more. I've recently been assigned multiple strings of 6 hour 45 minute shifts. And no, I can't work 15 minutes of overtime so I can have the extra break. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1511

You deserved it

166

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was reading a book in bed when my dad came to check whether or not I was asleep. To avoid any conversation, I pretended that I was. Turns out he was just checking whether he and my mom could have sex while I was fast asleep. I couldn't plug my ears in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31715

You deserved it

9650

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By notnerb - New Zealand

Today, I met up with a guy from a local dating site for coffee. He walked up, looked me over and said "Ummm, no", then walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68745

You deserved it

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By msamberjade - United States - Columbus

New movie

Today, my boyfriend came home with three of his best friends and broke up with me in front of them. Then, when I asked if we could talk privately, he filmed it for "documentation". FML

I agree, your life sucks

2426

You deserved it

228

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2020 05:01

Frustration level: 2000

Today, I have an incredibly high sex drive. My boyfriend doesn't. He made me throw away my, rarely used, sex toys because he's jealous of them. I wouldn't need them if we had sex more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1906

You deserved it

325

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By Gahh... - Canada - Surrey

Today, I had to show my husband a video on how to brush your teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22956

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2948

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By joolsie - United Kingdom

Today, after a particularly gruesome nightmare about spiders due to my irrational phobia, I decided to try and desensitise myself by googling 'house spiders'. I can't stop the feeling of something crawling over every inch of my body, but at least I now know they can live up to six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22644

You deserved it

7316

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was told that all the data on my laptop is unrecoverable after my hard drive crashed. I have been charged £300 for them to tell me this. Feeling sorry for myself, I wrapped myself up in a blanket and turned on my fan radiator as it's so cold... and promptly set my carpet on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31695

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2021 15:30 - United States

Time to adopt a bunch of cats

Today, I burst into tears when my 35 year-old cousin announced on social media she is going to be a grandma. Her 16 year-old son's girlfriend is pregnant. I am 33, single, and have been romantically invisible to everyone my whole life. I'm gonna die alone. FML

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975

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185

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By housedoctor - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, after getting back from my interior design class, I told my husband that I learned the golden rule for home decor: "Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful." He looked at me dead in the eyes, and didn't say a word. FML

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40759

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By Anonymous - United States - Roseville

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

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35798

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By Ew. - United Kingdom

Today, after being filled with joy after seeing my very elderly cat finally enjoying the sun in my garden, I skipped over to give her a hug. Turns out she was taking a shit. FML

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21814

You deserved it

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By nerd

Today, I understand the finer points of the government in Star Wars better than I understand the U.S. government. FML

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8939

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2562

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By KamiyaHaine - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I got married. The officiant of the ceremony referred to me as Amanda through my ceremony. My name is Anna. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48297

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By BathroomDweller - United States - Omaha

Today, I'm recovering from a urinary tract infection. The infection made me have to pee constantly. Now the antibiotics I'm taking for it are giving me the shits instead. FML

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4821

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By livingstonjamie - Australia - Hampton

Today, a council worker showed up on my doorstep for the final pool installation inspection, which was scheduled 10 years ago. FML

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33632

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25703

You deserved it

58823

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By Sweeney - United States

Today, I decided to finally use the gym membership I got a few weeks ago. After I returned to the locker room, the locker I used was opened with all my stuff, including my iTouch, cell phone, and my wallet with cash stolen. It turns out I left the sticker that tells you your combo on my new lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17892

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By Poowee - United States

Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it would not go down the pipes. After about ten panic filled minutes, I notice the cat litter box. I carefully scoop out my logs, and bury them in the cat litter. FML

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20521

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39816

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I heard that my ex-girlfriend was spreading scurrilous rumours about me all over our university. It appears that I distribute white supremacist propaganda, and that my sexual fantasies involve animals and vegetation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29738

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By Anonymous

Bigmouth Strikes Again

Today, I was involved in an intense argument with my dad. Just as I yelled, "You haven't done one thing for me", my phone rang. The same phone that, as of today, my dad no longer pays the bill for. FML

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381

You deserved it

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By IPityTheStool - United Kingdom

Today, I used the staff toilets at school. As I sat down, I heard a sudden plop, followed by the stench of diarrhoea from the next cubicle. It was followed by a "I do apologise!" It was my English teacher. And we continued to chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38390

You deserved it

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By Meaghan - United States - North Myrtle Beach

Today, my maid of honor, who offered to take care of my wedding dress before the D-Day, left it near her open window during heavy rain. My dress is now ruined, and she's backed out due to stress. I'm supposed to be getting married tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38116

You deserved it

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By damn-it - Australia

Today, my Grandma was showing me an ancient family letter. It was apparently written by someone historically famous. She was going on about how important it was, in such good condition too, worth a lot. I dropped my glass of juice. It spilt all over it. FML

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Top comments

By marinkovski | 0

#2164869 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:03

take him back then dump him

By chewbacca69 | 0

#2164859 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:00

your boyfriend sounds like a dickhead you don't need him anyway

COMMENTS

By claferi | 5

#2164855 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 11:59

oh wow that sucks

claferi | 5

#2164866 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:02

I hope you sent him to heck op o_o

kcnutt10 | 1

#2165226 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 14:43

Holy shit! Should you be on this site?!? You look like you're 10!

josephhhhhh | 0

#2165296 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 15:20

holy shit! should you both be on this site, you look like 2 morons

florecitabetch | 0

#2165601 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 17:22

holly shit! you all made me LMAO

froob | 0

#2165747 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 18:59

holy shit dogs can type

xstaticdelta | 6

#2165775 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 19:18

C-C-C-C COMBOOOO BREAKERRRRR

tjv3 | 10

#2166293 - Thursday 10 March 2011 1:17

well at least he is honest

sydneynault99 | 7

#2166930 - Thursday 10 March 2011 5:24

lmfaoo , ydi for making him cheat in the first place .

pokopiko | 9

#2167197 - Thursday 10 March 2011 6:43

ehem. @69 LLAMA?

gamercanadian | 11

#2169416 - Thursday 10 March 2011 20:05

this is classic

By chewbacca69 | 0

#2164859 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:00

your boyfriend sounds like a dickhead you don't need him anyway

By girlslikeguys | 0

#2164868 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:02

what an asshole =P

By marinkovski | 0

#2164869 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:03

take him back then dump him

DynamicDave | 11

#2165095 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 13:40

^ Haha, awesome!

sailorzoe | 14

#2165355 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 15:40

haha for real.

cyte20 | 0

#2165949 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 20:09

I agree

rhinestonedworld | 0

#2167383 - Thursday 10 March 2011 8:19

agreed.

By noornia | 6

#2164874 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:03

oh : that sucks , you don't need him anyone ,don't take him back =P

valri3 | 0

#2165081 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 13:32

If she doesn't want to, then trust me she wouldn't be on FML, she'll be on FHL.

By noornia | 6

#2164878 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:04

him or anyone like him >.< *

By obtusian | 7

#2164886 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:07

I hope you didn't get back with him, he sounds like a dickhead.

By techweed | 12

#2164888 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:09

thats like getting dumped twice, she rejected the person who rejected u

By marlie_x | 8

#2164890 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:09

that sucks you don't need him and apparently the other girl doesn't either

acelucas | 0

#2164975 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:45

Damn you're beautiful.

Mitsimonsta | 0

#2165108 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 13:47

Lots of Aussie women are sexy as hell. this is just another example, plus she is from my home town.

IStoleTheCookies | 16

#2165117 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 13:52

marlie I gotta admit, I look like a pork scratching dropped out of a tramps arse compared to you. why be so pretty... bitch.
lol joke :) but seriously, I hate you.

saturnfive | 5

#3212244 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 17:21

Good god you are just stunning

By FYLDeep | 25

#2164891 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:09

If you take him back, you're retarded.