Today, my boyfriend called me and dumped me. Thirty minutes later...

By life_isnt_fair - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me and dumped me. Thirty minutes later he called asking for me back. When I asked why, he said "The other girl dumped me." FML

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48502

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Love

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

Does it taste good?

Night terrors

By Anonymous - 14/7/2020 20:01

Age appropriate

Today, I got refused a Red Bull because I didn't have my ID on me and you have to be over 16 to legally buy one. I'm 26 and was paying for petrol for the car that I was going to drive away in. FML

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1341

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By lady_jeni - United States

Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has alzheimers and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML

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60350

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3219

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By lifebecrazed

Today, an elderly gentleman came into my store complaining of a toothache, so I showed him where the Orajel was located. He then insisted on making a big scene, claiming that I really had the magic touch and if I would just stroke his cheek all his pain would go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32251

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2944

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By middleagednurse

Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML

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1519

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By malnourishedstudent - United States - Palm Coast

Today, after months of living on five dollars a day for food in college, I found out my parents bought me an expensive meal plan and forgot to mention it. FML

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16403

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By Anonymous - United States - Northampton

Today, my daughter asked me the difference between "their" and "they're". This is the same child I've been spending thousands of dollars on to send to law school. FML

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45604

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was cleaning, listening to music and sometimes singing along, I heard a knock on my front door. I turned off the music and opened the door to the police, who stated they had to investigate reports of "repeated female screams" coming from my apartment. I'm a 23 year old man. FML

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20822

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By fmlforreal - Singapore

Today, I found my brother tampering with my laptop. He had changed the entire settings, in ways I don't even know how to fix. I finally had to get my mom to threaten him to change it back to its original setting. I'm 15. He's six and can barely get dressed by himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28078

You deserved it

9579

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By Anonymous - United States - Eudora

Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend has a three day break from work. This would be great if he hadn't just told me he's having a Guild Wars 2 marathon. Now all I have to look forward to is slow wifi and anguished screams every time his character dies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21906

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3110

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By Gothicbunnyx3 - United States

Today, I had to tell my 7 year old son it's not polite to jack off in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37539

You deserved it

5625

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By Worstjob - United States

Today, I started my job as a high school janitor. A student decided to welcome me by taking a dump in the urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39229

You deserved it

4428

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By cclllc - United States - Weatherford

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38855

You deserved it

2072

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By Steve

Today, I helped my girlfriend pick out a pretty dress for a corporate event. It turns out the first use it was going to see was a date with her side dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5190

You deserved it

359

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By Mr. Shawzy - Canada

Today, after taking a shower, I decided to weigh myself. Curious, I peered down. I couldn't see the scale. I am fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15017

You deserved it

23137

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By aeterne - United States

Today, my boss informed me that it is now my responsibility to wash the dishes, since my co-workers are consistently too lazy to clean up after themselves. I have a bachelor's degree. Which I earned at the same university I now work at. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54256

You deserved it

6038

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By cheese123 - United States

Today, my grandmother introduced me to her friends as her 16-year-old granddaughter "who has never been kissed." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30193

You deserved it

3207

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By Hallllo - United States

Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

100044

You deserved it

9061

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By a critically injured shitehawk - United Kingdom - York

Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35045

You deserved it

2998

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By ApparentDrugAddict - United States

Today, at dinner, I accidentally let it slip that I'd taken a small sip of alcohol a few years ago and hated it. My extremely strict parents are now trying to get me into rehab. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42775

You deserved it

7300

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By manda - United States

Today, I had to call my mom and tell her about the insurance claim that is going to be coming through in the next couple of weeks. I spent the night in the hospital. I'm allergic to lube. FML

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56174

You deserved it

7693

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By bad doc

Save Me

Today, I had to repeat myself multiple times and dumb down all my anatomical terms and symptoms while describing my illness to my doctor. I want to switch, but my insurance won’t cover another one for at least 60 more days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1327

You deserved it

138

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my toilet broke. Yesterday, the shower filled up with sludge. I have ten people coming over for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28706

You deserved it

2544

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2020 17:00

Strawberry surprise

Today, my husband got home and shouted he had a surprise for me. I shouted back that I hoped it was his tasty knob with strawberry lube. Nope, he'd picked up my grandparents for a visit now social isolation is being relaxed. They might be in their 80’s but they’re not deaf, unfortunately. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1675

You deserved it

741

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By kjirut - Norway

Today, I realized that the only thing I learned from my first serious relationship was how to fake an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23447

You deserved it

5030

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By longday - Canada

Today, I managed to multitask too much at work. I turned around, adjusted my glasses, swept hair out of my face, and blinked. In the process I walked into my manager, causing me to simultaneously punch myself in the mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24457

You deserved it

6731

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By WeddingWoes - United States - Columbia

Today, I sampled some of the food my fiancée's mom is making for our wedding. Everything tasted terrible, and I almost vomited. Turns out she never actually went to culinary school as she claimed, but had just watched Julie and Julia. It's too late to book another caterer for the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28533

You deserved it

5663

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By RickTheBoy - Canada - Toronto

Today, after a haircut, I walked to the cash register, handed the hairdresser a $20 bill and said, "Keep the change." He looked at me with a blank expression and replied, "The haircut costs 25 dollars." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32389

You deserved it

50027

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a kid grabbed the receiver to my cochlear implant and ran off with it. I went to a security guard, and, if my lip reading was accurate, he said to "try and make it through the day without it". Without it, I can't hear anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40216

You deserved it

2458

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By HSampsON - Niger - Niamey

Today, in revenge for me pulling the old salt-in-the-soda prank on him, my dad showed up at my college dressed in a tight blouse and miniskirt, demanding that I come home early with him. I think I'm going to be lynched next time I go to class. FML

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40990

You deserved it

13731

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By OhNo - United States - Castlewood

Today, despite the fact of being together two years, and having a daughter, my fiancée still refuses to tell her parents about us. We're getting married in six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40718

You deserved it

5914

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By Christopher Tobler - United States - New York

Today, I found out that my mom paints, and that I was artistically represented in a painting, as Satan, in a painting made shortly after I told her that I was an atheist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1971

You deserved it

427

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By anon_smh - United States - Bozeman

Today, after interviewing for a promotion to a position that was created with me in mind, I eagerly accepted a call from my boss, expecting good news. Turns out, they found a better applicant, who they don't believe will need support from the position I currently hold, so it's being eliminated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21432

You deserved it

1380

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I talked to my boss about scheduling my urgently needed surgery. She asked me to wait until after Christmas, and told me that I should use vacation time instead of sick leave. She's also not going to give me the total paid time off my contract specifies, because it's "inconvenient." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30917

You deserved it

2329

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By screwed - United States

Today, my mom asked me if I was crying because my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. That wasn't why I was crying. My mom knows things before I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54907

You deserved it

3056

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By streaker? - Germany - Langenhagen

Today, I went clothes shopping. I took my little daughter into the dressing room while I tried some clothes on. She somehow managed to open the door while I was changing. A lady outside then bitched me out for "exposing" myself to her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24114

You deserved it

2006

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By username - United States

Today, I was feeling a little naughty, so I put on a sexy outfit, laid down on the hood of my boyfriend's car, and waited for him to find me. When he came into the garage and saw me, he freaked out and bitched at me, because I "could have dented the chassis". FML

I agree, your life sucks

38431

You deserved it

16436

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By faux ma - United States - Winter Park

Today, I told the hairdresser that my kid had cut my hair. I don't have kids. I was just really drunk. FML

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8159

You deserved it

32603

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By holyshitsnacks - Canada - Woodstock

Today, the snow in my backyard melted, revealing just how much dog shit accumulated underneath it this winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37406

You deserved it

7794

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By Judgeisalwaysright - United States - Chesterfield

Today, while at a big speech and debate tournament, I corrected the judge's use of the word "podium" instead of lectern, because that's what my debate coach had told me was the correct usage. Well, she didn't take it too well and neither did my partner. Or my debate coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11679

You deserved it

20817

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By Anon - United States

Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML

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12352

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Top comments

By marinkovski | 0

#2164869 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:03

take him back then dump him

By chewbacca69 | 0

#2164859 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:00

your boyfriend sounds like a dickhead you don't need him anyway

COMMENTS

By claferi | 5

#2164855 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 11:59

oh wow that sucks

claferi | 5

#2164866 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:02

I hope you sent him to heck op o_o

kcnutt10 | 1

#2165226 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 14:43

Holy shit! Should you be on this site?!? You look like you're 10!

josephhhhhh | 0

#2165296 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 15:20

holy shit! should you both be on this site, you look like 2 morons

florecitabetch | 0

#2165601 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 17:22

holly shit! you all made me LMAO

froob | 0

#2165747 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 18:59

holy shit dogs can type

xstaticdelta | 6

#2165775 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 19:18

C-C-C-C COMBOOOO BREAKERRRRR

tjv3 | 10

#2166293 - Thursday 10 March 2011 1:17

well at least he is honest

sydneynault99 | 7

#2166930 - Thursday 10 March 2011 5:24

lmfaoo , ydi for making him cheat in the first place .

pokopiko | 9

#2167197 - Thursday 10 March 2011 6:43

ehem. @69 LLAMA?

gamercanadian | 11

#2169416 - Thursday 10 March 2011 20:05

this is classic

By chewbacca69 | 0

#2164859 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:00

your boyfriend sounds like a dickhead you don't need him anyway

By girlslikeguys | 0

#2164868 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:02

what an asshole =P

By marinkovski | 0

#2164869 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:03

take him back then dump him

DynamicDave | 11

#2165095 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 13:40

^ Haha, awesome!

sailorzoe | 14

#2165355 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 15:40

haha for real.

cyte20 | 0

#2165949 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 20:09

I agree

rhinestonedworld | 0

#2167383 - Thursday 10 March 2011 8:19

agreed.

By noornia | 6

#2164874 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:03

oh : that sucks , you don't need him anyone ,don't take him back =P

valri3 | 0

#2165081 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 13:32

If she doesn't want to, then trust me she wouldn't be on FML, she'll be on FHL.

By noornia | 6

#2164878 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:04

him or anyone like him >.< *

By obtusian | 7

#2164886 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:07

I hope you didn't get back with him, he sounds like a dickhead.

By techweed | 12

#2164888 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:09

thats like getting dumped twice, she rejected the person who rejected u

By marlie_x | 8

#2164890 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:09

that sucks you don't need him and apparently the other girl doesn't either

acelucas | 0

#2164975 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:45

Damn you're beautiful.

Mitsimonsta | 0

#2165108 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 13:47

Lots of Aussie women are sexy as hell. this is just another example, plus she is from my home town.

IStoleTheCookies | 16

#2165117 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 13:52

marlie I gotta admit, I look like a pork scratching dropped out of a tramps arse compared to you. why be so pretty... bitch.
lol joke :) but seriously, I hate you.

saturnfive | 5

#3212244 - Wednesday 31 August 2011 17:21

Good god you are just stunning

By FYLDeep | 25

#2164891 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:09

If you take him back, you're retarded.