Top

Top agreed Top commented Top favorited

Top of the day Top of the week Top of the month Top of the year Top all time

By Username - 18/10/2010 12:03 - France

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend called and told me he had cheated on me with a minor. She's claiming it was rape and is going to put him in jail. He asked me to help him pay for his attorney. FML

agreeclassic 47 082

vote type 1 4 030

By unengaged - 14/11/2009 18:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of six years broke up with me for a girl he's known for less than 72 hours. Why? He wanted someone pure. I lost my virginity to him five years ago. FML

agreeclassic 46 351

vote type 1 4 227

By Eloy Ymer - 22/08/2010 23:51 - Netherlands

Today, I found out I sleepwalk. How you might ask? By awakening the moment just before I fell from the stairs. I was better off sleeping. FML

agreeclassic 28 134

vote type 1 2 574

By Anonymous - 27/09/2009 18:12 - United States

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend when a little guy walked up and flirted with her. I'm a pretty weak guy and he looked weaker, so I gave him a little push and said "Back off". He's actually not weak at all. I've got a black eye and a girlfriend who won't stop laughing to prove it. FML

agreeclassic 16 429

vote type 1 42 857

By lolo - 22/02/2013 00:16 - Israel - Ofaqim

Today, I downloaded a movie that I already own on DVD, because I was feeling too lazy to get up and fetch it from the living room. I think I've hit rock bottom. FML

agreeclassic 12 122

vote type 1 50 281

It's not a phase, mom!

By cjkelly1 - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my parents made me a steak dinner to celebrate me visiting home from college. I've been a vegetarian for eleven years. This is the third time they've done this. FML

agreeclassic 39 658

vote type 1 12 682

By loserr - 28/02/2014 17:13 - United States - Highland Park

Today, I made myself a hot pocket for lunch. I managed to scald myself on the red-hot cheese, and at the same time bite into the center, which was somehow still frozen solid. FML

agreeclassic 39 078

vote type 1 7 166

What's updog?

By bu09 - 07/03/2009 20:34 - United States

Today, all of my friends and teachers asked me what was wrong because I looked sad and tired. One kid even said that I looked like "an abused housewife the day after." I was fine. It was the first time I went to school without wearing any makeup. FML

agreeclassic 61 469

vote type 1 9 702

There goes the neighborhood…

By Anonymous - 03/03/2011 18:33 - United States

Today, I noticed my new neighbor had taken the liberty of putting up signs all around their lawn overnight. There are at least a dozen signs detailing the various reasons everyone on the planet is condemned to hell. FML

agreeclassic 30 411

vote type 1 3 131

By daddysboy123 - 06/08/2009 15:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found what I assumed was my laptop, though my mother has the same one. As I opened it, I was greeted by a video of my father waving. He wasn't using his hands. FML

agreeclassic 54 791

vote type 1 4 931

By Anonymous - 31/10/2011 16:13 - Singapore

Today, my husband's car was stolen from our driveway while he was out jogging. We'd recently had a huge fight, and he accused me of having done this to get revenge. I was at work all day, but it seems this doesn't make any difference to his dumb, paranoid ass. FML

agreeclassic 32 397

vote type 1 6 520

By Hello Nurse - 24/09/2012 04:32 - United States - El Macero

Today, a very attractive man asked me out. I'd have been flattered if I weren't the nurse assigned to his laboring wife. FML

agreeclassic 29 400

vote type 1 1 771

By apparentlyunattractive - 07/06/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, someone left a note on my car, saying "You're gorgeous. Call me. #######." I called the number and they said they saw me in the store I was in, telling me "You were the ONLY attractive person in there." We decided to meet up. He walks over, I say hi, he says "I think I put my number on the wrong car." FML

agreeclassic 61 083

vote type 1 7 468

Rejection

By xXitslolaXX - 04/06/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, I volunteered for a school play. During rehearsal, I was playing the part of an average housewife. The teacher asked for a volunteer to be my husband. Thirty seconds go by and no one raises their hand. The teacher ended up playing the part because no else wanted to. FML

agreeclassic 22 090

vote type 1 2 593

By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 14:43 - United States - Tyler

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married when his wife showed up at my door. That's about the same time she found her husband is gay, and that Ashley can be a man's name. FML

agreeclassic 30 226

vote type 1 2 820

Panic!

By bosssssssss765432 - 16/05/2009 15:20 - United States

Today, I was at the doctor and I had to get a fingerstick in the lab to get blood drawn. There was a 6 year-old boy waiting to go next. He was terrified. His mother told him to, "Watch this brave girl go first." I panicked and began to hyperventilate. The kid fainted. FML

agreeclassic 50 947

vote type 1 9 768

Never touch the Xbox

By Unknown - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I turned off my boyfriend's Xbox while he was playing because I wanted to talk to him about getting more serious with our relationship. As I did so, he said, "That's not the only thing you just turned off" and promptly broke up with me. FML

agreeclassic 5 941

vote type 1 15 742

Spill the tea

By panicelement - 27/02/2013 07:17 - United States - Carbondale

Spicy

Today, my college started an internet "confessions" page. Out of curiosity I checked it out, only to find that it's full of some of the most disturbing stuff I've ever read. My schoolmates are either filthy as fuck or they are all pathological liars. Wonderful. FML

agreeclassic 38 760

vote type 1 5 226

By samantha - 04/03/2009 00:18 - United States

Today, in the fitting room at Old Navy, a customer asked me if we sold Calvin Klein jeans. I replied "no ma'am, this isn't a department store, we only sell Old Navy jeans." She left, and complained to my manager, who informed me that "the customer is always right." FML

agreeclassic 70 446

vote type 1 3 808

By Pennepestoem - 05/01/2013 19:07 - Philippines - Makati

Today, my friend and I were trying out a site on which you talk to strangers using a mic and webcam. We came across a cute guy, who said to my friend, "Tell the fat guy to move." He was referring to me. I'm a girl. FML

agreeclassic 26 753

vote type 1 5 829

Pennepestoem app_comment_confession_title

Pennepestoem 7

Sunday 6 January 2013 15:44

Hey this is the op. lol to #57 i have 38 d cup so i think yeah that's the reason. And i dont have a moustache it's just that i have a curvy body structure but really dont look like a man and i was also wearing a gray loose jacket at that time and yes my friend did stick up for me. Funny comments lol

Channelling GG Allin

By dudeyouarefired - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff

Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML

agreeclassic 43 498

vote type 1 4 865

By emih - 21/02/2010 08:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came to my workplace and presented me with a lock of his hair. His pubic hair that he'd just cut. FML

agreeclassic 25 615

vote type 1 3 150

By me. - 12/11/2012 04:30 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, my father told me to take the car and get some groceries. An hour and a half later, coming home with the groceries, I see the cops all around my house because my dad had called them, thinking that I had run away and stolen the car. FML

agreeclassic 28 146

vote type 1 1 735

By Milked Richard - 06/02/2015 04:14 - Australia - Wagga Wagga

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

agreeclassic 33 205

vote type 1 5 643

By Annette - 22/09/2012 16:17 - United States - Seattle

Today, I started my new job. Less than one hour into the day, my boss told me that the reason he hired me was that I was the least attractive of everyone he interviewed, so I'd be less likely to cause a distraction. FML

agreeclassic 26 348

vote type 1 2 104

By appaluver - 03/09/2011 23:53 - United States

Today, I was at my friend's house and accidentally blew out a candle that was supposed to be lit for seven days straight. It was in honor of her grandmother who had recently died. FML

agreeclassic 30 775

vote type 1 14 793

By kay - 01/06/2012 21:08 - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, a homeless guy grabbed me and started ranting that "the Mayans were right" or some shit. He was making about as much sense as Charlie Sheen outside of a padded cell, so I shoved him away. That's when he decided to pull a knife and chase me all the way to my car. FML

agreeclassic 29 000

vote type 1 4 360

By Anonymous - 11/07/2014 17:45 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I decided to bring down a very old fan from the attic. I plugged it in, and as soon as I turned it on, tiny spiders were blown all over my room. FML

agreeclassic 50 683

vote type 1 18 327

Easter surprise

By aprilfooled - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, for April Fools' day, my entire class decided to prank our religion teacher. During our daily meditation time, while his eyes were closed, we slowly got out of our seats and left the classroom. Two minutes later he opened his eyes, locked us out, and called the dean to give us all detention. FML

agreeclassic 22 181

vote type 1 77 356

Mortifying

By Anonymous - 15/07/2015 16:29 - United States - Katy

Spicy

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say, "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

agreeclassic 37 354

vote type 1 2 755

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Top

Today, my friend had to take my cat who has a tumor to be put down when I wasn't home since I couldn't bear to take him myself. I have two cats. He took the wrong one. FML

agreeclassic 480 856

vote type 1 71 045

Today, after waiting 3 weeks so she wouldn't be too stressed after being shipped, I was finally able to handle my snake for the first time. As I went to pick her up, I noticed she's about to shed and so is temporarily super stressed by any movement nearby, let alone contact. Here's to another week of waiting. FML

agreeclassic 285

vote type 1 611

Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML

agreeclassic 36 202

vote type 1 8 251

Today, I asked my sister why she doesn’t visit our dad in hospital anymore. He’s been in a coma for months, but what she said was just nasty. Apparently, if she wanted to talk to a vegetable, she’d yell into the fridge once a week, at least it would save her the long bus ride. FML

agreeclassic 1 496

vote type 1 189

Today, after growing my hair out for over a year and constantly being told that it makes me look like a girl, I finally cut it. The first thing my friends said when they saw me was that I now look like a "lesbian." FML

agreeclassic 46 648

vote type 1 5 841

Today, it's so windy, I actually fell over and nearly flew into the street the moment I walked outside. FML

agreeclassic 646

vote type 1 159