The Top

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By damgoose - 15/06/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, while I was working in the liquor store, I was trying to impress my hot boss by lifting three cases of Grey goose. Turns out I can't, and I'll be working for the next two months of the rest of my summer paying it all back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 863

You deserved it 62 352

By caca maker - 13/01/2013 09:22 - Canada

Today, while arguing with my pregnant wife, she said, “You can’t understand. I’m creating life. What are you creating, besides poop?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 270

By summerbabe77 - 22/07/2012 03:58 - United States - Medford

Today, my dog somehow managed to swallow a ring that my mother had bought me. Now I must carefully poke and search through each pile of dog crap I find in my yard for the next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 993

You deserved it 2 974

By haileelouxxx - 22/08/2014 12:05 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my boss slapped me across the face with a raw chicken breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 649

You deserved it 5 434

By not_trained_for_this - 18/11/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, I was working at the school when one of the kids came crying to me about needing help with his zipper after a little "accident". Forbidden by a district ordinance to touch them in certain areas, there was nothing I could do; to which he cried and pissed his pants. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 080

You deserved it 2 945

Cool beans

By oopsiecoffee - 09/04/2009 06:40 - Canada

Today, I went into a small coffee shop. In line, a guy came up to me and was like, "I haven't seen you here before, are you new in town?" and I replied with, "Oh, no I've lived here for years. The coffee here is crap, though, so I only come here when Starbucks is full." He's the owner of the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 342

You deserved it 76 804

By rissa5214 - 26/07/2015 18:20 - United States - Stoughton

Today, I told my boyfriend of three years that I wanted to get married and have a child within the next five years. He responded by packing up my things and showing me the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 586

You deserved it 5 960

By River - 18/07/2015 04:08 - Oranjestad

Today, my boyfriend's idiotic friend shoved me into a stream so I could be "reunited" with my family, since my name is River. The first thing I saw as I climbed out, soaking wet, was my boyfriend high-fiving his friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 610

You deserved it 2 800

By Anonymous - 05/03/2012 16:36 - United Kingdom

Today, a stuffed ferret was the latest addition to the list of weird items my colleagues have found in our rubbish tip, and that they put in my office. The list also includes explicit fetish porn playing cards, live ammo and dead pheasants, to name a few. I need a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 170

You deserved it 2 608

By alchy - 02/05/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, I realized that the cashier at the liquor store and I are already on a first-name basis. I just moved to this town a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 980

You deserved it 36 283

Little devil

By Teresa - 28/05/2010 04:30 - United States

Today, I couldn't sleep because I had the worst time positioning myself around my cat who was sleeping in my bed. I couldn't kick my cat out of bed because I earlier today had an argument with my brother over which of us the cat loved more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 013

You deserved it 42 736

By jai90 - 03/02/2014 21:16 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I found a Google search for "erectile dysfunction" in my browser search history, along with pages about treatments for it. I'm a woman, and I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 275

You deserved it 3 831

By Anonymous - 17/11/2013 01:03 - United States

Today, I told my roommates they have to go get jobs, because I can't afford to support them or their bad habits any more. They responded by pawning all my DVDs for cash to buy cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 725

You deserved it 7 120

By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 06:44 - United States

Today, I drove 45 min from my college to surprise my girlfriend with roses after she got off work. She responded by taking the roses, dumping them in her back seat, and speeding off because she couldn't miss Survivor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 104

You deserved it 3 341

That bastard!

By omgwtfsam - 27/07/2009 00:53 - United States

Today, my dad somehow found some pictures of my boyfriend having sex with some girl and went on a rampage about how pissed he was that he was cheating on me. I had to explain to my parents that I was the girl in the pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 291

You deserved it 19 433

By GirlfriendsAreBadForYourBack - 06/08/2013 16:01 - United States - Lynbrook

Today, I was feeling down because I always think that I'm overweight. My boyfriend tried to prove me wrong by lifting me up. I threw his back out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 861

You deserved it 9 952

Interested

By Anonymous - 03/06/2009 01:33 - Australia

Today, my bank card was skimmed (copied electronically) and my account was totally cleaned out. I had only just got paid and don't get paid again for 4 weeks. The bank says it will take 21 days minimum to resolve. They offered me a credit card with a huge interest rate to help me get by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 426

You deserved it 2 703

By Anonymous - 23/11/2015 03:17 - Canada

Today, I drove three hours to surprise my girlfriend, who I hadn't seen in three weeks. When she opened the door, she gasped, told me to fuck off, and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 837

You deserved it 2 383

The price of love

By broke - 05/05/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I got home from visiting my long-distance girlfriend. I spent $366 to get a plane ticket to visit her for the week. The day after I arrived there, she broke up with me and I had to buy a ticket for an earlier flight home. With fees and penalties, I paid around $550 to be broken up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 738

You deserved it 5 230

Surprised indeed

By fredo - 19/03/2013 12:31 - United States - Ames

Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 110

You deserved it 24 152

By Coryj1220 - 26/03/2014 03:53 - United States - Louisville

Today, while working at Dairy Queen, a customer asked me what was so special about our ice cream cakes, and how they're different from regular cakes. I chuckled, and told her it's because they're made from ice cream. She threw a fit, which resulted in me being written up and sent home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 138

You deserved it 6 264

By poncho31 - 22/05/2010 08:08 - United States

Today, I drove 6 hours to make a job interview missing my best friends' wedding. The interview is actually tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 652

You deserved it 48 575

By towelwindow - 05/08/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, out of the goodness of my heart, I went to work to help out a co-worker even though my last day was last week. I parked in a garage a block away for 2 hours. I paid $20 to park, didn't get paid, am spending $400 to get my back window replaced, and I have to buy a new iPod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 897

You deserved it 8 494

One simple trick

By Anonymous - 07/02/2011 21:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the phone to a guy I really like from work. We'd been talking for about 2 minutes, when he said he was getting another call, and put me on hold. I was so excited to be on the phone with him, it took me a whole 15 minutes to realise he had actually just hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 304

You deserved it 7 408

Sentenced

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Orlando

Today, I realized I can't wait until my daughter moves out the house when she is 18. She's eight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 276

You deserved it 29 316

By Anonymous - 31/10/2012 06:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by showing up at my work and proposing to me. It was sweet until an angry customer bitched us out for "wasting her time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 200

You deserved it 3 621

By monkeyzz - 12/10/2012 11:11 - United States - Sonora

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out on his deck out back. When leaving, I heard the sliding glass door open on the upper deck, I froze in the yard to not be seen. Too bad I didn't move. Apparently his dad pees off the deck at night. I had to walk home covered in pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 595

You deserved it 7 012

By Lisa - 02/01/2010 07:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called my cell. I picked up and said, "Hi, this is Lisa and I want you to fuck me raw." It was my dad. He was at my boyfriend's parents' house and forgot his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 855

You deserved it 36 047

By Anonymous - 09/08/2013 14:22 - Canada - Langley

Today, I let my son take my car out for a spin, since he just got his licence. He didn't make it out of our street before totaling it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 443

You deserved it 15 178

You can do it

By Suomynona - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Germany - Hamburg

Today, I felt lousy and decided to give myself a pep-talk in the mirror. After a while, I cheered up and went about my day. I soon found out that my sister had recorded me through the crack of the door and posted the video on Facebook. I'm humiliated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 739

You deserved it 6 935

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Random

Today, I was unsuccessful in getting a job at a supermarket. The same supermarket I used to work at. I now have a degree but can't even get a job at a place I used to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 808

You deserved it 846

Today, I went to the supermarket to get some Easter gifts for my kids. At the register, I was verbally abused to the point of tears by the cashier, for having way too many items for the 12 items or less lane. I had 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 546

You deserved it 15 661

Today, I woke up at 6:00 am to the sound of somebody laying on their horn outside my apartment. I ran outside to yell at them only to find out it was my car. The horn was shortcircuting. All my neighbors stood on their porch laughing as I repeatedly punched my steering wheel to make it stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 399

You deserved it 4 173

Today, I was hanging with my boyfriend. When his mom came to pick him up, he introduced me. She talked to me politely and I thought we hit it off very well. As I was walking away, I heard her say, "That's your new girlfriend? Honey, you could do so much better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 230

You deserved it 4 496

Today, I went to my local supermarket to get my electricity topped up. Problem is, 2 of the 3 cash machines weren't working. The third was, until I tried to withdraw cash, then nope. The supermarket only accepts cash for meter top ups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 354

You deserved it 126

Today, I went to the cafeteria at work like I usually do, but couldn't find anything I liked. Turns out there's a new policy in place: the cafeteria is now serving only vegan foodstuffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 142