Kids: Today, my 6-year-old nephew opened his Christmas gift. The first... - FML

By UngratefulBrat - 28/12/2012 07:03 - United States - New York

Today, my 6-year-old nephew opened his Christmas gift. The first words out of his mouth were, "This is cheap." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 585

You deserved it 6 829

Sorry…

Dysfunctional

You tried

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 09/11/2021 05:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend added his ex on Facebook and Instagram, all within a few days. Lucky me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 124

Slipped

By Badchristian - 05/04/2012 04:17 - United States - Pasadena

Spicy

Today, I went to my Christian accountability partner from church to talk about continuing to maintain Christian values. We had sex. Oh, the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 385

You deserved it 43 045

By ItsFunnyNow - 22/10/2009 04:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I took my first Viagra. It worked great, but "Wally, the one-eyed wonder-weasel" would not return to "hiding". After 4 hours, I was in mortal aching pain, and went to my doctor for a shot and sedative. My wife, the doctor, and the nurse could not stifle their laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 551

You deserved it 6 725

By Anonymous - 19/09/2015 02:08 - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she's been avoiding kissing me lately. Apparently she had a dream that one of my teeth caught on her braces, and all of her teeth got pulled out like a string of pearls. It seems unlikely she will be un-scarred any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 604

You deserved it 1 708

By Rizma - 27/11/2014 15:12 - France - Gr?ces

Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear sporty, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just when a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 924

You deserved it 4 547

By why me - 29/06/2016 04:41 - United States - Milford

Today, I bought a brand new Wii U. My cat must have thought the wires looked tasty because he chewed through each of them, which will now cost me another $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 319

You deserved it 1 899

By UNmarried - 31/08/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, I found some .pdf files on my wife's computer. They were forms that had been filled out except for the date and the "reason" section. They were divorce papers. When confronted about it she said, "Well, if you piss me off really bad, I want to write down why before I calm down." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 761

You deserved it 4 147

By John - 10/07/2013 02:48 - United States

Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 046

You deserved it 50 481

By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 01:03 - France

Today, I teach English in Taiwan. I got two new students, brothers named Harry and Potter. People, they're children, not pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 619

You deserved it 5 031

By Motha - 09/04/2014 05:17 - United States - West Jordan

Today, my obsession with saying "your mom" reached a new level when my anatomy teacher asked what I did with my pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 593

You deserved it 50 353

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 03:30 - Canada

Today, I was watching the show "Sixteen and Pregnant". I started bawling when the girl's dirtbag boyfriend proposed to her with a $20 ring he bought from Walmart because I was so lonely and was jealous of her "romantic relationship". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 169

You deserved it 12 753

By Anonymous - 14/07/2014 23:52 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I went into my former workplace. While there, an ex-coworker told me that after I quit, they split my position into two separate jobs. When I worked there, my boss had told me to suck it up whenever I said there was too much work for just one person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 758

You deserved it 3 837

By anon - 31/07/2014 03:12 - Canada - Goderich

Today, my father tripped over the dog and hit a wall. He was so convinced his arm was broken that we waited for 3 hours in emergency to find out he had a bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 731

You deserved it 3 415

By disfordiploma - 25/03/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I found out that I'm failing this semester because I've missed too many classes. I've missed the classes because I've been having panic attacks, a symptom of my anxiety disorder. I got the anxiety disorder because I was so afraid of failing school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 179

You deserved it 28 217

Et tu, Brute?

By missseloit3 - 09/12/2017 01:30

Today I caught my husband cheating on me in our bed with my 19-year-old brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 209

You deserved it 538

By Anonymous - 09/07/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, I woke my boyfriend up at 7 a.m. to have sex. I thought the sex was great, but later he kept complaining, "I can't believe you woke me up so early." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 850

You deserved it 710

By Anonymous - 09/12/2009 21:05 - United States

Today, I was going into an office building. There was a boy and a man ahead of me, and the boy held the door open for me. Surprised, I said "What a nice young man," and he said. "It's ok, ma'am; my dad says to always hold the doors open for old ladies." I'm 43. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 585

You deserved it 6 294

By Mikey - 26/04/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I was hanging out at my school with some friends when my mom came to pick me up. A girl I knew wanted a hug before I left. I turned around to hug her and a clip on my backpack got stuck on her tank top. I tuned away the clip pulled the shirt ripping it and exposing her naked chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 404

You deserved it 8 689

Didn't see ya there!

By jazojigga - 02/03/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, I borrowed a van to move some of my furniture. I wasn't used to the brakes so when I stopped at a red light, I pretty much ended up in the crosswalk. Suddenly, I heard a loud thud at the side of the van. I turned to see what idiot would walk into a van. It was a blind man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 744

You deserved it 52 087

By DDD - 31/01/2009 15:04 - France

Spicy

Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 320

You deserved it 66 626

By Lenny_R - 08/12/2016 19:53

Today, I got pulled over for having an expired registration. I also found out my husband hasn't been paying for my car insurance. Luckily, I didn't get arrested because I had my baby with me. They towed my car and gave me 2 tickets and a court date. Oh, and the cop sent me a friend request. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 329

You deserved it 862

By ohgodwhyyoufreaks - 01/04/2013 11:57 - United States - Moorhead

Spicy

Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 632

You deserved it 6 715

By Anonymous - 01/11/2010 07:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party dressed as a Pinata. Drunk people tried to hit me all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 442

You deserved it 56 762

Protip

By Anonymous - 13/04/2015 01:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, the only way I can get my boyfriend to do anything is by telling him it's a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 871

You deserved it 4 414

By fired - 04/11/2011 04:04 - Australia

Today, I was fired for the second time in as many days. I received a letter notifying me that I would no longer be working for the company, effective immediately. When I did not attend work the next day, I received a phone call firing me for not turning up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 823

You deserved it 2 658

By jojo - 06/05/2009 19:11 - United States

Today, while driving home I had to pee really bad. I decided to speed to get home quicker. I got pulled over for speeding and peed my pants. The cop, assuming I was drunk, made me take a sobriety test. I had to walk a straight line with piss all over my pants at 2:00 in the afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 454

You deserved it 12 832

By Anonymous - 27/05/2013 00:40 - United Kingdom - Maybole

Today, a man asked about fishing in the river which flows beside where I work. I said you could, but anything you caught under 5 inches has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried and complained to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 102

You deserved it 8 253

By nosonofmine - 23/06/2012 17:43 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, my son and I attended the funeral of a family friend. It went as well as any funeral could, up until the point that my apparently drunk son tried to grope the widow. I came an inch away from causing my son to need his own funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 454

You deserved it 2 832

By almost_a_pro - 23/04/2015 13:43 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I was home alone and tried to make some popcorn so I could watch a movie. Thirty minutes later, my parents came home and found me talking to the firemen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 037

You deserved it 9 033

By Anonymous - 16/01/2017 17:07

Today, my flatmate wanted to introduce me to his new friend, saying we'd, "get along great". Within the first half hour, she'd used the word "lit" eight times, and dabbed four times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 105

You deserved it 675

By furbys69 - 31/05/2017 09:00 - United States - Kingsport

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get frisky when the Furby Party Rocker all the way across the room started going off on its own and completely killed the mood. I took the batteries out of the little bastard immediately, but the mood was lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 682

You deserved it 768

By bluntedone - 03/02/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was trans-night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 007

You deserved it 52 017

By daughterofanazi - 08/02/2012 05:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to my parents' house for dinner. My dad made Holocaust jokes the entire time. My boyfriend is Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 675

You deserved it 4 631

By Anonymous - 22/01/2019 22:00 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, the maintenance man for my apartment “fixed” my toilet from constantly running. Now it won’t flush. I learned this after I took a huge dump. My boyfriend was over to spend the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 099

You deserved it 232

By Anonymous - 24/04/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I went to the mall with a couple of friends. While walking through the parking lot, we saw a very dirty car. You couldn't even see the inside of the car through the windows. I thought it would be funny to trace on the window, "Wash Me." After doing so, the driver got out of the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 824

You deserved it 65 316

Burning rubber

By Anonymous - 16/05/2021 00:01

Today, I bought a car that literally caught fire seconds after I started the engine. The dealership then fobbed me off, saying I'd driven it off their forecourt (by about 3 yards), so it was entirely my problem, but they still expect my monthly payments to be on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 71

By ohboy - 06/03/2009 00:51 - United States

Today, I was supposed to see an apartment. 30 minutes after I was to meet the owner, she still hadn't shown. I called her. When I got no response, I was annoyed and kept calling. Finally, she answered, said, "I'm in the hospital with my father. He just died. Please stop calling me," and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 979

You deserved it 21 412

By Anonymous - 18/05/2009 06:45 - Canada

Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 923

You deserved it 23 947

Dating sucks

By Anonymous - 26/11/2021 19:59

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 942

You deserved it 350

By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 22:19

Today, my wife and I were having sex when she suddenly stopped and said, "I just thought of a great lesson plan idea for my 3rd graders." This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 207

You deserved it 2 553

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Top comments

dancinwookie 21

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Friday 28 December 2012 11:58

You know what else is cheaper? No gift at all. See how much he likes that.

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Friday 28 December 2012 12:03

I'd take it back and say " ok nothing for you then"

Comments

Friday 28 December 2012 11:56

Sounds like she's a spoiled BEE-ATCH!

CharresBarkrey 15

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Friday 28 December 2012 12:02

It's OP's nephew, not niece.

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Friday 28 December 2012 19:13

Calling kids a "bitch"? That's taking it a little too far. A brat, maybe.

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Sunday 30 December 2012 1:57

Sounds like she is actually a he.

decidedlyvague 11

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Sunday 30 December 2012 2:58

She said he said... I don't wanna hear about all that bullshit.

dancinwookie 21

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Friday 28 December 2012 11:58

You know what else is cheaper? No gift at all. See how much he likes that.

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Friday 28 December 2012 14:31

I'd literally go out and get him a lump of coal.. It wouldn't b that easy, but I'd go out of my way to do it lol

amillionbucks 5

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Friday 28 December 2012 14:53

If he didn't like it I doubt he would care.

mikeymayhem_87 15

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Friday 28 December 2012 14:55

Actually, just get the little shit a piece of charcoal. It's close enough!

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Friday 28 December 2012 16:19

#3 I fully agree

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Friday 28 December 2012 19:27

This year for Christmas my parents bought me cereal. It's the thought that counts right?

sens3sfailing 24

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Friday 28 December 2012 21:30

Coal isn't cheap. If I got coal I would happy and sell it. Then go buy something with all my money

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Friday 28 December 2012 12:01

Sounds like he needs to learn some respect

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Friday 28 December 2012 12:03

I'd take it back and say " ok nothing for you then"

Bright_Lights 14

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Friday 28 December 2012 14:37

4 for you glen coco! You go glen coco! ...And none for the ungrateful brat.

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Friday 28 December 2012 16:50

What?

Charmillionaire 10

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Friday 28 December 2012 22:06

Mean Girls reference. Such a fetch movie.

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Tuesday 1 January 2013 9:18

Indian giver

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Friday 28 December 2012 12:09

Better start teaching him the value of a dollar now before he takes everything for granted.

The_sGTw_0979 4

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Friday 28 December 2012 19:52

It seems a bit too late for that. :L he's old enough to know what he's doing

oj101 33

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Friday 28 December 2012 12:11

Honesty is always the best policy... Well, perhaps not so in this case. What a brat. Everyone these days knows the price of things, but not the value of it. He could have at least thanked you for doing the gesture in the first place.

wholikesbacon 9

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Friday 28 December 2012 12:12

If he asks what it's made of scream, "YOUR MUM'S CHEST HAIR!" That'll shut him up.

CharresBarkrey 15

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Friday 28 December 2012 12:25

Nice wig, Janice, what's it made of?

CptZoe 10

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Friday 28 December 2012 12:42

Aye, we got it

wholikesbacon 9

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Saturday 29 December 2012 4:17

Yeah XD. why does it have so many down votes?

CharresBarkrey 15

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Sunday 30 December 2012 10:33

Not a lot of Lizzy Caplan fans, I guess.

wholikesbacon 9

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Sunday 30 December 2012 12:44

Yep! D:

RavenLovesViolin 7

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Friday 28 December 2012 12:12

What an ungrateful brat. I'd have taken it back from him and returned it.

watermelon1 35

Friday 28 December 2012 14:01

OP should try to return his/her nephew and get a respectful, less spoiled one instead.

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Friday 28 December 2012 12:14

The gift obviously didn't have enough swag in it.

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Friday 28 December 2012 12:24

I would of gone all "back in my day" on him and said "oh yeah? Back in my day we used to play with only the box that thing came in!"

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 17

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 19

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 190