Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML
Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML
Today, after an extensive talk with a relationship counselor, we concluded that I'm more likely to get run over by a car than be in a stable relationship. FML
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML
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Top comments
rocker_chick105 31
Was the cat ok?
SnigglePoop 3
That sounds like a purrty painful situation. I'm not kittin..
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Comments (117)
stephissilly 18
i hate when that happens!
npnptracking 7
^^^^ I love Good Charlotte
_Oblivion_ 12
no one cares^
stephissilly 18
you are awesome!
littlegold 7
Your too cool. Thats good. :p
bfrench95 0
What was your hypothesis..?
reaganomics 6
Murphy's law in action, FYL Op
derper71 3
Better luck next year op! Fyl
enonymous 9
All of Newtons theories happened here.
shellz102 12
Today was just not your day. Sorry OP that really sucks!:(
bfrench95 0
Dafuq? Wheres my comment? FML you delete for no reason!
rocker_chick105 31
Was the cat ok?
SecretMe00 5
Ya, seriously... I hope the cat is ok. And what's OP mean by he came to the conclusion that it would hurt?! Isn't that common sense, you stub your toe, etc and there WILL be pain experienced.
StoryOfTheYear 15
If you want my straight-up opinion I think most cats are not "ok". I swear they purposely put themselves in these positions so they have an excuse to scratch the living daylights out of any available body part.
Brock13598 0
What is OP?
Jadalicious 0
toe stubbs are so painful...
nixter5 18
That and when you slam your hip on the corner of a wall. You feel like you've been shot!
GoW_Chick 15
Or when you bash your funny bone on the corner of a table, I know that makes me curse like a sailor.
graham11 14
Or when you hit your head on a metal shelf. I did that yesterday and cussed like lil Wayne.
nixter5 18
"Man F*ck these bi*ch a** shelves!!!"
graham11 14
92- haha exactly!!;)
GoW_Chick 15
Just the image of that made made me cringe. And did you mean pesky(damn I don't think that's spelled right) or is pesty some new interweb term I'm not famliar with?
Goldenchest 14
Am I the only one who got 97's reference?
SloaneJoyyBooty 0
awh! poor kitty!
blondebrunette11 4
How drunk were you..?
chasingmountains 0
My guess is: very
waswashere 0
I'm not as think as your drunk I am
madelinebriana 11
so...you planned to do all of this?
sugarandspice33 0
Trying to hurt yourself, are you? Tsk tsk
rattusrattus 19
It does sound as though the OP has had many philosophical musings on this particular hypothetical sequence of events prior to their actual occurrence...
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
Too many big words... My brain hurts..
graham11 14
Can anyone translate #71 to modern day English?
die_coco 0
Lik dis if u cry evertim
Levvy 22
It sounds more like the OP had contemplated this exact sequence of events in full before its occurrence. Which implies either an incredibly dubious coincidence or doing it intentionally. Either that or they were just trying to make it sound "funnier" by being excessively loquacious.
DalPozzo13 10
Damn, fyl.
SnigglePoop 3
That sounds like a purrty painful situation. I'm not kittin..
nixter5 18
You sir, are incredibly punny!!
poopypants09 0
Poooooooooooooooooooop e
crazychick1269 7
^ ???
PeypeyTheBeeotch 1
That was...wow...
Shelta957 13
You thought about how much this would all hurt?
erfia 0
Ouch!!!!