Health: Today, everyone in my house has a horrible stomach flu. My two...

By AndelleRae - 22/02/2012 12:02 - United States

Today, everyone in my house has a horrible stomach flu. My two toddler nephews don't understand that they need to throw up in the bathroom, so they just blow chunks everywhere. I have to clean it up, while trying not to do the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 307

You deserved it 2 278

AndelleRae tells us more.

AndelleRae 9

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 17:02

This is mine. They are two and three years old, and while I tried to give them little buckets, they didn't always make it in. It's my job to watch them because I am their full time live in nanny. My sister works third shift and her husband recently passed away, so it's down to me to take care of them. Everyone is over it now, but it was a pretty nasty couple of days, for sure.

Health

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Taking stock

Broken heart

By noname - 18/02/2009 20:35 - United States

Today, I was feeling really upset and called my boyfriend. He said "Can you feel upset a little later? I'm watching a movie." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 226

You deserved it 6 023

By ThanksMa - 22/03/2009 19:45 - Canada

Today, my mother and I walked past my boyfriend, whom she's never met. After we casually greeted each other and went on our way my mother said, "He's cute. Who is he?" I paused for a second and replied, "That's my boyfriend." She then said, "Does he know that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 609

You deserved it 14 345

By single once again - 29/12/2012 23:54 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend if he was cheating on me. He replied, "Nah, all the chicks in this town are fuck-ugly." and stared at me until I left the room. Good to know that's his only reason for staying faithful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 328

You deserved it 7 633

By titsmcgee - 11/02/2015 21:51 - United States - Oak Brook

Today, the CEO of my company leaned over and said, "Hey, I've been meaning to thank you…" I thought he was going to thank me for all of my hard work, but he continued, "…for wearing that shirt today. I can totally see your boobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 115

You deserved it 7 034

By booboo300 - 22/12/2018 02:00

Today, I picked up my gardisal 9 hpv update shot that my doctor prescribed and discovered that not only do I need three of them, they are $200 a piece. The guy I was dating that was the reason I needed the booster broke up with me on Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 050

You deserved it 267

By starley - 13/08/2010 09:11 - United States

Today, my husband of 3 years, who I have a 1 year old daughter with, told me he wants a divorce, but who knows, maybe in the future we can "date." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 857

You deserved it 3 430

By Anonymous - 02/05/2015 02:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 914

You deserved it 4 102

Alanis Morissette reference

By mei-ah - 12/06/2021 00:01

Today, my mom screamed at me to the point of tears, because it rained on her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 61

Always wear protective gear

By Anonymous - 06/06/2020 14:02

Today, while nailing a board down, I hit my thumb with the hammer. As I reached to console my throbbing finger, I dropped the hammer on my foot. When I went down to hold my foot, I smacked my head on the board. Now I've got a concussion, a smashed finger, and a bruised foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 526

You deserved it 610

By elfy2 - 03/03/2011 02:49

Today, while riding the bus to a really important job interview the child sitting next to me threw up in my lap. His mother then told him to wipe his mouth. He used my sleeve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 078

You deserved it 3 416

By Anonymous - 11/02/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, I got this huge package at my college dorm from my parents with candy, chips, canned soup and all these goodies. When I called my mom to thank her, she replied "We got rid of your cat, Annie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 143

You deserved it 2 572

Things can only get better

By MaudlinMasters - 05/01/2021 02:01

Today, marks the 8-month anniversary of receiving my Masters degree. It also marks 8 months of depression and unemployment because the dream job in my field I was promised before graduation was rescinded due to COVID-19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 103

By Anonymous - 12/04/2013 09:24 - Australia

Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 651

You deserved it 6 920

By Anonymous - 02/06/2011 14:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came to visit me. By visit I mean he arrived, took a huge smelly dump and left. This is the first time I've seen my dad in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 930

You deserved it 3 053

By toothpaste - 19/01/2012 12:17 - Australia

Today, a man crashed into my car. He then got out of his car, dug a toothbrush and toothpaste out of his bag, and tried to brush away the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 340

You deserved it 2 303

By mtorres8789 - 27/06/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, our favorite teacher walked into our history class and everyone started whistling, I decided to join in by screaming 'sexy'. The room went quiet and all heads turned to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 844

You deserved it 80 464

By Lunar-Spice - 23/07/2019 04:05

Today, I asked one of the girls at work out on a date. She responded by filing a harassment complaint. Now, I can't speak to her at all without being written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 435

You deserved it 922

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 03:00 - United States

Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 558

You deserved it 4 142

Don't stop now!

By Anonymous - 09/03/2021 03:01 - Lithuania - Klaipeda

Today, as usual during sex, my boyfriend finished first, and then he "massaged" me so I could finish too. While he was doing that, his grandma called. He actually answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 151

By stolen-car - 26/06/2012 02:55 - United States - Columbia

Today, I finally got enough money to buy the car I wanted for a year now. It was stolen today too. I had my car for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 603

You deserved it 2 643

Stinky neighborhood

By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 22:01

Today, I came home to a terrible smell in the apartment. Three hours, and a scoured kitchen later, I took the trash out. The smell was not my apartment, but from just across the alley: a neighbor had moved and emptied their fridge. Six more days of sunned milk until pickup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 47

By FlatTire - 13/02/2011 05:30 - United States

Today, I found out that I have enough driving skills to manage to hit a pothole and have two of my tires go flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 976

You deserved it 19 451

Family Matters

By MeLandes - 28/06/2021 14:01 - United States - Germantown

Today, I found out I will always come in second to my new husband's alcoholic parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 108

Branded

By Anonymous - 20/10/2021 07:00 - United States - Eau Claire

Today, I was talking to a friend on the phone, asking him pick me up for a cookout while his kids were yelling in the background, asking where my friend, their dad, was going. He jokingly answered them, "To pick up my ugly friend." They quickly replied with my name, out of the dozens of friends he hangs out more with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 96

Compassion

By Anemity_is_my_name - 07/01/2021 14:01 - United States

Today, I'm exhausted and sore from a long night of pulling semis out of the snow. My wife is pissed because I want to sleep, instead of be with her. Every time I drift off, she starts doing things like loudly unloading the dishwasher or standing by our bedroom door talking loudly on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 74

Aaand blocked.

By wtf fml - 20/03/2018 17:30 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was mourning the recent loss of a close family member. My ex's idea of comforting me was to ask if he could come over so I could “give him some bomb ass head” to take my mind off things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 347

You deserved it 495

By JealousBratMuch - 26/07/2013 00:51 - Canada - High River

Today, my eldest daughter has 'officially' removed herself from our family and will no longer communicate with any of us. Apparently it's my fault that her younger sister is having a baby before her, and she can't be part of a family that 'treats her so unfairly'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 190

You deserved it 4 112

Slow

By WhataStrangeTripThisIs - 23/12/2020 22:58

Today, my fiancé told me he loved me just the way I am. But admitted he wished he had met me before my head injury that made me "slow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 80

By Anonymous - 26/03/2009 12:15 - United States

Today, I found out that driving five miles an hour under the posted speed limit is "suspicious" and cause for a field sobriety test, breathalyzer, having your car searched and being handcuffed on the side of the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 967

You deserved it 12 576

By cigarettes - 11/12/2014 18:33 - United States

Today, I was having sex when a cigarette craving came on. I don't know what's worse, the fact I asked for a cigarette break in the middle of sex or I last that long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 226

You deserved it 13 783

By soo - 02/07/2015 20:25

Today, a guest at the hotel I work at started shouting at me. Apparently the street vendor selling sunglasses outside the hotel sold her a pair of 'genuine' Ray Bans for $5. She wanted me to phone the police because she realized two days later they were fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 194

You deserved it 1 808

By pathetic - 06/11/2013 13:04 - United States - Lincoln

Today, my grocery shopping consisted of Poptarts, SpaghettiOs, Lucky Charms, Popsicles, Easy Mac, and Twinkies. I'm a 25-year-old woman with no kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 946

You deserved it 22 532

By Megz - 02/01/2013 17:38 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, my roommate of a year and good friend of several more decided to move out. When I came home from a long work shift, I found all the cupboards emptied out of everything, including all the new stuff I bought to replace what she was going to take with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 158

You deserved it 2 731

By Jeff - 02/03/2010 15:53 - United States

Today, a wasp flew into my room. While I, a 6'2" hockey player, cowered in the corner, my 4'11" girlfriend killed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 940

You deserved it 41 660

By Kebabjoon - 29/04/2011 11:36 - Spain

Today, I had my first job interview for eight months. My interviewer noticeably yawned during my reply to the first question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 539

You deserved it 4 863

By erlad678 - 04/01/2011 02:59

Today, I was woken up by the sound of part of my kitchen ceiling hitting the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 609

You deserved it 2 451

Keep it down!

By LonelyStudent - 02/09/2019 19:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, while at a grocery store, I told my mom I had some good news. She exclaimed, "You finally got a boyfriend?!" No mom, just an A on my math test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 550

You deserved it 152

By Anonymous - 20/07/2013 21:31 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a man stopped me on the street. He said the stretch marks on my thighs looked like cuts, and asked me if I self-harmed. Before I was able to politely respond "No", he said, "I mean, I can see why you would." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 513

You deserved it 3 958

By firstdategonebad - 12/10/2012 18:43 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went on a coffee date with the man I've been in love with for a while. Before I knew what was going on, he'd started chatting up a pretty girl sitting nearby. I had to drink my coffee alone while he got her number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 779

You deserved it 2 545

By anonymous - 28/08/2015 17:18 - United States - Huffman

Today, I decided to give my dog a bath. Instead, my dog gave me a bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 935

You deserved it 3 850

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Top comments

loserman67 35

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 15:59

Sounds like your two toddler nephews need to shipped back to their own homes!

Pelreskovich 11

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 15:57

That's delightful.. Hopefully you don't catch it. If they don't understand they need to go to the bathroom then you need to get them each a bucket!

alexup24 13

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 15:56

feel better...

MasterE56 4

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 16:10

Suck 2 dix

THE_A_TEEN 27

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 16:26

^uhhh, what? How would that help?

MatheusRajuidas 5

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 16:36

Gain in the gag-reflex control skill?

Fmeonce_shameonu 15

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 16:57

Practice makes perfect

LolFMLnot 10

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 20:26

Your picture is disgusting!!!! ^ It must've hurt like a bitch :(

Prankster7o7 5

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Thursday 23 February 2012 5:04

Nah, I've cut my finger way worse than that before, mine only started hurting after they stitched it up.

Pelreskovich 11

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 15:57

That's delightful.. Hopefully you don't catch it. If they don't understand they need to go to the bathroom then you need to get them each a bucket!

SaMmIMonster96 6

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 17:17

I say just lock them in the bathroom.

Pelreskovich 11

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 17:21

They're toddlers..

ShroomsOnAcid 16

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 18:12

So throw some toys in there.

SaMmIMonster96 6

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 19:14

Exactly! But really I was joking.. I have nieces and nephews that are toddlers so I know how bad it is when they get sick.

Llamassss 21

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 15:58

Just give them some little buckets, that's what my parents did.

harof1c 0

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 15:58

Sucks for you

alexup24 13

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 17:13

you don't say??

memob123 0

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 20:34

Yes, yes he does

JustCallMePic 2

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 15:59

Ballsack.

loserman67 35

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 15:59

Sounds like your two toddler nephews need to shipped back to their own homes!

Enslaved 36

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 17:36

I'm under the impression that the toddlers live in that same house and the OP is baby sitting them.

crimsonprodigy 15

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 18:30

Yeah this makes them sound as if they're immigrants, lol.

chili_is_good 0

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 15:59

Tell them to puke in the toilet or they will have to clean it up, it works for kids their age

SoNotForYou 5

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 16:03

No it doesn't. They are toddlers.

mrsayuso 0

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 19:20

I take it you don't have kids?

rosha267 21

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 15:59

I have this thing where I puke if I see someone else do it so really FYL :(

Lawzen_Rainbow 7

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 21:20

I'm the same :( even if I just see it on tv. really annoying haha

yourlifesfucked 0

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 23:59

That's an evolutionary trait from our monkey ancestors, who fed in groups. If one member of the group threw up, the smell of the vomit would make the entire group nauseous and they would stop eating, in case the cause was the food they were eating.

jonn090 13

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 16:00

Sometimes I like to drink water in a fettle position

fmlbrofml 0

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 17:19

Fetal,*

shannonstripes 8

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 18:01

foetal*

ShroomsOnAcid 16

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 18:52

Fettle = Condition. You like to drink water in condition position?

tylersign 11

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 22:40

*Feetall.

yourlifesfucked 0

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Thursday 23 February 2012 0:01

*banana

MissNicky_fml 0

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Saturday 26 May 2012 20:57

#96 hahaha lol

AssassinsCRB 0

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 16:00

Keep them in the bathroom :D

Redoxx_fml 22

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Wednesday 22 February 2012 16:25

Or just take a family trip to the doctors

primadonna9396 16

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Friday 2 March 2012 20:25

And spread a mostly-harmless virus to people in hospitals with weak immune systems and their caretakers, even though there's nothing they can do? You sir are a dumbass.