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LOL. WoW. It's amazing how much peoples opinions change. Let's see to anwser a few remarks. No I didnt get fired, the car is getting fixed and paid for so the customer pays nothing, and when I told him he asked me to have them touch up all the other spots while they had the paint mixed. The snow bank was only a few inches so it wasnt like I was trying to drive up a mountain with an M5 and telling him that I did it was the respectful thing to do, thanks. That's part of my job is moving cars around and when it snows shit happens! That's what insurance is for....

By Display - 27/09/2012 04:10 - France - Paris

Today, I injured myself in the geekiest way possible; I managed to crush my nipple while closing my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 74

By someone - 23/07/2011 08:50 - United States

Today, I'm staying in a hotel where the lights are automatic. They turn on when something moves and turn off when everything is still. I'm a sensitive sleeper and I move in my sleep, so the light wakes me up. It's currently 2 a.m. and all together I've gotten about 20 minutes of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 569

You deserved it 4 459

By pissed out pants - 18/01/2015 21:58 - United Kingdom

Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 999

You deserved it 3 963

By confsused - 16/12/2013 17:49 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 968

You deserved it 3 382

Whatever floats your boat

By Anonymous - 01/11/2012 11:48 - France - Belloy-en-france

Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly, and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 739

You deserved it 5 076

Differences

By Alone - 21/05/2014 11:05 - United States - Washington

Today, I finally had a date, my first one in well over a year. Everything was going good, until my date asked, "Do you like cats or dogs better?" When I responded cats, my date promptly got up and left, saying, "This isn't meant to be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 431

You deserved it 12 902

NO MORE!

By cat whisperer - 20/03/2014 04:31 - United States

Today, on my way to Burger King I got into a heated discussion with my wife about our cats. We have 15 rescues, and I've reached my limit. Guess what came running up to my car while waiting in the drive-through. We named him Pickles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 984

You deserved it 10 698

Hush

By bitchyhiccups - 19/03/2012 13:14 - United States - Tempe

Today, I got a horrible case of the hiccups while at my friend's mother's funeral, resulting in me squeaking loudly every five seconds during the eulogy. My friend glared daggers at me until I left the room, then later accused me of being an insensitive bitch for "trying to ruin the funeral." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 377

You deserved it 4 517

Hold up

By Username - 23/03/2011 16:16 - Japan

Today, I quit my job and sent a mass mail on Facebook that I was moving to a different state with my long time boyfriend. He called me later that night to tell me we aren't moving after all. Now we are both jobless with loads of bills to pay by the end of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 024

You deserved it 23 348

By Shadowfigure23 - 10/07/2009 22:28 - United States

Today, I spent most of my morning comforting the guy I love because his fiancée dumped him for some other guy. He continuously told me I had no clue that kind of pain he was in. He dumped me three years ago for the girl that just left him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 537

You deserved it 9 853

Captain Jack

By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 22:22 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 430

You deserved it 43 653

By Anonymous - 28/08/2011 06:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to use glow-in-the-dark body paint to make an arrow on his stomach pointing down. I guess he thought he'd "spice up" the way he always demands a blow job before sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 094

You deserved it 6 386

By Sola - 11/05/2011 04:10

Today, I wore a Super Mario Brothers T-shirt to school that showed a picture of Mario with a mushroom above his head. I got suspended for "referencing illegal drugs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 250

You deserved it 5 066

By Anonymous - 10/07/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I turned 23. I had asked my mom for some things to decorate my new place. As I opened the box to reveal my gift, a mirror was inside. I liked the mirror. I did not like the note attached that said "Look inside the mirror to see who is now 100% financially responsible for themselves." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 484

You deserved it 19 630

By Username - 15/06/2011 01:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 429

You deserved it 15 755

By bananamuffin - 30/03/2012 19:13 - United States

Today, I realized that the "holla" tattoo I stupidly got on my lower lip five years ago isn't fading as I expected it to, and will probably contribute to my unemployment for years to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 013

You deserved it 74 080

By Anonymous - 24/03/2012 02:39 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I received my first payment of child support from my estranged husband: $50 and a note that said he wouldn't be paying any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 171

You deserved it 3 778

What goes up…

By Anonymous - 27/01/2013 11:10 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, the rollercoaster I was on stuck upside down for a few minutes. I shat myself in terror. Then, gravity took effect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 796

You deserved it 10 810

By smellyhouse - 27/11/2011 10:19 - Canada

Today, my brother decided deodorant causes cancer. He goes to the gym every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 968

You deserved it 2 519

By madison77 - 21/11/2011 23:26 - United States

Today, my engagement ring was seized by the police, and my fiancé was arrested on larceny charges. Both in the same visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 540

You deserved it 3 063

By DoesNotLikeCubes - 06/07/2009 20:08 - Qatar

Today, I spent 3 hours looking at a YouTube video on how to do Rubik’s cube. Even after being told how to do it, I couldn't finish it. I scrolled down the comments and read, "Awesome! I'm 10 and can do it in 3 minutes now!" I'm 28 and still can't do it, even with a tutorial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 647

You deserved it 11 024

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today I bought a $50 voucher card to refill my phone. After I purchased it, I threw the receipt in the dustbin. When I got home, I found out that the 14-digit pin code was on the receipt. I basically threw 57 bucks in the dustbin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 416

You deserved it 11 775

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 083

You deserved it 7 523

Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 016

You deserved it 18 171

Today, my husband is refusing to go to a gastroenterologist. His farts have gotten so rank, they could be used as weapon to extract info from political prisoners, but he still insists nothing is wrong. Another night of this and I’ll be sleeping outside in in 30°F weather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 130

Today, I waxed my asshole and it wouldn’t stop bleeding, so I had to shove toilet paper down my crack, because I have things to do that require me to get dressed and go out in public. It still bled through my trousers. It looks like I got my period, and I’m a 6”4 man with a beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 1 190

Today, I woke up to the sound of my roommate vacuuming at 7 a.m. I was annoyed because I had stayed up late, but then I realized she was vacuuming in the kitchen… at 7 a.m. because the broom "wasn't powerful enough." I gave her the benefit of the doubt until she started vacuuming my bedroom floor while I was still in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 98