Miscellaneous: Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to... - FML

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML

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Mother of the year

Morning conversation

Mummy's boy

By LIFT - 23/7/2020 08:01

Ant life

Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating on him and talking to other guys in a Facebook group that’s literally called, "A group where we all pretend to be ants in a colony." When I showed him what it really was, he dumped me for participating in something he said was so stupid. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cass Lake

Today, my boss told me I got my new job because she rejected candidates that seemed "too confident" or "too pretty." FML

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By kalvin - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, during a driving lesson, I stopped behind a taxi, and got more and more annoyed when the traffic wouldn't move. A few minutes later, my instructor couldn't hold his laughter any more and pointed out I'd somehow zoned out and entered a taxi rank. FML

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By gatewayev700 - United States - Reading

Today, my mom told me she'd canceled my spring break trip to Europe for my 16th birthday. Why? So I could get my wisdom teeth pulled 2 months early. FML

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By AngrySon - United States

Today, I cleaned out the fridge for my mother. I didn't throw out a single thing that was less than a month past its expiration. Instead of thanks, she complained about everything that I threw away being still good, including a tub of butter that had been expired for two years. FML

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By GLHan - United States - Commack

Today, I asked my boss for a few days off next week, because my grandmother passed away yesterday and I'll need to travel to attend the funeral. His response: "She's dead, you're not. You want time off, then quit." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after two weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML

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By tjcl - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were gazing into each others' eyes in the moonlight after not having seen each other for a week. I thought he was going to say "I love you" and pull me in for a kiss. Instead, he said, "Since you can’t drive, we should get one of those two seater bicycles." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Calexico

Today, I decided to turn my life around and start exercising more. I didn't even make it out the door before I tripped and fractured my ankle. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got lost in a car park, late at night, unable to find my car. I started panicking, so I called my dad. I sat down to catch my breath. After about 2 minutes, I heard a noise. I looked up to see a guy jerking off while watching me. He smiled, so I instinctively threw my backpack at his junk and he ran off. FML

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By Lance from the Serfs is a snacc - 3/5/2021 00:30

Unhealthy relationship

Today, I had to admit that I'm polyamorous. Well, I'm in several relationships. Parasocial relationships. With YouTubers and Twitch streamers. I talk to them through the screen. I can't remember what it's like to have real-life friends. FML

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By AshleyP - United Kingdom

Today, while showering, I pulled on my white exfoliating gloves ready to wash my face. As I was about to use them, a dark stain caught my eye so I sniffed the mark only to discover it was poo. After further investigation, I find out my younger sister had been wearing them and 'experimenting'. FML

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By mala_19 - 19/9/2020 14:02 - Sweden

The joy of newborn babies

Today, after I, my fiance, and the doctors tried all day to get my son to eat for more than just three minutes straight, he decided to eat for thirty minutes straight in the middle of the night when I just wanted to sleep. FML

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By sober - United States - Hillsborough

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was going to stop drinking, since I have been having some problems with alcohol and some of my relatives are alcoholics. He later broke up with me, saying he couldn't be with someone who "chose to be boring." FML

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By NJ - United States

Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend that I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlock our flat to see that the place was a mess. She had thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML

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By John - United States - Midway City

Today, one of my interviewers got so bored, he made a paper airplane out of my résumé. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my mom borrowed my computer without my permission and downloaded a virus. I came home to a blue screen of death. She refuses to admit fault and pay for a new computer. FML

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By tatatest - United States - Casselberry

Today, I was taking a really big test in a class that I was failing. It was worth at least 7 grades so I studied my butt off. During the test, a girl with huge breasts sat down next to me and I couldn't stop staring. My test got confiscated because they thought I was cheating. FML

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By CrappyLuck - United States

Today, I took my 8 month-old to the Urgent Care due to extreme constipation. I spent $25 for my son to poop on me the second the doctor had me remove his diaper. FML

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By cthulhu help me - United States - Cabot

Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother woke me up at 4:30 A.M. to tell me our dog was running down the street. I ran for an hour, chasing after her. Turns out it was our new neighbor's dog. Ours was in our basement. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the imperial fist of spring allergies knocked me flat on my ass. The time I was going to spend at the outdoor concert I paid $80 for was instead spent in my car, driving back home. FML

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By "Anti_Sora"

Today, I turned in my final worth 20% of the grade. Today was also the day my internet decided to die. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, after leaving a store I got stuck at a red light. A car pulled up next to me and there was a half retarded man jerking his junk at me. Nasty image burned into my corneas forever. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2020 23:00

Think it through

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend by knocking on her door and kneeling in front of it. I forgot that her door opens outwards. FML

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By Embarassedd - Canada

Today, my husband and I were at a wedding. When the DJ announced that the bar was open, my hubby was the only one to RUN to the bar while the other husbands stayed behind to dance with their wives, eyeing us in a weird way. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2020 19:01 - Costa Rica - San José

Not now, please

Today, days before my graduation, I got sick with a virus, so I had constant vomit and incontinence. To receive my diploma, I had to wear a diaper and spend the whole graduation drinking electrolytes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my aunt's last words to me were, "Don't be an idiot". FML

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By LadyLump - United States

Today, I was ecstatic after spending the night with my longtime crush, when he told me he felt something. I poured my heart and soul out to him, confessing my love for him too. Unfortunately, he was referring to a lump in my left breast, which I now need to get checked out. FML

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By notacaveman - Netherlands

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML

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By MTJY - United Kingdom

Today, I was talking to my ex. After pouring my heart out to her, saying we were meant for each other, she looked at me and said, "Don't bother, I've already slept with your brother." FML

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By need new job - Germany

Today, I was hired as a student assistant. I was excited, until I learned on my very first day that "Supporting the academic staff in their research" actually meant walking the professor's dog. FML

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By noneofthesex - United States

Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying 'Come over and do me.' He never responded. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Camden

Today, my sister and I were planning a trip to get away from things and visit some faraway friends. My dad then decided to insert himself into our plans. He got mad when we said no, and couldn't understand why we wanted to go by ourselves. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I hit a deer with a rental car... which I had to rent because I hit a deer with my car last week. FML

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By noname - France

Today, I went shopping with a friend. She went to try some clothes on and came out to ask for my opinion. "Hell no! That shirt is awful!". She wanted to show me the pants. The shirt was hers. FML

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By KnightToucan

Today, I got written up at work over false accusations that I didn't do some safety tasks. The same tasks that were done before I had even arrived. FML

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By givingup - United States

Today, I was left at the altar. For the second time. By the same man. FML

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By torchy - United States

Today, I treated myself to a spa day at home. First, I decided to do a hot oil treatment on my hair. I was leaning over the saucepan of oil on the stove when it flared up in my face. On the bright side, I no longer have to worry about plucking my eyebrows. FML

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By springbreak09 - Mexico

Today, I left for vacation in Mexico. Upon landing, I received a text message from the guy I've been seeing. It read, "Sorry, I'm not boyfriend material. Have a good trip." I paid 75 cents to get dumped, internationally. FML

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Top comments

By caled123 | 0

#172795 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 1:58

who cares? its not hard to say 'that was my brother' and noone will take it seriously...

By FMY_FYL | 0

#172799 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 1:59

Your secret's out.

COMMENTS

By NoBounceNoPlay | 0

#172787 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 1:57

Ahahaha... owned.

Reply

michaelscott23 | 7

#2532461 - Thursday 19 May 2011 8:50

suck on dem lemons!!!!

By brittbrittT | 0

#172789 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 1:57

well go figure, i would have done the same thing.

By jessxoxo28 | 5

#172793 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 1:58

LMAO!!!!!
thats halarious!
but ur bro does suck

By caled123 | 0

#172795 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 1:58

who cares? its not hard to say 'that was my brother' and noone will take it seriously...

Reply

usnwife | 18

#4031267 - Tuesday 14 February 2012 1:36

That's exactly what I was thinking. Why the fuck is this a big deal? If I got a message like that I would know it was some sort of prank, unless it was somehow being talked about in a conversation (don't know what kind of fucked up conversation that would be though!) but I'd ignore it, or laugh it off. Who cares!?

By saywattt | 0

#172796 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 1:58

He's probably just using you as a cover up. Don't feel too bad about. Get revenge...

By FMY_FYL | 0

#172799 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 1:59

Your secret's out.

By shiroun | 0

#172801 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 1:59

Bow chica bow wow.

Reply

zendaddy0 | 0

#1783272 - Thursday 2 December 2010 13:40

lol red vs blue

By eclipseking666 | 0

#172803 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 2:00

I would have done the same thing!

Reply

panic222354 | 0

#948197 - Monday 15 March 2010 3:00

same except u would have 2 piss me off bad

By classy | 0

#172804 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 2:00

Um, gross?

By mk1o3o | 0

#172805 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 2:00

YDI for pissing off your younger brother.. ? ppl that click "YDI" are idiots

Reply

kEnNy172 | 0

#1111921 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 3:11

you look like you enjoy that same sensation