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You have been warned

By anne - 17/06/2017 22:00

Today, I happily told my husband I'm pregnant. He happily informed me that very, VERY large babies run in his family, and even though he was born 3 weeks early, he still weighed 15 lbs. The smallest baby to ever be born into his family was his great grandmother, who was 12 lbs. OH GOD, THE PAIN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 286

You deserved it 813

By Solo coffee - 28/06/2017 00:00

Today, it's my last day of work at my job of two and a half years. I organised to have coffee with my coworkers at a cafe. Only I turned up. I had my farewell coffee alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 552

You deserved it 471

Urine trouble

By boopingsnoot - 07/07/2017 02:04

Today, while working at the vet, we had a familiar little dog show up for a minor procedure. The dog always sits on its owner's lap on the drive over, and always gets peed on. Not talking about dog pee. And we're not allowed to bathe it because that service costs extra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 839

You deserved it 376

By RedEye - 11/07/2017 17:30 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my contact ripped in half in my eye. One half fell out, but the other half got stuck too far under my eyelid. An hour and $100 later, Urgent Care finally got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 656

You deserved it 340

By Anonymous - 24/07/2017 07:00 - United States - Warren

Today, while having a bad dream, I went to punch a bully in the face. Mid-swing I wake up and punch the solid concrete wall to my basement bedroom FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 294

You deserved it 653

By BobE - 31/07/2019 06:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I went to a mall and got some really awesome shoes. I went home to find out that they are actually women's shoes. I'm a dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 901

Oh no…

By Tomato - 11/08/2017 14:30

Spicy

Today, I went with the kids I work with to a roller rink, where there are tons of black lights. Under the glow, I realized in horror that an old semen stain could be seen on my shorts. Praying no one saw, or realized what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 705

You deserved it 3 601

By NewMom - 16/08/2017 20:00

Today, there was a baby shower for our first child. My hostess invited 75 people. Only 3 people showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 542

You deserved it 478

By swervelol - 20/08/2017 23:15

Today, the mosquito infestation is so bad that multiple mosquitoes sucked the blood out of the steak I was grilling and promptly died on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 451

You deserved it 360

Get it on, bang a gong

By Anonymous - 12/09/2019 15:00 - Bulgaria - Sofia

Today, I'm dating the perfect guy. He's smart, considerate, charming, funny, good looking and we have a ton of interests in common. He also can't get it up. At all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 760

You deserved it 242

The Breakfast Club 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 23/09/2019 02:00

Today, my husband's high school friends got together tonight. Nothing more pathetic than listening to a bunch of losers reliving their glory days as high school seniors. I honestly thought I would have picked someone better than this. My husband fucking peaked at 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 2 517

By Phil - 01/03/2018 01:30 - Germany - W?rselen

Today, my landlord called me to complain about me and my fiancée having sex too loudly every Friday night. Every Friday night I work the night shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 867

You deserved it 369

By Michael978 - 29/04/2016 03:40

Today, I was teaching a friend to squat. While I was spotting him, he decided it would be a great idea to turn around. This wouldn't have been a problem, if he hadn't hit me in the face with the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 868

You deserved it 1 102

Oops.

By Marcilor001 - 10/08/2018 20:30

Today, I realized I have a weight problem. My brother excitedly showed me his new high-end scale and measured his weight, then our other brothers. I took one step on it and the screen read "E". It then shut off and hasn't turned on since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 698

You deserved it 737

Make him stop

By he’s just terrible at it! - 30/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I had to finally accept that no amount of communication, directions, or diagrams will make my otherwise great boyfriend good at sex. When he's on top, he thrusts like the tin man with no oil. When I'm on top, he lays there like a sedated mattress. He refuses to try anything new. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 089

You deserved it 447

Odd couple

By poorpony - 29/11/2018 14:00

Spicy

Today, I got on an elevator with a couple that started fighting about which sex outfit the guy should wear for their next roleplay. When they couldn't decide, they proceeded to show me all of the photos, including a My Little Pony outfit. I had to go up the next 22 floors with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 865

You deserved it 370

By Oops - 09/12/2018 14:00

Today, someone broke the flush on the toilet in the only female bathroom in the office, and didn’t leave either a note or out of order sign. The broken flush became very apparent, however, after I was unable to flush the vile smelling deposit I’d left in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 548

You deserved it 414

By thankful - 27/11/2018 22:00

Today, I was tripped downstairs as a "joke" by my little brother. When I was yelling in pain from my broken arm, my mom was lecturing me to be thankful "one goddamn day a year". She also thinks I'm lying just to hide that I'm clumsy and my brother is innocent. He won't admit it. Happy Thanksgiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 285

You deserved it 197

By MarchingNightmare - 16/01/2019 22:00 - United States - Hendersonville

Today, I have had 4 nosebleeds. Four of them, full-on, almost passing out nosebleeds. It's only noon. I think I need to see a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 589

You deserved it 228

By "Noelle Diane Irwin" - 21/02/2019 16:00

Today, I just found out that my sister slept with the guy that I have had a crush on for years and that she may or may not be pregnant with his child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 372

You deserved it 295

Out of the frying pan…

By Anonymous - 06/06/2023 10:00

Today, I was offered a job that pays almost double what I'm currently making. I just found out that it requires me to relocate to Florida. I'm forced to turn it down to protect my young trans daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 1 168

By Creeped Out - 29/05/2017 18:00

Today, I went to the grocery store. As I was checking out, I went to grab the same item that the cashier was reaching for. He brushed my hand. He then both watched me creepily and asked my what lotion I used to make my hands so soft. When I left, he said, "I'll dream of you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 194

You deserved it 409

By onye - 11/07/2017 01:53

Today, someone called wanting to talk to my son. My 6-week-old baby is receiving more phone calls than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 712

You deserved it 473

onyinye tells us more.

onyinye 4

Monday 10 July 2017 20:31

Hi, OP here. Someone called and went like "Can I talk to Mr. N****, please?". At first I thought he meant my husband, but it turned out to be my son. I said "Well, I don't think you can talk to him, he is just six weeks old. So you might want to talk to me instead". Turns out he was the assistant of the specialist I had made an appointment with because of an issue with my son's spine (something went wrong during the delivery). He was cancelling/rescheduling appointments, because his boss was sick, and hadn't checked the patient's birth date before calling (they treat both kids and adults). He was very embarrassed, but I just thought it was hilarious.

By mixedupminx - 06/02/2017 15:06 - Netherlands - Wageningen

Today, I found out why my thesis supervisor made me change my whole project I was working on for the past 3 months. Apparently, he had another student doing the same thing and they published it today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 469

You deserved it 759

mixedupminx tells us more.

mixedupminx 8

Monday 6 February 2017 1:18

Op here, it turned out that this other guy was working on it before me (under the same supervisor..) so he rightfully published it. in the end I kind of resumed his thesis and continued best I could. It sucked, but I really want to graduate!

By scottyboy - 01/10/2016 07:58

Today, I started packing up the flat I have been renting. As I took a picture off the wall I also ripped half the wallpaper. That's my deposit gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 649

You deserved it 1 677

By KeptMyHandsUp - 17/08/2017 17:15 - United States

Today, I was meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time. She warned me they were a little weird. Right when we walked in the door, her parents were there to greet us...in the nude. Apparently this constitutes as a LITTLE weird. They both hugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 193

You deserved it 355

By Sudokori - 07/09/2017 01:30

Today, my coworker paid me back the $15 I let him borrow and we shook hands. Later, I was called into my boss's office, where he threatened to fire me for doing a drug deal in front of customers. The police are getting involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 268

You deserved it 272

By Jay - 04/11/2017 04:00

Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 308

You deserved it 366

Stranger Danger!

By tried to help - 07/10/2019 00:01

Today, I was going into a store and saw a woman roughly handling a screaming toddler. I kept walking, until I heard the kid scream, "Help! You’re not my mommy!” I called 911 and stood behind the car to keep her from taking off. The cops arrived to see me fending off blows from a very pissed off grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 543

You deserved it 669

Well that's embarrassing...

By "Stella5127" - 29/11/2017 16:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our first apartment together by having a bloodcurdling, hot, screaming lovemaking session. Once we were done, we lay happily in each other's arms when we heard the neighbour say, no louder than a whisper, "They're done just in time for for the news." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 384

You deserved it 2 991

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The Top

The Top

Today, I came home from out of state. I found out someone online had told my husband that the "fumes" from hot showers can be lethal. As a precaution, he removed the draft-blocking bathroom door to make sure it's "properly ventilated." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 385

You deserved it 2 555

Today, I came home from partying all night, having stayed completely sober. My Dad, blind drunk, told me he was proud of me for staying sober. He claims to have been sober longer than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 135

Today, a man came up to me and asked for a $50 bill in change. Being a good man, I said sure. I gave him the change and he gave me the $50 bill. After walking into Starbucks to buy a coffee, I handed the cashier my $50 bill. She called the cops. It was counterfeit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 906

You deserved it 23 543

Today, I went to a party and we all decided to play hide-and-go-seek despite our ages. I started counting. When I was done, I started searching and after 5 minutes of searching, I found that everyone left me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 032

You deserved it 6 857

Today, I got locked out of my car for an hour in frigid weather at a busy gas station. Every time I tried to use the key, the alarm went off and the locks wouldn't work. The car company claims they've never heard of this happening. I just bought it last week after taking out a 5 year loan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 909

You deserved it 2 749

Today, I caught my fiance lying about being at work. Furious, I started breaking his things, demanding to know what skank he'd been sneaking around with. He gave me a stack of receipts, saying he'd been Christmas shopping. He's not cheating, just getting me everything I wanted. God, I'm a psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 1 612