Work: Today, I submitted a vacation request to my manager and it was... - FML

By ExtendedVacation - 23/02/2009 22:00 - United States

Today, I submitted a vacation request to my manager and it was approved. I came back from lunch and was informed that I have been let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 836

You deserved it 2 444

Late term

Dysfunctional

Taking stock

By Cassandra - 14/10/2011 00:10 - United States

Today, my mom took a bright red sharpie and drew a red circle just above my breasts. She said, "If I can see this, ever, your shirt is either too low cut or too see through and it will be thrown away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 573

You deserved it 12 186

By single - 10/11/2010 02:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 324

You deserved it 7 595

Unionize

By Anonymous - 04/06/2021 00:01

Today, my coworker has once again called in and asked me to cover her shift. She does this for every single one of her shifts, and my boss told me that if I don’t cover it, I’ll be fired. I used to have a life, but not anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 124

You deserved it 118

By tbanana95 - 04/11/2009 03:17 - United States

Today, I got my crush's phone number. I started texting him and once I told him who it was, he stopped replying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 018

You deserved it 10 989

By Trapped. - 06/11/2013 02:53 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I had planned to break up with my overbearing girlfriend. She went into complete denial mode, bought me a pair of oversized sunglasses and tomorrow we're going ice-skating. Kill me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 890

You deserved it 11 568

By Anonymous - 28/08/2011 11:29 - Australia

Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 386

You deserved it 42 936

By dangerousknitter - 08/10/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, in the middle of an exam, I was escorted out by the campus police due to suspicion of a concealed weapon. The officers couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes when they found out the weapon was metal knitting needles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 233

You deserved it 3 829

By fuckdubstep51 - 21/07/2012 22:49 - United States - Willingboro

Today, my boss gave me a warning for "insulting our best customer" after she saw a comment on her customer card saying "stop giving this fat bitch free samples." My boss had written it in the first place, but refuses to either remember or admit it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 578

You deserved it 1 771

By NewRoommateNeededASAP - 13/10/2016 01:29 - United States

Today, I skipped class and went to back my apartment early. I found that my roommate had broken into my room and was laying in my bed wearing my underwear, taking pictures of herself. Apparently, she's been doing it all semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 553

You deserved it 734

By Garrett - 01/10/2009 05:58 - United States

Today, I was on my computer when the girl that I really like instant-messages me. I went to type back, accidentally pressed control-V, and posted an entire article on how to remove genital warts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 989

You deserved it 46 484

By Anonymous - 13/05/2013 19:49 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 923

You deserved it 3 361

By reginaphalange - 27/05/2010 14:06 - Australia

Today, I found out that my best friend was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited. I had just finished planning a surprise party for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 752

You deserved it 3 309

Donut laugh at me

By sdeeter - 29/04/2013 13:39 - United States

Today, I had a job interview at the local donut shop. It turns out I misunderstood the position, and that the job was actually to wear a donut costume and wave at cars outside the shop. I was told this after I got hired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 829

You deserved it 9 127

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 00:30 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light next to an ice cream van. The man in it turned to me and winked, making sexual hand gestures. I felt my childhood die horribly as I watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 093

You deserved it 2 987

F*ck the patriarchy

By Anonymous - 20/12/2020 19:58

Today, I watched as my girlfriend painfully plucked her eyebrows for half an hour. She is willing to do this, but not shave her armpits on a regular basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 986

By Anonymous - 07/10/2013 15:03 - United States - Houston

Today, my dad got me a GPS for my birthday. I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't have a permit or a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 425

You deserved it 3 679

By wtf - 07/01/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, my ex girlfriend that I still love sent me a text, quote "I still love you, but i'm not IN love with you" Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 522

You deserved it 3 595

Pain in the ass

By Anonymous - 17/06/2021 22:01 - United States - Greenville

Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 92

By Glassless - 26/05/2017 20:00

Today, I lost my glasses. I don't have spares but my girlfriend said I could borrow hers. She doesn't understand why this won't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 078

You deserved it 469

Can't face it

By bearded lady - 08/06/2020 14:03

Today, thanks to all my medications, I've been growing thick, dark hair on my face. I decided to use hair removal cream instead of shaving. The cream removed every trace of hair, but also made my skin about 4 times lighter than the rest of my face. It's even more noticeable than the beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 403

You deserved it 229

By Anonymous - 03/12/2014 17:06 - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He's Latino, so I thought he'd like it if I made a bit of noise and called him "papi" while we did it. It freaked him out enough to kill his boner, and now he thinks I have some kind of incest fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 547

You deserved it 46 172

By Anonymous - 30/11/2010 19:10 - Ireland

Today, I got hit in the mouth with a hockey stick and lost four teeth. Yesterday I got my braces of six years removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 808

You deserved it 5 602

For real though?

By Anonymous - 15/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Parkesburg

Today, my father was offered 85 sheep for my hand in marriage. We live in the USA, and he is literally contemplating the offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 341

You deserved it 648

By MissTrix - 29/10/2010 00:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend decided he hates my male best friend because they have "conflicting interests." My best friend's response? "What's his gamertag so I can shoot him in Halo?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 879

You deserved it 7 347

By horniness - 10/10/2009 16:30 - Hong Kong

Today, I was in a bad mood after being stuck in traffic for 2 hours and late for work. I was walking to my building when I saw a 100 dollar note flying my way. A man called after me for it, but being selfish I took the note in my pocket as a little reward. That man was my boss. Yes, I'm fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 018

You deserved it 74 765

By Anonymous - 15/02/2016 01:57 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, after trying for months for a baby, I finally got a positive test. For chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 488

You deserved it 3 286

By SoVeryMonday - 30/11/2009 18:01 - Canada

Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 084

You deserved it 9 508

By Anonymous - 02/01/2011 03:21 - United States

Today, I was stripped of my starting position on my high school basketball team. The reason? I was three minutes late to practice. Why was I late? My coach called me five minutes before practice and made me get him a coffee or else he wouldn't start me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 547

You deserved it 3 456

By foxytheologian - 15/04/2017 02:00

Today, I was hit by an unmanned semi truck that rolled down an embankment onto the highway. I'm fine, but the entire left side of my car is smashed in. The idiot responsible had to be dragged down the hill by the cops. Apparently, he was peeing and forgot to put the parking brake on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 345

You deserved it 290

By acme - 04/10/2012 06:20 - Israel

Today, I found out why it might be awkward to have your plumber and your least well-behaved dog share a name. Bad plumber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 612

You deserved it 2 766

By Anonymous - 12/06/2013 14:56 - United States

Today, I ran the mile in gym class. I was the second to last person to finish, and I was left panting and feeling faint. When the teacher found out I hadn't come in dead last, he accused me of skipping a lap and is now making me rerun the entire thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 003

You deserved it 6 183

By no_service - 19/06/2009 17:57 - United States

Today, my phone died. I plugged it in to charge and then went out to run some errands. When I returned, my phone was no where to be found, and our shovel was on the floor, muddy and wet. I then discovered my 6-year old son had buried my "dead" 200$ palmpilot because he had felt sorry for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 566

You deserved it 6 982

By ShadowJack - 29/04/2012 15:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 333

You deserved it 9 729

By hated - 26/03/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I was leading a wheelchair fundraiser to raise money to make public areas wheelchair accessible. I had several guest speakers, all of which were confined to wheelchairs. About ten minutes after the fundraiser was supposed to begin, I realized that the stage was wheelchair incompatible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 101

You deserved it 77 479

By uetlqdja - 21/05/2011 15:31 - United States

Today, my ex husband is marrying my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106 571

You deserved it 7 148

By Anonymous - 16/06/2018 15:00

Today, after massive bouts of diarrhea, vomiting, and doctor visits lasting weeks, I finally got a diagnosis... from my puppy's vet. I got Giardia from my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 215

You deserved it 348

By Enrique - 07/02/2010 01:19 - United States

Today, I work at McDonalds. I burned my hand while cleaning their grill and have a 2nd/3rd degree burn from my pinky to my wrist. When told about this, my manager told me that there was "nothing that they could do for me and to tough it out". However I was given a free McFlurry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 922

You deserved it 4 989

By Anonymous - 28/05/2009 20:15 - Canada

Today, I was getting ready for my first date with a boy I really like when my dad insisted on meeting him. My dad is super protective and a cop. He cleaned his gun in front of my date and made it clear he had to be careful with me. My date started to cry when we got to the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 743

You deserved it 6 375

By nonfreehugs - 04/10/2012 05:09 - United States - Seattle

Today, a classmate came up to me, quickly shoved a dollar bill down my shirt, threw her arms around me and told me to pretend I was her boyfriend to avoid some other guy. Sad thing is, this is the first girl I've hugged in ages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 637

You deserved it 2 507

By bird-brain - 21/11/2009 12:19 - Germany

Today, I was at a zoo with some friends in Germany. People were talking to this bird and it responded in complete, grammatically correct German sentences. One of my friends said 'Wow, that bird has better grammar than the exchange student!' A bird speaks better German than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 386

You deserved it 5 131

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ExtendedVacation 0

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 0:00

@4. Just because its called a vacation request doesn't necessarily mean you are taking a vacation. I was going out of state for my grandfathers funeral. My manager approved the time off. The pink slip came from a little higher up apparently. I'm sure it was just a matter of bad timing in the end but either way I can't say that I ever saw it going down that way.

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Monday 30 March 2009 1:11

hahaha, "oh, sure, sure, take all the time you want..."

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mleeb 0

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Tuesday 24 February 2009 2:05

f*ck... all i can do is laugh. they actually had the nerve to approve it. what a smartass company. sounds like a good place for a couple laughs.

criminalmind 10

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Sunday 25 July 2010 23:37

dude you can swear on the Internet. your mums not gonna see it, I know because she's busy being FUCKED by me.

TheSkaAssassin 0

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Tuesday 24 February 2009 2:45

owned, haha. but I feel your pain, I was laid off in November and am still looking for a job

Amkii 0

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Tuesday 24 February 2009 4:39

:( That sucks!! Why did they do that? #1 - lol... true, sadly...

holynemesis1208 3

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Tuesday 24 February 2009 4:49

well i guess you need that vacation now more than ever.

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Tuesday 24 February 2009 5:08

@4, have you BEEN paying attention to the current job market at ALL?

ExtendedVacation 0

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Wednesday 25 February 2009 0:00

@4. Just because its called a vacation request doesn't necessarily mean you are taking a vacation. I was going out of state for my grandfathers funeral. My manager approved the time off. The pink slip came from a little higher up apparently. I'm sure it was just a matter of bad timing in the end but either way I can't say that I ever saw it going down that way.

somethingvague 0

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Friday 27 February 2009 21:48

I can't help but laugh at this!

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Thursday 26 March 2009 2:43

thats one hell of a vacation

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Monday 30 March 2009 1:11

hahaha, "oh, sure, sure, take all the time you want..."

Squirrellord911 0

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Saturday 18 April 2009 3:07

hehehe... srry... hehe

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 5

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 83

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 221