Work: Today, I submitted a vacation request to my manager and it was... - FML

By ExtendedVacation - United States

Today, I submitted a vacation request to my manager and it was approved. I came back from lunch and was informed that I have been let go. FML

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Dangling modifier

Menace II Society

The asshats always win

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend, only for her to slap me, throwing the "fake ring" away and storming off, convinced it was a cruel joke. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hightstown

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Statham

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

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By Latina - United States - Phoenix

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me he wanted to learn Korean before Spanish. Apparently, being able to sing along to Gangnam Style is more important to him than being able to speak with my family. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Imperial

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my cat got his head stuck in the handle of a plastic bag while snooping. Unfortunately, it was the bag I use to put his turds in after scooping them from the litter tray. With the bag trapped around his neck, he got spooked, then ran around the house, spreading turds from the bag as he fled. FML

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By Melting in Texas

Today, I discovered that my freezer had died when I saw the contents oozing out the bottom. The now-full trash can won't be picked up for another 6 days, and the high temperatures are supposed to be in the 100s all week. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Burnley

Today, my boyfriend gave me an anniversary present to mark 5 years of us being together. It was a Mooncup. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up from sleeping at my friends house with a bunch of other people, with my waist long hair cut into chunks on my pillow. FML

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By blargggggg - United States

Today, I received a rejection letter from a company I interviewed with three weeks ago. They didn't mention giving my $200 portfolio back. Guess I'll keep using my 4-year degree to wait tables. FML

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By chachi - United States

Today, I awoke in bed with my boyfriend and his dog. After some pushing and prodding, I thought my boyfriend was trying to move the dog out of the way to cuddle with me. It turns out, he was moving the dog closer to him. My boyfriend would rather spoon with his dog than me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving out to a concert I've been excited about for months. I was using my GPS to guide me to the venue. It decided to guide me to an abandoned warehouse in the middle of town. FML

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By elevenharries - United Kingdom

Today, after staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time, I got in the shower. His bathroom door doesn't lock, so half way through my shower he walked in. Trying to be sexy, I pressed myself up against the glass, which turned out the be a door that opens outwards. I fell on the floor. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the guy I broke up with for being too possessive and jealous threatened to leak my nudes if he sees or hears that I've gotten with anyone else. FML

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By Anonymous - Iraq

Today, I woke up from a nap to hear my roommate having some intimate time with his hand. The slopping and slurping sounds along with the girly man squeal as he finished haunted me all day. FML

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By mylifeisamovie - United States

Today, I woke up to a tap on my shoulder and had no idea where I was. I quickly discovered It was 11 am and I was still at the bar I had been drinking at the night before. My shoes were gone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Torrance

Today, I was given the following pearls of wisdom: "My grandmother always told me, if you've got nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. Anyway, she was a cunt and so are you." Thanks, dad. Thanks. FML

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By stupidteacher - China - Guiyang

Today, I gave a presentation in class. I felt pretty good about it, until afterwards when I was told I lost points for communication because I'd been chewing gum. I wasn't, I just have a speech impediment. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, while driving on the motorway, I sneezed so hard my contacts popped out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after a long day, I energetically took off my belt to take my pants off and relax. In doing so, I whipped the belt around in the air, causing it to spin around and slap me right in my tender ballsack. I almost threw up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Centralia

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be hilarious if she pulled a prank on me, so she did the classic "bucket of water on a door" one. I ended up getting stitches and a concussion on my birthday. FML

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By badsinger - New Zealand

Today, my fiancée told me she was having a bad day while we were lying in bed. Just as she was about to fall asleep I thought it would be sweet if I sang her a song that her Mom sang to her when she was a child. Instead, I was told to shut the fuck up and that I sucked. FML

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By bettercallpeta - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML

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By sillymink - United States

Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of my grandfather's funeral and my cousin started cracking up. It caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout all of the other cousins and my siblings. Now my aunts won't speak to any of us. FML

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By embarrassed - United States

Today, I went to see Terminator. Not wanting to spend an outrageous amount of money at the concession stand, I sneaked a Dr. Pepper into the theater. I thought I had gotten away with it, until I opened the bottle and it exploded all over me and four other people that I didn't know. FML

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By Anonymous - Switzerland - Chur

Today, my wife is treating me like I'm the devil, all because I refused to go on medication that'll kill my sex drive, just so she won't have to deal with me actually wanting to make love more than once a year. FML

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By FereldonBorn - United States - Roseville

Today, my dog was all over me, and I couldn't help but notice she kept sniffing towards my boobs. Turns out, she wasn't there to get love from me. She was there for a piece of food that I didn't notice had fallen in my bra. FML

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By Anonymous - Belgium - Ieper

Today, I realised what kind of man I married when I finally shelved his book, "Getting Things Done", still untouched 3 months after buying it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Du Bois

Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about the difference between the U.S. and Canada when she asked me if they have their own government. She wasn't sure if they were governed by the U.S. or if they didn't have a government at all. She's a 33-year-old college graduate. FML

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By JaneDoe - United States - Salisbury

Today, it was my friend's birthday, so I baked him a cake complete with his name written on it in homemade frosting. After I gave it to him, his mother berated me for it, saying I should have checked with her first before making a cake for her son. He's 28. FML

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By RosaP - Canada

Today, I slept over at a friend's house. We decided to dress up as ninjas and play a trick on her younger brothers, sleeping in the basement. While sneaking down the stairs, in the dark, her mother came home. Thinking I was a robber, she beat me with a lamp. FML

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By JubileeBee - United States

Today, I found out that my seemingly innocent 80-something neighbor has been stalking every girl in the neighborhood, and considers me his girlfriend. FML

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By LOLCATS - United Kingdom

Today, my wife came home from work early and told me she'd been fired. She was really upset so I told her how much she means to me and how much I love her to help cheer her up. She then told me she was caught getting it on with another employee. FML

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By notsobig - United States

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend if she thinks I have a big package. She replied that she didn't want to upset me and get into another fight. FML

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By for fucks sake gramps - United States - Mililani

Today, I was at the store with my grandpa. When we were rung up, he started to pay for our myriad groceries in coins, and the guy behind us groaned. My grandpa said, "shut your mouth," and started ranting about how stupid people are to leave paper trails for "government spooks." FML

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By Mojo0608 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my 16-year-old brother once again scored well at a local archery competition. He got home and, once again, unleashed his "spectacular aim" at the toilet - or rather the toilet seat and surrounding floor. He refuses to clean the bathroom we share every single time he does this. FML

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By zAstonish - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML

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By Anonymous - Brazil

Today, I was riding my bike down a hill and noticed a pretty girl sitting at the bus stop. I guess I was staring pretty hard, because the next thing I knew, I was swerving off the road and smashing into a tree. She laughed at me. FML

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By dumbass stereotypes

The Gordon Ramsey of Racism

Today, I was chatting with a guy on a dating site. He accused me of being a liar and trying to catfish him after I told him I like my steak medium-rare. According to him, that can’t possibly be true because black people only eat their steaks well done. No exceptions. What an idiot. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Barry

Today, I had to sneak out of work to get my daughter from her school. Apparently, she had thought that hurling a bowling ball down the stairs during the lunch hour rush would make her cool. In actual fact, it made her expelled. FML

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Top comments

By ExtendedVacation | 0

#6701 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 0:00

@4. Just because its called a vacation request doesn't necessarily mean you are taking a vacation. I was going out of state for my grandfathers funeral. My manager approved the time off. The pink slip came from a little higher up apparently. I'm sure it was just a matter of bad timing in the end but either way I can't say that I ever saw it going down that way.

By Roobydo | 0

#68516 - Monday 30 March 2009 1:11

hahaha, "oh, sure, sure, take all the time you want..."

COMMENTS

By mleeb | 0

#6144 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 2:05

f*ck... all i can do is laugh. they actually had the nerve to approve it. what a smartass company. sounds like a good place for a couple laughs.

Reply

criminalmind | 10

#1140008 - Sunday 25 July 2010 23:37

dude you can swear on the Internet. your mums not gonna see it, I know because she's busy being FUCKED by me.

By TheSkaAssassin | 0

#6156 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 2:45

owned, haha. but I feel your pain, I was laid off in November and am still looking for a job

By Amkii | 0

#6231 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 4:39

:( That sucks!! Why did they do that?

#1 - lol... true, sadly...

By holynemesis1208 | 3

#6238 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 4:49

well i guess you need that vacation now more than ever.

By coloredwax | 0

#6251 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 5:08

@4, have you BEEN paying attention to the current job market at ALL?

By ExtendedVacation | 0

#6701 - Wednesday 25 February 2009 0:00

@4. Just because its called a vacation request doesn't necessarily mean you are taking a vacation. I was going out of state for my grandfathers funeral. My manager approved the time off. The pink slip came from a little higher up apparently. I'm sure it was just a matter of bad timing in the end but either way I can't say that I ever saw it going down that way.

By somethingvague | 0

#8796 - Friday 27 February 2009 21:48

I can't help but laugh at this!

By jsmith1199 | 0

#58990 - Thursday 26 March 2009 2:43

thats one hell of a vacation

By Roobydo | 0

#68516 - Monday 30 March 2009 1:11

hahaha, "oh, sure, sure, take all the time you want..."

By Squirrellord911 | 0

#121000 - Saturday 18 April 2009 3:07

hehehe... srry... hehe