By Busty - 21/11/2017 06:00

These jugs don't belong here...

Today, Walmart was out of quart milk jugs except for one. When I went to grab it, I had to practically climb into the fridge. My boobs got stuck on the shelf on the way out, and it took a solid two minutes to wiggle my way free. I had an audience. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5506

You deserved it

931

Tweet

Share

Out of it

Season finale

Daydreaming

By Anonymous - 24/3/2015 20:52 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30072

You deserved it

3014

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I saw my four-year-old son running around outside, and copying everything our dog was doing. I thought it was cute, so I went to grab the camera. When I went back outside, I saw my dog eating a dead rabbit, and my son doing the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43880

You deserved it

6375

Tweet

Share

By FailMan - 17/1/2009 13:15 - United States

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend, when she walked ahead of me cat-walk style, turned around and said, "Do you think I could model?" I blurted out, "Yes... for a plus-size clothing line." FML

I agree, your life sucks

8019

You deserved it

55521

Tweet

Share

By oliviakelly25 - 9/10/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, three months after finally ending a long relationship with the love of my life because he was cheating on me, we are now seeing each other again. And cheating on our new significant others with each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8021

You deserved it

86656

Tweet

Share

By photomark - 13/12/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I saw a quarter in my poop. My friends say I do stupid things when I get drunk. Apparently, eating change is one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10477

You deserved it

36882

Tweet

Share

By FUCK THE PIGS - 26/1/2013 20:44 - United States - Oakland

Today, during lunch, my coworker offered me her food, claiming she was full. I was still quite hungry, so I accepted it. Halfway through eating the sandwiches, my boss walked in and started interrogating people over who took his lunch. I quickly realized I was the one eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37334

You deserved it

4110

Tweet

Share

By tstaeger - 24/7/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, I tried drinking "Smart Water" for the first time. I couldn't figure out how to open the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12386

You deserved it

37685

Tweet

Share

By one sorry mom - 5/9/2017 04:31

Today, at the mall, my 4-year-old son threw up on a man's shoes. When he approached me, I immediately machine-gun mouthed him in public. The man apparently is a doctor and concernedly said that my son may have a rare gastric disease based on the puke. I got him checked, and he's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1861

You deserved it

6804

Tweet

Share

By malos - 12/8/2010 06:53 - United States

Today, my band got booed off stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25298

You deserved it

47446

Tweet

Share

By Rellies - 2/5/2019 02:00

Today, my husband is finally fully recovered from getting decompression sickness during our scuba diving vacation. Today is also the day I snapped my femur in half while skiing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1925

You deserved it

254

Tweet

Share

By kerry - 20/1/2010 05:30 - Canada

Today, I found a piece of rice in my belly button. I can't remember the last time I ate or handled rice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9482

You deserved it

36895

Tweet

Share

By well fuck! - 14/8/2019 22:00

Today, I was grocery shopping with my kids. As I was buckling them into their car seats, two men jumped out of a truck, hoisted my cart and sped off. According to security, this has become a regular occurrence at the store. My entire month of groceries gone in seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2062

You deserved it

114

Tweet

Share

By sad as shit - 1/1/2016 00:41 - United States - Conway

Today, my life finally seemed to be getting on track after recovering from major depression, paying off most of my debt, and scoring an amazing job. And then I woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25583

You deserved it

2136

Tweet

Share

By Passtheicecream - 25/1/2017 22:00

Today, I found out that the last of my super feminist "I'm never getting tied to a man" college friends got engaged. Apparently, I should have tried that tactic, as my current partner in life is my goldfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2363

You deserved it

578

Tweet

Share

By homealone - 14/12/2016 23:27 - United States - Poughkeepsie

Today, after a long day at work, I fell asleep in my living room. When I woke up, I saw a man leaving my bedroom wearing my pajamas, and I started screaming as he casually left. The cops came and apparently he's mentally ill. He truly believed it was his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9123

You deserved it

538

Tweet

Share

By zain - 4/6/2011 06:15 - United States

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49792

You deserved it

3673

Tweet

Share

By horriblefashionsense - 26/9/2013 15:20 - United States - Winter Garden

Today, I went in the diner I always pass by and ordered a sandwich. When I asked how much it was, the waitress replied, "Don't worry, honey. We give free meals to the homeless on Thursdays." I was too ashamed to deny it, so I just said thank you and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47468

You deserved it

6233

Tweet

Share

By alone - 23/9/2011 11:04 - China

Today, I was sent home from work early because of structural issues. I walked in on my unemployed boyfriend cuddling another woman on the couch. When I confronted them, he freaked out and kept trying to convince me that I was dreaming. I don't know what I ever saw in this loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42610

You deserved it

4648

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/12/2010 21:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I got feedback on an essay I wrote, by my mum who is also a teacher. She said it was 'worse than most of her pupils'. She teaches 10-year-olds. I'm a 20-year-old student at university. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14625

You deserved it

21558

Tweet

Share

By ailat0107 - 31/5/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, two of my girlfriends and I went to a bar. The only action any of us got was a 50 year old man who came up and handed us "An origami vagina for the pretty ladies." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50043

You deserved it

5619

Tweet

Share

By queenbee12345678 - 19/2/2012 19:29 - United States

Today, I accidentally left my cell phone at the restaurant. When I realized my mistake, I went back to see if anyone had found it. They said no, so I gave them my number to call if it turned up. I realized later that I'd given them my cell phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9891

You deserved it

26246

Tweet

Share

By moresexperience - 11/9/2009 12:26 - United States

Today, I had dinner with my girlfriend of five months along with my mom and dad. Everything was going fine until my mom asked aloud "Everything going smooth for you in the bedroom?" to which my girlfriend replied "No." I was painting the master bedroom at my parent's house for some extra cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42070

You deserved it

4237

Tweet

Share

By Mr Pippin - 9/9/2018 22:00

Today, after frolicking in some long grass near a lake, my dog got back in the car smelling strongly of poop. Upon further investigation, I discovered that a sewer had overflowed in the area. My dog rolled around in human faeces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2873

You deserved it

299

Tweet

Share

By Brunofk7 - 21/11/2015 00:59 - Peru - Lima

Today, I made a multiple choice exam so my friend could practice and get a good grade on his real exam. While I was helping him finish it, the teacher saw it, thought we were cheating and failed us both. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24015

You deserved it

2704

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/7/2018 15:00

Today, I was verbally harassed by a customer because I wouldn’t give her special treatment after her meal was incorrect. I offered her a refund and a coupon for a free meal, which she refused before calling me a stupid kid who wouldn’t do anything to help her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3482

You deserved it

216

Tweet

Share

By Weter - 30/1/2009 11:30 - United States

Today, I fell flat on my ass while running for the subway. Made it on only to find out that it was standing by for ten minutes. I then got to ride all the way to work with a train full of people who watched me fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21846

You deserved it

3419

Tweet

Share

By Dejected - 7/12/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, I finally got a hold of my husband who I haven't actually talked to in 2 and 1/2 weeks since he is deployed and it's hard to chat. He told me he couldn't talk because he was in an epic battle, in Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36074

You deserved it

4690

Tweet

Share

By why does the world hate me - 1/3/2016 06:23 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my sister got her car insurance quote in the mail. You would think it would go way up after being charged with reckless driving. It went up $1 per month. My insurance went up $100 per month after I tapped someone's bumper a year ago. I wasn't even charged. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20437

You deserved it

1641

Tweet

Share

By sonofmilf - 17/5/2009 05:46 - United States

Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66829

You deserved it

6348

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/7/2019 20:00

Today, I've had bad gas all day. In bed, almost asleep, I felt the urge to fart, and thinking nothing of it, I let it rip. It wasn't a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1431

You deserved it

405

Tweet

Share

By mapollis - 20/1/2010 07:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for the fifth time, and all I could say was: "Can I have my parking permit back?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

10328

You deserved it

31712

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/8/2015 06:49 - United States

Today, while in line at the supermarket, I told the lady behind me that she had a cute baby. She shot me a disgusted look and straight up accused me of being a pedophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26769

You deserved it

1798

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/9/2013 18:06 - United States - Olympia

Sorry

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63648

You deserved it

5061

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 12:28 - Australia

Today, I was pulled over by the cops for a random breathalyzer test. They asked to see my license. I always keep my wallet in my car for situations like this. I received a $100 ticket because my mum apparently didn’t think it was a good idea to keep my wallet in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29273

You deserved it

7035

Tweet

Share

By Marjo86 - 27/9/2019 20:00

Man vs. Wild

Today, I got stung by a hornet. I asked my mum to pass me my allergy medication, but she refused, because they were my brother's, saying "he's allergic to bees and wasps!" No mum, wrong kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1863

You deserved it

90

Tweet

Share

By nerp - 29/3/2016 19:44 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a stranger had a go at me for smoking while pregnant. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18911

You deserved it

2648

Tweet

Share

By Potforapeso - 1/10/2014 02:30 - United States - Red Bank

Today, I found out my son was selling pot for pesos. We live in New Jersey and have never planned on going to Mexico. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42382

You deserved it

5272

Tweet

Share

By Clunker - 24/10/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, as I was driving with my boyfriend, he pointed out what a crappy car I drive. About how the locks don't work, the vents are broken, the windshield wipers are busted, my headlights aren't bright, and a hubcap is missing. Then he said I’m a good match for my car, 'cos we have the same “personality". FML

I agree, your life sucks

33815

You deserved it

3945

Tweet

Share

By nikkiquila_0699 - 5/9/2009 21:24 - Canada

Today, I came back from my 3 month vacation from France. During my vacation I lost 32lbs and I was so excited to show off my new body to my boyfriend. When he walked in the door he didn't notice me, but he did notice my younger, thinner and tanner sister strutting around in her bikini. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50244

You deserved it

4772

Tweet

Share

By bittersweet - 8/2/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His response: "I got your best friend pregnant". FML

I agree, your life sucks

659766

You deserved it

71641

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By t_rosie | 7

#7566275 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 6:36

Quite the booby trap....

By Little Richard | 10

#7566286 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 7:26

I can't wait to see the pics, on the people of Wal-Mart website.

COMMENTS

By Akitakat | 31

#7566272 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 6:22

Watch it wiggle... see it jiggle... sprinkles so fruity... lotsa whipped cream topped with cherry...

By Akitakat | 31

#7566274 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 6:28

A man walks up to a Walmart employee, as he points at you as & says “ Excuse me mom, could you tell me how much she sells for & if you have any more in stock? This one is mine but my friends want to share one for themselves. ”

By t_rosie | 7

#7566275 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 6:36

Quite the booby trap....

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7566278 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 7:12

Big udders, big rudders. 10/10 would watch.

By Little Richard | 10

#7566286 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 7:26

I can't wait to see the pics, on the people of Wal-Mart website.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7566293 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 7:40

Stuck on the shelf holding quart jugs? Nice, ... very nice!

Although some say that more than a cup is a waste!

By TheAngelLikeGirlGamer23 | 7

#7566297 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 7:50

Oh lord??

By Leaynax | 13

#7566298 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 7:54

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7566394 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 14:03

Maybe you should have asked for help next time.

Reply

Rabite | 28

#7566402 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 14:28

Yeah, totally weird that she didn't ask for a thin person without boobs to get her something out of a fridge, although it's so very common to get stuck with your boobs while shopping. Happens to me all the time.

Reply

Glowworm56 | 25

#7566475 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 18:46

I meant for climbing into the fridge to get the obviously very high milk jug--not getting her unstuck.

Reply

Rabite | 28

#7566843 - Wednesday 22 November 2017 15:56

That's what my answer was for. So maybe I put it in other words.

Why would you ask someone to help you with something you are totally capable of? Only because some very unlikely stupid stuff could happen?
It would even be more reasonable to ask someone to help you after the mishap happened.

By manb91uk | 22

#7566412 - Tuesday 21 November 2017 15:21

That’s the breast story I’ve hears all day