The Top

Op here. To clarify, I did NOT give this jerk a ticket for parking in the handicapped spot. He got the ticket for not paying the meter. Handicapped parking meters in my area are painted blue. He cussed me out because he felt having a handicapped license plate entitled him to not have to pay the meter. I told him "why would they have a meter there if you didn't have to pay it. It's even painted blue?" He continued to cuss at me, so I called the police chief who told the man he was wrong. Ps: a first violation parking ticket in my town costs $3. He cussed me out all this time over a $3 parking ticket.

By Ouch - 02/12/2018 13:00 - Australia - Port Melbourne

Today, I asked the guy of my dreams out to the cinema. After saying to me "It's a date!" I started booking tickets. He said, "Why are you booking two?" I looked at him confused and then he said, "What about Dave? Dave? My boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 150

You deserved it 571

By Kimmikoto - 31/01/2017 07:00 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, the vet told me that my cat is too fat to be able to wipe her own ass. I had to go Walmart to purchase pet wipes to clean her butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 916

You deserved it 3 606

Good enough reason

By Anonymous - 17/05/2017 20:00

Today, I finally found out why my girlfriend doesn't want kids. She discovered Rugrats recently and, after binge watching the whole series, decided that our would-be children would be too adventurous for us to handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 139

You deserved it 489

By KismetSiren - 23/11/2016 10:30 - United States - Hoffman Forest

Today, I told my mother I got engaged. Her reply was a great heaving sigh, followed by ,"OK… So how's work going?" She showed more excitement last week when my brother managed to properly make Kraft macaroni. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 809

You deserved it 687

By Debbie3247 - 07/07/2017 08:30 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I taught a high school class on public speaking. When I explained how important it was for a presentation to be polished and professional, one kid asked, "Is it professional for your skirt to be tucked into your underwear? I didn't know they made My Little Pony panties for adults." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 302

You deserved it 2 212

These jugs don't belong here...

By Busty - 21/11/2017 06:00

Today, Walmart was out of quart milk jugs except for one. When I went to grab it, I had to practically climb into the fridge. My boobs got stuck on the shelf on the way out, and it took a solid two minutes to wiggle my way free. I had an audience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 827

You deserved it 1 033

By Hopper - 03/12/2017 23:00 - United States

Today, I was the only carhop at work for the last 2 hours. In that time, I waited on about 50 cars. I make server pay so I depend on tips, but none of them tipped me even a penny. I averaged under $3 an hour tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 658

You deserved it 375

By why - 20/01/2018 15:00

Today, I was suspended for "selling drugs on campus". I was trying to give the school nurse approved medication for my severe epilepsy. I'm suspended for 3 weeks and have to go to a drug seminar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 445

You deserved it 300

By Anonymous - 14/05/2016 14:26 - Italy - Bologna

Today, my dog apparently vomited straight down a heating vent while I was out. The stench was so bad that when I got home and the smell hit me, I threw up too. Looks like I'll be spending a few days with my mother as the house airs out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 941

You deserved it 1 271

By Mavis - 03/02/2009 07:54 - Canada

Today, I received an email invitation to a dating web site. It was from my father-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 234

You deserved it 3 239

Freaky...

By shinra - 18/07/2018 20:30

Today, it's the third time in a row that I've woken myself up in the middle of the night by pouring freezing cold water on myself. I didn’t even have water on my nightstand last night. I woke up in the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 487

You deserved it 305

By my bravado's gonna kill me one day - 10/08/2018 13:00

Today, as a big fan of spicy food and a huge challenge seeker, I decided to try the hottest burger I could order. Despite being warned by a waitress, I went for it. After eating a third, I had trouble breathing from the spiciness. The waitress was smirking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 280

You deserved it 3 912

Kitchen Nightmares

By cook for yourself dammit! - 12/07/2020 14:01

Today, tired of my husband complaining that my food was basic and bland, I went out of my way to learn to cook using new recipes and fresh ingredients. He complained that I took too long to make dinner, and that the food is "fancied up shit." He can cook his own meals now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 744

You deserved it 222

By swag huh? - 22/09/2018 04:00 - Philippines - Para?aque

Today, I went on a blind date. As I waited for him in a pet-friendly mall, my friend said, "He's eccentric and has swag!" I didn't exactly know what she meant until I met him. He arrived with a miniature horse with a light pink coat and puffy fuchsia mane and tail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 669

You deserved it 353

Broken equipment

By Anonymous - 21/08/2020 07:08 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, my girlfriend and I had an argument about wanting kids, as I want to have kids but she doesn’t. I explained the situation to my sister. She just kicked me in the nuts and said, “There, problem solved.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 602

You deserved it 485

By Annoyed - 15/01/2017 18:00

Today, while giving my boyfriend what I thought was an amazing blow job, he asked me if I'd seen Kung Fu Panda 3 yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 048

You deserved it 1 725

By Terry - 05/12/2018 17:30

Today, I opened the bathroom door and it broke my wife’s little toe. As revenge, she ruined the ending of Assassin's Creed that she had gotten me for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 489

You deserved it 676

By Anonymous - 17/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Dayton

Today, I asked a very attractive girl out, then later I ended up talking with her. One of my friends comes up to us and points out that I'm beet red and, "blushing like a bitch". She notices and laughs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 198

You deserved it 629

UTI?

By Jam2019 - 15/02/2019 14:00

Today, despite using the bathroom before I left my house, then at the bus station 10 minutes later, I still had to get off my bus halfway into my hour long journey to pee in a back alley or I would have wet myself. I'm 24 and this has happened twice in the last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 180

You deserved it 254

By MikaPika - 07/03/2017 20:00 - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, my boss offered me a 3% "raise" with new commission targets. Consequently this "raise" would result in my income being reduced by a third. Apparently, if I can reach my current targets, they're too easy. So, as a reward for being great at my job, I get a reduced salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 935

You deserved it 373

By ColderThanCold - 15/03/2019 00:00

Today, the company that was supposed to clear our apartment's parking lot never showed up. I almost got frostbite in my fingers trying to shovel someone's car out since my gloves got soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 915

You deserved it 284

Suspense

By krray - 11/03/2017 22:00

Today, I was walking up the stairs with my lunch behind a heavy co-worker. His arms were full, and step by step, as we went up the stairs his pants dropped a little further. By the time we reached the top, his knickers were below his knees and it was a full moon. I prayed he wouldn't fart on my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 023

You deserved it 725

Thank God it's Monday tomorrow

By Chandra - 12/05/2019 10:00 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I had to pee at work. I ended up using all the toilet paper. When I opened the door to leave, a dude was waiting to use the washroom. I told him there was no more toilet paper. He goes, “You finished all of it?” I panicked and said, “No, I didn’t use any!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 586

You deserved it 622

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I'm at North Fort Hood deploying with the Army Reserves, where the motto is, "You'll prefer to be in Iraq." We're in COVID quarantine with over 100 people in our barracks. We may never get out of here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 140

Today, I was laying my head on my dad's dog when he walked in. I jokingly asked my dad, "I'm cuddling with your dog, are you jealous?" At that same moment, the dog lets a massive, earth-quaking fart loose, and my dad promptly responded, "Nope!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 699

You deserved it 590

Today, my father picked me up from the police academy I'm attending, and got caught speeding. The officer was my drill instructor, and I had to do push-ups on the side of the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 120

You deserved it 5 197

Today, while I was walking home, a homeless man saw me and didn't ask for change, but how much I charged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 448

You deserved it 247

Today, while talking to my girlfriend, the subject of Darth Vader came up. That's when she asked me, "Aren't Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker the same person?" I don't know what's worse, the fact that she asked me that, or the fact that I got upset over her lack of Star Wars knowledge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 361

You deserved it 13 660

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 017

You deserved it 5 026