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Wild Child

By epic flash - 02/10/2017 20:00

Today, my daughter's quirkiness and eccentricities may have gone to a whole new level when her school faculty described her as "no stranger to LSD". She's 5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 116

You deserved it 283

By Lisbeth - 08/01/2018 01:30 - Canada - Mascouche

Today, I was cleaning up the kitchen after a nice cozy dinner with my boyfriend at his parents' country house. I picked up the bottle of olive oil we'd used for cooking and spotted two dead mice in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 347

You deserved it 532

You want a piece of me?

By littlepeepboo - 30/01/2018 01:30

Today my boyfriend tried to be sexy and rip off my underwear. Instead, he bit a chunk out of my hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 146

You deserved it 452

By horribletimeeverywhere74747 - 11/04/2018 19:00 - United States - Navarre

Today, the girl who'd asked me to prom told me she assumed we weren't going together and is now going with her friends. After agreeing to go with her, I'd bought a $200 non-refundable suit along with the ticket. I have no one else to go with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 590

You deserved it 397

Cooked and bombed

By unlucky - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I went to a party. After asking several people about the ingredients in a cake, I took one bite… and ended up in the hospital with a severe reaction to the nuts that "definitely weren't" in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 360

You deserved it 1 032

OK doomer

By KeepOnTruckin' - 07/05/2020 05:00

Today, it's been 3 weeks since I, a 17-year-old, have been working 50 hours a week at a grocery store trying to keep our shelves stocked during coronavirus panic-buying. It was also the day a customer informed me that, "All you teenagers are lazy and that's why the shelves are empty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 456

You deserved it 179

Red flag

By silver - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, while discussing my family on a date, I mentioned that my parents are divorced. She immediately got up and left without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 366

You deserved it 344

By Anonymous - 24/04/2016 14:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was getting out of the car, my 7-year-old son opened the door for me. I thought it was very gentlemanly of him to do that, until he smashed my thumb with the car door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 031

You deserved it 1 343

Let me out of here!

By misc - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boss reeks of mothballs. We share a cubicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 230

You deserved it 2 089

Grindset mindset

By stupidboss - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Bellingham

Today, I got into a car accident with my boss, and he asked if I could come to work the next day. I'm in the hospital and he knows it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 154

You deserved it 1 238

Snitches get stitches

By bad sis sad sis - 24/09/2020 02:01

Spicy

Today, I told my mom that I walked in on my sister and her boyfriend having sex. My mom flew into a rage and slapped me several times, calling me a liar and made me apologize to my sister for saying something “so disgusting” about her. I wasn’t lying and she just smirked the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 858

By accountingclown - 21/01/2017 00:23

Today, I travelled cross-country to interview for my dream job. The team seemed to love me and I had a lot of fun. In the airport on the way home I saw a news report that the company is closing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 790

You deserved it 606

By larrythelobster - 11/02/2017 18:00 - United States

Today, one of my junior marines called to tell me they were in an accident that totaled both cars. The car he hit was parked in a nearby parking garage. It was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 446

You deserved it 483

By mindy12182 - 30/12/2018 00:00 - United States - Des Moines

Today, while doing my disabled client's makeup I got my period. I'm hoping that she didn't notice a red stain on her white bedspread when I stood up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 414

You deserved it 642

By pooperscooper - 19/02/2017 14:00 - Australia - Hunters Hill

Spicy

Today, I had to wipe someone else's shit off the toilet seat for the third day in a row. We had a new staff member join our team three days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 329

You deserved it 483

Gamer girl woes

By justanothergamergirl - 17/04/2019 20:00

Today, and for the past two weeks, I decided to try online gaming, as it's something I've never done before. I already have a creep stalking me because I mentioned I was single and he's a horny virgin. Remind me never to talk about my lack of love life online again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 848

You deserved it 1 194

Pizza party

By Newly Minted Canuck - 22/04/2017 20:00

Today, my daughter found a hair baked into the crust of her pizza. Grossed out, she put it down the garbage disposal, but I told her to dig it out so we could get a refund. After dinner, she came looking for the saved pizza crust. I was baffled about where it was until I realized I'd eaten it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 299

You deserved it 4 740

It doesn't work like that

By Comeon - 02/07/2023 06:00

Today, the girl of my dreams rejected my advances once again. This is a girl who’s had her heart broken over and over again by cheaters and abusers. She can’t even recognize something great, even if it’s staring at her in the face. What do I have to do to end her vicious cycle of endless heartbreak? FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 1 907

By Stevie - 17/12/2016 03:15 - United States - Southfield

Today, I kindly explained to a client that she had calculated her CD interest wrong. She kindly responded that, as a nurse, she would never give me medical treatment if I was involved in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 589

You deserved it 630

By Anonymous - 04/08/2019 06:00

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 087

You deserved it 310

By Gray_Kitty - 17/09/2016 19:34 - United States - Omaha

Today, a woman came in to order lunch. She ordered a sandwich then asked for me to configure it precisely to her complicated desires. This took a whole 5 minutes, during the lunch rush. When I told her the cost, she decided it was too expensive and cancelled her order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 758

You deserved it 784

He tried.

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I rejected a girl I work with because I have a girlfriend. That girl then posted on Facebook that she'd friendzoned me for being creepy. My girlfriend saw the post, believed it, and dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 433

You deserved it 350

By Anonymous - 08/11/2017 05:00

Today, my little sister, who's still in high school, proved beyond a doubt she's better at my computer repair job than I am. She proved it in front of my customers and my manager, who brushed me aside and offered her a job as soon as she graduates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 780

You deserved it 1 100

Christmas is canceled

By Virginia6810 - 14/10/2019 02:00

Today, I got an email that my Amazon account was probably hacked, and they have gone ahead and canceled all orders that seemed suspicious. Two days ago I was celebrating that I'd finished Christmas shopping early. Never mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 790

You deserved it 170

Treat your pets properly!

By Anonymous - 24/10/2019 04:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I had an argument with my dad about how Alpo dog food is trash and is why his dog keeps having terrible farts and diarrhea. My dad refuses to believe me, so now I'm always scrubbing vile, smelly, mucous-laden dog diarrhea out of the carpet. I'm a pet nutritionist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 927

You deserved it 180

No touching!

By Noname - 27/01/2009 19:36 - United States

Today, at the mall my brother and I went to look at a vendor's items when my mom said not to touch anything. Thinking my brother was standing next to me, I saw him touching stuff so I smacked him in the arm and told him to stop. I turn to see that the old lady to my side was giving me a mean look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 019

You deserved it 23 374

By Anonymous - 25/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I was engaged in intercourse with my fiancée when her dog decided take a loud dump in front of the fan that was pointed at us. Needless to say, intercourse ended very abruptly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 042

You deserved it 360

By foreverAlone - 04/04/2016 19:40 - United States - Chesapeake Beach

Today, I met a cute girl. She seemed really sweet and I was heartbroken to find out that she had fallen on hard times and was living in a shelter. I asked her if I could take her out to lunch. She said, "No." I can't even get a date with a homeless girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 430

You deserved it 5 264

By NotaSinglePringle - 28/09/2018 17:36

Today, my husband and I were unable to exchange rings at our marriage ceremony as his ring was still out being resized. We had continuously waited for the store to call, and had reluctantly decided to just do the ceremony without. As we sat down to lunch after, they called. It was ready. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 809

You deserved it 604

Claire Raika Ahmed tells us more.

Claire Raika Ahmed 14

Friday 28 September 2018 8:48

I am not sure how to connect my account to this FML since I apparently submitted it anonymously, but it was a tungsten ring so they apparently can’t be shaped like most gold or silver rings; they have to be made in the correct size and once made cannot be changed (at least according to the sales associate). They had made his the wrong size, even tho I asked multiple times to make sure they wrote down size 12, so after waiting for it the first time, it had to be send back and by then it was too late. It was a courthouse ceremony anyways tho so it wasn’t a huge deal anyways. We just found it funny that they called literally an hour after the ceremony. At least we have it now!!

By Yum - 03/12/2008 07:26 - France

Spicy

Today, I realised that the steamy photos that I took with my ex a few months ago had not been erased from his father's camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 975

You deserved it 19 280

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The Top

The Top

Today, my neighbor tried to shoot my dog but missed and hit a rock. A shard of the bullet hit me in the leg and fractured my shin. Hello from the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 538

You deserved it 649

Today, my car got broken into. A small folded plastic bag and a few toothpicks I got from a restaurant were stolen. It's going to cost me a few hundred bucks to fix and clean my car over a 10 cent bag and a few free toothpicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 513

You deserved it 2 631

Today, I was late to work because the metro broke down. Yesterday I was late to work because the train in front of me broke down. The week before that I was late to work because the swat team shut the entire metro station down. Even the interns think I'm making this up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 32

Today, my dad told me that I'm nothing but a burden because I can't work, and disability is worth nothing. It's not my fault I ended up in an abusive foster home that left me with spinal cord damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 456

You deserved it 280

Today, I finally left my bitch girlfriend with her son, who has difficulties and violence issues. Now everyone is telling me I should go back, because the kid needs a father, never mind that I’m depressed and in therapy for suicidal urges. Guess my mental health doesn’t matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 782

You deserved it 182

Today, for the hundredth time this year, I was told to lose weight. As an adult, I weigh 90 pounds soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 96