Today, my dad gave me his old camera. I got home and eagerly...

By SAM - 5/8/2018 09:00 - United States

Today, my dad gave me his old camera. I got home and eagerly turned it on to start using it. I was greeted by a photo of my father drunk, smiling, naked, and covered in peanut butter. FML

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Kids

Geek

Instadrama

Insane parents

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By MathTeacher - 2/5/2011 14:30 - United States

Today, after being annoyed one too many times by my students' whiney attitudes, I accidentally blurted out, "Quit being such a bitch," to the superintendent's daughter. FML

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By Username - 29/7/2011 21:35 - Netherlands

Today, my sister announced that she had gotten engaged. I was happy for her until I found out she's marrying the guy who relentlessly bullied me all through high school. FML

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By Jebus - 24/1/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2011 23:36 - Canada

Today, I left to go home for Christmas holidays. I got 3 hours away and realised I forgot the presents. Along with the engagement ring I was going to give to my girlfriend. FML

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By Bestfrienduncool - 30/9/2010 05:11 - France

Today, I found out that the reason my best friend is not allowed over anymore is because he hits on my mom and writes her love letters. FML

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By Swabidizop - 18/5/2015 20:40 - United States - Greeley

Today, I had the most rancid fart. My dog woke up from his nap and bit me as punishment. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2020 14:00

Nice neighborhood

Today, after my ex broke up with me, I threw out all the clothes he’d bought me before, which was basically my entire wardrobe. Anyway, this creepy guy who lives a few blocks away seems to be wearing my old clothes and waves my bras and panties at me. It’s gross and creepy. FML

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By MarkQ95 - 21/7/2013 23:58 - Ireland

Today, trying to flirt with a girl, I was trying to make it out as if I had a great sex life. I got stuck between saying "100% customer satisfaction" and "no complaints" and blurted out "100% customer complaints." FML

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By Loserman67 - 1/4/2017 12:00

Today, I spent several hours in freezing drizzle sampling and testing diesel fuel from an above ground, 10,000 gallon tank. Soaked to the bone and shivering like mad, I gave the manager the results. He said thank you and then told me I was at the wrong location. FML

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By Xanadu - 16/4/2011 07:04 - United States

Today, I made a video for a school tour of my apartment in German. The walls in my apartment are thin, so you could hear my sister having phone sex in her room in the background. FML

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By WesJaz - 8/1/2010 16:35 - United States

Today, I was working as a cashier and a woman brought up a suitcase. As I was ringing her up I checked inside like I'm supposed to and I very jokingly say, "Look at all the stuff you're stealing." She laughed nervously then hit me in the head with her heavy purse before running out of the store. FML

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By BK2017 - 29/1/2017 22:00 - United States - Orlando

Today, after an extremely stressful day, I took a hot bath when I got home. I used my little sister's bubble bath to make it more enjoyable and relaxing. I then broke out in hives. I guess I'm allergic to bubble bath. FML

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By Fml - 12/4/2013 05:05 - United States - Lynn

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex; I know that some women are great multitaskers, but I'm guessing it was a bad sign when she started to go over the shopping list. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2014 12:18 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, we had a meeting at my job and we had to introduce new ideas to our boss. Earlier, I was talking to one of my close friends who also attended the meeting about my idea. As we start the meeting, she decides to steal my idea and take complete credit for it. My boss loves "her" idea. FML

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By donezo - 26/6/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, while working at a fast food restaurant, I stayed a little overtime to help my manager with dishes. A kid pooped in the slide in the playground area attached to the restaurant itself. I'm the smallest one there. I had to crawl UP the slide to find and clean the poop. FML

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By Username - 1/12/2010 19:04 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if there's a reason why he has never gone down on me. He responded, "Your back door is too close to your front door and it creeps me out." FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2012 02:53 - United States - Dallas

Today, I blacked out at a wedding as a bridesmaid, during the service. FML

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By spitstopper - 7/8/2014 02:22 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I stopped two little boys from spitting over a railing at the piano player two floors below in the department store I work at. Their mom complained to my boss about me. FML

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By KittyKat168 - 9/9/2016 09:34 - Germany

Today, I managed to spill Superglue on the one place you absolutely shouldn't spill Superglue. FML

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By Rach - 8/6/2010 14:24 - United Kingdom

Today, my cat knocked over a cup of scalding hot tea - but don't worry, the carpet wasn't damaged. It went all over my leg instead leaving a nice big scar for my holiday. FML

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By auntoftheyear - 10/8/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, I saw my brother's pregnant girlfriend smoking. Disgusted, I asked him why he didn't just stab her in the uterus and get it over with. He laughed like it was a joke, then cussed because he spilled his cereal. He's more concerned about spilled cereal than having a brain-damaged child. FML

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By Birdman - 23/6/2018 15:00

Today, my 3-year-old fell asleep in our bed while cuddling me, and I let him stay since he was being so sweet. In the middle of the night, he took off his pants and pissed all over my head and back. FML

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By J Rush - 21/3/2012 11:46 - United Kingdom - Welshpool

Today, as I turned the shower on, I got covered in gravy. Turns out, my friends had unscrewed the shower head, filled it with gravy granules, then screwed it back on. FML

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By NJ <3 - 10/1/2012 15:34 - United States

Today, while trying to prove a point to my mom, I learned that bird seed tastes better than her cooking. FML

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By Nissan_David - 18/1/2010 06:09 - United States

Today, I was helping my friend put up a wooden fence at his new house. I was holding the sections of fence up while he nailed them in with an air powered nail gun. The gun malfunctioned and fired twice putting the second nail through my hand and into the wood. We had to pry the nail out. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2020 02:00

Deal or no Deal

Today, my boyfriend's farts got so bad that we made a deal: every day that he doesn't fart, he gets a blowjob. Suddenly, he's not letting gas out anymore. FML

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By anonymous - 20/6/2012 14:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML

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By neoteck - 8/1/2009 07:55 - France

Today, I was talking to a charming young lady on MSN by webcam. She suddenly asked me to take my glasses off for a minute; I did so, and she said, "Oh never mind, you're still just as ugly..." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

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By fml9124 - 5/9/2019 20:00

Et tu, Doggo?

Today, as usual, my neighbor's 9 year-old son came over after school. I work from home so he stays until his mom gets home. My dog mopes around the house until 3 p.m., then gets all excited because he has a friend to play with. I'm almost jealous because a dog I've had for 11 years likes him more than me. FML

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By swirkishly - 24/11/2011 16:06 - United States

Today, I was walking through my house when I noticed bits of plaster falling from the ceiling. Against all logic, I looked up, receiving a fragment directly in the eyeball. FML

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By hellogoodbye - 6/6/2009 03:36 - Canada

Today, at work my arms were full. I needed to get the door open, so instead of pushing the swing door open with my shoulder, I kicked it open with my foot. Right into my manager's face. FML

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By Fattie - 28/10/2019 06:00

Bon appetit!

Today, I'm on a diet. I was compelled to start it when the only pet name my boyfriend could think of for me yesterday was, "My baby elephant." FML

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By uh huh sure - 9/7/2020 05:01

Subtle

Today, my mother-in-law, who isn't southern, who’s family isn’t southern, and has never even mentioned any interest in anything even remotely southern, decided to give us a baby gift: a hand-crocheted confederate flag blanket. We’re an interracial couple. I think she’s trying to tell me something. FML

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By useless pos - 1/3/2013 00:48 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

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By Ouch - 28/2/2015 02:25 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I broke my leg. My mom told me I still have to go to tennis class tomorrow because the course isn't refundable. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2015 05:08 - United States - Portland

Today, I caught my mother-in-law trying to plant a GPS tracker on my car. FML

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By Lostring - 2/7/2018 20:30

Today, I was fiddling with a ring my aunt hand made me, accidentally slipping it off, and dropped it in the toilet. Like an idiot, I scrambled to get it out only for my bending over to activate the automatic flush. FML

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By Lesbian and proud, nana - 12/11/2018 14:00

Today, my nana turned up at my flat for a visit, barged in without knocking, and found me having sex with both of my girlfriends. The vicious religious lecture that followed would have stripped the tramp stamp off a whore. She then rampaged through our bedroom and binned all our sex toys. FML

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By 2gewd4u - 15/1/2012 01:24 - United States

Today, I walked in on my sister sitting on the toilet, trying to use "The Force" to pull over the toilet paper roll sitting on the sink. FML

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7671900 - Sunday 5 August 2018 16:20

I’m guessing the photo’s file format was JIF?

By Charlie Given | 22

#7671936 - Sunday 5 August 2018 17:35

Was there a pic of Mom drunk and covered in jelly🤣🤣 nothing better than a PB&J😂

COMMENTS

By joeyl1990 | 28

#7671876 - Sunday 5 August 2018 15:04

I understand the drunk, naked, smiling part but why the peanut butter?

Dave_Davington | 33

#7671887 - Sunday 5 August 2018 15:41

It's basic decency to use peanut butter in such a situation. Really now, what are you, some kind of animal?

Abbusser | 9

#7671983 - Sunday 5 August 2018 19:42

Just make sure it's chunky. Creamy would be sick...

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7671898 - Sunday 5 August 2018 16:17

Dad was determined to find out just how much the dog really liked peanut butter.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7671900 - Sunday 5 August 2018 16:20

I’m guessing the photo’s file format was JIF?

By _Hakuna_Matata_ | 12

#7671919 - Sunday 5 August 2018 17:03

Plot twist, His father wanted him to see his wild side.

By Charlie Given | 22

#7671936 - Sunday 5 August 2018 17:35

Was there a pic of Mom drunk and covered in jelly🤣🤣 nothing better than a PB&J😂

blightsight | 10

#7671981 - Sunday 5 August 2018 19:33

Except maybe a BJ

interesting33 | 36

#7672069 - Monday 6 August 2018 3:14

I was so gonna comment that! great minds. great comment

jkjorn | 14

#7672271 - Monday 6 August 2018 15:36

That would be a P&BJ!

By Warmonger_Smurf | 29

#7672005 - Sunday 5 August 2018 20:27

Well played Dad, well played.

By Danielle Zion Gadsden | 14

#7672019 - Sunday 5 August 2018 21:35

I guess I'm the only one that would have asked my dad about the story. Cause there is an epic story behind that pic.

By FishyFishy | 12

#7672021 - Sunday 5 August 2018 22:11

He wasn't naked.... he has on peanut butter.

By Lalala579121 | 27

#7672036 - Sunday 5 August 2018 23:20

Was he with your wife?

By PhoenixChick | 26

#7672056 - Monday 6 August 2018 1:41

Creamy or chunky, that peanut butter had nuts in it