Kids and Geek: Today, my dad gave me his old camera. I got home and eagerly...

By SAM - United States

Today, my dad gave me his old camera. I got home and eagerly turned it on to start using it. I was greeted by a photo of my father drunk, smiling, naked, and covered in peanut butter. FML

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Kids

Geek

BO Central

Out of the frying pan

Jonah begs to differ

By Anonymous - 25/8/2020 04:02 - Australia - Lakes Entrance

Work sucks, I know

Today, I returned to work after a week off due to severe food poisoning, after which I ended up in the ED. I was given a warning for causing an inconvenience to everyone, and next time I'm going to be sick, I should give 3 days notice. FML

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By methane overload - United States

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

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By ninnang - United States - Honolulu

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died". My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

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By Keastwood013 - United States

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

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By JimmyT - Norway - Bergen

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

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By scribbler8 - Canada

Today, at work, a customer asked for my number. When I declined, he made a huge scene, shouting and scaring other customers. He tipped me seven cents. FML

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By best breast

Today, my husband and I hosted Easter dinner. Since I was in my own home, I breastfed without a cover. My sister-in-law stormed out in a rage, screaming that I was being obscene, and equated it to shooting heroin in front of her kids. Happy Easter indeed. FML

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By firewait - Canada

Today, I gave my 16 year old step daughter and her friends a lecture on respecting other people's privacy. Two hours later, I accidentally walked into her room without knocking. She and her friends were giving each other bikini waxes. Now her friends call me the hypocritical pervert. FML

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By ArmyMan - United Arab Emirates

Today, I enlisted for The Navy because my Boy Scout leader encouraged me. He fought in Korea and is a real inspiration. I asked him what motivated him to join The Navy. He said he was drunk and didn't remember joining until he was called up. FML

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By xolaurennnn - United States

Today, it was hot out, so I wore shorts. My dad took one look at me and said, "Your thighs are so pale, it's like staring into the sun". FML

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By Van

Work name

Today, I found out the girl my husband's been calling "Sister" isn't actually his sister, but instead a hooker whose work name is "Sister". FML

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By cedechan - United States - Tucson

Today, I got food poisoning at work. I had my head in the toilet when the auto flush decided to turn on. The force of the flush was so powerful half of what I threw up splashed back into my face. FML

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By Olz

Today, I received my 12-month diet plan from an online coach. It said, “Eat less calories lol.” I just lost £175. FML

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By workfordayzz - United States

Today, I realized that because of my construction job, I have spent such a huge amount of time with older, cynical guys that I keep uncontrollably using the phrase "fucking kids these days" regularly like an idiot. I'm 18. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2020 20:03

Minefield

Today, my cat pissed on my bed, so I had to change the sheets. Just as I got out of bed and take my first step, I stepped in my cat's poop as well and slipped, spraining my ankle. FML

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By Paris101 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I emailed 10 parents inviting them to my son's birthday party. All 10 emailed back saying their kids had to get a cavity filled. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Inglewood

Today, I tried to be cute by sitting on top of my boyfriend's belly. While getting on top, I accidentally kneed him in his nuts. In pain, he jolted his head up and ended up banging his head against mine. Now I have a black eye and he can't walk without waddling. FML

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By kitty shah - United States

Today, I was having a debate with my friend over tattoos. I used the example that you wouldn't put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari. He looked me in the eye and said, "Yeah, but you're no Ferrari. More like a Prius." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had the Monday meeting that I have had every week for 8 months. We had new people joining today. One of my bosses went around the room introducing people, and he forgot my name. I've been sitting across from him with a nametag for 8 months. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Chester

Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML

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By Embarassedd - Canada

Today, my husband and I were at a wedding. When the DJ announced that the bar was open, my hubby was the only one to RUN to the bar while the other husbands stayed behind to dance with their wives, eyeing us in a weird way. FML

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By dancer_2014 - United States

Today, I was on my first blind date. We went to a fancy restaurant in the middle in the city. After using the bathroom, I came back to an empty table. He stole my purse and left. FML

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By aXel

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

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By Chey - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I was learning to drive a stick when a cop decided to pull me over just to laugh at me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend got into a huge fight with her mom over the phone. After the fight, she looked ready to cry so I went over to comfort her. She went straight past me, and started confiding in her creepy, extremely expensive dolls instead. FML

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By MovingOut - Saint Vincent and the Grenadines

Today, my parents grounded me because I refused to do my little sister's homework for her. FML

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By Perpetually F-ed. - United States

Today, my younger brother and my parents were in my dorm room. When I wasn't looking, my brother opened the top drawer of my dresser (where I had a tube of half-used lube) and asked out loud: "What's Astroglide?" FML

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By Acneface - France

Today, I got my hair done, eyebrows waxed, and a new expensive dress to impress my boyfriend. When I got home I asked him if he noticed anything different about me. He looked at me for one minute before asking, "Did you finally start using Proactive?" FML

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By gottaflossmoreoften - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I finally heard a woman tell me "I've never seen one so big before!" Too bad it was my dentist talking about one of my cavities. FML

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By Lou - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML

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By small dick energy

Today, I found out just how much of a psychotically insecure nitwit my boyfriend is. He flew into a screaming rage that I was only adding cucumbers to my water and my meals lately to insinuate that he has a small penis. Yeah, I’m confused too. FML

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By datingamoron - United States

Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his debit card and loudly announced in front of everyone that his pin code was the numerical equivalent of "Fart", and repeated it twice, just in case I hadn't heard. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while getting steamy with my boyfriend, I tried to be sexy and tease him by playfully pushing his hands away every time he touched me. He responded by telling me it's OK if we didn't have sex because my breath was a bit "funky" and he needed to take "a massive dump anyway." FML

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By humiliated - United Kingdom

Today, a friend asked me to come with her to the art building at school, so I could pose in the stance of a figure she was drawing for her exam. I obliged and sat for the pose. When the art teacher walked by she looked at me, then at the sketch, pointed to the legs and said, "make them fatter". FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2021 02:01

The Phoebe Technique

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of five years has been cheating on me with other women from all the hickeys and scratch marks he has. But to top it off, he's slowly been moving out for months. FML

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By neverakid - United States

Today, I surprised my daughter by telling her that I'm going to treat the family to a trip to the Himalayas in a few months. She promptly threw a tantrum and listed her main reasons for not wanting us to go: "It's a freaking desert there," and, "I'll miss the new Spiderman movie." FML

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By Pregnant - United States

Today, I confronted my husband about him being unfaithful. He said his reasons were because he's just not attracted to me anymore and my current weight repulses him. I'm six months pregnant with his child. FML

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By Pixie - United States - Mckenna

Today, I was asked if the reason I didn't like the new male massage therapist was because I was no longer the most muscular person in the spa. I'm a 5'4 woman and I don't work out. FML

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By Christinemh329 - United States

Today, I had to have a word with my boss about how him coming into work drunk is probably not a very good idea. FML

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By BlueSteele220 - 29/7/2020 17:01

Too late

Today, someone stole a package off my doorstep. Too bad, it was the video doorbell to prevent my packages from being stolen. FML

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7671900 - Sunday 5 August 2018 16:20

I’m guessing the photo’s file format was JIF?

By Charlie Given | 23

#7671936 - Sunday 5 August 2018 17:35

Was there a pic of Mom drunk and covered in jelly🤣🤣 nothing better than a PB&J😂

COMMENTS

By joeyl1990 | 28

#7671876 - Sunday 5 August 2018 15:04

I understand the drunk, naked, smiling part but why the peanut butter?

Dave_Davington | 33

#7671887 - Sunday 5 August 2018 15:41

It's basic decency to use peanut butter in such a situation. Really now, what are you, some kind of animal?

Abbusser | 9

#7671983 - Sunday 5 August 2018 19:42

Just make sure it's chunky. Creamy would be sick...

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7671898 - Sunday 5 August 2018 16:17

Dad was determined to find out just how much the dog really liked peanut butter.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7671900 - Sunday 5 August 2018 16:20

I’m guessing the photo’s file format was JIF?

By _Hakuna_Matata_ | 12

#7671919 - Sunday 5 August 2018 17:03

Plot twist, His father wanted him to see his wild side.

By Charlie Given | 23

#7671936 - Sunday 5 August 2018 17:35

Was there a pic of Mom drunk and covered in jelly🤣🤣 nothing better than a PB&J😂

blightsight | 10

#7671981 - Sunday 5 August 2018 19:33

Except maybe a BJ

interesting33 | 36

#7672069 - Monday 6 August 2018 3:14

I was so gonna comment that! great minds. great comment

jkjorn | 15

#7672271 - Monday 6 August 2018 15:36

That would be a P&BJ!

By Warmonger_Smurf | 29

#7672005 - Sunday 5 August 2018 20:27

Well played Dad, well played.

By Danielle Zion Gadsden | 15

#7672019 - Sunday 5 August 2018 21:35

I guess I'm the only one that would have asked my dad about the story. Cause there is an epic story behind that pic.

By FishyFishy | 12

#7672021 - Sunday 5 August 2018 22:11

He wasn't naked.... he has on peanut butter.

By Lalala579121 | 27

#7672036 - Sunday 5 August 2018 23:20

Was he with your wife?

By PhoenixChick | 26

#7672056 - Monday 6 August 2018 1:41

Creamy or chunky, that peanut butter had nuts in it