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Hey, OP here. Basically, I made a joke. I've just got back from uni so I'm not used to hiding parts of myself (I don't have to hide it around my mum cause she likes to pretend it doesn't exist). My nan was talking about me getting married, saying I needed to find Mr right. I made a joke about it being Mrs Right without thinking and here we are.

By JackNicholsonInChinatown - 25/10/2016 02:58

Today, like most days, my cat tried to wake me up with a gentle, fluffy paw pat on my nose. This morning, however, he managed to get his claw caught inside my nostril. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 570

You deserved it 896

Weird excuse, but OK

By Nutty - 21/07/2019 00:04

Today, my girlfriend refused to have sex with me, because my underwear are Fruit of the Loom instead of Hanes. According to her, since all real men wear Hanes, I'm unfit to have sex with her because I wear Fruit of the Loom and am therefore not a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 823

You deserved it 438

By Anonymous - 16/08/2016 08:26 - United States - Wasilla

Today, I was woken up by my dad screaming that the ship was sinking. I started freaking out before I realized that I was sleeping on my couch at home and was not in fact on a ship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 903

You deserved it 1 820

Nice guys

By Anonymous - 13/06/2021 19:59

Today, having split up with my husband, I tried to plan visitation so he could visit my sons, his stepkids, only to be told he has no intention of visiting kids that aren’t actually his, and that now we’re divorced they're entirely my problem and good riddance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 1 306

Parting shit

By smellymcgee - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Farmington

Today, I came home to the vilest stench I've ever smelled. I had to open a floor vent and scoop up the turd that was inside. Funnily enough, today was the day my scumbag roommate moved out, but I'm sure he had absolutely nothing to do with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 957

You deserved it 889

By minikat - 02/06/2018 15:00

Today, my parents woke me up and grounded me for the "disrespectful" things I said to them in my sleep. Apparently I say these things every night, and each time I do they extend the grounding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 138

You deserved it 269

By alone - 06/02/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, I committed to babysitting on Valentine's Day not because I needed the money, but because I just got dumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 055

You deserved it 2 800

Professional.

By Anonymous - 23/06/2018 19:00

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for racism after I refused to hire a black woman. I didn't hire her because she came to the interview wearing what was basically a bikini and she was covered in tattoos depicting lewd sex acts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 506

You deserved it 306

By workerbee - 27/01/2009 14:25 - United States

Today, I was on a conference call in my office with the door closed. I let out some loud farts and felt liberated. Forgot my phone was NOT on mute. There were only 3 people on the conference call - including me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 179

You deserved it 22 549

Thanks for the input

By NVP - 18/01/2009 14:30 - United States

Today, I told my 10 year-old brother I was turning 23. He said, "You need to get a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 504

You deserved it 3 822

Getting wet, but not in the good way

By Boyufd - 28/06/2020 02:02

Today, it's been the fourth day in the row my pregnant girlfriend peed the bed. It's also the fourth day I have to clean it since she's too embarrassed to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 429

By iams - 30/08/2018 06:00

Today, I found out my mom is banging my ex-boyfriend's best friend. He’s 22 and my mom is 50. Oh, and not only does my ex know, but so does the whole town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 562

You deserved it 346

That one Dire Straits song

By HBCRUISER - 18/09/2018 12:00

Today, I had to go to the local UPS store to sign for a package with providing I.D. shipped to me. I had no idea who had sent the package. After signing for the package, I opened it and saw that I had signed for an empty package. I actually paid for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 674

You deserved it 305

By Eivana - 30/11/2018 12:00

Today, I finally got up the nerve to leave my boyfriend. We have no spark and quite honestly, it's been really awkward. I planned to tell him when he came in, and I did. After all was said and done, he handed me the roses and new puppy he had bought for me, a puppy that I had been saving up to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 247

You deserved it 1 341

By Anonymous - 02/02/2017 03:49 - United States - Arlington

Today, in the middle of blizzard, I hopped out of my car to rescue a small white cat that darted across the street in front of me. After running in the snow to find it, I realized what I'd seen wasn't a cat at all. It was a plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 593

You deserved it 1 463

Lejuicyfruit tells us more.

Lejuicyfruit 10

Wednesday 1 February 2017 21:57

OP here! My first FML got published, yay! Not sure why the heck it says I posted this from Texas... I'm from Colorado. And I'm also not a guy. *shrugs* Anyway, thank you all for the nice comments! I feel like a fool, but at least I tried to help a kitty in need. Even if it was just a plastic bag.

By Anonymous - 14/12/2018 14:00

Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 696

You deserved it 2 175