Love: The road to Hell is paved with good intentions - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 102

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 109

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 41

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions

By Anonymous - 22/04/2017 23:00

Today, my best female friend got dumped. Seeing how I was alone when I got dumped, I didn't want her to feel the same, so I was nice to her and tried to help her as much as I could. I've now been getting constant messages from our mutual friends, telling me to stop hitting on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 904

You deserved it 502

Dysfunctional

Phantom pooper

Wise kid

03/11/2018 12:00

Today, whilst out on a walk with the dogs, I decided to explore a different part of the woods. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my bum. Then another. And another. I realised it was wasps and ran. I've been stung 11 times and have to go back tomorrow for the coat I dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 505

You deserved it 217

23/05/2019 12:00

Today, I was bored at my office, so I started flicking my pencils at my door. My boss walked in right then to give me a raise for my "outstanding" work. She scared me so much when she walked in that I flicked a pencil right at her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 1 706

Not feeling it

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, it’s been over 15 months since I’ve had sex with my fiancé. We’re getting married next month. Now I'm wondering if we’ll have sex at all on our honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 296

11/01/2010 07:23

Today, my mom found a pack of cigarettes in my pocket. She hates smoking, so she tore every single cigarette to pieces, then emptied a bag of kitty litter on them. On my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 880

You deserved it 57 488

23/03/2011 11:50

Today, I was let go from my balloon-selling job at the zoo. They put a new monkey cage in my designated spot. I was literally fired so a monkey could take my place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 967

You deserved it 5 059

11/05/2011 17:32

Today, I found out I was born as a result of someone switching my mom's birth control pills with tic tac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 075

You deserved it 4 195

30/03/2012 14:42

Today, I got on the train with my bike, leaning it up against the wall. After a while, it began to slide down the wall and wobble, so I dashed out to catch it. As I ran for it, I slipped and crashed into it, knocking it into an old man and busting the rear brake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 235

You deserved it 4 882

10/12/2013 06:04

Today, I had to listen to fellow classmates whine about selling one of their many houses, while I can barely afford to pay for a $100 textbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 790

You deserved it 3 444

29/04/2013 07:08

Spicy

Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it, I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 620

You deserved it 13 003

Bird's eye view

By Anonymous - 13/05/2020 17:00

Today, I found out that my shower area is in direct view from my neighbours' balcony. I realised this when I caught my neighbour and his wife watching me while I was getting dressed. I've been living here for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 513

You deserved it 514

10/12/2013 23:38

Today, while trying to break up with my girlfriend, I somehow ended up begging her not to break up with me. I'm still not sure how that happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 251

You deserved it 21 378

Drugs are bad, well, some of them

By RockMeetsHardPlace - 15/03/2021 15:01

Today, like every day since my diagnosis, I've had to choose between two impossible options. Either I deal with debilitating headaches where I cannot focus, or I feel so drowsy that I cannot focus. My finals are in a week and I can't study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 51

Sneaky Bitch

By RescuePups - 30/04/2018 09:00

Today, my 8-week-old foster puppy pooped on my backpack as I was getting ready to go to work. In the 10 seconds it took to grab cleaning supplies, another foster dog ate my homemade breakfast sandwich off the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 258

You deserved it 779

08/11/2010 18:34

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He got a text and reached over to get his phone. In the process, he elbowed my face and busted my lip. He laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 958

You deserved it 4 167

Our secretive

By Anonymous - 21/11/2019 15:00

Today, my mom is 44 years old, and she is cheating on my dad with my friend who is 19. And she's paying me to keep her secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 505

You deserved it 955

That caffeine rush

By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 14:02

Spicy

Today, whilst getting ready, I decided to have a strong coffee. Followed by the runs. My hook up arrives in half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 342

06/09/2009 14:21

Today, I was fired from my catering job for pointing out the unsafe food conditions. I'm studying food safety in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 671

You deserved it 6 107

18/02/2011 09:30

Today, my math teacher brought his laptop to tally up all our scores for our report card. He then displayed the results on a big screen in front of the whole class. The ones who failed were marked yellow. I was the only one marked yellow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 613

You deserved it 20 943

08/07/2013 15:15

Today, I was walking down the street when someone pushed me into poison ivy. He ran off saying, "That's for beating me in the race." I've never been in a race, nor have I ever met him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 586

You deserved it 3 516

27/12/2014 21:15

Today, I was chatting with the girl of my dreams, a real heart-to-heart. Everything was going great, and I asked her if she'd like to get coffee together sometime. She immediately backed away and excused herself, mumbling something about not dating left-handed people. Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 323

You deserved it 2 680

16/12/2011 22:02

Today, I discovered that for the last six months my mother has been leaving my TV on FOX while I sleep, in the hope that my subconscious will absorb it and turn me into "a morally-upright human being". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 130

You deserved it 5 051

26/01/2009 17:38

Today, my dad learned how to use the parental controls. I now have an 11 o'clock curfew. I am 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 338

You deserved it 7 050

11/12/2018 15:30

Today, my mother once again called me to remind me what a disappointment I am despite having two degrees, a house, a professional job and having never been unemployed at 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 090

You deserved it 174

21/05/2009 04:04

Spicy

Today, I was surprised to learn that I could carry on intelligent conversations about basketball with my guy friends. Then I realized it was because my boyfriend insists on watching ESPN while we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 662

You deserved it 8 435

Ex-Lax Time

By savagepixie - 01/06/2019 14:09

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, and he thought it would be funny to steal my ring and "pretend" to swallow it. I tried to get it back, but unfortunately I "surprised" him. He reckons I'll get it back some time tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 706

You deserved it 206

Hand sanitizer

By sexlube - 01/01/2020 20:00

Today, my kid told my wife he's been using the hand sanitizer under our bathroom sink. It's not hand sanitizer, it's a giant bottle of lube.

I agree, your life sucks 1 511

You deserved it 888

31/05/2019 20:00

Today, I went to a function with my dad for a football team. Handing my dad the camera, I finally worked up the courage to ask for a photo with my favourite player. The guy was looking at my boobs in all three photo attempts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 671

You deserved it 208

16/01/2011 10:48

Today, I went to get a tattoo of my girlfriend's name to surprise her. Halfway through the tattooing, she called and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 584

You deserved it 71 711

05/08/2015 18:58

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend got upset that I wouldn't give him head. He was visiting me at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 868

You deserved it 2 860

31/03/2016 06:00

Today, I checked my Tumblr account to see if anyone had commented on the photos of my new tattoo. There were only 3 posts, and 2 of them were people linking it to "Awful Tattoo" blogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 942

You deserved it 6 245

09/03/2009 21:02

Today, I was talking to my mom about who I wanted to ask to prom. I told her the names of the girls I was thinking of asking and she replied, "They'll say no, but you can always go with one of your cousins." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 151

You deserved it 3 278

24/04/2009 17:20

Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 504

You deserved it 65 886

13/01/2011 05:48

Today, I discovered my parents have spent my college fund because "2012 will happen" before I graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 663

You deserved it 3 302

03/10/2012 17:40

Spicy

Today, while walking down the hall of my old school, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. Behind the faculty parking lot where I parked my truck, two students were having sex on my tailgate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 561

You deserved it 3 093

17/08/2009 21:41

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to text the girl I've had a crush on to ask her on a date. I got back the reply, "Error message 3265: Number No Longer In Swrvice." Not only can she not spell, when I looked it up, "error 3265" doesn't even exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 622

You deserved it 9 031

Dream baby dream

By so sleepy - 24/04/2021 02:00

Today, as a lifelong insomnia sufferer, I was having an awful night. After tossing and turning in my bed for several hours, I decided to try sleeping on the couch. Not only did I finally fall asleep, I was having one of the best dreams of my life… Until my neighbor’s brat had a tantrum at 6 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 86

Batshit

By fuck your indoctrination - 26/03/2021 09:01

Today, my cousin died of a very treatable illness. She was pressured into herbal and holistic "faith healing" instead of seeking "poisonous western filth". Her husband, church and family all seem to think she made the right choice. I’ve been shunned for disagreeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 338

You deserved it 74

14/12/2016 22:41

Today, for the first time since my partner moved in with me, I did one of my favourite things: I bought some nice cheese and a bottle of wine and went on to People of Walmart, just as I do every month or so. He called me a disgusting human being and went for a walk two hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 089

You deserved it 2 033

24/05/2013 14:00

Today, my friends and I were talking about the creepy stranger that used to stalk me back in high school. I guess his looks changed a lot through the years because I found out that he's my current boyfriend of 4 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 154

You deserved it 19 624

31/12/2012 22:09

Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 250

You deserved it 7 518

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Sunday 23 April 2017 0:08

I think telling your mutual friends to "shut the fuck up" is acceptable here

Druu 53

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Sunday 23 April 2017 0:07

Come on, man. We both know you're not supposed to offer to help her get off.

Comments

ThongWarrior 17

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Sunday 23 April 2017 0:05

What the actual fuck

Druu 53

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Sunday 23 April 2017 0:07

Come on, man. We both know you're not supposed to offer to help her get off.

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Sunday 23 April 2017 0:08

I think telling your mutual friends to "shut the fuck up" is acceptable here

pjsr 32

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Sunday 23 April 2017 0:24

I can see where they may have thought offering her a massage at your place was hitting on her, but I know it was purely platonic

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Sunday 23 April 2017 0:40

Would you?

Russ Campbell 6

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Sunday 23 April 2017 1:11

Well it seems now I now have feelings for my bestfriend who is a woman. FML

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Sunday 23 April 2017 1:21

Just don't stay in the "friend zone" too long.

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Sunday 23 April 2017 1:21

Ignore them. She's really lucky to have a good friend like you

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Sunday 23 April 2017 2:00

Part if me says, Man! I have many lesbian friends! the other part says, I've been with a few of those friends. life's a tightrope.

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Sunday 23 April 2017 3:24

Do you think she might have said something to them about it? If so, I'd say it's worth bringing it up with your friend and telling her where you're coming from in case she's misunderstanding. God knows when you're going through a break up your mind isn't necessarily working at full speed, and I'm sure if she's mistaking your kindness for opportunism she'll appreciate knowing she's wrong and that she can lean on you without fearing her vulnerability could be used against her. And if it's still an issue, then take solace in knowing you tried, that you were thoughtful and did your best to be a good friend.

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Sunday 23 April 2017 5:57

That's what I thought. She must have said something, how would everyone else know otherwise.

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Sunday 23 April 2017 9:27

She was probably unsure of his intention and the friends jumped to conclusions. After being dumped I'd have thought that was more likely as her emotions would be all over the place. that's how I felt when I came out of a relationship anyway